by Susan Stoker
“Right. Because she was doing what I asked her to do. Bringing me breakfast. She was being nice, and if I refused to move my paper and glared at her, that wouldn’t’ve been nice back.”
Billy frowned and looked down at the badges next to him. He traced the star of Calder’s badge for a second then sighed.
“There’s nothing wrong with saying you’re sorry,” Dax said from across the table. “Heck, I’m always apologizing to Mackenzie. I don’t mean to mess up, but I do sometimes. I forgot to call her once to let her know I would be home late, and she’d made us a fancy dinner, and by the time I got home she was crying and upset because she thought I’d been hurt and was scared for me. I told her I was sorry and she forgave me right away.”
“I had to tell my son I was sorry just last night,” TJ offered. “I was supposed to stop and pick up some applesauce on my way home from work, it’s his favorite, and I forgot. I told him I was sorry and that we’d have to eat something else for dinner, but that I would make sure I picked it up today. He forgave me too, and we had a yummy dinner with some corn instead of applesauce last night.”
When Billy looked back up at Calder, the man said softly, “There’s nothing wrong with saying you’re sorry…as long as you mean it. Don’t say it if you’re just trying to get out of trouble.”
Billy nodded then looked up at his mom. Then he got up on his knees in the booth and held out his arms.
Hope wanted to cry. She immediately took her little boy in her arms and hugged him. “It’s okay, Billy. I know you didn’t mean it.”
Billy pulled back and smiled at her, then sat back on his bottom and picked up his fork.
“Thank you,” Hope mouthed to the men at the table.
They all nodded at her, but it was Calder whose smile made her weak in the knees.
Nodding back at them, she turned away to regain her composure, missing the way the man she was quickly falling for held out a fist to her son. When he gave Calder a fist bump, the man said, “Good job, Billy. I’m proud of you.”
She also missed the way her son sat up straighter, and how his entire countenance changed from trying to be invisible, to being proud of sitting next to Calder. Sitting with his friends.
Calder gave his friends a chin lift as they headed for their cars. He was standing near the door, waiting for Hope to have a second to be able to say goodbye. He wasn’t sure this was the time or the place to ask her out, but he also wasn’t sure when was the time or place. Hope worked her ass off and was at the diner more than she was at the shitty motel she and Billy were living in.
Joseph came out of the back room and Calder caught his eye. He’d talked to the owner of the diner earlier and had gotten his approval. Calder figured the older man was as close to a father as Hope had, and he wanted to do this right.
Joseph went over to Hope and took the pot of coffee out of her hand, then said something to her. She looked over at him, then back at Joseph.
Her blush was easy to see even from across the room. Calder smiled as she walked toward him.
“Hey. Joseph said you wanted to ask me something?” she said as she got close.
Calder nodded. “Yeah. I wanted to know if you’d go out with me.”
She stared up at him in surprise. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Oh…I would, but I work here every day until six-thirty. Sometimes later if one of the other waitresses doesn’t get here on time. And I can’t leave Billy alone.”
“I talked to Joseph, and he said he’d let you off at four on Friday.” Calder didn’t tell her that Joseph had also said he’d pay her for the two hours she’d be missing at work. She could work that out with her boss. “And of course you can’t leave Billy alone. I’d love it if he came with us.”
At that, Hope stared at him in disbelief.
Nervous now, Calder kept talking. “I’m not on call, so we shouldn’t get interrupted by me having to leave to go investigate a dead body or anything. That sometimes happens, I’ll probably have to bail on you sooner or later and you’ll get pissed, but I can’t exactly tell the dead body it’ll have to wait. But Friday I’m not working. So, I thought we could maybe go out to dinner and then go back to my house to watch a movie or something. If that’s too weird, we can probably find something to watch in a theater if you wanted. I just want you to be comfortable. I can drop you both back at the motel anytime you want.”
He forced himself to stop talking and stared at Hope, holding his breath, wanting her to say yes more than he’d wanted anything in his life.
“Yes.”
“Yes?” It was his turn to question her response.
She smiled slightly. “Yeah. As long as dinner isn’t anything fancy. We…uh, we don’t have any dress-up clothes.”
Calder wanted to jump up and down in glee, but he refrained. “Cool. And no, nothing fancy. Promise.”
“Hope. Order up!” Audrey bellowed.
She turned to look behind her, then at him again. “I guess I need to go.”
“Me too,” Calder said, then he reached up and smoothed a piece of hair that had come out of her ponytail behind her ear.
“Thanks,” she whispered.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Calder told her. He reached for her hand and turned it over. Ignoring the calluses, he kissed her palm, then closed her fingers into a fist as if she were holding his kiss in her hand. “Thanks for saying yes. I haven’t been this excited since my junior prom.”
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Yeah.” Then Calder stupidly kept talking. “I was taking Jeni Hamilton, and she’d told all her friends that she was going to go all the way with me and I couldn’t wait.” The second the words were out of his mouth, Calder knew he’d said the wrong thing. Again. “I mean, I don’t think that you’re going to want to go all the way with me Friday. We haven’t even kissed yet. I want to, but I’m not going to insist on…” His voice trailed off, and he muttered, “Shit.”
He stayed tense until he heard Hope chuckling. Looking up, he saw she was smiling at him. “It’s okay, Calder. I know what you meant. And I’m looking forward to it too. I haven’t been on a date since who knows when. It feels nice.”
“Yeah.” It did feel nice. “I already told Billy I was going to ask you out, and that he was hopefully coming along, so you might let him off the hook and tell him you said yes. He seemed pretty excited.”
“I bet he did. He likes you, Calder.”
“And I like him back. He’s an amazing kid, Hope. I know things haven’t exactly gone your way lately, but you’re an amazing mother.”
“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” she said softly.
Calder vowed to do his best to tell her more things that would make her smile just like she was right that moment. “Go on,” he urged. “Audrey looks like she’s gonna blow a gasket if you don’t get back to work.”
Hope rolled her eyes. “Like she can talk. She took a twenty-minute break to smoke earlier this morning, and she doesn’t even smoke! She just wanted to go gossip with Tori, who was smoking.”
“See you in the morning, Hope,” Calder said. Then, moving slowly, so she could protest if she wanted, he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Be safe getting home.” He smiled at her, ran his hand down her arm, and turned to leave.
He looked back once and saw Hope still standing at the door watching him. He waved and headed to his car, suddenly impatient for the next two days to go by quickly, so he could have Hope and Billy all to himself without any distractions for any of them.
Chapter Five
Hope ushered Billy inside their motel room and closed the door behind them. Calder was waiting for them in his Ford F250 in the parking lot. He’d picked them up at the diner right at four and driven them the couple blocks to the motel.
She had to get both her and Billy changed, then Calder was going to take them to dinner.
“Billy, go put on the jeans you were wearing the other day,” she told he
r son.
He frowned at her.
“The ones you had on when you met Calder’s friends,” Hope specified. “I folded them and put them in the drawer after your bath.”
He grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled it away from his belly and tilted his head at her.
Hope eyed the black T-shirt Billy was wearing. It only had a small stain on the front, so it would do. It wasn’t fancy, but then again, it wasn’t as if either of them owned anything fancy. “Yes, you can wear that one. After you change, go wash your hands and face.”
Having gotten Billy situated, Hope pulled out the only pair of jeans she owned. She mostly wore her uniform and hadn’t had a chance to put on anything else for quite a while. She tugged on the jeans, happy that they still fit. With Joseph insisting on them eating at the diner, she knew she was gaining weight. But when she looked in the mirror, Hope was happy to see that she now filled out the jeans in all the right places rather than having them hang on her butt and thighs.
She tore off her uniform and let it fall to a heap on the floor. She’d wash it when she got home later. Going to the closet, she looked at the three blouses that were hanging there. Making a split-second decision, she grabbed the emerald-green top. Earle had told her she looked ridiculous in anything green and had gone out of his way to belittle her whenever she dared defy him. But Hope had always thought she looked good in green. The color brought out her eyes and complimented her red hair.
When she’d seen the blouse in the thrift shop, she hadn’t been able to resist getting it. Miraculously, it fit her perfectly and, more importantly, Hope felt pretty wearing it. The material was something silky and soft. Hope wished she had an appealing bra to wear under it, but her plain cotton one would have to do, as it was the only one she owned.
Hope pulled the elastic out of her hair and winced at the unruly mess. She attacked it with her brush and did her best to get the kinks out of it from having been restrained all day. She didn’t have time for a shower, but when Billy came out of the bathroom, Hope used water to dampen her hair, and then she washed her face and arms. She had no perfume, makeup, or jewelry to put on, but she pinched her cheeks to give them some color and tried to relax.
Calder knew what she looked like. It wasn’t as if he’d expect her to emerge from the motel room looking like a runway model. But she wanted to. For the first time since she’d left Earle, Hope wanted to look pretty. Wanted Calder to take one glance at her and be spellbound.
Sighing in exasperation, Hope turned from her reflection in the mirror. She was who she was, and she’d made a promise to herself when she’d left Washington to never fundamentally change for a man ever again.
“Ready to go?” she asked Billy, even as she eyed him up and down, making sure he looked presentable.
He nodded enthusiastically, putting his hands on his hips and smiling up at her.
Hope could see the medical examiner badge he’d proudly clipped to his belt, just peeking out from under his shirt. He hadn’t taken the thing off since Calder had given it to him.
“Remember what we talked about, okay?” Hope warned her son.
Billy nodded again.
Before he’d fallen asleep last night, she’d gone over how she expected him to behave when they went out with Calder and warned him not to be demanding. Told him not to scowl at people, and to smile. Since he wasn’t speaking, she didn’t have to worry about him back-talking, though he somehow managed to get his point across even without saying a word. But she didn’t want him to take advantage of Calder’s obvious fondness for him. Not that he would…Billy was a great kid and always managed to make her smile.
“All right, let’s not keep Calder waiting any longer.”
Billy ran to the door and opened it, knowing to wait for Hope as she made sure the door was securely locked behind them. Calder had climbed out of his truck when he’d seen them exit the room and met them at the passenger side of the pickup.
Billy climbed into the back and Calder helped him buckle the seat belt and shut the back door before turning to smile at her. “You look great,” he said.
Hope couldn’t tell if he was merely being polite or if he really did think she looked good, so she just said, “Thanks.”
Then Calder blew her mind by leaning close and whispering, “I have a feeling it’s a good thing your son will be our chaperone tonight. I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my hands off you otherwise.”
Blushing, Hope smiled. Guess that answered her question about whether or not he really thought she looked okay. Deciding to say what she was thinking for once, Hope said, “I’m sure there will be a minute or two tonight when he’s otherwise occupied.”
She watched in fascination as Calder’s pupils dilated.
“Damn,” he said softly. Then he warned, “I’m going to kiss you.”
“Right now?” she squeaked in surprise.
“Right now,” he confirmed. He put one hand behind her head then leaned down and covered her mouth with his own.
Hope was too surprised to do more than breathe in sharply before the kiss was over. She grabbed hold of his biceps and looked up at him in shock.
Calder licked his lips and groaned. “Fuck, I want to do that again. But I can feel Billy’s eyes boring into the back of my head. It’ll have to wait.”
“Mmmm,” Hope said, having a hard time putting her thoughts into words at the moment. She could still feel the pressure of Calder’s lips on hers. Smell whatever soap he’d used. She licked her own lips. Could taste the mint he’d probably eaten while waiting for her and Billy to get ready.
“You agreeing to go out with me means a lot, Hope. I’m trying to go slowly, let you and Billy get used to me.”
“This is going slowly?” Hope asked in surprise. “We only met a month ago.”
“If it was up to me, you’d be living in Sophie’s old house right now. Billy would be in school and I’d be over for dinner every night. So yeah, this is me moving slowly.”
Hope blinked. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond to that.
“I’m old enough to know what I want, and you’re it. You and Billy. But I knew if I pushed too hard, you would’ve shut me down. Closed yourself off. So as much as I hated you living here in this place, I’ve not butted in. But now that we’re dating, sweetheart…you should know that I’ll probably start pushing. It’s just how I am. I want you out of here. Living somewhere safe.”
Hope’s mouth opened then shut again. Then she asked, “We’re dating? But we haven’t even left on the first date yet.”
“As far as I’m concerned, yes. I’ve been coming to see you every day at the diner for the last month.”
“But that was so you could eat breakfast,” Hope protested.
“Fuck, you’re cute. Hope, I’m forty years old. I’ve been making my own breakfast since I was sixteen. I’ve been coming to the diner to see you. And Billy. It seems that if I don’t get to see you at least once a day, I’m impatient, grumpy, and a pain in the ass to be around. So, yes. We’re dating,” Calder finished definitively.
They heard Billy pound on the window impatiently.
Calder smiled. “Sounds like someone is hungry. You ready to go?”
“Calder, we need to talk about this,” Hope protested.
“Later. Right now, we need to feed your son.” And with that, Calder opened the door and held out a hand to help her inside.
Sighing, Hope let him help her and shook her head in exasperation when he insisted on leaning over and buckling her seat belt. She was perfectly able to latch it, but she’d be lying to herself if she said she didn’t like it. No man had ever done that for her before. It felt…nice.
Calder walked around the truck and climbed into the driver’s seat. After he’d buckled his own belt, he turned to her and Billy. “Anyone hungry?”
Billy raised his hand and waved it in the air enthusiastically.
“You like tacos?”
>
He nodded.
“Then tacos it is,” Calder said with a smile and started up the truck.
Hope sat on Calder’s couch in a food coma, not wanting to move an inch. Instead of bringing them to a restaurant, like she’d thought was the plan, he’d pulled up outside a beautiful two-story house in a very nice suburb of San Antonio.
He’d informed them it was his house, and instead of going to a restaurant where it would be crowded and loud, he thought having a nice, relaxing dinner at his place would be more comfortable for them.
At first, Hope was uneasy. She wasn’t sure she was ready to be alone with Calder. Not because she didn’t trust him, but because everything seemed to be happening so quickly between them. She’d moved extremely fast with Earle too, and look how that turned out.
But Calder had gone out of his way to be nonthreatening and entertaining. He’d given her a glass of wine when they’d arrived and told her to sit and relax while he got everything ready for dinner. He’d enlisted Billy’s help, and Hope had nothing to do but sit and watch Calder with her son.
From the start, she could tell Calder was nothing like Earle. Her ex had always seemed impatient with Billy. But Calder was relaxed and genuinely seemed to be having a good time. Even when Billy dropped the bag of shredded lettuce on the floor and it spilled everywhere, Calder simply laughed and cleaned it up, ignoring the way Billy’s eyes filled with tears and how he’d flinched away from Calder when he’d first dropped it.
Hope’s hand had clenched around her wine glass at seeing the reminder of why she’d ultimately left Earle. When she’d noticed Billy acting scared to death around him, it had been the final straw. She’d put up with him hitting her, but once she realized Billy felt threatened, she was done.
But Calder was giggling and joking with Billy. He got him a small stool and showed him how to stir the ground beef cooking in the pan. Hope hadn’t seen Billy smile so much in quite a while.
Billy had set the table while Calder stole a couple brief kisses, making Hope feel even more giddy than she had earlier that night. The tacos were perfect. Dinner was perfect. Laid-back and comfortable. Calder went out of his way to include Billy in their conversation, asking lots of yes and no questions that her son could easily answer.