by Celeste Buie
“Until you figure us out, you mean.”
“I have to get my new…life…under control. Once I know all the rules and how to keep you separate—safe—then we can be together.”
“You’re breaking up with me so we can be together later?”
“Yes, well, so I don’t continue to ruin what we have.”
“You can’t just pause life, Trevor.” He smirked. “Just like that psychic said, you can change our future by excluding me now. That’s exactly what you’re doing.”
“The future is changeable. And she had no right in telling you that.”
The wind made the long branches dance around us. The small leaves rippled and filled the air with a delicate sound, drowning out the birds’ songs.
“But you’re willing to risk it?” I asked.
“It’s not a risk.”
“People change all the time. Time and distance change people.”
“So do circumstances and life choices,” he snapped.
I evaluated him, realizing he’d made his choice. Just like his justification for cancelling plans, he wouldn’t negotiate. He was unreachable. He’d been that way for a while, I just didn’t want to admit it.
Trevor reached across the table and held my hands.
New tears overflowed onto my cheeks. He wasn’t someone I could cut a connection with easily. Our families were practically related. Our fathers were best friends who had stayed in touch throughout college, stood up in each other’s weddings, and bought houses in the same city. We barbecued, went on vacation, and celebrated holidays together. We were so intertwined that I had grown up thinking of Trevor’s parents as a second set of my own. There wasn’t a childhood memory that didn’t have him in it.
“I’m so sorry, Brynn.”
I knew this was a defining, pivotal moment in our relationship. I knew nothing would ever be the same between us.
“Me too, Trevor,” I whispered.
• • •
After Trevor broke up with me, the dream returned less often, even though I willed it to come every night. On the rare times it came, I could get no closer than standing within feet of the guy before I was sucked away. I still wasn’t connecting something…crucial. At first he was pleased with my progress. But impatience replaced his sense of pride after my failed attempts to approach him. His frustration permeated the space and I added my own. Why didn’t he meet me halfway? Or tell me what I had to do?
When the dream started again, I fast-forwarded my location to the closest I’d ever gotten to him. If I only had a limited amount of time with him, I wasn’t going to waste it by doing the same thing every night. I needed to ask a question—okay, more than one—and I didn’t want to disappear right before I heard the response.
He was shocked but pleased when I suddenly stood in front of him. I felt smug, but I was here to accomplish more. He stood in the shadows, too far back for me to make out any features.
“Who are you?”
Silence.
“What do you want?”
He held out his hand. It was the only part of him I could see in the moonlight.
I looked to where I estimated his face to be. “I’m not going to touch you until you explain this,” I said, throwing my hands up. No way was he dragging me into the dark. “Why are you haunting me?”
If I could hear his voice, it would give me confidence. Maybe it was a false confidence, but I was the only one making the effort so far. I was worried that he would pull me back into the shadows and I wouldn’t be able to see anything. Were there others hiding in the dark? I knew it was only a dream, but yet it wasn’t.
I waited.
He waited, a hand outstretched.
I huffed a sigh.
“Tell me why first.”
He stretched his hand closer to mine, emphasizing that he wanted me to take it. I nearly expected him to grab my hand. I felt annoyance rolling off him, and I had a flash of the dreams to come—getting to this point and not going further until I connected with him. Must I be the one to do this? I had made so much effort already. For whatever reason, he would not, or could not, talk or show himself. Maybe he needed me to free him, and contact was my only logical solution.
“Fine,” I said, and I connected my hand with his. The contact sent a pulse of energy through my body, breaking chains I hadn’t known I had. I felt free, weightless.
“Finally,” he said.
I woke up.
CHAPTER 6
I was anxious to go to Trevor’s parent’s house for their end-of-the-summer party. I tagged along with my parents, secretly hoping he would be there. We hadn’t talked since the breakup. If only I could spend a few minutes around him, I would know he was all right. Not knowing distracted me. He crept into my thoughts too often.
He snuck out as soon as we arrived, and I tried not to show my disappointment. I overheard his parents saying they didn’t know where he went. Not surprisingly, that made me feel even worse. I was sure I was the reason for his sudden disappearance.
They were embarrassed yet protective of their son, while mine were suspicious. Our parents played it off, but I could feel the tension throughout the evening. The very last thing I wanted was for this to be a source of friction between them. That might be inevitable, but the possibility of it just compounded my sadness.
I didn’t want or need anyone’s pity, so I put on a genuine smile and mingled. We stayed longer than almost any other guests. It was fully dark, but the gazebo lanterns lit up a portion of the yard. The citronella candles were scattered over the tables to provide light and bug protection. It was like it used to be. Almost.
I didn’t have to imagine his surprise when he slid the door open and walked out onto the patio. The weasel obviously didn’t have a surveillance team and figured we’d be long gone by now.
My eyes were drawn to him. I went perfectly still as I measured his reaction. I stared at him with what I hoped was a blank expression. He scanned the small group and paused when he met my eyes. My heart pounded. He let out a tiny sigh and drummed his fingers on the cup he held. He made his way over, briefly greeting others but not lingering to chat.
He sat in the vacant spot next to me. I looked at him expectantly. He returned the look and slowly relaxed.
“How are you?” Trevor asked.
I broke eye contact. “Okay. You?” I fidgeted with the rim on my cup, glad I had something in my hands.
He briefly pressed his lips together. “Also okay.”
I rolled my eyes, wondering why we bothered to play this game.
He let out a small huff of air. “You know, I can fool you if I really wanted to.”
“You never could and you probably never will. But you could at least put some genuine effort into it. I’m almost insulted.”
“Are you going to call me out on everything?”
“Depends. If I had anything to go on, I definitely would.” He huffed another sigh. I had to change the topic. I had promised myself I would not provoke him. “Okay, okay. So what’s up?”
In a Southern accent he asked, “Why, whatever do you mean?”
“You were missing for the majority of the party.”
“Yeah, I had to take care of something.”
“The timing of you taking off was just a little bizarre is all.”
He frowned. “Hasn’t life taught you? Things don’t always go as planned.”
Was nothing a safe topic anymore?
Think of something, think of something, I chanted.
But I didn’t have to.
We were suddenly joined by three guys who literally appeared out of nowhere. I was oblivious to my surroundings when I was near Trevor, so they could have been there the whole time. Trevor demanded all of my attention to read between his lines. I wouldn’t have to put so much effort into it if he’d just let down his guard.
The newcomers lined up shoulder to shoulder in front of us, blocking the view of the rest of the party. They looked like the junior Mob. Their
stance showed they were here on business, and they gave off a there’s-nowhere-to-run-so-don’t-even-try vibe. And surprise, surprise, they were the same guys I saw Trevor with at Alyssa’s graduation party. I reevaluated my previous thought that the shortest one was stalky. He looked more like a bodybuilder than chunky and stood like he knew how to handle himself. He had chin-length hair—the longest hair I’d personally seen on a guy—neatly tucked behind his ears.
“What now?” Trevor snapped.
More entertained than intimidated, the one in the middle calmly responded, “You’re ignoring me.”
When Trevor gave no response, the guy continued, “And you know I don’t like to be disregarded, especially since I have my own orders to complete. Your efforts lately are disappointingly lackadaisical.”
I looked from us to them, and my eyes landed on Trevor’s phone innocently sitting on the table. I didn’t remember it ringing, buzzing, or even beeping in the few minutes we had sat together. My eyes flicked back to Trevor. His jaw was clenched. He glared at them.
I gave a big silent sigh. All my efforts not to upset him wasted…not that I was doing a stellar job, but clearly he wasn’t any more excited to see them here than I was. The hostility rolled off him. For a split second, I worried that a fight would break out. I didn’t know if all three would gang up on Trevor, or if he would fight the one he was scowling at, the middle one. Part of me hoped he would deck the guy in his square jaw. I didn’t know where this aggression came from, but I sure felt like punching him. Maybe I’d have to jump between them before they could hurt Trevor. Surely they wouldn’t hurt a girl. Besides, we were at a party surrounded by adults so that would prevent them from taking it too far. Right?
The silence stretched on. They were waiting for him to do something. There weren’t that many choices. The middle one inclined his strawberry blonde head toward me, silently asking, What about her?
Trevor continued to glare at him, his eyebrow raised. The middle one smirked, stepped his fit, lean frame forward, and offered me his hand. “I am Keith,” he said. I hesitated. I didn’t want him to know my name, but I could shake his hand. I extended mine slowly. When I didn’t offer my name, he asked, “And you are…?” He was the bold one of the group.
“Brynn.”
“Ah, yes. Brynn. And how do you know Trevor?”
Trevor launched himself from the couch. I broke contact with Keith as Trevor positioned himself between me and them. “She’s a daughter of my parents’ friends,” he answered for me. He made a dismissive gesture with his hands. “Let’s go.”
My breath caught in my throat. I stared at his back in disbelief. I felt the sting of his verbal slab in the face.
While that description technically defined my relationship to him, it was not enough. It didn’t come close. We were so much more than that. And he couldn’t say it out loud. My eyes fell to my clasped hands.
Of all the different reasons I’d asked him why he’d grown so distant, being embarrassed of me didn’t make the list.
“I mean it,” he ordered them. “Don’t even think about it.”
The commanding power of Trevor’s voice was such that even I would obey if I were not paralyzed by his hurtful words.
They parted as he walked between them. I sensed two of the three turn and follow him. I stared at the designer shoes of the one who lagged behind, hoping if I made a point of ignoring him long enough, he’d realize how unwelcome he was.
He didn’t get the hint.
I coaxed my eyes to move from his shoes to his face. I tried not to start in surprise, but I’m sure my eyes betrayed me. He was the same chocolate brown–eyed guy I’d had a moment with at the graduation party. Maybe “moment” was too strong of a word, but there was something there. I noticed his brown hair had loose curls instead of waves like I’d originally thought. Why was he the one who stayed?
His eyes searched my face, seeking answers to unspoken questions. His expression wavered between apologetic and sympathetic, curious and amused. Mine was expressionless. I watched him, waiting for him to settle on one emotion.
As it was, I dared him to be the first to give in and look away. I was unwilling to look more insignificant than I already felt. And I hated them for showing up here and taking away my rare chance to talk to Trevor. My hurt turned into rage.
After reluctantly nodding, he turned and left, just like Trevor had done.
The further away they walked, the more the anger subsided until I felt numb.
Why did I come here tonight? Seeing Trevor only left me sad and confused.
Finally, my parents announced it was time to leave. I slumped in the back seat, staring morosely out the window.
My mom pivoted in her seat. My parents still held hands after all these years. “I noticed Trevor was there at the end. Did you talk at all?”
“For about a minute. We didn’t get into it, if that’s what you’re asking. It was good to see him, at least.”
“It’s got to be tough on him,” my dad joined in. My mom shot him a warning look.
“Yeah, it’s definitely harder on him than me, Dad.”
“That’s not what I meant. Don’t make me the bad guy here. It’s a tough time for both of you.”
I didn’t have a response and spent the rest of the drive in thought, scowling out the window.
I texted Elyse when I got home, and she promised to call after Jared left. I knew she was anxious to know about the party, especially if Trevor was there and if I had talked to him at all. I didn’t have much I wanted to tell her, besides the fact that he wasn’t there for almost all of it, and he was broody the few moments I had with him. He wasn’t himself at all.
I’d promised myself I wouldn’t push him away, no matter how much he pushed me away. We had too much history to sever ties that way.
I’d choose having him in my life sporadically over not understanding him. It was the only hope I had of figuring it out.
But at this rate, it was going to take longer than I had patience for.
CHAPTER 7
I looked forward to the beginning of the new school year. There was something almost magical about starting fresh.
Elyse and I went to pick up our schedules and books together. It was now a tradition in its fourth and final year. We’d always made a day of it—with lunch after to plan when we could see each other between classes. There was a tiny chance we’d have classes together, but there was still hope…we needed the same required classes. Each year, we hung onto that hope until we had our schedules in hand. Our calc classes were at different times, and we had a class next door to each other, but at least we had the same lunch hour.
“I was so worried we wouldn’t be able to see each other all day. That would have ruined my senior year. I need a steady dose of you or I’ll go crazy.”
I had to laugh, because she wasn’t being dramatic. “Yeah, me too,” I agreed.
“And speaking of potentially ruined senior years, do you want me to take it upon myself to find you another man? I know you’re going to object, but it doesn’t have to be anything serious. It would make Trevor jealous and force him to come to his senses.”
“No,” I responded immediately. “That’s not necessary. And just to clarify, not having a guy isn’t going to ruin my year. I don’t want to date anyone else.”
“I think it would be a good distraction, though. Have you even heard from Trevor lately?”
“No. He was pretty agitated when I called him the day after the party. That was the last time we talked.”
“That’s because you keep asking him questions he doesn’t want to answer.”
“I asked him who those guys were. I want to know how he knows them. It’s a simple question.”
“It would be good for you to meet someone new. Who knows if he’s going to come to his senses by homecoming?”
“That’s nothing to worry about now.” I could see she wasn’t satisfied with my answer. “First, I need a break from guys. Second, I
don’t get involved with guys in our grade—not that any would want to—and I’m not dating anyone younger, either. Third, my head still isn’t right. I haven’t figured out what’s going on with him, and it’s not fair to get involved with someone new.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but I think it’s in your best interest to listen to your best friend.”
“How about this…I’ll let you know if I change my mind and you can match-make to your heart’s content.”
“Alright,” she finally conceded. “I just don’t want you to feel weird around Jared and me. You know you’re never a third wheel.”
That was so sweet of her to say, although it wasn’t the same. “Thanks. It’s nice hanging out with you two.”
Jared and Trevor were practically brothers they hung out so much. Or used to hang out so much.
“Speaking of Jared, has he mentioned anything about Trevor?” I asked.
“Only that he’s being a punk. Doesn’t return his calls. Barely gives details as to what he’s doing. Won’t make any plans with him. Jared thinks he has new friends now.”
“At least I’m not the only one getting the cold shoulder. That’s really odd, though.”
“Maybe he’s going through something. Like he’s having a teenage crisis. He can’t afford a Lamborghini.” She laughed.
“The whole thing is just so strange,” I mumbled, wondering if my parents would mention family trouble to me.
“Yeah, it is. You have to forget him for a while…at least until he works out whatever his problem is and becomes normal again.” She drank the rest of her iced tea. My mind was awash of memories, trying to fit the pieces together so the situation made sense. Elyse fidgeted in her chair, bringing me back.
“Hey, could we run to the mall really quick? There is a super cute top I decided I want to wear our first day back. I should have bought it after I tried it on.”
“Sure. Let’s go,” I said, although a small part of me doubted that was what she had originally wanted to say.
CHAPTER 8
After school started, I easily fell into the daily routine. It was a welcome diversion. The summer had opened my eyes to the ending of things. I realized with sadness that each day chipped away at my final year in Lake Orion High. I was excited about the future and couldn’t wait for graduation, but I wanted to cherish the year and make the most of it. It was hard not to get nostalgic—I’d spent so much time here, investing in my academic future.