by Sally Bryan
But already, such an idea was hardly difficult to envisage. No, it was something my dad was most definitely capable of demanding but to actually hear it spoken from Gabe was something else. I didn’t want to believe it but it explained so much.
He nodded, “I went to see him a few days before leaving.”
“You went to Inverness?”
“Yes, it was that day I told you I was going to see my parents.”
And he went on to explain how my father had implied that unless he agreed to marry me, and did so quickly, then he’d do whatever he could to ensure we broke up, his primary weapons being to make Gabe’s life a misery and threatening to cut me off like he had Lizzie.
“And you believed all this?” I asked unnecessarily, knowing what my dad was like.
“Of course,” he pushed up his glasses, “what could I have done? I didn’t want to lose you and I didn’t want you to be harmed like your sister. The only choice I had was to propose and do my very best to convince you to have a snap wedding.”
And again, I listened as the evening heat felt cold against my skin and I wasn’t sure whether to be angry, disappointed, relieved I was finally learning the truth or what. How we were supposed to get married by October, move into a house and have children before my career would prevent us from doing so.
I recalled that evening at the expensive hotel in Malaga. “That’s why you were trying so hard to convince me to marry you so quickly.” The pieces were beginning to fit and Gabe nodded.
“I didn’t just suddenly turn crazy, you know, and I’m pretty sure all this hanging over me has been making me sabotage everything. I mean … ugh … I’d gladly marry you, theoretically, but I’m just not sure now’s the right time. A long engagement perhaps…”
“Now isn’t the right time.” I agreed and felt my head spinning. I needed a drink.
“You’re wanting a drink, aren’t you?” He grinned, how did he do it? “Let’s find a place.”
We found a nice bar tucked away off a side street and after taking our seats, Gabe ordered for us both - In Portuguese.
I readjusted myself, “Gabe, that’s very impressive.”
He shrugged it off, “it’s only the very basic stuff but I’m learning. I’m not sure what I’ll use it for after leaving but it’s fun.”
I hummed, “well, it’s always good to have a second language,” and went for my bag, “but at least allow me to pay.”
He quickly waved it away, “oh, no, trust me, I insist.”
“Um, ok.”
The bar was busy and the customers were all locals. I could tell because they were mostly drinking beer from those small glasses called caña, which held a little less than half a pint, whereas we Brits ordered full pints usually. Except right now, of course, we’d ordered port, which I was beginning to worry I was taking too much of a liking to.
We were sitting in a booth with a noticeable space between us, far enough so that it would be a stretch to hold hands. I couldn’t help but think how my dad interfering had unwittingly destroyed the relationship he was trying to cement but it was brave of Gabe to finally come clean about everything and the truth was that I admired him for it. Given no choice, he’d agreed to my father’s unreasonable demands and had suffered from their consequences, and he’d done so all for me. After learning all this, it pained me that it may have come just a little too late to save us. I still had to do what was necessary. Sometimes life could be so unfair.
“Oh, what am I going to do about that man.” I blew out air and would have cried had I not been so numb and all cried out. There’d have to be a conversation with Dad eventually and I couldn’t see him being happy come the end of it. Though the best course to take would be to delay speaking with him whilst everything was still in flux, despite feeling a strong urge to phone immediately and demand he stay out of my love life. The truth was, I had no idea where I’d be or even who I’d be with next year, month, week or even this time tomorrow.
Gabe held out his palms. “He’s only doing what he thinks is best for you. It wasn’t hard to see he’d do anything for you and your brother, including murdering anyone who brought you to harm.”
“Anything except butting out of what doesn’t concern him.” I shuffled closer, “and after everything, you’re still backing him up?”
He shrugged, “he’s your dad. I don’t like it but I understand.”
“You’re too kind to him,” all I could do was shake my head, “are you not touching your drink?”
“I’m, um, I’m trying to turn over a new leaf.”
My own glass had been on its way up but port suddenly tasted very off. I pushed the glass away. “So how’s…” I began but he spoke at the same time, “sorry,” again, we both said together and laughed. “You go.” I finally managed to say.
He bowed his head then looked at me. “Freya, I’m so sorry but there’s more.”
“Oh God,” perhaps I was too quick to reject my drink, “what now?”
His cheeks were turning red and it was a struggle for him to raise his chin. “Freya, my love, I’ve been lying to you since the day this trip began.”
I squirmed but couldn’t pull my eyes away. “Lying? What do you mean?”
His shoulders hunched, causing his chin to lower and he had to physically pull himself back up, to hold my eye. “We have considerably more money than what we saved.”
“What? How?” And what did that have to do with him lying to me? Clearly, I needed more information and I sat, waiting patiently. “Gabe?”
“Ten thousand pounds to be exact.” His fist was clenching atop the table. “Freya, I demanded the money because I was angry, I thought he might respect me more if I made some sort of a big demand, and I felt that I deserved it for what he was asking of me … I have no regrets about that. What I regret is keeping it from you, for making you suffer and sacrifice beyond what was needed when all along I had the means.” He cleared his throat and fidgeted with a coaster, all whilst my body numbed. “Like I said, I’ve been sabotaging our relationship ever since this trip began and part of that was punishing you for what your dad was demanding of me.”
My saliva tasted salty, we’d both been sabotaging this. “Ten thousand p…” I could barely finish the words. “All this time? Money? Is it really so important to you?”
He was quick to hold up his hands. “No. It’s nothing compared to the person I’ve had to be without these last weeks. I miss us and I want to make things right. I’ve told you everything now and I’m willing to accept the consequences of my lies.”
I collapsed back into my seat and the air seeped out from inside the cushion. Was he suggesting I was supposed to hand down some kind of a punishment? Because I had one.
“Gabe,” I slipped the ring from my finger and slid it across the table, “I’m sorry but it’s for the best.”
To my astonishment he didn’t cry, he didn’t frown, he didn’t even speak. He just looked at me with a kind of defiance. “I deserve it but I’ll win you back.”
I jumped when his phone rang.
“Excuse me,” he pulled it out and checked the screen, “it’s Dan … great timing as always.” He answered, “yo?” His face was solemn and serious as he listened, “what, now? Right now? Are you fucking serious? It’s seven in the evening.”
“Gabe?”
He nodded, “ok, we’ll be right there.”
“Gabe, what was that?”
“Doc … um, Freya, we have to go to Lisbon right now. Are you coming or not?”
Chapter Nine
Lisbon
The guitar and Dan’s singing were loud within the small confines of the camper as we raced along a fast toll road and he revelled in working annoying rejoinders into the lyrics every single time I enquired upon the nature of this mad two hundred mile dash north to Portugal’s capital.
“Dan, will you just answer the bloody question,” I demanded for the tenth time, “why do we have to be in Lisbon so urgently?” And why now? He�
�d been as good as dead for weeks and now he was transformed and not only that but for the first time, he’d selected our destination, all man of culture suddenly.
He continued his annoying strumming and sang the response, “I just had a craving for some Belém custard tarts,” it was just so infuriating, even more so because it didn’t rhyme and wasn’t funny in the slightest. But he was back. And that made me happy. Although to look at a map, Lisbon was our next logical destination anyway, so I doubt making the choice had taxed even his brain that much.
“I’d forgotten how annoying I always found you.” I stuck out my tongue and in response, he humped the air.
I was sitting in the passenger seat beside Gabe whilst carrying out my usual research and caught a whiff of my odour as I did. It was coconut from the sun lotion, with a large infusing of sweat. I’d been at the beach most of the day and had bits of sand I could feel all over my skin so that I really regretted not sparing the two Euros to take a shower at the beach facilities. Of course, at the time, I’d assumed we were poor. Not so, as it turned out, and the more I thought about that betrayal, the more let down I felt.
The truth was, I didn’t begrudge him any of the money, not after what my father did, although I was extremely perplexed he’d kept it a secret from me. I recalled all those times he’d been profligate with our funds, caused me needless anxiety, the major effort it was to be granted any funds for myself and how he’d made me feel completely unreasonable for requesting any. That I could never explain and it was that which hurt the most. And what’s more, none of that had anything to do with Arwen and had I never even met the girl, Gabe would still have been lying to me, and over money, of all things.
How could I forgive that?
This bloody trip…
Yes, we were still travelling together, for the moment at least. This Lisbon adventure had been last minute, which had left no time for either of us to make alternative arrangements and besides, so far, everything was still completely amicable though there was no saying for how long that would last.
“Gabe?” I asked and he glanced over from behind the wheel. “Are you all right?”
He smiled and nodded. “Don’t worry about me.”
At least he was taking it well, for now anyway, and a little less drama around here wouldn’t be unwelcome.
It was a little before ten in the evening when we crossed the Vasco da Gama, the longest bridge in Europe which spanned the Tagus and a short while later Gabe impressed us all by squeezing the camper into an impossibly tight space directly outside the Lisboa Central Hostel. Things were looking up. And then we discovered that because it was Saturday evening, parking would be free until Monday morning.
“The rich get richer, right Gabe?” I remarked and he simply shook his head and turned away.
“Right!” Dan declared, “if you don’t need my contribution, I’m off.”
“What? Where?” I was still on the verge of bursting and now this was most intriguing.
“None of your business.” He said, placing emphasis on the ‘your’ like I’d done something wrong and he scooped up his infernal instrument and dashed off down the street.
“Do you have any idea what he’s all about?” I asked Gabe, who was gathering the bags together. The hostel was right beside us and I could see, not surprisingly, that the place was packed out, with a bright communal light, flickering screens and people drinking, standing and ambling around inside.
“My guess is he’s gone to the train station. I think someone he knows is arriving or something. Could you wait here and look after the bags? I’ll return for you and the rest after I’ve checked us in.”
“Sure, why not.” I watched him walk off with a bag in each hand and feeling completely deflated, I reentered the camper, sliding the door shut and poured some bottled water into the kettle, flipped the switch, dropped a tea bag into a mug and stood waiting as the water slowly began to hiss and bubble.
The door slid open.
“Give me chance to have a cup of tea, will you?”
“Is that any way to greet an old friend?” The voice.
I spun around and gasped. “What the fuck?”
The blonde hair and braids. “I didn’t think you’d be happy to see me but I was expecting a little better than that.”
“Arwen?” My mouth was opening and closing and God only knew how dumb I must have looked. My voice barely came out, “what?” Seriously, what?
She stepped inside and reached behind to slide the door closed, not once taking her eyes from me. It was everything I ever wanted but something had changed, I had that feeling immediately. She still looked just as soul-destroyingly, one in a billion, so insanely perfect you just wanted to tear your eyes out beautiful and it took everything I had not to collapse into her arms and declare my undying love for her right here in the camper. But seriously, what the fuck was she doing here?
For the briefest of surreal moments, she seemed to be taking me in as her eyes moved slowly over me. Had I changed much since we were last alone in that bathroom back in Barcelona, where I’d stupidly broken her heart? Physically, I was slightly more tanned with longer hair, a plus, though the last few weeks my nutrition had taken a lesser priority, oh and I had bags under my eyes too, a more recent development and definitely a minus. Though mentally and emotionally…
“Since we’re back in the same city,” she finally began after folding her arms, “I thought it best to get this out of the way.” Her voice was different or at least it seemed so to me and her tan was deeper now. She was wearing her tiny blue denim shorts and a plain white vest, so simple yet devastating, and to look at her was to lose the ability to breathe. “Our secret’s safe. I just wanted you to know that. Gabe won’t ever discover anything from me, so you can rest easy. But since we’ve apparently done a circle and met in the middle … well, here we all are … in Lisbon. And just so you know, I’m not doing this for you but for Dan, my friend, who I miss.” Her words were hurtful but hardly surprising and not undeserved.
Behind me the kettle was boiling and hissing and, irritated by the noise, she scrunched her nose so that the cute little thing wrinkled up. “You gonna turn that stupid thing off? I saw your boyfriend struggling with two small bags, I’m guessing he’ll be back soon so let’s get this unpleasant yet necessary confrontation over with.”
That was the first sign, right there, and I felt the smallest crack of a smile form on my mouth and she must have noticed it because hers turned down in equal measure.
I was about to tell her that Gabe was no longer my boyfriend when something scuffed outside, Gabe or a pedestrian perhaps, she instinctively turned her head to the sound and I saw a new braid weaved into her hair at the back, this one green to add to the existing red, blue and pink.
I was still unable to form a sentence, indeed, to think was impossible and her head jerked forward as she raised a probing eyebrow.
“Don’t have much to say for yourself, do you?”
“Dan?” I managed to squeak.
“He thinks I’m arriving at the station but there was an earlier train from Coimbra. I tried to grab him just now but he was too fast. Unlike some people, Dan appreciates me.” That there was another unintentional morsel thrown my way. She may have been trying hard to appear indifferent but she couldn’t help it with the jibes, which were lifelines for me. She was hurt, still, and I wanted nothing more than to make it all perfect. And I would, or so I dared hope.
I took a single step forward and her arms quickly unfolded to pull on the handle so that the mechanism clicked and the door flung out from its catch, devastating, and stopping me mid-step.
“You accused me of having an ego, which is true, and you’d have one too if you had an ass like this,” even now, “but you’re selfish and I was just a curiosity, an experiment, because you’re boring and have led such a sheltered, uninteresting life. You used me for a kick and that’s much worse than anything I did.” That hurt, probably because there was so much truth in
it and she half twisted to leave and my heart screamed but then she turned back to look at me. “And you were very wrong to blame me entirely for what happened.”
Yes! She was right and I needed to tell her so, that I was sorry and would do anything to take it all back. “Arwen, please, can we just…” I dashed forwards and saw Gabe standing across the street, looking both ways as he waited to cross.
She’d seen him too, “like you said, pull yourself together, we can’t have Gabe thinking anything’s amiss.”
I squinted at the vague memory of my own words being paraphrased against me. She remembered all that?
“Arwen? It is, isn’t it?” There was laughter from outside as I remained standing limply in the camper. “That about explains it then. It’s really good to see you, ugh, big hugs.” There was a pause. “But, didn’t you see Dan?”
“I’m on my way to find him. Thought I’d say hi to Freya first … poor thing looks worn out and starved. How are you anyway?”
“Oh, yeah, you know, fine. You’re staying here I take it? We should all go for drinks tonight … be like old times again?” His hand was patting blindly around inside for the bags and in my daze, I shoved them towards him.
“Maybe we can, Gabe, maybe we can. Ooh, you got those?”
“Um, I think so … a bit heavy … Freya’s got something weighing a tonne in this one.”
“And that’s why she’s so lucky to have such a big strong man as you.”
Oh, the little minx but I concentrated all my being into scrutinising Gabe’s response. Was he about to do what I didn’t have the chance for myself and tell her we were no longer together?
There was the scrape of feet scuffing on paving, “ah, now…” a pause, “um…”
“Anyway, Dan’s gonna be angry if I don’t intercept him, I’ll catch you in a bit.”
“Oh, yes, ok.”
And that was that.