by Jessica Gray
His eyes caressed the rich walnut wood paneling, which he’d spent days mounting with the help of a cabinetmaker friend. It was a luxury, but since River lived on his boat all year round, he considered it a justified expense, even back then when he was scraping for every cent.
Since sleep proved elusive, he stuck his nose into the latest diving magazine, but beside every gorgeous underwater photo Pippa’s flawless curves appeared. I’d love to take her diving one day. That thought didn’t help him to focus and he finally tossed the magazine onto the desk and decided to go to the sundeck, lay down in one of the loungers, and let the lapping sound of waves lull him into sleep.
As soon as he stepped foot on the sundeck, he realized he wasn’t alone. In the dark night lit only by Willemstad in the back and the bright stars above, he sensed her presence before he saw her.
He was about to retreat without disturbing her when she let out a deep sigh that resonated across the deck and tugged at his heart strings. It was like the lure of a siren that he couldn’t resist. Almost involuntarily River crossed the deck and sat on a lounge chair beside her.
“You okay?” he asked after a long silence during which she didn’t show a sign whether she’d noticed his arrival or not.
“I’m fine.” Her beautiful blue eyes, that seemed almost black now, looked up at him and he noticed a moist shimmer on her cheeks.
“Mind if I sit here?” he asked.
“It’s your boat,” she said with a grand gesture.
“I couldn’t sleep.” River leaned back to gaze at the star scattered night sky. “How long have you been up here?”
“A while,” she murmured and leaned back. Light from the town hit her face.
River’s heart broke as he saw the telltale sign of tears on her cheeks. If there was anything he was worse at than organization, it was emotional stuff. So he decided his best course of action was to keep his mouth shut and not risk putting his foot in it. A long time went by in silence.
He almost enjoyed it, just almost, because there was such a sadness rolling off of her.
“This is probably all a big mistake.” Pippa gave a loud sigh from the depths of her body.
A mistake? What? Taking on a job on my boat? “What would life be without mistakes?”
Pippa laughed softly. “Some mistakes are more costly than others, though.”
“You speak as if from experience.” He searched her dimly light face for clues.
“I guess I do.”
“Pippa?” He waited until she turned her head and looked at him before he continued, “What are you so afraid of?”
She shook her head. “I’m not…”
“Yes, you are.” He put a hand on her arm and sensed the slight tremble. “That’s why you ran away when you first got here. I can see it in your eyes. What is it?”
She pursed her lips and turned back to look at the sky. “No, you’re imagining things.”
“Is it me?” he asked, his chest constricting.
Please, God. Don’t let her be afraid of me.
She shook her head. River wanted nothing more than to cup her chin and kiss her fears away, whatever they were. But he couldn’t well force her to tell him.
They sat in silence, her light scent reaching his nostrils, making him hard again. Citrusy with hint of lime. He needed to leave immediately if he didn’t want to risk ravaging her.
River warred with himself for a moment and then stood up. “Good night.”
“Thank you.” Pippa reached out and grabbed his hand.
“For what?” He waited, sensing she wanted to say more, but no words left her mouth. After a while he raised his voice again, “Will you talk to me, please?”
Chapter 14
Pippa didn’t know why she’d grabbed River’s hand. Or actually she did know. She didn’t want him to leave. By his side she felt incredible, and for the first time in years all the pain, the worries, the humiliation faded into nothing.
Strength seeped from his warm hand over into her body. Strength and something else, a burning desire for him, the urge to tear off his clothes and crawl under his skin, to kiss every inch of his gorgeous body and…No! Stop! She wouldn’t go there. Been there, done that. And what had falling head over heals for a man given her?
Heartache. Betrayal.
First, she needed to get back on track with her life and once she was in a position of strength, then she could allow herself to fall for another man. Not now. Not for River.
Will you talk to me, please? Pippa knew she shouldn’t. Baring her soul had never ended well from where she stood, but for some reason she wanted him to know. Wanted him to understand…needed him to understand.
“Might as well sit back down,” she murmured, releasing his hand and sitting up on the side of the lounger. She folded her hands together and then looked out across the water. “My mom loved to dive. She spent as much time on the water and under the surface as she could…lots of times I went with her.”
“What happened?” River asked gently, sitting back down, facing her. Their knees were almost touching and then he was reaching for her hands once more.
Pippa swallowed. “She was night diving. She’d been down for almost an hour.”
“How deep?” River asked quietly.
“Almost seventy feet. She was always pushing her limits…anyway, her radio had been cutting in and out all night. The other divers wanted to surface, but she had spotted a rare kind of fish and wanted to take a picture.” Pippa’s eyes filled with tears at the memory. She’d been reliving those anxious moments time and again in her nightmares.
“What happened?” River urged her to continue.
“We waited. But she didn’t surface. One of the crew got ready to go down to search for her, but just as he jumped into the water, she propelled to the surface like a rocket.” Pippa’s voice broke.
River inhaled sharply. “She did an emergency ascend from seventy feet after being down for so long?”
“Yes.” Pippa’s voice faded to a mere whisper. “She later told us that her headlamp went out and she lost her sense of equilibrium. In a sudden panic she released her weight belt. Her ascend happened too fast…she appeared to be fine when she first came up, but about an hour after getting on the boat, she began to have problems.”
“The bends,” River said.
She didn’t have to explain to him what decompression sickness meant. Under high pressure, gas dissolved in the blood and would form bubbles during a rushed ascent. Those bubbles could cause severe sickness, even death, if not treated immediately.
“Yes. Our skipper called the Coast Guard to fly her to the closest hyperbaric chamber, but by the time my mother arrived there, she was already having breathing problems.” The pain rushed back with full force and shook her frame as she searched for the proper words to continue. “My father flew with her in the helicopter, but I had to stay on the boat. She was already unconscious when I got to the hospital and died a few hours later.”
River didn’t utter a word, but squeezed her hands tighter. Pippa had gone through several therapists, but she never once had acknowledged her guilt to anyone before. She might as well get it over with and tell him. Then he could chase her off the boat.
“It was all my fault,” she murmured. “I killed my mother.”
At the tortured admission, she broke out into violent sobs. Instead of cursing her for her awful actions, River wrapped her into his strong arms. Her tears wetted his shirt, but she was helpless to stop them. His big hands roamed up and down her back, soothing her pain with every stroke.
“Why do you think it was your fault?” his warm, soft voice asked.
“I was her diving partner that day. But I was tired and wanted to ascend, so she sent me off with the other divers. I shouldn’t have let her alone.” Everybody knew that you never left your diving partner alone. Ever.
“Poor baby,” River murmured and kissed the top of her head.
Uncontrollable sobs shook her again. If only she’d stayed wit
h her mother that day…
“You do know that it wasn’t your fault, right?” River took her chin and forced her to look into his eyes.
“But it was…”
“There was nothing you could’ve done, even if you’d stayed by her side. If a diver panics, it takes a trained dive master to even try and do something. But you…how old were you?” River asked, compassion blazing in his eyes.
“Sixteen.”
“Sixteen? You wouldn’t have stood a chance.” River released her chin, but she didn’t break their visual connection.
“I could have tried…” she mumbled.
“Let me tell you something.” He thinned his lips and placed his hands on her shoulders like anchors in the storm. “I’m sure you already know this, but let me speak it out in simple words for you: it was entirely your mother’s own fault. There was nothing at all you could have done. She was the more experienced diver and your mother. When she told you to ascend with the other divers, you had to obey. You couldn’t start a fight with her at seventy feet deep.”
Deep in her heart Pippa knew he was right, under water you didn’t question what the person in charge ordered. Never. But on the other side you never abandoned your partner either…She sighed.
“That’s what you’re afraid of?”
“Yes. Since that day, I’ve been afraid of deep water.” She looked down at her lap, willing herself not to break out into tears again.
River pulled her into his arms again and she knew everything would be alright. He had the ability to make her feel like nothing else mattered in the world. In his arms, time stopped and it was only the two of them.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you,” he whispered, stroking her back and kissing her hair.
“I just want to feel safe again. To be happy, like before.” Pippa said and snuggled tighter against his hard chest. His deep voice, uttered soothing words and his woodsy scent revived places in her body that shouldn’t tingle with desire. She knew she would regret this later, but she said it nonetheless, “The moment I met you it was as if all my anxieties had never existed. With you close by, I feel safe, even on this infernal machine called a boat.”
Then she raised her head to face him and her lips parted as she gazed deep into his loving eyes.
Chapter 15
River knew he should leave this very second. But how could he resist the offered lips of the woman he’d come to love in such a short time. Her confession had reached inside River’s heart and added another layer of desire.
He did not quite understand it, but he wanted all of her, body, mind, and soul. For a moment he hesitated and searched her eyes in the starlight, giving her time to pull away. But when she closed her eyes he was done for and lowered his head to kiss her.
Her tender lips tasted of lemon, and salt from her tears, and his body hardened as she gave herself over to him. He held her in his arms, stroking her back, while his tongue delved into her mouth. Tasting. Licking. Teasing.
River explored every corner and crevice of her mouth, sliding his tongue across her hard teeth and the soft flesh of her cheeks. He caught her passionate moan in his mouth and raised one hand to cup her head to pull her tighter against him
It was like a dam had broken and the pent-up desire of the last days flooded both of them. Pippa returned his kiss, sliding her tongue across his lips, raising her hands to scrub his beard, pressing her soft curves against his hard body.
He wished he could take her right now, make her his and never let her go again, but the next instant she pushed against his chest and jerked free, her eyes full of confusion.
“I’m sorry…I’m not ready for another relationship.” Pippa jumped backwards to put the lounger between them, breathing hard and fast.
River stood up as well, hoping she wouldn’t notice his immense erection in the semi-darkness. She was right; making out with her wasn’t a good idea. He was a man with principles.
“I never have relationships with my employees,” he said with hanging shoulders.
“I guess we both have our reasons why this can’t happen again.” Pippa gave him a smile and he wanted to throw all of his stupid principles over board, along with her doubts, fears, and worries. This woman had him tied up in knots with a single glance from her irresistible blue eyes.
“Friends?” River shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts so he wouldn’t reach for her again.
“Friends,” she said and escaped the sundeck.
River stood dumbfounded in the sultry night air, not exactly sure what had happened and why on earth he’d suggested being friends. It would be the hardest thing he’d done in a long time. How was he supposed to forget the way she tasted, the way she felt in his arms, now that he experienced both?
***
The next morning, River got up early. He doubled checked the weather forecast and then walked through the boat, making sure everything was in great working order. Half an hour later, Maria and Willem arrived. Over the next hour, the guests began trickling in and from the moment the first of the guests arrived, he stayed occupied catering to them. It gave him a much-needed distraction from fantasizing about Pippa.
The guests were a diverse group consisting of two couples and four single guys. The two married couples, Marge and Steve Harrelson and Vicki and Greg Nilson, had been friends since their college days and River immediately could tell they were going to be easy to deal with.
The four guys, Jeremy, Mike, Alan and Mark were in their mid-twenties, just like him. They were celebrating a break from college before returning for their graduate studies. They were nice enough, although River took their boastful tales about previous diving cruises with a grain of salt.
Normally, he would have enjoyed having a group of adventurous young men aboard his boat, but this time he wished they’d been helicoptered in to an igloo on the South Pole. Far away from Pippa. His jealousy intensified when he found out that all four of them were single and not opposed to a good flirt. He fisted his hands, ready to butt in, should one of them hit on her. Not on my watch, asshats.
After his guests had settled into their cabins, he called out over the PA system and asked everyone to gather on the maindeck for the security instructions. He’d given the same lecture so many times, he knew it by heart and found himself going over the various points, all while eyeing Pippa as she stood toward the back of the gathered group.
I wish there was a way I could convince her to go diving with me.
Pulling his thoughts back to the task at hand, he ticked off his most important rules. “So, in a nutshell, safety comes first. These rules are non-negotiable if you want to dive with me.
“Number one - No alcohol on the boat. I don’t store any onboard and I expect you to honor that rule and not bring any with you. For twenty-four hours before and after you dive, there is no alcohol consumption. If any of you had anything to drink yesterday, you will not be diving today. You all signed a waiver agreeing to this,” he reminded them.
River looked at each person in turn, driving his point home. At their nods, he continued.
“Good. Number two – Nobody dives alone. Dive with a buddy, or don’t dive. That means, you surface when your diving buddy does. No exceptions. If you’re diving and five minutes in your buddy needs to come up, you come up with them. Any questions about rule number two?” He once again looked around. Nobody raised a hand or asked for further explanation, but he did notice the pained frown on Pippa’s forehead. Damn. Now she’s feeling guilty again. “If your diving buddy seems to have serious problems, you do not risk your life to help them, you give me a sign to do it. Understood?”
Everyone nodded and River continued on to the next point.
“Which brings me to number three – I’m in charge. All the time. On the boat and especially in the water. If I give you a command, you don’t question it, just know that it’s imperative you follow it, immediately. I’m not an unreasonable guy, and the only time you’ll hear
me giving orders is in the event of a safety issue for yourself, the boat, or others. Everyone clear on that?”
Again, he looked at each guest and got their agreement both verbally and with a physical nod of their heads.
“Now familiarize yourself with your lifejacket. In the unlikely event of an emergency everyone has to gather on the main deck next to the dinghy, wearing the lifejacket.” River nodded towards the horizon and grinned to lighten the mood. “In the even more unlikely case that you should go overboard, always swim west.”
One of the young men looked puzzle and raised his hand saying, “I’ve never heard that before. Why?”
“Because that gives you the best chance of survival. Swimming west will put you in line for inhabited islands and other boats. It will also keep you out of the strong currents. If you get swept too far east, there’s a lot of ocean between you and the other side of the Atlantic.”
Everyone nodded in understanding and River clapped his hands. “Alright, then. I want to introduce the team. He waved them forward and Willem and Maria stood to his right, while Pippa came up to his left side, making it hellishly difficult to concentrate.
After explaining the responsibilities of each crew member, he said, “If no one has any other questions, please hand over your passports to Pippa for emigration control and make yourselves comfortable. We’ll depart in roughly half an hour and should reach our diving destination early afternoon.”
“Where are we diving today?” one of the ladies asked.
“A nearby coral reef called Mushroom Forest. It’s protected from the currents and not very deep. It will give me a chance to evaluate each of you before we attempt anything more challenging.”
“Awesome!” Marge answered.
Everyone left the sundeck, including Pippa, who left the boat for the customs office.
River directed his thoughts away from his gorgeous employee and to the upcoming dive. He was never more at ease than when he was floating under the surface of the water. It was time to get this trip underway and Pippa out from under his skin.