Facades

by Alex Marcoux

  Sidney did not want to bother Justin with her concerns, but she also knew the press was doing a job on her own reputation. At some point, I’m going to have to warn him before we return. “I called home. The press is having a field day with Anastasia. I’m feeling…responsible.”

  “You do like her, don’t you?” her son asked.

  Sidney was surprised at the question. “Of course I like her.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “JP, Anastasia is marrying Brett Pillar next week,” she said flatly.

  “But you do like her, don’t you?”

  You are perceptive kid, she thought. I wonder if he knows I’m in love with her. “Yes, I like her.”

  “Have you called her?”

  “I have. But we need to talk.”

  “About what?”

  “The fact that I’m gay has been made public. Your friends and teachers and classmates are going to know. What do you think about that?”

  “I think I have the best mom in the world,” Justin answered. “What else matters?”

  Sidney spent the rest of the trip trying to convince herself that Anastasia was better off staying away from her. It’s best for her career if she marries Brett and has his child. And I know how much she values her career.

  Sidney was not surprised when Anastasia had not left a message that Monday, or the rest of the week.

  Chapter 31

  On Thursday night, Justin and Sidney returned to New Jersey, exhausted from traveling. Justin went right to bed, while Sidney unpacked. It was close to midnight when she checked the answering machine. There were many hang-ups, three messages from the press, and then her world seemed to stop when she heard Anastasia’s voice. “Sid it’s me, please call.”

  Sidney debated, What should I do? That message was probably left before I returned her call. But what if it wasn’t….She picked up the phone. She’s getting married in three days. She’s probably in California, anyway. She gently rested the handset in its cradle. It’s close to midnight. I’ll call her tomorrow.

  Sidney was pleasantly surprised when Pat, her new housekeeper, arrived at the usual time the following morning. “How was your trip?” she asked, as she brought some groceries into the house.

  “Good.” Sidney had wondered if Pat would return, after the way the press had crucified Sidney. But Pat went about her business as if nothing had happened. “I’m planning to go to the office this morning, but I should be back midafternoon. I think JP will be sleeping in; we got back late.”

  “I brought some breakfast makings. I figured pickings would be slim. I’m planning on doing food shopping today. Would you like anything special for dinner?”

  Sidney was curious. “Pat, before I left for vacation, there was a lot of publicity about me. Did you catch any of that?”

  “Every day,” the older woman answered.

  “Are you okay with that?”

  “It’s not my business, Ms. Marcum.”

  Sidney smiled. “I hope I get that response from most people.’

  It was close to eight o’clock when Sidney left the house for work. Before she got on the parkway, she stopped by the post office to pick up the mail that was being held.

  Michelle and Nelson greeted her when she reached her office. Both seemed somewhat distant. “I didn’t expect to see you until next week,” Nelson said.

  “Well, sorry to disappoint you. I just plan to go through my mail and make some phone calls.” She turned to Michelle. “If you can continue to tell people I’m out, I’d appreciate it.”

  She closed the door of her office, leaned against the back of the door, then exhaled. I guess that could have been worse.

  Minutes later there was a knock at the door and Natalie entered. “How are you?” Natalie asked as she embraced Sidney.

  “Good.”

  “JP?”

  “He’s great. We’ve been in Bermuda. I wanted to get him away from the press.”

  “Smart.”

  “I understand they’ve made Anastasia’s life miserable.”

  “Pretty much. The rumor is that Anastasia and Brett’s wedding plans are for convenience and her public image. Have you heard what they’re saying about the two of you?”

  “Anastasia and I?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No. What?”

  “Well, word on the street is that you and Anastasia had a torrid affair and you dumped her. That’s when she fired you.”

  “I’m disappointed I missed it.”

  “Have you talked to her?” Natalie asked.

  “No. I haven’t seen her since court.”

  “You haven’t told her how you feel?”

  “No.”

  “When the hell are you going to start living, Sid?” Natalie was upset.

  “Nat, she’s getting married on Sunday. She’s pregnant. Leave it alone, please.”

  “Pregnant?” Natalie paused. “I still think you should talk to her, before it’s too late.”

  “I plan to return her call this morning.”

  Before Natalie left she hugged Sidney again. “I’m glad you’re back.”

  Sidney called Anastasia’s home. When the answering machine came on, she hung up without leaving a message. I wonder if she’s already left for California.

  She started going through the business mail on her desk, then she turned her attention to the box of personal mail she had brought with her. Sidney sorted the mail in piles for bills, junk mail and personal. Then she came across an envelope that made her heart skip a beat when she recognized the handwriting. She rested the envelope up against the stapler on her desk and stared at it, until she mustered up the nerve to open it.

  Sidney,

  I need to talk with you. I have left you messages, but I haven’t heard back from you. I need to know if there is any chance that you feel what I feel, or has there been too much damage?

  Sidney, I’ve been in love with you forever it seems. Before I marry Brett, I need to know if it’s too late for us? I’m sorry my carelessness compromised your defense in court. Can you ever forgive me?

  Brett and I still have kept our plans to marry on Sunday, October 23. I plan on leaving that Friday for California. If I don’t hear from you by Thursday, I’ll assume there has been too much damage or you don’t feel what I feel, and I will marry Brett.

  Anastasia

  Sidney dropped the letter on her desk, then picked up the phone and called Anastasia again. This time she left a message, “It’s Sidney. I’m in the office. Please call.”

  As she rested the phone in its cradle, she realized, Today’s Friday. She looked at her watch. J wonder what time her flight is. Sidney called Michelle on the intercom. “I need Dale Peterson’s phone number, do we have it?”

  “Whose phone number?”

  “Anastasia’s new personal manager, Peterson. Do we have his number?”

  ““No, but I think Natalie does.”

  “Find out and get him on the line quickly, please.”

  Michelle knew something was wrong, she stuck her head in Sidney’s office. “Natalie went down to the lobby to get the mail. Is there anything else you want me to do in the meantime?”

  “I need to find out when Anastasia is leaving. I was hoping her manager may know her schedule.”

  “Anastasia’s at the airport now,” Michelle said.

  “How do you know that?”

  “She just called, she was looking for you. I told her you weren’t in…like you told me.”

  Sidney’s heart sank. “Do you know what airport she was at?”

  “It’s probably Newark, but I’m not positive.”

  Within minutes, Natalie had returned and telephoned Peterson. “She’s flying United out of Newark, into LAX. But her flight is at 1:15 P.M.,” Natalie informed Sidney.

  Sidney looked at her watch. “That gives me barely an hour.”

  “You can do it, but you need to leave right now,” instructed Natalie. Sidney hesitated. “This is something
you need to do, Sid. I’ll call the airport and have her paged. Do you want me to leave your cellular phone number for her to call you?”

  “Yes.” She grabbed her coat and left.

  Sidney was nervous all the way to the airport. What am I going to tell her? Then there was a car pile-up from an accident and she was delayed an additional twenty minutes. I’m not going to make it on time. She checked to see if her cellular phone was on.

  It was. Sidney called her office and spoke with Natalie. “I’m in a traffic jam; I don’t think I’m going to make it on time. Did you leave a message at the airport?”

  “Yeah, they’re paging her. The message is for her to call your cellular number. So we better get off. But no matter what, Sid, go to the airport, no matter how late you think you are.”

  It was 1:35 by the time Sidney arrived at the airport. She drove up to passenger drop off and left her car at the curb. She ran into the airport and searched the monitors for the United flights. Her heart raced as she searched for the Los Angeles flights. As she stared at the monitor, reality hit. The plane had left on time.

  As she turned to leave, she heard the airport announcements to travelers. “Will Mr. Harrington, Mr. Bob Harrington, Mrs. Roberts, Mrs. Lisa Roberts…Anastasia, Ms. Anastasia please pick up a white courtesy phone for a message?”

  Anastasia never got the message.

  Chapter 32

  Sidney headed south on the turnpike and continued toward home. Numbed by the fact she had missed Anastasia, she discarded the possibility of calling her in California. It’s too late. Everything happens for a reason. I’ve got to let this go.

  By the time she merged onto the Garden State Parkway, the rain had started. The light drizzle continued to the shore exits, then it stopped and the fog rolled in. Visibility was poor as she pulled off the highway and headed toward her home. She glanced at her watch; it was close to three o’clock. She opted to drive to her favorite beach rather than home. Maybe a walk will calm me down.

  She put on her raincoat she kept in the car for just such occasions. As she walked the long lonely beach, she wondered if she had made a mistake. The ocean usually had a calming effect on her, but today, the turbulent tide seemed to foster her emotions. As she walked down the beach she wiped away tears. She headed up by the dunes and sat on the damp sand.

  The fog seemed to have increased since she got on the beach. She no longer could see the water. She sat blindly on the sand, listening to the turbulent waves thrashing against the shore. From her pocket, she removed Anastasia’s note and read it again. Tears fell on the note, blurring the ink. She crushed the paper and threw it toward the water. The wind quickly caught the note and blew it out of her sight.

  Her mind raced as she listened to the waves beat on the eroding sand. She was desperately trying to convince herself that things worked out for the best. Anastasia’s marriage should help her career more than another scandal. Besides, she is pregnant with the man’s child. It’s better this way. But no matter how hard she tried to convince herself, she could find no comfort.

  The words were barely discernible to her ears. “Do you hate me so much that you couldn’t even call?”

  “Wonderful. Now I’m starting to hear things,” she spoke softly as she searched the fog. Then about twenty feet away, she thought she saw a silhouette. Without warning, the figure was swallowed in the fog. Instinctively Sidney stood. “Terrific. Now I’m starting to see things.

  “Who’s there?” Sidney called. She started walking to where she had seen the image.

  “Do you hate me so much that you couldn’t even call?” Anastasia emerged from the fog and stopped a few feet from Sidney.

  Sidney’s heart raced as she approached Anastasia. “I thought you were on a plane.”

  “And you just let me go.” Anastasia’s voice cracked.

  “Anastasia, I’ve been out of the country. I just got your letter a few hours ago. I tried to catch you at the airport, but I missed your flight.

  “I couldn’t get on the plane.”

  “Anastasia…I’m really sorry that I wasn’t honest with you about being gay.”

  “I understand better now. But it still hurts that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

  “It wasn’t you I didn’t trust,” Sidney said. “I didn’t trust myself.”

  Anastasia, obviously hurt, continued. “How come you didn’t have the decency to return my call? I know you got my message at the office. Michelle told me.”

  Sidney moved closer to Anastasia. “I did call. I called the night of the hearing and left a message on your answering machine. Then I spoke with Brett last week. Congratulations, by the way.”

  “Congratulations on what?”

  “Your pregnancy.”

  “My what? I’m not pregnant! Where the hell did you get an idea like that?”

  Sidney just stared at Anastasia.

  “Who told you I was pregnant, Sid?”

  “Brett told me.”

  “He knew I was in love with you,” Anastasia started. “But I can’t believe he’d blatantly lie to you…and to me.”

  Sidney moved toward Anastasia. Silently, they searched each other’s eyes, each aware that she had found what she had lost, lifetimes earlier. They had so many unanswered questions. Sidney delicately brushed Anastasia’s hair away from her face, and then her lips met Anastasia’s. Their kiss was gentle at first, then more passionate. But this time, it was Anastasia who retreated with questioning eyes.

  “It was hell pulling away from you last spring when we kissed,” Sidney confided. “I knew then I was in love with you…but I couldn’t love you then. I never stopped loving you, Anastasia.”

  “Can you love me now?”

  Sidney smiled and the sparkle in her eyes that had burned out years earlier finally returned. “If you let me. This hearing has given me a new life. I can start living again. Would you help me start over?”

  “I’ll help you, if you help me.” Anastasia returned the smile.

  Sidney took Anastasia’s hand in her own, and they turned and walked into the fog. Each was aware of the uncertainty the future held, but each found comfort in knowing there would be no more façades.

  About the Author

  Alex Marcoux was born and raised in Leominster, Massachusetts. She graduated from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst in 1981. She presently resides in the foothills of Colorado with her partner and son.