Vital Signs

by Bobby Hutchinson

He dropped his arms and she got into her truck and drove off.

  That was that, then. He swore. He went home, put on his runners and ran until his entire body was soaked with sweat, his chest was on fire, and his calves were cramped. But it didn’t help. Nothing did.

  The phone rang, and he snatched it up, hoping it was Hailey.

  “Hey, brother, how’s it going? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

  It was Nicole. “I’ve had better days.”

  “Wanna tell me about it?”

  “It’s Hailey. And David.” He started at the beginning and ended with the scene in the park. “I did what I knew was right, but in the process I lost her, Nick. I let her down, big time. And dammit, I really cared about her.”

  “Why the past tense? She’s just angry and hurt. She’ll come to her senses. Give her time to cool off and then tell her how you feel. And this time, try not to sabotage it, okay?”

  “What do you mean, sabotage it?”

  “I’ve watched you. It’s easy to see what someone else is doing wrong, it’s just our own stuff we’re blind to. With you, the minute it starts looking serious, you find a reason to end it.”

  “The hell I do.” Anger flared. “Why would I do a thing like that?”

  “Who knows? Could be you have a little image thing going, some issue with self-esteem. I dunno. All I’m saying is don’t use this as your reason for giving up on Hailey. If you care about her, go after her. Persevere. Don’t take no for an answer.”

  After he hung up, Roy thought about it. Nicole didn’t know what she was talking about. She’d been reading too many women’s magazines. There’d always been good, valid reasons for ending his relationships, hadn’t there? He thought about it as he showered and changed, then drove out to visit his parents at the retirement home.

  He pulled into a parking space. As usual, his father was outside, pretending to weed the miniscule garden in front of the Zedycks’ unit, but Roy knew Martin was waiting for him. The old man’s weathered face creased into a smile, and although he wasn’t a demonstrative man, he rested a hand on his son’s shoulder.

  “Hey, Pop, those zucchinis are something.” It was tough to sound lighthearted when he felt miserable, but he gave it his best shot.

  “I picked some for you to take. These little tomatoes, too—they’re sweet. This time of year, harvest time, I miss the farm.”

  Martin said the same thing every month of the year, and every time he said it, Roy felt a pang of guilt. The old man had wanted to die on his own land, with his son taking over where he’d left off. It was the Old Country way.

  “Mom feeling okay? Flu’s all gone?”

  “She coughs a little, but the doctor says she’s fine. She made you blackberry pie. Wouldn’t let me near it till you got here.”

  Roy sat at the small table with his parents, dutifully eating pie that for the first time in living memory he really didn’t want. He listened to his father’s complaints about the way the place was run, caught his mother’s faded blue eyes on him and the doting expression there.

  He knew what was coming. His mother asked the same question every week, and this time he really dreaded it. She waited until her husband ran down and then leaned toward Roy, her ample bosom resting on the tabletop. “So, you meet some nice girl yet, boyco? You’re not getting younger, you know, and me, neither.”

  She wanted grandbabies. He’d made the mistake of bringing a couple of women here to meet his parents. He hadn’t brought anyone in a long time.

  “I did meet someone, Ma. But it didn’t work out.”

  “So what’s to work out?” Frustration made her voice shrill. “That’s what you always say. You young people, you want a guarantee. In my day we took our chances. We got married and we worked it out after.”

  “Leave the boy, Momma,” Martin said now. “When it’s time, he’ll know.”

  “How do you know, Pop?” He’d never asked anything like that before, and both his parents gave him surprised looks when the words burst out of him. “How did you know, with Momma?”

  Martin put a chunk of pie in his mouth and savored it before he answered. “It was the war—there wasn’t time to think too much,” he finally said. “I saw Rose, she was working in a bakery, and I just knew. It’s like farming. You get a feeling when it’s right to cut the hay or plant.”

  That wasn’t a whole hell of a lot of help. “Did you date other people or just each other?”

  “Ach, there were girls—there are always girls when you are a soldier,” Martin said, winking at Roy. “They like the uniform.”

  Rose slapped his arm.

  “But once I saw Rose, that was that. I had to fight for her, though. The owner of the bakery wanted her—they were engaged already. I just never gave up, and when I kissed her, she knew I was the one.”

  “Martin, you shouldn’t tell the boy such things.” Rose dropped her eyes and her lined face grew pink, and for an instant Roy saw her the way she must have been, with her soft hair and blue eyes and sweet smile.

  “So you fell in love, the two of you?”

  Martin had had enough. He scowled and waved a hand. “Love, all this talk of love nowadays. We just knew it was right,” he said with finality, and Rose nodded her head in agreement.

  “When it’s right, you just know, boyco,” she said.

  On the drive back into the city, Roy thought about it.

  When he’d broken up with women before, it had been final. He’d accepted that it was over. Since he’d usually been the one to make the decision, there’d been a sense of relief when it ended. He didn’t feel like that now.

  He thought about what Nicole had suggested, that maybe he’d sabotaged things.

  Reluctantly he admitted that in some aspects of his life, it was true. He hadn’t been able to be the farmer that Martin wanted him to be. He sure as hell wasn’t the lawyer or doctor that his birth parents might have expected. Did that sense that he disappointed people affect his relationships with women?

  Hailey’s face came to mind.

  When it’s right, you just know.

  He did know. The problem was, how to convince her?

  “HOW COULD HE BETRAY me this way?” Hailey’s face was swollen and sopping wet from the washcloth Laura kept dipping in ice water.

  “All along, he encouraged me. He made me believe that I was right for David. And then he does this. I didn’t even see it coming. And besides that, I slept with him.”

  “So you slept with him just to get David?”

  “Are you nuts, Laura?” Hailey was appalled. “Do you really think I’d do a thing like that?”

  “Of course not. I just don’t want you to get the two things mixed up.” Laura dumped more ice into the basin of water. “One is about a little kid, and the other’s about you falling for Roy and hating yourself for being human.”

  Hailey stopped crying and glared at her sister. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Well, if you never let yourself care, you never get hurt.”

  “Well, I did let myself, and look where it’s landed me.”

  “You’re still on the list to adopt, you’re approved to foster, and you’ll get a baby soon. Your feelings for Roy shouldn’t have anything to do with David.”

  “But they do. The two things are interconnected. I’m withdrawing my applications to foster and to adopt.”

  “Hailey, don’t do that. You’ll feel different once you get over this. There’ll be other kids you’ll love just as much as you love David.”

  That was hard to believe at the moment, hard even to imagine. She did love David, and the pain she felt at losing him was devastating. And worst of all was her love for Roy. She’d trusted him and he’d deliberately hurt her.

  “If you want my honest opinion,” Laura said— Hailey didn’t particularly—“I think Roy is great, considering that he’s a guy. He did what he believed to be best for David, even knowing you’d hate him for it. That takes a special kind of integrity.”


  “That takes a real mean streak. And I don’t hate him.” Hailey’s tears started again. “I…I love him. That’s why it hurts so much.”

  Laura sighed, wrung out the cloth and put it over Hailey’s eyes. “This happy-ever-after stuff is such a crock. I’m never going to read Cinderella to Samantha again. I bought a gallon of chocolate-maple-nut ice cream. You want some?”

  It didn’t cure anything, but it helped.

  ROY PHONED at seven-thirty the next morning, waking her up.

  “Meet me for breakfast? There’re things we need to discuss.”

  “We don’t have anything to say to each other, Roy. It all got said yesterday.”

  “That’s not so.”

  She heard him take a deep breath and then expel it. “I love you, Hailey. I didn’t say that before, and I should have.”

  It would have meant everything to her the day before yesterday. Now she had a wall around her heart, a barricade that kept her from letting anything else in. The silence stretched.

  “I won’t give up,” he said quietly. “I’ll keep calling, and I’ll keep telling you how I feel. And I’ll be keeping a very close eye on David. I’ll let you know how he’s doing.”

  The rat. He knew she needed to know that David was safe. He knew she’d take his calls, just because of that.

  She couldn’t stay home. She got in the truck and drove to Sam and Ingrid’s. Gran was up, swathed in a black-and-silver Oriental housecoat. She took a look at Hailey’s swollen face and poured her a mug of coffee.

  “Sam had an early call. They’re shooting that movie downtown and he’s a stand-in for one of the actors. You want an omelet?”

  “I’m not hungry, Gran. I need to tell you what’s happened. David’s gone back to live with his mother, and it’s Roy’s fault.” The story poured out, and this time Hailey made it through without crying.

  “I’m so sorry, honey.” Ingrid put her arms around her. “I know how much you were counting on having David.” She patted Hailey’s shoulder, and it felt soothing and comfortable. “But I don’t agree that it’s Roy’s fault.”

  Hailey reared back, shocked. “Of course it is. He made the recommendation. He told me the judge goes by what the social worker says.”

  Ingrid shook her head. “You told me how that little boy cried for his mother. Replacing a person isn’t easy, and it’s not always the answer. I think I would have done the same if I were Roy. The way to support kids is to support their mother.”

  Hailey had never gotten really angry at Ingrid, but she did now.

  “How can you say that, Gran? You, of all people. Mom was alone after Dad died, and all you ever did was fight with her. You were good to Laura and me, but you sure didn’t support Mom.”

  “I know I didn’t.” Ingrid looked stricken. “All of us have things we’re sorry for, and that’s a big one with me. I should have tried harder with Jean. I got my back up about certain things she said to me about your father, things I just couldn’t countenance. Ed was my only son, and I never forgave her for it.”

  “I suppose she told you that Daddy had affairs with other women.”

  Ingrid nodded, and her eyes sparked with fresh anger. “She shouldn’t have told you that. He was your daddy and you were close to him. There was no need for you to think badly of him after he was gone.”

  “The first I heard of it was yesterday.” Hailey told Ingrid what was going on with Laura. “Mom sort of blurted it out. I don’t think she meant to.”

  “Well. See, again I jump to conclusions. I should have settled this with Jean a long time ago. I think it’s time now. I’ll do my best to make peace with her.” Ingrid hesitated, then added, “But I want you to think carefully about Roy, Hailey. From what I’ve seen of him, he’s a good man, and he seems right for you. I’ve made lots of mistakes, and I know how they haunt a person. I want to keep you from making one here.”

  Why does everyone keep taking his side?

  “I don’t trust him anymore. Trust is a big thing between two people.”

  “Ah, my Haileybop. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.”

  When she got home, Hailey turned off her cell phone and ignored the numerous messages from Roy. It was hard to get ready for work, although she was relieved she was on evening shift, because Margaret would already have gone home by the time she got to St. Joe’s. She wasn’t sure if she could stop herself from physically attacking the older nurse if she saw her.

  She made sure she arrived right at shift change, so there wouldn’t be a lot of time for questions about David, but everyone wanted to know what had happened. They knew he’d been discharged, and that Shannon and a social services worker had picked him up.

  Hailey told the story again, weary to death of going over it.

  The other nurses were sympathetic and outraged at Margaret’s role in what had happened.

  “She’s handed in her notice—she’s taking early retirement,” one of her co-workers said. “I heard it from someone in the personnel office. She’ll be gone at the end of September. Nobody’s gonna miss her, that’s for sure.”

  That night, for the first time she could ever remember, Hailey counted off the hours she had to work, longing to go home. When the new shift arrived and hers was finally over, she made her way out of St. Joe’s, weary to the bone, squinting in the harsh sunlight as she headed for the parking area where she’d left the truck.

  Her heart gave a thump and her mouth went dry because Roy was there, wearing shorts and a rumpled green golf shirt. He was leaning against her truck, and he straightened his long body and smiled at her. His eyes were bloodshot, as if he hadn’t slept a whole lot.

  “Can I interest you in some breakfast, Nurse Bergstrom?”

  For an instant, passion leaped across the barrier she’d created. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, because only there would she be at peace. But David’s round little face swam between them, and the pain cut into her heart. The peace would be shortlived—only the length of time it took for the passion to ebb and resentment to take its place.

  “I can’t.” She looked at him, shook her head and told him the bald truth. “You hurt me, and I’m scared you’ll do it again.”

  “You’d end what there is between us just because you’re scared?” There was temper and challenge in his tone. “I thought you were braver than that.”

  “Well, you thought wrong.” She dragged her keys out of her bag and walked around him to open the truck door. “Don’t call me, please. Don’t wait like this again. It’s over.”

  “Don’t do this, Hailey.”

  She was too tired to argue with him. She started the truck and backed out. As she drove away, she wasn’t even crying.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  SEVEN DAYS passed.

  Laura helped dismantle the crib in the room that was to have been David’s, and that same day Nicole got the court order, just as she’d said she would, and Laura and the kids moved back into their house. Frank had packed up his belongings and taken most of Laura’s jewelry, as well as any paintings he considered valuable. He was still making threats, but Laura was no longer affected by them. Nicole had done a fine job of making her aware of her rights,

  Hailey thought she’d be happy at having her privacy again, but the night her sister left, she wept. The house was empty and echoing without Laura and her niece and nephew.

  In the two weeks that followed, Hailey volunteered for extra shifts. She and Margaret avoided each other as much as possible, and the older nurse no longer nagged about the way Hailey did her job. Maybe she sensed that Hailey would explode if she confronted her.

  Roy called at least every other day, and Hailey was polite and distant. But inside, her emotions were like a volcano about to erupt. She resented Roy and she loved him. She couldn’t stop herself from missing him, wanting him, or blaming him for the gaping hole David had left in her heart.

  She asked Harry Larue about David one morning.

  “Saw him
just the other day,” the pediatrician said. “He’s doing great, eating well, healthy and happy. Want me to tell his mother you were asking about him?”

  “Definitely not.”

  “Sorry.” Harry avoided her eyes and hurried off. Of course he knew the whole story. Everyone knew. The nurses no longer asked about the baby she planned to adopt, and no one talked about David.

  On her break, Hailey stayed at Laura’s and deliberately turned off her cell phone. It wore her down, Roy’s calling all the time. She helped the kids with homework and watched videos with them while Laura had a sleepover with Michael. On Sunday she and Laura cooked a roast and invited Jean for dinner.

  Hailey watched her mother taking stock of Laura’s house. When Frank had lived there, he’d demanded that it be kept in perfect order. Now it looked lived in, with shoes in a heap at the door and video games spread across the carpet.

  Samantha and Christopher talked nonstop during the meal, telling their grandmother all about the puppy Laura had promised they’d get the following week.

  “Daddy never let us have a dog,” Samantha said. “He told us dogs make lots of mess, but we’re gonna clean up the mess, right, Chris?”

  “Right. And Daddy’s not coming back to live here, so we get to keep the puppy, right, Mom?”

  “Right.”

  The kids clapped, and Hailey saw the scandalized look Jean gave Laura. When the kids were excused, Jean said, “That’s disgraceful, Laura. It sounds as if the children are choosing a dog over their father. Frank called me. The poor man’s beside himself. I keep hoping you’ll come to your senses.”

  Hailey was proud of her sister for smiling at their mother and saying, “I already have. That’s why we’re getting a puppy.”

  HAILEY WAS ON day shift the next morning, and as she was stowing her things in her locker, Karen breezed in.

  “Hailey, hey, did you hear about Margaret?”

  “What about her?”

  “She had a heart attack last night—she’s in intensive care.”

  A feeling of relief momentarily swept through Hailey, followed by a fierce pang of guilt. What kind of horrible person was she, feeling relieved because someone was ill?