‘Is that what Rhi was shouting about?’ Harry asked tentatively, unsure if he was allowed to talk.
‘She saw us being friendly and thought I was walking into the same situation all over again. Being used by an editor, and letting it happen because I’m weak.’ Tabby sighed. ‘So that’s the whole sorry tale. And I’m really sorry I took my insecurities out on you. I can’t promise I won’t be irrational again. I’m irrational by nature.’
‘You’re passionate,’ Harry reasoned.
‘I’m ridiculous, but thank you for trying to put a friendly face on it. So, are we good?’
Harry smiled, reached out for her hand and briefly brought it to his lips. ‘Yeah, we’re good. Thanks for telling me, babe.’
It took Tabby a few seconds to recover from the realisation that no one had kissed her on the hand before, then she exclaimed with disgust, ‘Babe?’
‘I was trying something new.’ Harry grinned. ‘And I knew it would piss you off.’
‘Yeah, well let’s stick to our regularly scheduled programming, shall we?’
With that, her hangover miraculously seemed to lift.
Tabby dragged Harry to the beach, where they sat on the pebbles and watched the sun shining off the waves, sparkling in the distance. Tabby sighed with contentment, bundled up in her jumper and scarf, protected from the wind by her sunglasses. Harry shivered next to her. He’d grabbed a leather jacket to put over his shirt, but it didn’t seem to be helping at all.
‘I told you you’d be cold.’
‘No one likes a know-it-all, Tabs,’ he grumbled. ‘If I ask you to shuffle closer, are you going to think I’m taking editorial advantage of you?’
‘I hate you,’ Tabby said, but it was lacking in malice.
‘Oh, shut up, I’m freezing.’ He put an arm around her and dragged her closer to him, so they were cuddled up. ‘Why are we here, anyway?’
‘You said the article was on the best of Brighton. This is in my top five.’ She shrugged, trying not to admit to herself how nice it was to be held. ‘It’s beautiful.’
‘It’s all right.’ Harry shrugged.
‘This is the problem. Once your concept of beauty is based on Porsches and the cut of a designer suit, you can’t recognise the brilliance of something that’s free.’
‘That’s crap. I just think freezing my arse off takes away somewhat from the beauty of a place where multiple children go to piss.’
She looked up at him briefly. ‘You’re a real romantic, Harry. No wonder you get all the girls.’
He pretended to pout, but squeezed her shoulders instead of replying. She briefly rested her head against his shoulder, and closed her eyes. He couldn’t see behind her glasses anyway. She took one quick moment to think about how nice it was, about how anyone would look at them sitting there on the beach and think they were a couple. Then she remembered the woman at the bar who’d sent over her number when they were having lunch. No one would be deluded enough to think they were a couple. She looked up at him. He was simply beautiful. And she was OK, she didn’t hate herself or anything. She was cute. But she didn’t date designer-wearing, product-using men who could be models. Well, actually, she didn’t date full stop. But if she did, she’d date IT guys or men who wore ironic T-shirts and could quote Star Wars.
‘What’s that look for?’ Harry nudged her.
She loosened her features. ‘Comfy. And sleepy. And kind of hungover.’
‘Me too,’ Harry sighed. ‘My response to arguing with you was to go home and drink a few too many glasses of whisky.’
‘I got more wine,’ Tabby admitted. ‘Should we be worried that we’re alcoholics?’
‘Or should we be worried that we’re each driving the other to alcoholism?’
‘You don’t seem hungover. I mean, you didn’t seem cheery this morning, but I figured that was because of me.’
Harry took off his sunglasses. ‘Look at me, I’m a state.’ His eyes were red and he looked a little bedraggled and worn and not at all his sleek, sophisticated self. Tabby thought he might be the sexiest thing she’d ever seen.
‘Why are you blushing? Am I that embarrassing to be around?’ Harry put his sunglasses back on.
‘Think the cold is finally getting to me.’ Tabby touched her cheeks and warned her brain to shut the hell up.
‘Please tell me another one of your top five Brighton things is getting a decent cup of coffee. Inside. In the warm.’ Harry stood up and held out a hand to help her up.
‘Ooh. Yes. Tea and coffee and hot chocolate and all the warm things ever!’ Tabby grinned, and started trudging back across the beach.
Harry grinned at her. ‘What is with you?’
‘What?’
‘You’re like a different person here. All excited and enthusiastic.’
‘Oh cheers.’ She nudged him with her elbow as they reached the path. ‘This was my uni town. Sitting out by the sea was where I wrote some of my best articles, including the one that got me my first job. I come back here and it’s like I’m that person again, with all that potential, you know?’
‘That’s the person you are when you write. The voice on the page, it sounds like this version of you.’
Tabby stopped and looked up at him, with his ability to sum her up in two sentences. She smiled at him, a huge, dazzling smile.
‘What? I understand things sometimes!’ Harry exclaimed, and slung an arm around her shoulders as they walked along.
The rest of the day was spent walking The Lanes, drinking in various coffee shops, checking out some of the best vintage places and generally allowing Tabby to walk down memory lane. Harry decided he absolutely wanted to get the student view on the city, and casually sauntered up to a bunch of twenty-somethings smoking outside the library. Tabby just watched as Harry’s voice and mannerisms changed, as the students opened up to him about their thoughts and feelings, telling stories because Harry valued them. They responded to him, they got him. Tabby wondered if maybe they’d left London Harry back with London Tabby, and the two of them were simply the ghosts of their former selves, wandering around a seaside town, leaving that cutthroat aggression that comes with living and working in the capital behind.
‘So,’ Tabby started over lunch, ‘what about your uni self? You went to Cambridge, right?’
He looked startled. ‘Yeah, I did…’
‘I may have Googled you when I first got the email about the job offer. Pretty impressive.’
‘I don’t think I had the kind of time you had here. I was there to study. I’d worked my arse off to get there, and then to be able to afford it. I was just an awkward, bookish kid. I wanted to write. That was it.’
‘Really?’ Tabby was unconvinced.
‘Yeah, what did you think?’
‘I’d pictured a younger version of you now, clubbing till the early hours, then heading to the library. Automatically acing your essays, managing to talk your teacher out of it if you didn’t.’
‘Hyped on coke to get the work done when the Red Bull stopped working?’ Harry laughed.
‘Something like that, yeah.’
Harry smiled softly, like he was remembering something. ‘I was a completely different person.’ He seemed to get lost in his own world for a little while, leaving Tabby to guess who he’d been, and why he’d changed.
‘Do you think Past You would ever believe he’d become Future You?’ she asked.
‘What?’
‘I mean, when you were that bookish kid at Cambridge, did you ever think “one day I’m going to own a Porsche and my own flat and live in London and be a big-shot editor”?’
‘Sort of.’ Harry shrugged. ‘I knew I wanted to work in journalism and live in London and have a flat and nice things. It all…it got a bit complicated. Sometimes you adapt to your situation and then you wake up one day and you’re that person you’ve been pretending to be. Confidence does have its perks though.’ He winked.
‘The women?’
Harry grinned
and said nothing.
‘So how did you charm girls before you had expensive clothes and a posh car and a irritating determination to discuss wine vintage?’
‘Tabby…’
‘No, go on, I’m curious!’
‘I was nervous.’
‘And that worked?’ It was Tabby’s turn to be incredulous.
‘Enough.’ Harry shrugged.
‘And now?’
‘Acting confident works better.’
Tabby paused. ‘Has there ever been a time when you didn’t have to act?’
Harry pushed his salad around with his fork, twitched his lips a few times and Tabby thought maybe she shouldn’t have asked, when he suddenly replied, ‘Once, just once. Didn’t end so well. Guess you’re not the only one with issues, Tabs.’
She lifted her glass to cheers. ‘Well, what do you know, I’m not alone. Here’s to that.’
They clinked glasses.
‘So, seeing as we’re baring our souls today, what was going on when I called you? At the office? The thing that started this whole slew of hangovers?’ Tabby knew she was probably crossing a line, and watched his face to see which emotion it landed on. Please not pissed off and irritated. It’s been so nice today.
‘You…you know how I said you adapt to situations and then you don’t know who you are any more? That situation walked into my office a few days ago. And it’s pretty hard to look at something that took away part of who you are.’
‘Wow.’ Tabby exhaled.
‘Yeah.’
‘What did she want? Am I allowed to ask that? Sorry, I get into nosey reporter mode,’ she babbled, and Harry patted her hand.
‘I think she wanted to see how I was doing. Not out of any concern, but you’re always curious if you’ve missed out on a good investment, right? She dropped me because I wasn’t good enough, and now apparently I am. Et voila, she appears in a puff of smoke, ready to talk. It’s been almost two years, doesn’t seem much to talk about really.’
‘What did you say when she said she wanted to talk?’
‘I shouted at you down a telephone.’ Harry made a face. ‘Sorry about that.’
‘Nah, I shouldn’t have been so pushy. It just hit some buttons.’
Harry chuckled. ‘Working together is like walking through an emotional minefield, isn’t it?’
‘Who’d you think is going to erupt first?’ Tabby asked, and then watched Harry’s face as he stayed silent. Still silent. Not saying anything. ‘All right, fine, I’ve already erupted a hundred times over and it’s probably going to continue.’
‘Well, at least it’s not dull, eh Tabs?’ Harry grinned.
Tabby made Harry walk with her onto the pier, but couldn’t convince him to go on a ride with her. Instead, they spent a few pounds on the machines, where Harry ended up five pounds up, while Tabby lost all of her change, and then decided to go home. She paused briefly on the pier, staring out at the sea, breathing deeply.
‘Whatcha doing?’
‘Last few breaths of sea air. Will keep me going when I’m sitting on the tube, dreaming of a holiday.’
‘When was the last time you went away?’ Harry saw her shiver and automatically put an arm around her waist. Apparently today had been the deciding factor in how much physical contact was OK between an editor and his writer when they’re kind-of friends. Tabby didn’t complain. In fact, she was trying to ignore how nice it was, so she wouldn’t have to berate herself later.
‘Erm, I went to Italy with my friends after uni, before I got the job. Nothing since then, except a few trips around the UK, a weekend in Amsterdam. My mum’s helping me pay my rent. Spending it on holidays doesn’t seem fair. Although she certainly goes on enough of them.’ Tabby rolled her eyes. ‘What about you?’
‘Some stuff for work. South of France for a week. Don’t really like holidays on my own. You spend all that time wanting to get away, but really, you’re just alone in a different city with no one to talk to. I could do that at home.’
‘But don’t you like travelling?’
‘Yeah, when I used to go with my mates, or a girlfriend or whatever. I like doing all the daytime touring stuff. It’s just when it gets to the evening, and eating alone that holidays get sort of…depressing.’
Tabby turned to him. ‘Didn’t think you’d ever be lonely. You’re always surrounded by people.’
‘Sometimes, that’s the loneliest place to be.’ He shrugged and led her back towards the car.
‘That’s very deep.’
‘I probably stole it from somewhere. You want a final cup of coffee for the way back?’
‘Nope.’ Tabby sighed and snuggled into the front seat.
‘You’re not going to fall asleep and leave me all bored on the drive back by myself, are you, Tabs? Because that would be really mean and unfair, especially as I did this so you could do research…’ Harry’s voice seemed to be really far away, and Tabby couldn’t open her eyes.
‘No, I’m awake, I’ll keep you company,’ she replied, yawning.
‘Yeah, you will,’ Harry said, and turned the radio up to full volume.
‘HARRY!’
‘Sure you don’t want a coffee?’
When Harry dropped her off outside her house, Tabby had the strange feeling that something had shifted. Were they friends now? Actual friends who knew about each other and could have important conversations about who the most badass vampire character was on television, or whether baked cheesecake was better than the regular kind? It seemed to be that way.
‘I had fun today,’ Harry said.
‘Me too.’
‘So, I’ll see you on Monday for the concept briefing. We’ll hash out the Brighton one and start on some of your other ideas.’
‘Sure thing. Night.’
Harry leaned over to kiss her cheek, and even though he’d done that a dozen times before in public places, something about being in the enclosed space of the car made her pulse race.
Right. So that’s what had shifted, Tabby realised as she smiled and hurriedly jumped out of the car and down to her door: she liked him. She wasn’t just attracted to him physically. She actually liked Harry. Which suddenly made things much more complicated. She was in over her head enough with the pretty eyes and the ability to charm her into anything. Adding in the fact that he was a decent human being who she liked spending time with was just ridiculous. Being attracted to the guy was fine, she could handle that when she convinced herself he was an arse. But actually liking him? Awful. Because he’s not an arse. At least not all the time. He can be thoughtful and kind and a good listener.
Oh dear. Rhi was gonna be pissed.
Chapter Eleven
It seemed to Tabby that her life had become a series of events that either involved Harry or involved worrying about Harry. While she’d been worried enough that she was attracted to him, she knew that her overwhelming will power would have seen her through. She was a woman, she had grown up with the ever-critical Claudia Riley as her mother; she knew about denying herself things. Physical attraction was easy to deny, especially when seeing Harry with other women. Because it clearly wasn’t just her, it was every woman in his vicinity. So, really, whatever. It was the same way women stopped and stared at the new Louboutins display in Selfridges or slowed down their stride when walking past a Hotel Chocolat: some things, all women desire. And Harry just happened to be one of them.
This, she could deal with. But actually getting to know him, considering him a friend was just making it worse.
‘Could you just shag him already, I’m bored of this.’ To Chandra, these things were simple. They had been ever since her last long term relationship two years before: Mark. They’d been crazy in love and perfectly suited, and then one day he was gone, and Chandra never spoke of him again. No amount of cajoling or force-feeding her chocolate could get it out of her. He was gone, and that was it. Took her about eight months to mourn, and then the casual sex started, and she never looked back.
‘I can’t. For multiple reasons. We’ve been through this a hundred times,’ Tabby whined, focusing on not getting nail polish all over the sofa. ‘Besides, it’s just me.’
‘What?’
‘He doesn’t feel anything for me.’
‘Yeah, because every time he tries you freak out about how you were screwed over by a previous editor. He’s not really allowed to try, is he? It has to be you.’
Tabby shrugged. She hated when other people talked her out of her irrationality. ‘Either way, it’s a moot point. It’s a crush. It’ll go away.’ She went back to painting her toenails, and they were quiet for a moment. ‘Did you know he went to Cambridge?’
‘Yes. Yes I did. Because you keep talking about him. Either gossip and enjoy it, or stop making everything into a drama. What’s the point on crushing on someone when you won’t let yourself have fun?’ Chandra surveyed her own nails, pausing to look up and raise an eyebrow at Tabby.
‘You’re right. I know you’re right.’
‘I’m also right when I tell you that you should sleep with him. No, not should. Must. You must. For the greater good. To take advantage of the fact that this is the first person you’ve been attracted to in for ever. If you’re not careful your virginity will grow back.’
‘Oh great, do I get my braces and my self-cut fringe too?’ Tabby rolled her eyes.
‘Use it or lose it.’
‘Stop saying things,’ Tabby huffed and folded her arms.
Chandra grinned. ‘Look, I’m just saying, it’s not a big deal, is it? You’ve got a crush on a colleague. You have a bit of a flirt, if it leads somewhere, then that’s fine. If it doesn’t, that’s fine too. But I need you to stop whining, otherwise me and Rhi will have something in common, and you know that means the world is ending.’
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