by Karen Kay
“Now, this is a good story. It is a true story. I tell it now because it is the love that one feels for another within his heart that can conquer hate. It is never anything else. But, there is more.” The old gentleman held up his hand when Kokomikeeis would have spoken. “You may want to know what happened to the dead relative. That is the best part of all, for this slain man, seeing what terrible hardship his relatives went through to do this, seeing that they conquered their own hate, that they took the most strenuous course of all, felt that he, too, must do the same. And so this slain man departed for the afterworld, free himself from all hatred. And that is the end of the story.”
Julia sat, unable to say anything for a short while, though at last she said, “I thank you very much for telling me this story. Now you say that this is true?”
The old man nodded.
“And you say that this happened just recently?”
“Yes,” the old man said, gazing intently at Neeheeowee. “In the Brule camp to the south of here. It is a remarkable thing and one well to remember. Now,” he said, “I will take my leave from you. There are others here in the circle who have requested that I speak to them this night.”
The old man rose, to the accompaniment of “Hau, hau, kola,” and left.
No one spoke for a long time, though it was Neeheeowee who seemed to be the most lost in thought.
At length, it was Kokomikeeis who spoke, saying, “That is a truly incredible story. For people to do that requires the most strength of all. I do not know that I could do it.”
All agreed except one, Neeheeowee, who alone remained quiet for the rest of the evening.
Chapter Nineteen
The drums beat out an intoxicating rhythm. At least eight to ten men, young and old, sat around the two big drums. All beat to the rhythms, all sang. Boys and young men danced in the center of the circle, around a fire that was needed more for the light that it gave than for its warmth, since the heat of the day still hung in the air. The full moon outshone the stars up above, casting shadows over the ground and making the night sky so bright, one had to look past it a long way to find the stars.
Kristina, Julia, and Kokomikeeis sat together, watching their men and others dance around the center circle. Some of the men, Julia noticed, danced wildly as though in a hunt; others enacted scenes from a kill, or perhaps a fight. Some threw their bodies into hideous contortions. But Neeheeowee and his friends did none of the above, and Julia saw that they seemed content to dance a dignified, steady dance.
Some women chose to keep time to the beat of the drums, moving up and down, there on the outer rim of the circle. Their steps were simple, merely picking up the feet in time, and Julia observed that they all managed to maintain a proud, dignified pose.
“Come”—it was Kokomikeeis who spoke—“let us stand on the edge of the circle there with the other women. There we can see our men better and also we can dance.”
Kristina muttered an agreement and nudged her friend. “Come on, Julia. It’s time. I’ve seen you practicing.”
“But Kristina,” Julia said, pulling back, “I’ve never done this before. And I feel like I don’t belong.”
“You do and it’s easy,” Kristina replied. “Just stand there and move up and down. The movement is nothing compared to what I’ve been watching you do. You’ll be fine.”
Julia rose with a bit less grace than she might have otherwise had at any other time and allowed herself to be moved through the crowd toward the outer ring of the circle. There they joined the other women, creating a line around the circle, all keeping time to the rhythm.
As Kristina had said, the dance was easy. One just moved up and down, the main ingredient being to stay in time to the beat of the drum, and Julia found herself relaxing.
The drums stopped but Julia kept on, Kristina taking hold of her arm. “I forgot to tell you, when the drum stops, the dancers stop. It’s not always easy to tell when they’ll stop, it’s more a feeling that you have to get for it, but you’ll get used to it after a while.”
Julia nodded, asking, “When do the women get to dance, besides just swaying here at the edge of the circle?”
“There will be women’s dances later,” Kristina said as the drums started again. Both Kristina and Kokomikeeis began to move in time with the beat, and Julia joined in, realizing that after a while the drums acted as a sort of balm for her, her troubles forgotten. What was it Kristina had said? To dance with your heart? What did that mean? Julia still didn’t know.
She closed her eyes as she stood there on the sidelines, moving with the beat of the drum. Fresh smells of grass permeated her consciousness, while the scents of fire and smoke, of paint and body heat added to it, all of it mixing with the sound of the deep singing, with the ebb and flow of the drums. Julia swayed to the rhythm, though her movement remained up and down, and all at once she wished she could be out there dancing, putting into motion what she felt.
She looked up at that moment to catch Neeheeowee’s glance at her, his look at her intense, sensual. All at once emotion swept through her, deep, fierce emotion…love. Her gaze met his as they both kept time to the music, her movement up and down, his steady.
Dance with your heart. She heard Kristina’s voice. Dance with your heart. And then it happened. All at once Julia knew what that meant, knew what she felt. And she knew she had to express it, she had to tell him.
She moved forward.
Neeheeowee paused.
Dance with your heart. She swept into the circle as though she belonged there, her gaze sought out Neeheeowee’s and never left him. She lifted her arms, her shawl and all its fringe falling around her like a second skin, making her look more butterfly than human. She never lost time to the beat as she came up onto her toes.
She began to swirl and sway to the rhythm, to the music of the voices. She twirled, the fringe of her regalia falling out around her as though it were a part of the rhythm itself. And with each swirl, she looked toward Neeheeowee.
I love you, she said with each sway of her body. You, with your kindness and gentle ways. You, who have never left me, despite your vows. Whatever scars I might have had from the past are gone. I am free again to love you, to love these people. You have healed my heart. I am whole again because of you.
She came up on her toes to express what she felt. The swirl of her dress conveyed her pent-up emotions; the flap of the fringe, the swaying motion of her body became a significant incantation; the series of steps she took, the way she danced on her toes pronounced the affection she felt more effectively than words could have. Neeheeowee knew it, he felt it along with her, and he began to dance with her, around her, making his movements connect with hers, become a part of hers.
It looked more choreographed than the finest ballet, the love between these two more evident with each step, each sway and swirl.
For a moment all other dancing, all other dancers stopped, though if the onlookers were entranced or critical remained hard to discern.
And so enraptured was Julia for Neeheeowee, Neeheeowee for Julia, neither of them heard the raised voices, neither of them saw that Kristina watched the faces of those around her, that Kristina, grabbing her husband and leading him out into the circle, began the dance of the shawl.
The drums kept beating, the voices kept singing, and Kokomikeeis came forward, too, her arms spread wide as she, too, danced and twirled. Voices that had been raised were stilled as all around the circle watched the couples in the center. Other young girls began to join in, other boys and men as well, and soon old and young alike, male and female, entered into the circle, dancing.
Old people from the sidelines began to clap at so wonderful a sight, while they, too, moved in time to the rhythm. Other voices began to sing, and still Julia and Neeheeowee danced within the circle, around the fire, unaware of anything, save themselves.
I love you, she said with the sway of her head, the shawl coming around her as she twirled.
I honor you,
Julia, my love, his steady dance said as he followed her around the circle, his steps intersecting and becoming a part of hers. He took her in his arms and kissed her.
The drumbeat all at once stopped, the singing ceased, and Julia and Neeheeowee, a part of the music, a part of the rhythm left off all movement, Neeheeowee still holding her tightly to him.
“Taku kin oyas’in isanbya canteciciye,” he whispered in Lakota. “I love you more than anything else. Julia,” he murmured into her ear alone, “I want to marry you.”
And Julia, there under the softening light of a full moon and a million stars overhead, agreed.
The drums started again, the singing, the voices, but Julia and Neeheeowee walked away from it, out of the circle, unaware that all within the circle observed them go.
But nothing lasts forever, and as the drums kept on, the people began to look back, away from the two lovers, and all began to move again in time to the rhythm. A new precedent had been set this night and no one said a word when the women stayed inside the circle with the men, dancing.
They could barely wait until they reached the guest tepee, both scooting inside with a fluidity of movement that denied their haste. Julia’s dress fell to the floor without pause, Neeheeowee’s breechcloth followed close behind. Moccasins flew into the air, one after the other, neither of them caring where they landed.
He took her in his arms. “I love you more than anything else, more than my vows, more than my hatred. I think I have loved you this way from the moment I first saw you, I was just too stubborn to admit it.”
“And I love you,” she said.
“Julia,” he fell to his knees, taking her with him. He kissed her cheeks, her eyes, her nose, her lips. “I know I cannot give you much. There are so many men who could offer you more. Are you sure you wish to stay with me? Are you sure you want to marry me?”
Julia half smiled. “I’m sure,” she said, then fell silent. Memories came back to her; Neeheeowee fixing her moccasins, though he’d been more than a little upset with her at the time; Neeheeowee rubbing ointment onto her feet; Neeheeowee listening to her point of view, nodding and taking her advice more times than not; Neeheeowee protecting her against harm as they crossed the prairie together. He had provided her with food, clothing, protection, and now he gave her the warmth of love and companionship.
Stay with him? Yes, she thought so.
“Julia? Nemene’hehe?” he asked, his tongue glazing over her neck. “You seem to think about it for a long time. Do you have doubts?”
“No, my love,” she said. “I did at one time, but tonight at the dance, I saw things clearly. I love you; I wish to stay with you. You, with your kind and gentle ways, have healed my heart, taken away my doubts. I wish to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Julia saw him close his eyes as he inhaled sharply. But all he said was “Julia,” before he rubbed his hands up and down her spine, his touch ranging lower and lower, until, grabbing ahold of her buttocks, he pulled her up close, letting her feel the state of his arousal.
“Tonight,” he said, “I honor you. I have been too much like a young boy in the past, but tonight I pay tribute to you.”
He took her weight into his arms and set her onto their sleeping robes. “You have been married before,” he said, one arm resting around her, the other over her body, his hands playing havoc with her breasts. “Did your husband ever initiate you into the more subtle forms of lovemaking?”
Julia arched her back, giving him more access to her body. She could hardly speak, but at last she said, “I am unsure what you mean.”
“Did he ever kiss you here?” He touched her feminine mound.
Julia gasped. “Neeheeowee!”
“Eaaa,” he said, “I was right. He did not take the time to show you the more pleasurable forms of love.” Neeheeowee suddenly smiled. “I am glad,” he whispered, then began to inch his way down her belly, kissing every bit of skin he came in contact with.
“Neeheeowee, you can’t!” she said, trying to pull him back up toward her.
“Julia, I want to do this,” he said, looking up. “There is not much I can give you. Let me give you what no other man can. This is my gift to you.”
He had come up onto his elbows over her, and, as Julia gazed up at him, she was struck by the sincerity of his gaze. Still…
“But Neeheeowee, you would embarrass me.”
“Embarrass you? How could I do this?”
“Because,” she said, “you…I…what I mean to say is…” She gazed at him, at the love she saw there in his eyes and right then in her heart, she capitulated. She sighed, “All right,” she said, running her fingers through his long, dark hair. “But you must promise me that if I let you do this, you will let me return the favor to you.”
Neeheeowee smiled at her, and, lifting her head slightly toward him, he kissed her. “Eaaa,” he whispered, “my Julia. How I do love you, but this is my gift to you. It is given freely. There is nothing expected in return—”
“But I—”
“Sh-h-h-h,” he murmured into her ear. “Later, much later, if you are comfortable with me. For now, if you so much as touched me, I would explode. I hold myself back by the thinnest of strings. I would give this gift to you. I would know you as I want you to know me. But I warn you that if I do this, it will draw us closer and closer together.”
“It will?”
A smile was all he gave her as answer. And Julia, the beginnings of a grin on her lips, said, “I would like that very much.”
“Eaaa! My Julia, My Nemene’hehe.”
He touched her there, his fingers like smooth velvet against her. He spread her legs with a gentle hand, grinning a bit as he said, “You resist me as though we have never made love. This is just another way for me to love you. You will like it, I think.” And then he kissed her there, and Julia thought she had never been so scandalized.
She thought she would simply endure it and thank him very much for his gift, but his lips seemed to work magic, and Julia found herself responding to the overpowering sensuality of his touch.
She moaned, arching her back a little in silent invitation to do more. And he did, his kiss going on and on, his tongue exploring hidden areas. She began to move with the power of it, she began to respond to the magic of it. She began to feel. She…she spread her legs a little farther.
And still it went on and on.
“Neeheeowee, Neeheeowee, I—” Pleasure built and built within her until she was completely certain she couldn’t take more of it. And then, and then, a thousand explosions went off inside her.
She reached for Neeheeowee, and he was there for her, never withdrawing his touch until the very end.
“Julia,” he said, reaching for her when her heartbeat had settled back down. “Julia, I am afraid I cannot hold back, I try. I—”
Julia didn’t even think twice. She arched her hips up toward him, feeling his joining with her as though it were a sort of release.
“Julia,” he said again, looking down on her as he thrust deeply within her. “I have never loved anyone as I love you.”
“Nor have I,” Julia murmured back, her movements meeting his, becoming a part of his.
Julia looked up to him as he strained over her, and, seeing him gazing back at her, she felt herself let go. Gone were the prejudices, gone were her doubts. Somewhere along the way, she had become a part of this man, and as he met his release, she felt herself merging with him, and yet spinning apart from him. Something had just happened between them. She had looked at him, she had touched him; she knew him now with a certainty of just who and what he was, and, as she smoothed back his hair as he settled over her, she knew she would love him always.
Yes, she had looked at him and she had found him beautiful. Was there any person on earth as lucky as she?
Somehow she didn’t think so.
Chapter Twenty
It came early in the morning. Neeheeowee and Julia had barely fallen asleep, after awak
ening to love one another yet again. It came with no warning, without any preparation for it. It came without asking: the dream.
He saw the face of his former wife before him and in her arms she held their child.
“How could you forget your promise?” her eyes exclaimed. “The Pawnee who murdered me still roam free. And I am forever trapped here until the moment of full justice.”
Neeheeowee tried to wake himself, but he couldn’t. She held out the body of their baby.
“Do not forget your baby,” she said. “You must seek out these murderers. Only then will I and your son be free.”
Neeheeowee awoke with a start, cold sweat already beading and pooling on his body. His breathing was shallow, his pulse raced, and as he lay there, he reached out to touch Julia.
Julia. Somehow she had become the only thing real in his life. He didn’t want to think of his past life anymore; he didn’t want to remember his thirst for revenge. Hadn’t it already claimed five years of his life?
And then he remembered his vow. He sighed.
The ghost of his former wife must surely have a heart filled with hatred, for she could not even allow him a moment’s happiness.
Neeheeowee shut his eyes. What did she want with him?
He moaned. He knew what she wanted from him. Revenge, sweet and simple. And at one time, he would have done anything to give it to her.
But he didn’t want it anymore. He wanted Julia. He wanted a life with her. He wanted to laugh with her; he wanted to see her full with his children. He wanted to grow old with her. He wanted her for his wife.
He stared up into the flaps of the tepee, noticing that a dim light had begun to fill the sky. He had awakened later than usual, too late to go out upon his early morning hunt. He grimaced, upset with himself. He would have to do better in the future.
Dogs barked outside, making Neeheeowee instantly alert. More dogs joined in barking furiously and Neeheeowee flew to his feet, grabbing his breechcloth and weapons as he had been taught to do from childhood. He rushed out of their tepee toward where the commotion took place. And there he paused.