“I got final approval just last week.” Hailey debated mentioning David. She was pretty certain Jean would be against fostering; she hadn’t been enthusiastic about adoption. Well, hell, might as well get it over with.
“But there’s a little boy on the ward that I want to have as a foster child, Mom.”
“A foster child? But I thought you wanted to adopt. I mean, couldn’t they take him away from you if you were just his foster parent?”
No doubt about it, Jean had an instinct for the jugular.
“That could happen, but I’m willing to take the risk. He’s the sweetest, best little boy, and I’ve fallen in love with him,” she heard herself saying. What was wrong with her, telling all this to her mother? Jean was certain to burst her balloon.
But to her surprise, her mother didn’t. She voiced Hailey’s own fears, instead.
“I’d hate to see you take him and then have to give him up. I don’t want you to get your heart broken.”
“Me, neither. But he doesn’t have anybody who cares about him, and I can’t stand that.”
Jean smiled. “You always were softhearted. I remember you bringing those kids home and feeding them.”
“The Polaski kids. I wonder what became of them?”
“They grew up and got into trouble. I always said they would. Tell me about this boy you’re set on having.”
Hailey described David, adding, “There’s been no sign of his mother or any other relative, even though the authorities are doing their best to locate them. I personally think the chances are pretty good that his mother is dead, which means that sooner or later he’ll be available for adoption. But whatever the situation, I’m willing to take the chance. As long as the ministry approves it, of course.”
Jean looked skeptical. “That’s a pretty big if, I imagine. Aren’t there rules about foster kids having two parents? There certainly used to be.”
“I don’t think they’re as stringent as before.” Hailey thought of Roy. At least she had someone on her side. She wasn’t going to tell her mom about him, though.
“I’d think this over carefully, Hailey. You have to consider that at some point you’ll marry and have babies of your own. I really don’t think adopting can be the same as having your own. Why not just be patient until Mr. Right comes along?”
Well, at least they were getting back to normal here, Hailey thought with a sigh. Jean had been voicing that same opinion ever since Hailey first brought up the subject of adoption.
“There is no Mr. Right, Mom. I don’t believe in that stuff, you know that. I’ll just end up being forty or fifty without any kids that way.”
“Well, I think you’re being too hasty. And you know, Hailey, you just don’t work at making yourself attractive. I’ve been telling you for years that you need to do something with all that hair. A good hairdresser could do wonders. And as slim as you are, you could wear clothes that accentuated your waistline, instead of—” she gave Hailey’s loose, worn shorts and T-shirt a meaningful glance “—instead of sticking with this grunge look. It doesn’t suit you.”
Well, it had been nice while it lasted, but now they were definitely back on familiar ground.
The meal was over, so Hailey picked up the plates and took them to the dishwasher as Jean elaborated on a little boutique on West Boulevard that had some cute things Hailey really should see.
“Mom, I don’t have money for clothes, and besides, I don’t need any. I wear uniforms at work, and the rest of the time I’m working on my house. There’s no point putting anything decent on to do that.”
“You should have something nice just in case.” Jean wasn’t about to give up.
When her mother got like this, there was no point arguing with her. Hailey thanked her for the meal, kissed her cheek and headed out the door.
She started for home, but halfway there she changed direction and drove to St. Joe’s, instead. Supper would be over, and the nurses would be giving the babies their baths and getting them ready for bed.
Nobody would mind if she offered to do David. Her arms suddenly ached to hold him, and she parked and raced up the stairs, instead of waiting for the elevator.
He was in the playroom with a couple of the older children and a volunteer, squatting on his haunches in front of a plastic train set, his beloved Bonzo on the floor beside him. He was dressed in one of the red tracksuits Nicole had bought him, and his shiny black hair, longer now, curled angelically around his face. He looked up and his face broke into a huge, excited smile when he spotted Hailey.
“Hiya, Lee.” He grabbed his dog and came trotting over to her. She reached down and picked him up, her heart swelling with love.
“So, big fellow, how you doin’?” She pressed a kiss to his satiny cheek. “You want to come for a walk with Hailey?”
“Walk.” He nodded his head with enthusiasm. “Walk with Lee.”
He was talking more and more. She set him down and took his hand, and slowly they walked up and down the corridors. Hailey greeted the other nurses, and they all remarked on how quickly David was improving.
She spent the next hour giving him a bath, splashing water with him, tickling his tummy and making him laugh. His sturdy little body was slowly beginning to fill out, losing the emaciated look he’d had when he was first admitted. Each smile, each giggle were precious gifts, and she savored them.
When he was in fresh blue pajamas, she carried him to the bookrack and let him pick one out for her to read. The one he chose was a Dr. Seuss book called, coincidentally enough, Are You My Mother?
Hailey had read it to children many times before, and she knew it by memory. But tonight, sitting in a rocking chair with the warm, fragrant child cuddled against her, the words took on new meaning. As the little bird in the story asked one animal and then the next if she was his mother, Hailey felt tears flowing down her cheeks.
She wanted so much to be David’s mother. In her heart of hearts, she’d already taken on the role. Surely bureaucracy wouldn’t prevent it?
“Mama?” David pointed a tiny finger at the picture of the baby bird when he finally succeeded in his quest. “You my mama?”
There was a plaintive note in his sleepy voice, and Hailey quickly put the book down and picked up another one, reading and singing nursery rhymes to him until at last he fell asleep, his downy head pillowed under her chin.
She sat cuddling him, wondering how long little kids remembered things. Would he always have some memory of the careless girl who’d been his birth mother, the girl who’d walked out of the apartment, leaving the door unlocked, and somehow forgotten or—be fair here, Hailey cautioned herself—was somehow prevented from returning to her baby son?
Kids forget fast, she reassured herself, carrying her sleeping bundle to the crib and gently putting him in it.
She couldn’t remember things from when she was two, she recalled as she looked down at him and pressed one last kiss to the top of his head.
David would remember only the love she’d lavish on him. She’d make certain he had the happiest childhood she could possibly provide.
Please God, she whispered as she reluctantly made her way to the elevator. Please, God, give me a chance to love this child the way he ought to be loved. I’ll do such a good job. I promise I will.
THE WEATHER the following morning was so lovely Hailey decided to work outside, instead of in. With a great deal of difficulty, she carried one of the oak doors she was stripping out to the backyard, laid it across two blocks of wood and set to it with sandpaper.
It was hard physical work, and it felt good. She was wearing cutoff jeans and a sleeveless T-shirt, and soon she could feel the sweat running down her back. Her hair kept falling into her eyes, so she found two clips and shoved it back.
“Hi, Hailey. Nice day again, huh?”
Roy’s voice made her jump. He’d come around the side of the house and was standing a few feet away by the time she noticed him. He was wearing tan slacks and a dark-brow
n short-sleeved shirt, and she couldn’t help but be aware of how attractive he was—and what she must look like, covered in sweat and sawdust.
“Roy, hello. What are you doing here?” As soon as she’d blurted out the question, she realized how stupid it sounded, and her face burned. But that wouldn’t matter, anyway, because the part that wasn’t covered with freckles was undoubtedly beet-red from the sun.
“Sorry to just drop in on you. I did try to phone a few minutes ago, but there was no answer. Figured you were probably out here. I brought some forms for you to fill out. I want to get this application for fostering approved as quickly as possible. David’s doctor told me this morning that he’ll probably be released sometime next week.”
Hailey’s heart skipped a beat, and her mind went tumbling through a list of things she had to do before she brought David home—if she brought him home.
She set the sandpaper down and realized she was trembling. It was the thought of David, of course, but mixed in with it was an awareness of Roy, the breadth of his shoulders, the way his hair shone in the sunlight.
“Thanks.” She rubbed her dusty hand on the seat of her shorts and reached for the brown envelope he was extending. “Come on inside. I’ll get us a glass of lemonade.” She had some she’d made from scratch cooling in the fridge, thank goodness.
“I can’t stay long, I’ve got an appointment in a little while. But lemonade sounds great.”
She led the way up the back steps and into her cool kitchen, and she wasn’t sure if her skin was prickling from the sun or from knowing he was behind her. He sat down at the small kitchen table, as much at ease as if he’d spent far more time here than just one Sunday morning. She washed her hands and splashed cool water on her face, rubbing it dry with a clean kitchen towel.
“How did you manage to get that door outside by yourself? Those old oak doors weigh a ton.”
“Us skinny gals are stronger than we look.” She lifted her arm and made a muscle.
“I’m impressed. I won’t challenge you to an arm-wrestling contest, that’s for sure.” His eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed. They also went up and down her in an unconscious and very masculine survey, and she must have been hallucinating, because she thought she saw admiration in his expression.
She poured the lemonade, added ice and set his glass in front of him, then sat down and sipped her own. Was he experiencing the same heightened awareness of her that she was of him?
He opened the envelope and together they went over the questions. They were similar to the ones she’d already answered for the adoption process.
“I’ve never asked whether there’s anyone special, anyone you’re seriously dating.” He was staring down at the forms, but she didn’t think that question was on them. In fact, she knew it wasn’t. She’d read them over.
“Not seriously or otherwise.” She might as well be bone honest here. “I’m not dating anyone at all.” Pride made her add, “At the moment.”
She decided the silence between them was the kind books described as pregnant. Her heart was hammering against her ribs as if it planned to break them.
“Why?” he asked.
The simple query threw her. She decided to turn the tables on him.
“Why should I? Are you dating anyone?”
“Nope.” He looked at her and gave a rueful grin. “I’m being a blundering idiot, though.” He stopped smiling and said, “All I meant was, you don’t prefer women, or anything like that?”
She laughed. She couldn’t help it. He was so earnest, and his ears had turned red, probably from embarrassment.
“No. I’m definitely heterosexual.” Not that sex had been a big issue in her life. The absence of it sure had—she had a good, healthy libido. She wasn’t going to enlighten him about that, though. And she didn’t dare have any expectations about where this conversation was going, because she had no idea how she’d handle it if—
“Then would you consider going out with me? Maybe to a movie or dinner or something?”
Glory be. He was asking her for a date.
CHAPTER NINE
HAILEY LOOKED at this handsome, smart, sexy, oh-so-desirable man, and something inside of her crumbled. She already had feelings for him, and she couldn’t let them go any further. He’d break her heart simply by being what he was, making her aware of all her shortcomings, and she’d only just become comfortable with them herself.
But, oh, Lordie, it was tough. It took every ounce of her courage to look him in the eye and shake her head.
“Thanks, Roy, but I don’t think so. I just don’t have time,” she lied. “I’ve got all I can do getting this house in some sort of order. And now that there’s a chance I might get David, I’ve got a million other things to do, as well.”
“I see. Sure. I understand.”
It was gratifying that he seemed disappointed. They finished the paperwork and the lemonade and he left.
Hailey went upstairs and into her bedroom. She stood in front of the mirror, the only full-length mirror in the house.
The woman she saw was the same one she’d lived with all the days of her life. Tall, more scrawny than slender, with limbs that looked too long for her body. Her face was decidedly square, her nose generous, to say the least. Right now it was sunburned so that it shone as red as a stoplight. Her flaming hair stuck out every which way from the clips, and not in the artfully casual way Laura’s did, with charming little curls here and there. And the sun had popped her freckles, billions of them.
She had nice eyes, though. And thanks to Jean and years of braces, her teeth were perfect.
But she was no beauty. So why would she want to be with a handsome hunk of a man who’d make her feel self-conscious about her looks? Not that he’d intend to, God no. Roy probably wouldn’t even know how she felt. But she would. She wiped at the stupid tears that insisted on trickling out of her eyes and tried to tell herself she’d made exactly the right decision, but it wasn’t easy.
Thank God Ingrid would be back tomorrow.
She needed a good healthy dose of Gran.
“HAILEY TURNED YOU down?” Nicole sounded incredulous. “Did she say why? Is she seeing anyone else?”
“She said not.” Roy tried not to sound as let down as he felt. “She went on about having too much to do. I guess she is pretty busy.” He didn’t mention David; that was personal and confidential.
“That’s weird,” Nicole mused. “She’s not gay. I’m sure I’d know if she was.”
“She’s not. I asked her.”
“Nothing like being forthright. But something’s not kosher here, because I know she’s attracted to you.”
“You do? How d’you know that?”
Nicole rolled her eyes. “Women just know things like that.”
“So what do you figure I should do, matchmaker?” He tried to keep his tone light, but it was difficult. Until Hailey turned him down, he hadn’t realized quite how much he was counting on dating her.
“Be patient. If she won’t go out with you, concentrate on being her friend. Friendship’s good. You’re just gonna have to work at this, Roy, and maybe that’s a good thing. It’s been too easy for you with women—you need a challenge.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I’ll pass on the whole thing. My job’s challenging enough for any five people. I don’t need to go looking for more reasons to keep me awake at night.” But even as he said it, he knew he wasn’t about to give up on Hailey. “How’s it going with the airline pilot?”
“It crashed, big time. He confided that he was married and his wife didn’t understand him. That has to be a common virus, don’t you think?”
“I wouldn’t know. No guy has said that to me lately.”
“You know, talking to you just isn’t emotionally productive at times.”
“Sorry. I ought to have said, how did that make you feel?” He thought of the little girl in St. Joe’s who had asked him that.
“Lousy. I’ve decided to give men a re
st for a while. I’m not gonna date anybody until I figure out what it is in me that attracts alcoholics, deadbeat dads and misunderstood husbands. I’m gonna take a yoga class. That’s supposed to make both your mind and your body flexible.”
“Don’t women wear those tight things for yoga? You’ll drive all the guys in the class mad with lust.”
“That’s their problem. I plan to just concentrate on getting limber.”
Roy’s cell phone beeped. It was Marty with yet another emergency that had to be dealt with immediately. One of their most reliable foster mothers, Maggie Kent, had just been diagnosed with chronic heart disease. Her husband, Arnie, wasn’t able to cope, and other placements would have to be found for the four children in their care.
Roy’s spirits sank. It wasn’t going to be easy to relocate the kids. Two of them were brothers, both ADD, which made them harder than usual to place. He’d have to start making phone calls. He’d planned to visit David at St. Joe’s, but that was going to have to be put off until tomorrow.
What had ever made him think he might have time for a relationship? It was probably a good thing Hailey had turned him down.
He couldn’t quite make himself believe it, though.
“WHY DID YOU TURN him down?” Ingrid shook her head and wrapped an arm around Hailey’s shoulders, squeezing her tight. “You should have gone out with him. He sounds like a fine young man.”
“He is a fine man. Sexy, good-looking, fun. And that’s exactly why I’d end up getting my heart broken, Gran.” It was so easy to be honest with Ingrid. It was so good to have one person she could be totally honest with.
“So you’re attracted to him.”
“Yup. Big time. I wish it wasn’t so, but it is.” Hailey sighed. “But he’s too…” An image of Roy filled her heart and mind, and she couldn’t even verbalize what she meant. “He’s just too everything for me, Gran.”
“Drop-dead handsome, right?”
“Yup.”
Ingrid understood. “I thought at first with Sam that he was bound to be arrogant and stuck on himself because he looked the way he does. Plus, he was younger than me by a long shot, and those kids of his hated the ground I walked on. I was everything his last wife wasn’t, which of course was why he was attracted to me in the first place, although I didn’t know it then. But he wore me down. If this Roy is half the man you think he is, he won’t take no for an answer. Just don’t be so damned stubborn you ruin everything for yourself, honey. He’ll ask you out again, and it won’t kill you to go.”
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