A Place of Birds

by Jane Jackson

  ‘Poor woman,’ Susanna whispered. ‘How could he face staying on?’

  ‘How could he leave?’ Lucy enquired gently. ‘The person who was most precious to him is buried in Chinese earth.’ She stood back. ‘There. At least all the burned bits have gone.’

  Susanna opened her eyes. She looked like a street urchin. Raising one hand stiffly to the spiky crop she forced a smile. ‘It will certainly be cooler.’ Struggling awkwardly to her feet she started towards the bathroom, careful not to look at the hair scattered around the stool.

  As she clambered stiffly out of the water Susanna asked, ‘Last night, who was the man on the horse?’

  ‘A local warlord. Apparently Lowell was worried in case our arrival sparked off more trouble and when he left to go upriver this man’s camp was his first call.’

  Pouring a lotion of linseed oil and lime water onto a wad of soft lint Susanna handed it to Lucy, trying not to flinch as the soaked pad was gently dabbed against her burned back. It all made sense now. ‘No wonder the soldiers arrived so promptly this morning. I can’t imagine the mandarin’s superiors being very happy about foreigners seeking the protection of a warlord.’

  Lucy slipped the simple cotton gown over Susanna’s newly washed head then carefully drew a tortoiseshell comb through the cropped curls. ‘Do you feel a little better now?’

  Susanna turned to face her cousin. ‘How can you be so … You and Meredith were so close.’

  ‘And now she’s dead why am I not grieving?’ Still holding the comb Lucy crossed to the window. ‘Life had become unbearable for her. Such terrible fear …’ She gazed up at the brilliant blue sky. ‘She’s at peace now and her body will be laid to rest this afternoon. Mr Ellis has kindly consented to her being buried in a corner of the garden where there is no danger of her grave being –’ Susanna saw her swallow as she composed herself. ‘I miss her dreadfully. I always will. But loving her as I did how could I wish her back? I shall continue with the work we planned. I’ll do it for both of us.’

  At five Edgar and Lucy led the way out into the garden. Thick dark clouds had bubbled up to hide the sun and the air was heavy and humid.

  Taking Ellis’s arm for support Susanna forced her aching limbs forward. As they crossed the ravaged earth she saw the servants gathered at a respectful distance. One held burning incense sticks, another some white cash notes. Several more were carrying bamboo cages. Suddenly all the cages were opened and with a great fluttering of wings the captive birds soared skyward.

  ‘Well, who’d have thought …’ Edgar Hutchins shook his head.

  ‘What does it mean?’ Lucy asked.

  ‘The Chinese put great store by virtue. Buying caged birds then setting them free is one method of gaining a spiritual merit mark. I guess they’re ashamed of what happened yesterday.’

  ‘Really?’ A tremulous smile lit Lucy’s pale face. ‘Then perhaps all … this … was for a purpose.’

  ‘Ha!’ Ellis muttered under his breath. ‘I’d as soon trust a snake as a Chinaman.’

  Edgar Hutchins led the short service. His words were simple and moving. But Susanna stopped listening. Suddenly she was beside a different grave in the chill of a raw-edged November wind. Something tore inside her and through the jagged rent poured months of pent-up grief, loneliness and strain. Covering her face with her hands she sank to the warm moist Chinese earth, sobbing as if her heart would break.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  ‘Come on, come on! Don’t take all day about it!’ Lowell roared at the men lowering the mainsail.

  ‘They’re doing their best, Captain.’

  Lowell spun round. ‘When I want your opinion, Mister Binney, I’ll ask for it.’

  ‘We’ll be alongside in a few minutes. Bellowing at them won’t get us there any quicker.’

  Furious, Lowell opened his mouth to give the mate a tongue-lashing and abruptly shut it again, raking both hands through his salt-stiffened hair. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry.’

  For the past four days he had driven the ship and everyone on board mercilessly. He had eaten without tasting what he swallowed and hardly slept at all. Delivering the guns to Kwang-Tsai had been his first priority.

  They had just set sail again when a squall had blown out two of the topsails and damaged some spars. He had insisted they keep going despite the horrendous conditions. After loading the silk he’d begun the return journey immediately, deaf the grumbles of his weary storm-battered crew.

  ‘Don’t tell me you’re sorry, tell them,’ Tom jerked his head towards the panting, sweating men.

  Lowell started towards the companionway. ‘I’ll stand the drinks for those who go ashore. The watch remaining aboard can have their pay made up by the same amount.’

  A grin split Tom’s seamed and weather-beaten face.

  ‘I daresay that’ll help.’

  As he stepped off the gangplank Lowell sensed his worst fears confirmed. Something had happened.

  His requests for information were either ignored or waved away with angry jabbering. Then a toothless old man cackled that one of the female foreign devils had been killed.

  Dread paralysed him for an instant. Then he was running, pushing his way through the narrow crowded street, leaving Oliver Lockhead and the able seaman to follow as best they could. His lungs burned as he gulped in humid air as thick as treacle. Sweat poured down his face stinging his eyes. It slid down his chest and sides and soaked the back of his shirt, the waistband of his trousers. Licking his lips he could taste the salt.

  As he reached the consulate he saw carpenters working by the outer wall rebuilding the smashed gate. Glimpsing the blackened brick and timbers beyond he slowed, terrified of what he might find. If anything had happened to Susanna … He plunged forward.

  ‘Ellis?’ He stepped through the blackened doorway into the damaged hall. Glancing up at the charred staircase he felt a sick churning in his stomach. ‘Ellis!’ he bellowed then hearing footsteps swung round.

  ‘Thank goodness you’re back. You really must get them out of here. I cannot take further responsibility –’

  ‘Who was killed?’ Lowell’s voice cracked.

  ‘You heard?’ Ellis was sombre. ‘There was nothing anyone could have done. She’d lost too much blood. A remarkably brave woman. A few of the mob managed to get upstairs. Apparently one went for her sister with a knife –’

  Lowell released the breath he’d been holding and passed a shaking hand over his face.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Ellis peered at him.

  ‘Not used to running. Which Miss Braithwaite …’

  ‘Miss Meredith. We buried her yesterday.’ He indicated the garden then grimaced, leaning forward. ‘We couldn’t wait. The heat … I’m sure you understand.’

  ‘Lowell!’

  He swung round as Lucy came towards him from Ellis’s private quarters followed by a thin lanky man who appeared vaguely familiar. Though pale she was calm and composed.

  After a swift glance past both of them he clasped her outstretched hand in both his. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Thank you.’ She indicated her companion. ‘May I introduce Edgar Hutchins? He’s –’

  ‘Captain Hawke and I have already met,’ Edgar extended his hand toward Lowell. ‘At Chinkiang, about eighteen months ago?’

  ‘I remember.’ Lowell shook hands briefly. ‘Good to see you again. Where’s Susanna? Is she all right?’

  ‘She’s resting.’ Folding her hands Lucy moved slightly to block his path. ‘She’ll join us later.’

  ‘I have to see her.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s wise.’

  ‘Why? What’s wrong? Is she hurt?’

  Lucy laid a hand on his arm. ‘Nothing serious. But the strain – she’s very tired.’

  ‘I won’t disturb her. I just want to see –’

  ‘Please,’ Lucy tightened her grip. ‘Your … interest … will only do more harm.’

  He gazed down at the slight figure determinedly b
arring his way. ‘Harm?’ A wild laugh tore itself from his throat. ‘What are you talking about? I could never harm her. She’s everything to me.’

  Startled, Lucy removed her hand. ‘As a married man you have no right to say that.’

  ‘You don’t understand. There is much more to the situation than –’

  ‘Please believe me, Lowell. I have nothing against you personally. And if you are experiencing domestic difficulties you have my deepest sympathy. But I cannot permit my niece to form a relationship with a man who, in the eyes of God and society, already has a wife.’

  ‘Lowell?’

  His head snapped up. Holding the wall for support Susanna moved slowly and stiffly towards him, her wan face alight with joy. ‘I was asleep. And then I heard … I was afraid it was a dream.’

  He felt a great wrench in his chest and started forward. Lucy put out a hand to stop him, but Edgar Hutchins drew her gently back.

  ‘Let them be.’

  ‘But …’

  ‘Look at their faces.’

  ‘Oh. Even so …’

  ‘Come away, ma’am. Let’s you and I take a turn in the garden. I’ve an idea I’d like to discuss with you.’

  Lowell didn’t hear them leave. ‘Why can’t you walk properly? Why are you wearing a servant’s tunic?’ He caught his breath, his eyes narrowing. ‘And what in the name of God happened to your –’ He bit the words off as she hesitated under his scrutiny, sliding one hand self-consciously to the back of her neck. He saw the violet circles beneath her eyes, the pallor of her sun-kissed skin. He saw the flicker of anguished uncertainty as she bent her head and looked away. His eyes pricked. Reaching out he tenderly fingered the spiky uneven curls and swallowed the thickness in his throat.

  ‘I see you’ve changed your hair.’

  She glanced up, eyes over-bright, a wry smile lifting the corners of her trembling mouth. She tried to shrug and winced instead. ‘It got too hot.’

  With a muffled wordless sound he pulled her close, releasing her instantly as she gasped.

  ‘What?’ he demanded urgently. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

  She shook her head. But even that small movement made her face crumple and she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. ‘My back – The fire –’ His indrawn breath hissed sharply. ‘Nothing serious,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s a bit tender, that’s all. I’m fine, really. A few aches. Nothing to worry about.’

  He cupped her face in his hands, studying every curve and hollow, seeing the delicate bones too close to the surface, the smudges of exhaustion.

  ‘I’m all right.’ She smiled to reassure him.

  ‘No, you’re not,’ he growled softly and rested his forehead against hers. ‘I might have lost you. I don’t know how I’d have …’ He closed his eyes briefly, a future without her impossible to contemplate. Drawing his head back he looked down into her eyes, frowning. ‘I’ve never …’ He heard his own bewilderment. ‘I didn’t know it was possible to feel …’ He paused. ‘I love you so much.’ The words, spoken once many years ago, sounded strange. He had never imagined saying them again. He watched her eyes open wide, saw the shadows dissolve.

  ‘Oh, Lowell,’ her smile was radiant. ‘I am glad.’ The gong sounded, announcing lunch.

  Immediately they had finished eating Ellis begged they would excuse him and returned to his office. Susanna kept her gaze lowered. She was finding it difficult to contain her happiness. It threatened to spill over in smiles and sighs and tiny giggles of delight. But mindful of Lucy’s bereavement she held it tightly in check. An added restraint was the uncertainty surrounding her future.

  ‘I suggest we leave as soon as possible,’ Lowell said. ‘The journey down-river shouldn’t take more than a couple of days.’ Susanna watched his strong fingers turn an unused spoon over and over and felt a delicious stirring deep inside her.

  Lucy cleared her throat delicately. ‘It is most generous of you, Lowell –’

  He waved her thanks aside. ‘I simply want to get you and Susanna to a place of safety as quickly as possible.’

  ‘I understand. And I’m most grateful for your concern. But we will not be going downriver after all.’

  Susanna’s head flew up. The sudden movement sent needles of pain through her tender skin and aching muscles. Her eyes sought Lowell’s, the news as startling to her as it was to him.

  Lucy explained. ‘When that arrangement was made my sister’s welfare was our main concern. But circumstances have changed.’ Shaded with sadness her voice contained new resolution. ‘Mr Hutchins believes I could be of help at the mission station in Hangkow. Susanna and I will accompany him –’

  ‘No,’ Susanna blurted. ‘Forgive me, Lucy. It isn’t that I’m not grateful. I am, truly. But I’m not suited to missionary work.’

  Lucy smiled. ‘I know that, dear. No one expects it of you. You will be useful in other ways. Your medical knowledge, perhaps even teaching –’

  ‘Susanna is coming with me.’ Lowell said quietly.

  Susanna’s softly caught breath was quite audible in the sudden silence.

  Lucy blinked. ‘I’m afraid that’s out of the question. Susanna is my responsibility –’

  ‘Please, I’m not a child,’ Susanna blurted. ‘I don’t want to be anyone’s responsibility. I’m perfectly capable of supporting myself. Lucy, I’ll always be grateful to you. If it hadn’t been for you and Meredith … But as you said, everything’s changed now. At last you have the opportunity to do what you’ve always wanted. I beg you, don’t deny me the same chance. I want to go back to Shanghai.’

  With a brief glance at Lowell Lucy spread her hands, her face taut with concern. ‘My dear, you must know it isn’t that simple.’

  ‘You have a calling to serve God,’ Susanna rushed on. ‘That’s why you came to China. I’m good at something too. My talent is for business. I wasn’t permitted to develop my gifts at home. Except when Father and Uncle Joshua found themselves with no one else to turn to. It’s different here. Mr Prakash was delighted to employ me.’

  ‘That’s not the point …’ Lucy began.

  ‘It’s exactly the point! This is what I want, Lucy,’ Susanna pleaded. ‘I want to run a business.’

  ‘And so you shall,’ Lowell cut in. ‘But not for Soman Prakash.’ She looked at him quickly. ‘My father is mortally ill.’ His voice was flat, emotionless. ‘On his death I will inherit the company. At the moment it is being run with commendable efficiency by my father’s compradore. But Tau cannot carry that responsibility indefinitely. Nor do I wish him to.’

  As he looked directly into her eyes, everything – Lucy, Edgar Hutchins, the dining room – faded from her consciousness. Only Lowell existed. His warm gaze reached deep into her soul. ‘Though I intend making fewer long-distance voyages,’ he continued quietly, ‘I have no wish to give up the sea entirely. So during my absences I shall need to leave the company in the hands of someone I can rely on, someone in whom I have absolute trust.’ As Susanna listened she felt an unfurling inside her.

  ‘Will your compradore have time to teach me the local dialect? I have an ear for languages and –’

  ‘Stop!’ Lucy cried. ‘Both of you stop this at once. Lowell, Susanna cannot possibly return to Shanghai without a chaperone. How can you even suggest such a thing? If you have no regard for your wife’s position at least consider Susanna’s. She will be the target of all kinds of gossip and speculation.’

  Lowell’s mouth was set in an implacable line. ‘She will not be alone. I meant what I said, Lucy. Susanna comes with me.’

  ‘She can’t.’ Lucy wrung her hands. ‘You’re a married man.’

  ‘A farce,’ Lowell muttered, his face darkening. ‘I intend to petition for –’

  ‘No, Lowell.’ Reaching across the table, Susanna rested her fingers briefly on his provoking another anguished gasp from Lucy. ‘I will not be responsible for destroying Marjorie’s position in society.’

  Lucy’s face was a study of worr
y and confusion as she looked from one to the other. ‘And what of your position?’ she cried. She turned to Lowell once more. ‘You profess to love her but your selfishness will make her an outcast.’ She was visibly startled by Susanna’s peal of laughter.

  ‘Lucy, you surely can’t have forgotten so soon? I have always been an outcast.’

  ‘But you will never be accepted in society.’

  Susanna gave a wry shrug. ‘Having met two examples of Shanghai society I don’t consider that a great loss.’ Catching Lowell’s eye she blushed.

  He leaned forward. ‘Susanna will be under my protection, Lucy. I will ensure no –’

  ‘Protection?’ Lucy’s voice rose. Susanna had never seen her so agitated. Bright colour blotched her sallow cheeks. ‘Your protection will bring her dishonour, sir.’

  ‘No!’ Susanna and Lowell spoke in unison, both emphatic in their denial.

  ‘The circumstances are not as I would wish,’ Lowell said grimly. ‘And it would be naive to imagine that our relationship will go unnoticed. But most will, I fancy, keep their opinions to themselves. I am not a man to cross.’

  ‘Lucy, if you must blame then blame me.’ Susanna took a breath knowing what she was about to say would be difficult for her cousin to comprehend. ‘Yes, Lowell has a wife. However, though circumstances exist which could resolve that, it is my choice that he leaves matters as they are. I love him with all my heart. Nothing, not marriage, or lack of it, will change that.’

  Lucy made a despairing gesture. ‘What will your parents think?’

  Moving to Lucy’s side Susanna bent to put an arm around her shoulders. ‘I shall tell them you tried your utmost to dissuade me,’ she said gently. ‘Was I not always difficult and contrary?’ She crouched in front of her cousin ignoring the protest from her strained muscles. ‘Go with Mr Hutchins to Hangkow.’

  ‘How can I?’ Lucy demanded in distress. ‘I would be failing in my duty –’

  ‘What about your duty to yourself?’ Susanna broke in. ‘You have spent your life caring for others, first your parents then Meredith. I don’t want to be your excuse for not doing what you want to do.’