“When the police came, we were all questioned. The paramedics took her mom’s body away and then her dad was taken to the hospital. Lizzy just sat in the middle of the room, where she rocked back and forth with a blank expression on her face. The police took her to the station and I followed in my car. Since she was already eighteen, she didn’t have to go into foster care, and I thought it’d be the perfect time for us to make a break from Western. But it seemed she had another idea.” His voice is slightly shaky and he pauses for a moment before continuing.
“I went to the bathroom while she was talking to the detectives. When I came out, she was gone. The detective told me that they’d just released her and assumed I’d taken her home. I ran outside to see if she was waiting for me, but the streets were empty. On the windshield of my car, there was a folded-up letter. It pretty much said that I deserved better than her, and that she was leaving town and I shouldn’t look for her. But I knew the real reason. She blamed me for making her sneak out of the house, and how could she not? If I hadn’t been so selfish, she would’ve been home. Of course, I still hopped in my car and drove the streets, but it was as though she had vanished.” He stops talking and takes a deep breath.
“It tore me up, Jessa. She didn’t even come back for her mom’s funeral. I’m not even sure she knows how it all happened. See, her mom died of an overdose, not because of a beating from her father. But her dad still got three years in prison for the drugs they found on him.” He seems dejected, but he gives me a small grin. “Her dad was the man in the diner that night, the one with the dagger tattoo on his arm.” I nod my head, remembering him clearly.
“So you never heard from her again?” I ask, hoping like hell he hasn’t.
“No, and I was messed up for years. Probably all the way up until I met you. It’s what kind of made me not want to fall in love,” he confesses. And although his story breaks my heart, I can’t help but feel pleased to know that I’m the one who brought him back.
“Do you ever think about finding her?” I bite my lip in apprehension of his answer.
“I did for a while, but now…I know what I felt for her might’ve seemed like love, but it wasn’t the ever after kind. You gave me that, Jessa,” he finishes and kisses the top of my head. I can’t hide my happiness as I stare up at his blue eyes that are filled with sorrow but also love…love for me.
Grant
God, it’s such a relief that it’s all out there. No more secrets. Jessa knows everything, and she seems okay with it. I turn off the light and wrap my body around hers. She sighs slightly, and when I hear her faint breathing, I know she’s asleep. I wish I could sleep. You’d think I’d be able to, knowing I’m not keeping anymore secrets from her. Sure, I held back the part where I searched every nearby town for three months after Lizzy left. Or how I was able to sweet talk the lady at the phone company to give me her call logs. I chased all those leads, leaving me with nothing before they went cold completely, and I assumed she’d ditched her phone for a new one.
But Jessa doesn’t need to hear those details. They don’t matter, because I love her. I love her so much more than I ever loved Lizzy. Looking back, Lizzy was a love I was desperate for, not a love I necessarily desired. I just wanted someone to love me, and since Lizzy had so many problems at home, I think I liked being her savior. The feeling of someone needing me made me feel as though I mattered. Of course, the disadvantage to feeling that way is that I was reduced to nothing when she left. How does someone who supposedly loves you so much just up and leave, tearing your heart to shreds?
As much as it killed me when Lizzy left, holding Jessa in my arms reconfirms that it all happened for a reason. It lead me here, with Jessa. I hope Lizzy’s happy with whatever life she’s built for herself, but I need to let her go. If Jessa and I are truly going to make it, I have to release the guilt I’ve been carrying around for these past few years.
I slip my arm out from under Jessa and stand up to make my way to the kitchen. When I turn the corner, I’m surprised to find Brady leaning against the counter. He looks disheveled and worried with his head resting in one hand, while the other twirls a beer bottle around in a circle.
“What are you doing up, man?” I ask him, walking toward the fridge. I grab a bottle of water and lean against the counter across from him.
“Couldn’t sleep,” he answers, not bothering to look up.
“Why not?” I ask and he finally lifts his head. The agony in his eyes is clear.
“I could ask you the same thing,” he says, cocking an eyebrow at me.
“Yeah, but I asked first,” I joke and he gives me an empty laugh.
“You got me there,” he says before adding, “I think it’s time, and I’m kind of freaking out.”
“You lost me, time for what?” I twist the lid off and let the cool water flow down my throat.
“Time to propose to Sadie. I bought the ring a month ago, but haven’t had the nerve to do it.” He starts peeling the label off his full beer bottle.
“You guys are awesome together. I thought you got through all that bullshit?” To say Sadie and Brady’s path to love was hard is an understatement, but they made it. I don’t know what to think now. If Brady’s worried about the two of them, what am I supposed to think about me and Jessa? They were my example of how-to-make-it-to-forever-land.
“What if I end up like one of them? I would never forgive myself for doing that to Sadie.”
“Brady, we aren’t our parents. You have to stop thinking we’ll turn into them. They made their mistakes, and we’ll probably make ours, but not necessarily the same ones. You love Sadie, right?” I ask, already knowing his answer. It’s most likely the same way I feel for Jessa.
“More than my next breath.” A smile spreads across his lips, just thinking about her.
“Then let it go. Love her and let her love you. The rest will fall into place,” I tell him, and before Brady can say something smart-ass, I already realize I should take my own advice.
“Pretty good advice there, Mr. Unemotional,” he teases. Straightening up, he pours out his beer in the sink before disposing of the bottle.
“I’m like a teacher, except I can’t seem to take my own advice,” I admit and he chuckles.
“You’re getting there. Did you tell her yet?” The look in his eyes makes me thankful that I can give him the answer he wants to hear.
“Yeah…she knows everything now. No more secrets.”
“Good, that’s the way it should be. Now just love her, and more importantly, let her love you.” He clasps his hand on my shoulder and walks out of the room.
I finish my water at the breakfast table, loving the fact that Jessa and I are finally on the same page. For the first time since before Lizzy entered my life, I feel ready. Ready to give myself over to someone else entirely. Who am I kidding though? Jessa’s held my heart since that kiss on New Year’s Eve. It was only a matter of when she was going to get the rest of me.
Standing up to leave the kitchen, I’m thrown off guard when I see Trey sneaking in the front door. The smirk across his face tells me he finally scored with Kailey. “Hey, man,” he whispers as he walks in.
“Hey, Trey. Kailey?” I raise my eyebrows.
“Yeah, man, she has me all screwed up.” He sits down on the stool I just occupied, and I sigh, feeling obligated to join him. Walking over to the fridge, I grab another water and toss it to him. “Thanks,” he says.
“So, why does she have you so screwed up?” I ask him, leaning against the counter.
“She hasn’t slept with me yet,” he tells me, unscrewing his bottle cap. I can’t figure out the look on his face, but it almost seems like sadness.
“Okay, we only have two more nights before we’re back in Western,” I remind him. In the short time I’ve known Trey, I’ve realized that he isn’t a relationship guy. I wasn’t either…until Jessa. Then it dawns on me. “Shit, are you fucking kidding me? Trey Michaels is falling?” my voice raises and Trey p
ushes his arms down in the air, silently telling me to quiet down.
“I might have already fallen.” His head lies low while he’s twirling the bottle around. Why do I feel like the one who has his shit together tonight? First Brady and now Trey. Who would’ve ever thought I would be the one with no drama? My only problem right now is that I want to be in bed with Jessa. Instead, I’m stuck out here giving advice. But hey, God only knows it’s time to give back for all the advice I’ve needed recently.
“Do you think she feels the same?” I ask him. From his expression, you would assume no.
“I honestly don’t know. That’s why I’m so fucked up. When I touch her, she shivers. She never pulls away when I grab her hand, and when I put my arm around her shoulders, she melts into me. But when I tried to kiss her, she stopped me and said she has too much going on in her life right now, and that she can’t get involved with someone. I’ll admit that when this started, I just thought she was hot and I wanted to fuck her. Now, only four short days later, my head is all over the place,” he finishes. I admire him for being so forthcoming. I’ve never been able to be that open with anyone, not even Brady. He’s just known me so long, he’s able to read my facial expressions and body movements.
“Give her time. Remember, it’s only been four days,” I attempt to assure him, but I know how he feels. I was right there with Jessa, especially when I had to see her with Rob.
“I just wish I could shake her from my mind.” He shakes his head back and forth, biting the corner of his lip in apparent thought. “I think I’ll go get a tattoo tomorrow. That should calm me.” His face lights up just thinking about it. “Speaking of which?” He smirks up at me, and I instantly know she’s told him.
“Jesus, does she tell you everything?” I chuckle. Normally, I would’ve been upset for my girlfriend to have such a close relationship with another guy, but if Jessa was going to get together with Trey, it would’ve already happened. It took me a little while to get used to how close they are, but over time, I’ve gotten better with it.
“Unfortunately, yes,” he deadpans, and then starts laughing. “I have to say, it makes me jealous. Here I am, not getting anything, and you’re not only getting it, but in some awesome places, I might add.” He takes another sip of his water. Looking at him now, it makes me wonder why he and Jessa never got involved. Anyone looking at them would think they’d make a good couple. Trey isn’t half as fucked up as I am. A twinge of jealousy hits me at the thought of them together, but I quickly push it aside, knowing she’s with me and nothing will change that.
“It’s been fun, that’s for damn sure, but I have to top hers and I only have one more day left,” I tell him.
“You’ll think of something. Aren’t you guys going out, just the two of you, tomorrow night?” he asks and I nod.
“Yeah, then we’ll meet you all at Sam’s. I’ve gotta tell you, I’m a little worried about her going down to Boulder.” Trey is the only other person who knows Jessa’s entire story besides Sadie and me.
“We’ll all be there to make sure nothing goes down,” he assures me. I do feel better, but I still worry what will happen if anyone says anything to her. I don’t want her going into a depression again. I keep that from Trey, because although Jessa tells him a lot, I don’t think he knows how bad it was for her after the incident.
“Yeah, maybe he’ll be there and I can beat his ass,” I say with a smile.
“I’ll be right behind you,” he says. “That jackass deserves multiple beat-downs.” He stands up from the stool and I’m thankful. After all this talk about Jessa, I’m desperate to get back in bed with her to feel her small body up against mine.
Trey and I walk down the hall and then give each other a fist bump when we reach our separate bedrooms. Jessa looks so peaceful and serene lying in her bed. Not able to wait another second, I crawl under the covers with her, pulling her to me. Kissing her temple, I whisper, “I love you, baby. More than you’ll ever know.”
Chapter 19
Grant
So far, Jessa and I are tied two to two. She took me on the ski lift and in the restroom at a restaurant. I have the spa and an alley outside the bar where we met Kailey last night on my side.
Tonight is different. I’m taking her out for dinner, just us. Then we’re meeting the guys and Sadie at Sam’s apartment in Boulder. Jessa seems apprehensive about it, but I’ll stay by her the whole time.
She comes down the stairs in a hot pink number and I rack my brain, trying to figure out if I’ve ever seen her wear a dress. “You look gorgeous,” I tell her, and she shyly thanks me.
We say our goodbyes to everyone and I escort her out to her dad’s car. He’s been pretty cool after our talk the first night. Even Jessa’s mom, now Grace to me, has been warmer toward me. Time will eventually fix that situation.
I open the car door for her, and she slides in before I make my way over to the driver’s side. Once I’m in and I’ve put the keys in the ignition to start heating the car, I turn to her. “You’re so beautiful.” I lean over the armrest to kiss her, and she meets me halfway.
“You’re mighty fine, yourself,” she says softly before capturing my lips again.
We park along the street outside the restaurant her parents suggested. It’s a small and quaint place in the downtown area. I open the door for her, and she hurries inside to get out of the cold air. The small space contains about twenty tables, and most of them are for parties of two. I tell the hostess our name, and she leads us to a table in front of a window. As people pass by on the sidewalk, we look over the menu.
“What are you getting?” I ask her.
“I don’t know,” she says, continuing to study the menu, “maybe a salad.” She places the menu down.
I pick it back up and hand it to her. “Try again,” I demand.
“Maybe I want a salad?” We both know she’s only doing it for my benefit. She thinks I’m poor and doesn’t want me spending money on her. In my mind, she’s the only thing in my life worth spending money on.
“Jessa…” I sigh. “It’s a steakhouse. Either you get a steak, or I’ll order one for you,” I threaten.
“Alright, twist my arm, why don’t you,” she jokes. “I’ll get the filet mignon.”
“Much better.”
The waiter comes by and he appears to be around our age. I suddenly wonder if she knows him, by the way he’s staring down at her. Although it’s obvious he likes what he sees, I’m thankful that there’s clearly no recognition. We order our meals and wait for the wine.
“Have I already told you how beautiful you look?” I ask her, knowing I’ve told her many times. But, like my mother’s letter said, I need to tell her every time I think it, and that’s quite often.
“Yes, thank you, you handsome devil.” She smiles widely and I wonder how I was able to win her heart.
“Do you think your parents are okay with me now?” The waiter comes by and opens our bottle of wine, pouring some into my glass. I tell him it’s fine, and he in turn pours wine into Jessa’s glass before setting down the bottle and walking away.
“Yes, whatever you told my dad outside resulted in a drastic turnaround. What’d you tell him anyway?” She purses her lips together, waiting for me to answer.
“Just that I love you.” I give her the abbreviated version and she rolls her eyes, knowing I’m keeping some information to myself.
The conversation continues about her parents and being back in Boulder. She confides in me that she’s nervous about going tonight, but is hopeful that we won’t run into anyone, other than her friend Beth, who Sam called and invited. I can’t help but think how nice it’ll be to meet someone from her past, other than her family. I tentatively ask where Jason currently is, and she reveals that the last time she heard anything, he was in Denver working as a mechanic. That after the incident, he got kicked out due to his grades. I have mixed feelings about this news that I most likely won’t run into him. Happy for Jessa, but upset that I
probably won’t get the opportunity to knock my fist through his skull.
Our food arrives, and Jessa devours her steak. I laugh when she passes the busboy her empty dish, and she narrows her eyes at me jokingly. “Aren’t you happy you listened to me?” I tease her. She places her hand on the side of her face, concealing her mouth from the other customers, and sticks out her tongue.
We both opt not to order dessert, but stay to finish our wine. I know this is the worst time, but I need to find out where she and I are heading. “So, I think we need to talk,” I say and lean forward in the chair.
A surge of panic comes across her face. “What about?” she asks.
“What do you want to do after you graduate?” Brady was right. If we’re going to be together, we need to figure this part out.
“Well,” she says, looking a little relieved. “I was thinking about either trying to get a job at a museum or going to get my Masters. It’s a little late for me to apply, so I guess I’ll be finding a job until I decide.” She shrugs her shoulders, as if she doesn’t care one way or the other. If I had to point out one difference as to how Jessa and I live our lives, this would be it. Her life is more about relationships, whereas I’m more concerned with thoughts of how I’m going to make money and succeed. I can’t help but believe we have these differences because of our different upbringings.
“I need to start interviewing if I’m going to find a job,” I tell her. “I have nowhere to live once I graduate. I’m expected to leave the frat house within a month after graduation.” Now that I think about it, I’m terrified we might not have a future. If for some reason I can’t find a job nearby, will she follow me?
Let Me In (The Invisibles #2) Page 19