‘Tabs? Any thoughts on anything I’ve said?’ Harry looked suddenly exhausted, leaning against the desk for support, crossing his arms.
‘You’re right.’
‘I’m right? About?’
‘About everything. About the fact that I should know you better. That I do know you better.’ She took a step closer and hoped she knew what she was doing. ‘That I’m a ridiculous and irrational person most of the time. Although, I’m going to swear that I’m a lot more normal when you’re not around. You put me on edge.’
‘And do you think that means something?’ Harry raised his eyebrows and unfolded his arms as Tabby edged closer to him, until she was standing right in front of him. Slouched against the desk, they were eye to eye.
‘Well.’ Tabby tried for a thoughtful, innocent look. ‘We’re both writers, Harry. I suppose we should do some research.’
Harry was painfully beautiful when he smiled. He hooked his fingers through the belt loops on her jeans and pulled her closer. She was back in the warmth again.
‘I’m a big fan of research.’ He grinned against her mouth.
‘I thought you might be,’ she said, and this time when he kissed her, she didn’t pull away. If anything, she fell into him, allowing him to lead her. She clung to his arms, and briefly, an elated inner-voice squeaked, ‘I’m kissing Harry! And nothing bad happened!’
Then she told herself to shut the hell up, and kissed him back.
Chapter Twelve
‘I think I might be a gay man,’ Chandra said suddenly, not taking her eyes off the TV screen. It was many, many hours into the lock-in. They were having a Nothing Day.
‘That’s what happens when we watch the entire Queer As Folk box set, I told you.’ Tabby shrugged, returning with a tray holding three mugs of tea, three apples and a bar of Dairy Milk.
Chandra lifted her head from the sofa cushion to precariously balance her tea. ‘But look how pretty they are! Straight guys aren’t that pretty! They’re clearly having a better time than us!’
Tabby said nothing, quietly reliving an embarrassing teenage-esque make-out session with a guy who was just as pretty, and most definitely straight. She settled in the middle of the sofa, lifting Rhi’s legs and resting them over her own. She wondered if her cheeks were bright red.
‘Plus, the nineties were clearly just a better time.’ Rhi shrugged.
‘Yes.’ Tabby rolled her eyes as Rhi passed her a joint, pausing to inhale. ‘Crimping, parachute pants and the Spice Girls. I remember them fondly.’ She coughed a little, and rested her head back against the sofa, enjoying the feeling of her neck muscles relaxing.
They had spent almost two days on that sofa. Occasionally, one of them put on a jumper and walked to the corner shop for milk, chocolate, wine or tobacco, but beyond that the outside world was a dangerous place. At some point in the afternoon there’d been a sudden frenzy of activity that constituted doing the washing up, making a healthy lunch, and somewhat sobering up again. But that’s not what these days were for. They were for checking out completely.
‘Chands?’ Tabby proffered the joint, knowing that her friend would refuse, but always finding it impolite to bypass her.
‘Nope. Mum would kill me if she knew.’
‘Your mum would kill you if she knew you’d shagged half of Holloway, but that hasn’t stopped you.’ Rhi grinned, and after an outraged squawk, Chandra laughed too. Tabby found it strange that after years of friendship, mainly tied together by the fact that she loved them both, Chandra and Rhi could only really agree about Chandra’s promiscuity. And that Dick the Prick was, indeed, a prick.
After a few quiet moments staring at the television screen, realising with mounting horror that the VHS needed to be changed, and that would involve moving, Rhi spoke up. ‘I need to make cookies!’
‘No, you need to load the next episode,’ Chandra whined.
‘No. No one needs to do anything. That’s the point,’ Tabby said firmly. ‘But if you’re baking and I don’t have to move, I’m completely supportive.’
Rhi nodded, getting that determined look and strode for the kitchen. How getting stoned seemed to put Rhi in an energetic cooking mood, Tabby didn’t know, but she absolutely appreciated it. Chandra reached out a hand towards the TV, then gave up, exhausted.
‘Doing nothing is hard work,’ she said.
‘Tell me about it.’
Tabby looked at her phone. A message from Harry, asking if she was freaking out yet. Tabby considered her current state – semi-stoned, somewhat drunk, about-to-eat-cookies – and realised, no, she was not freaked out. She was not anything. Except maybe slightly guilty she hadn’t told her friends.
‘I’ve been snogging Harry,’ she said simply.
Chandra blinked, and looked confused. ‘Harry? Your editor Harry? The one that I’ve been begging you to sleep with for the last few weeks, and you resolutely refused, because….reasons and stuff. That Harry?’
Tabby made a face. ‘Erm, yep.’
‘Hey, Rhi,’ Chandra yelled to the kitchen. ‘You owe me ten quid!’
Rhi walked in slowly, and in the silence, Tabby could hear the rant she was preparing in her head. ‘Nu-uh, it was when she sleeps with him. Kissing doesn’t count. She’ll chicken out before going through with the deed.’
Tabby turned to her friend. ‘You’re not going to lecture me?’
Rhi grinned, wiping a smudge of flour from her cheek. ‘I am a twenty-seven-year-old Masters student working in a silent, empty library seven hours a day. I also hate people. Don’t listen to anything I have to say.’
‘You don’t mean that.’
‘OK, look Tabs.’ Rhi perched on the edge of the sofa. ‘You remember when I was dating that Sophie girl and you said she was a stuck-up cow because she corrected your grammar when I first introduced you? You told me that and then you never mentioned it again until I dumped her. That’s what good friends do. They give you a heads up and then they leave you the hell alone to make your own mistakes.’
‘So you do think this is a mistake?’
‘I think…I think you’re a strong person who knows when things are wrong. And we might all be a bit overprotective over the last incident. Not all male editors are evil. Not all kisses have to mean something. Not all relationships lead to losing your job and starting your career from scratch.’
‘Yeah!’ Chandra chimed in. ‘You know you’ve been a scaredy cat, Tabs. And now Rhi’s given her blessing. One less obstacle.’ She grinned knowingly.
Tabby looked back and forth between her two friends. ‘You knew this whole situation was going to occur. And now you know I’m going to freak out because I have no excuse but to – ’
‘Be happy?’ Chandra offered.
‘Enjoy yourself?’ Rhi suggested.
‘Lose control.’ Tabby sighed.
Chandra made the massive effort of sitting up so she could hug Tabby, and Rhi reached across to stroke her hair. ‘Sometimes, losing control is the best thing you can do.’
‘Speaking of.’ Chandra grinned. ‘More wine?’
‘It is almost the evening,’ Tabby pointed out.
‘Wait till cookies. Then wine. Then some sort of comforting eighties movie.’ Rhi strode back to the kitchen, and they heard the radio go on.
‘So…you’re supportive?’
‘Jeez, Tabs, you’re not marrying the guy. Have a little fun, see where it leads.’ Chandra settled back down on the sofa, stretching out her legs over Tabby.
‘Yeah, it’s just a physical thing. Just a fling for the remainder of my contract. And then we can part ways, no hurt feelings or complications!’ Tabby started to cheer up at the prospect. An easy getaway, an exit strategy. Just in case.
‘That wasn’t…’ Chandra sighed. ‘Fine, but if that’s what you want, you have to let him know that. He might get attached.’
‘No chance. It’s Harry. He doesn’t do attached. He does skinny girls in club bathrooms. What the hell he’s thinking of with me, I
don’t even – ’
‘Hey,’ Chandra’s voice grew serious. ‘If I have to tell you one more time how gorgeous you are I’m going to smack my head against a wall.’
‘I wasn’t – ’
‘No, but it’s your natural state of being. He’s attracted to you because you’re an attractive person. And you might want to work on your self-esteem. If he makes you feel like shit, there’s really no point, regardless of what a hottie he is.’
‘Ew, don’t say “hottie”, what are you, fourteen?’ Tabby twitched her nose.
‘That which you feel will find its own form,’ Chandra said wisely.
‘Did you just quote Kerouac?’ Tabby clapped her hands. ‘That’s amazing.’
‘Oh, erm, you said that to me last week. Thought it would be appropriate. The Beats aren’t really my thing.’
‘Sad.’
‘I know, it’s shocking we’re friends at all, isn’t it?’ Chandra grinned and pointed at the television until Tabby was forced to get up. Nothing Days. When everyone was more mellow. Tabby resolved to always pass on news on Nothing Days. Everything was much less dramatic.
***
‘Tabs, not that I’m not enjoying this teenage thing we’ve got going on, it’s very nostalgic, but – ’ Harry started, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
‘You think it’s time to leave the stationery cupboard?’ Tabby looked forlorn. The last week had involved kissing Harry. A lot. In between that, they’d been discussing articles, rewriting articles and generally celebrating the fact that the articles were a success. ‘Miss Twisted Thinks’ was bumping up the ratings at the paper, Tabby’s Twitter followers were spreading her gospel on the internet wherever they could, and kissing Harry seemed to take a lot of the tension out of being around him. In fact, Tabby was starting to worry that her wittiest comebacks were being wasted, as telling him to shut up was now simply taken as an invitation to kiss her. Not that she really minded.
‘I’m pretty sure it’s clear that I’m not looking for my lost biro down your throat.’ He kissed her cheek. ‘Time to re-emerge into the world.’
She rolled her eyes, and waited as he opened the door for her. Tabby supposed that people in the office might have noticed, but to be perfectly honest, she didn’t care. At all. And caring about what perfect strangers thought of her was something Tabby did very well usually.
‘So,’ Harry’s voice dipped, and she felt his hand on the small of her back, leading her to the office. ‘Do you think maybe we should go out into the real world?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean…do you want to get dinner?’ Harry led her into the office and closed the door.
Tabby shrugged. ‘I could eat. Do we have an article to discuss?’
Harry sighed deeply and looked at the ceiling. ‘Tabby, pay attention, I’m asking you out.’
‘Oh!’ She was startled. ‘Right. Food. Um.’
Dates involved getting dressed up and seeming impressive and talking about things, and wine lists and choosing a meal that didn’t have garlic, and wearing painful heels, and then that awkward moment at the end of the night where there might be sex or there might not be…
‘You’re thinking something stupid,’ Harry said.
‘Am not! Shut up!’
Harry grinned and reached for her, pulling her towards him, arms around her waist.
‘Hey! When I say shut up, I actually mean it! I don’t mean, “Here, let me offer you something to do with your mouth other than talking!”’
‘Don’t believe you.’ He grinned against her lips.
Tabby closed her eyes and almost let herself kiss him back.
‘I can feel you smiling, Tabs, you’re going to give in.’ He kept pecking her lips until she grinned and pushed him back.
‘What was the point of leaving the cupboard if you were just going to maul me in plain sight?’
‘I’m an exhibitionist? Or I just can’t help myself. Or both.’
Damn affectionate look. He knew exactly what he was doing, stupid gorgeous man. She traced his jaw with a fingertip. And he was hers, for a little while at least.
‘OK, dinner. Nothing posh.’
‘How about I buy you a bag of chips after the school disco?’ Harry rolled his eyes. ‘We’ve been doing the teenager thing, after all.’
‘Well as long as we’re not doing the “pretentious food for extortionate prices” thing, I’m in. I like a bit of nostalgia. Kick it old school.’
‘Meaning?’
Meaning I’d rather have you come eat pizza and drink beer at my house while I’m wearing my ugly pyjamas and you don’t get the chance to see me naked, Tabby thought.
‘You’re doing it again.’
‘Stop it!’ Tabby huffed, crossing her arms. ‘Fine, Friday night. Something that involves wine and food and we can go Dutch.’
Harry raised an eyebrow, and pulled her closer. ‘Nope. Something that involves great wine and excellent food, and I’m picking you up, and dropping you home, because this is an actual proper date.’
‘I don’t think I’ve ever been on a real-life date before. Huh.’
‘Well, I am the master. Prepare to be swept off your feet, sweetheart.’ Harry grinned again. All Harry seemed to do recently was grin. And say silly things. And kiss her.
Tabby reminded herself to moan at Chandra and Rhi that she was one of those stupid women who forgot everything that’s shit about their lives as soon as a man arrives on the scene. She should probably also worry about everything going to shit as soon as it seemed too good to be true. But she really couldn’t be bothered.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Text message from Claudia: Darling, will let you know if any of Liam’s friends are desperate for a date to the wedding. Remember not to eat carbs. Love you!
Tabby pursed her lips. No, there were definitely still some terrible things in her life.
‘So, on this date. Pasta, yes?’ she asked, holding up the screen to show Harry.
‘Your mother’s monstrosity wedding? When is it?’
‘A month. Though why it has to be so quick I don’t know.’
Harry’s grin became cat-like. ‘Maybe she’s pregnant!’
‘Ew! No! Shut up!’
He moved in closer.
‘Oh no, you do not simply kiss away an image like that. Punishment is in order, cruel and terrible punishment!’
‘Whatcha gonna do, Tabs?’ Harry leaned in, daring her to do something.
She smiled. ‘I’m not going to kiss you goodbye!’ She turned and walked from the office, swinging her hips with confidence, knowing he was watching her.
Of course, they had a briefing tomorrow, but he’d have to wait an entire twelve hours to see her. And she’d have to wait twelve hours to see him. She clearly did not think this through. But at least she’d get to go home and have Rhi and Chandra laugh at how happy she seemed. She might even make pizza.
Chapter Thirteen
Tabby was feeling pretty cute. She was wearing her black polka dot dress and her favourite red lipstick. She’d found her beret under her pillow and had rescued her ageing DMs from the back of her wardrobe. She felt like stomping everywhere. She was powerful. Plus, on the way to her concept meeting with Harry, she’d stopped by a new bric-a-brac shop that had opened on Carnaby Street, and found herself a messenger bag that said ‘I love Ginsberg’. London was excellent, life was awesome, and Tabitha Riley, at the age of twenty-six, was going on a proper date. After work, obviously.
Maybe she should have reconsidered the red lipstick. Not wanting to smudge it was not enough of a reason to stop her kissing Harry. She was weak, and didn’t care at all.
Except Harry didn’t seem to be in a kissing mood when she found him hunched over his desk, pinching the bridge of his nose.
‘What’s up?’ She perched on the edge of the desk. He shrugged and leaned back, not quite making eye contact with her.
‘Just…busy.’
‘Ri-ight.’ Tabby rai
sed an eyebrow, and then followed his gaze past her to a beautiful woman talking with David in his office. They had a direct view through the door open.
‘Who’s that?’
Harry made a snorting noise.
‘She’s pretty,’ Tabby said lightly, knowing it would be the thing to set him off. She might not be the smartest person in the room but she knew people. Shockingly, she knew Harry. It was clearly an ex situation. ‘Like, super model pretty.’
‘Probably all the puppy dogs she eats for breakfast, along with the hopes and dreams of children,’ Harry huffed, looking at the woman again.
She was slim, professional-looking without being uptight. Her honey-blonde hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and her heels were thin and high. She didn’t wobble.
‘That bad, huh?’ Tabby smiled, but Harry’s face was still stormy, staring down at his desk, resolutely not making eye contact with her.
‘Look, Tabby, I really don’t have the time or energy to explain everything to you all the time, OK? Can we get on with some work?’ Harry’s patronising tone made her want to hit him, but maybe he was hurting. And arguing with Harry never seemed to get her anywhere. Except frustrated or turned on. Or both.
Instead she rolled her eyes and tapped on his desk, in his eye line. ‘Hey, moron. Eye contact.’ He looked up, startled. ‘Thank you. Now, it’s quite clear that girl is coming in here after she’s done with Crane. So you’ve got some quick thinking to do, I get it. I’m going to help either way, and I’m not asking any questions. So don’t take it out on me, you moody git.’
Harry exhaled, seeming to suddenly deflate and when he met her eyes, again, he seemed a little more like himself. ‘Thanks, needed that.’ He stood up and picked up his jacket. ‘How about I buy you a drink down the pub to say thank you?’ He looked at her unimpressed expression. ‘And to say sorry, obviously.’
Tabby shrugged and picked up her bag.
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