by Leah Brooke
Shaking her head, she shrugged. “I don’t know. We just sort of clicked.” She blew out a breath. “Hell, that’s an understatement.”
When their eyes had met across the room, the powerful jolt to her system had nearly knocked her off her feet.
“He was always so serious.”
So tall. So handsome. So incredibly masculine.
“God, I loved him.”
Surprised that she’d blurted that, Nat got to her feet, looking away from her sister’s sharpened gaze. “He was damned good looking, too.”
Jesse turned in her chair. “I didn’t know that. I don’t think I remember him, but then you didn’t exactly bring friends home, did you?”
Nat grimaced at the memory of her drunk father berating every friend she brought into the house, and insulting her in front of them. She’d protected Jesse as much as she could, but after their mother died, their father had crawled into a bottle and never crawled back out again. “No. I didn’t. Hoyt met Dad once when he came to pick me up, but I made sure that he never saw him again.”
Jesse smiled, but looked a little stunned. “You loved Hoyt?”
With a shrug, Nat smiled back. “Madly. Nothing existed for me except you and Hoyt.”
As the knots in her stomach tightened, Nat took another deep breath, blowing it out in a rush. Dropping back into her seat, she smoothed her hands over the placemat in front of her. “He was my first lover.”
Jesse gaped at her. “Holy shit. I thought Jake was.” Sitting forward, Jesse stared at Nat wide-eyed. “So, how did you meet Jake? What happened between you and Hoyt? Why haven’t you ever told me any of this before?”
“It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about. It was too raw at first, and then Dad got worse, and you got married straight out of high school. It never seemed to be the right time. Now, it is.” Nat forced a smile, struggling with the emotions that her conversation with Jake had brought to the surface, emotions that she’d thought she’d buried deeply enough to forget, but obviously hadn’t. “I told you that Jake and Hoyt were best friends. It was rare to see one of them without the other. I met Jake through Hoyt and saw him a lot when Hoyt and I were dating.”
Shaking her head, Nat smiled. “I loved Hoyt, and felt guilty because I found myself attracted to Jake. Jake always had this way of looking at me that made me feel like he saw more than I wanted him to see. He always had a way of talking to me that made me feel special, as though I had his undivided attention. He was always somehow intense and playful at the same time, and had a way of looking at me that aroused me. It embarrassed me, and I tried to hide it, but he saw. He knew. Jake’s always known.”
She couldn’t help but remember how it felt to be sitting in the front seat of Hoyt’s sports car, wedged between them.
She’d been too young and innocent to fully understand the riot of sensation that had consumed her then, or to even imagine it was possible to want and love two men.
Aware of Jesse’s impatience, Nat took a sip of coffee to ease her dry throat. “We double-dated quite a bit, and I don’t think Jake even dated the same woman twice. There was a spark between us. We both tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away.”
Tracing a pattern in the placemat with a finger, she sighed, remembering how hard it had been to hide her feelings for Jake from Hoyt. “I never would have done anything about it. I loved Hoyt so much, and couldn’t understand why I was falling in love with Jake. I felt guilty as hell. How the hell could I feel that way about two men at the same time?”
Jesse’s brow went up, her eyes glimmering with amusement. “Hmm. Hard to believe that kind of thing could happen.” Her eyes narrowed, filled with sympathy. “I never could have imagined something like that before meeting Clay and Rio either, and I can only imagine what it would be like feeling something like that when you were so young.” Shifting in her seat, she pushed her cup aside. “Keep going. What happened, and what does this have to do with the talk you had with Jake?”
Wrapping her shaking hands around her own cup, Nat sighed. “It was a crazy time. You were getting ready to graduate from high school, and I was trying to deal with Dad so he didn’t ruin it for you. Hoyt hated working for his father. Those two never got along, and Hoyt was miserable. He wasn’t just miserable with his job—that would have been easy enough to fix—but Hoyt wanted more. He wanted to get out. Travel. He was restless. Edgy. One day he talked to a recruiter who’d come to the campus, and all of a sudden, he started talking about joining the Navy.”
Unable to sit still any longer, Nat rose and went to the window, taking a sip of her coffee as she watched Clay and Rio work with the horses. Memories flashed through her mind—the heat, the love, the anger and hurt. The tangle of emotions had been so difficult to sort through, and it had been such a confusing time that parts of it seemed like a blur now.
But her love for both of them remained crystal clear.
Aware of Jesse’s rapt attention, and grateful for her sister’s patience, Nat sighed again and blinked back tears. “All of a sudden, the Navy was all Hoyt could talk about. He became obsessed with it. Before I knew it, he’d signed up. Everything changed. We were in love, but wanted different things. God, it hurt.” She set her cup aside, her hands shaking so hard, she was afraid of spilling it.
Blinking back tears, she went to the table again, her legs too wobbly to support her. “It hurt so much for both of us. Hoyt was going through hell with his father. He joined the Navy and was so excited about it.” Nat wiped away a tear, the memory of what came next making her stomach clench.
Rubbing her arms against the chill that went through her, she forced a smile. “Poor Jake. He was my rock. Hell, he was Hoyt’s rock, too. I don’t know what either one of us would have done without him.” Nat met Jesse’s gaze. “Especially when I found out I was pregnant.”
Jesse’s jaw dropped. “What? Wait! Are you telling me that Joe is Hoyt’s son?”
Nat couldn’t help but smile at the look of astonishment on her sister’s face. “Yes. He is. Looks so much like him, especially when he’s being a smart-ass.”
“Wow.” Jesse shook her head before turning back to Nat, her eyes wide. “Oh, my God! Does Jake know? Does Hoyt? Does Joe?”
Nat nodded immediately. “Of course. All three of them know. I’ve always been up front about things. You know that.”
Jesse blinked. “You never told me!”
Nat sighed and rubbed her forehead where a headache had started to form, looking up when Jesse went to the counter, dumped her now-cold coffee into the sink and poured her a new one. “I know. I didn’t tell you at the time because I knew you’d be upset that I carried the baby of one man and married the other, and also because I felt an obligation to Jake.”
Waving her hand, she cut off whatever Jesse was about to say and reached for the fresh coffee. “Let me finish.”
Wrapping her hands around the cup, Nat took another sip and stared into the dark brew Clay and Rio drank by the gallon. “Jake was the first to know. Hoyt was excited about enlisting and already making plans for us, and I was scared. I just didn’t know what the hell to do.”
Wiping her eyes with her napkin, she laughed humorlessly. “I know that doesn’t sound like me, but I was young, scared, and pregnant. I didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t leave town. You needed me, and I was scared to leave all I knew while I was carrying a baby. It was a mess. I needed someone to talk to, someone who could understand. So, I went to Jake.”
Jesse got up and came back to the table with a box of tissues. “Oh, Nat. I wish you’d told me.”
Smiling, Nat patted her hand and reached for a tissue. “You had enough on your plate, and I wanted you to finish school without worrying about me.” She waved a hand dismissively, needing to finish. “Anyway, I confided in Jake. I didn’t know what else to do. Hoyt had already enlisted, and couldn’t change his mind. It was done. I was naïve and terrified and couldn’t imagine leaving everything I knew with a baby on the way. I couldn’
t leave you with Dad. I couldn’t leave and Hoyt couldn’t stay.”
Jesse’s eyes went wide. “Oh, Nat. I can only imagine what you went through. Dad and I didn’t know any of this.”
Nat snorted, wiping her eyes. “Dad didn’t know anything when he started drinking. If he’d known, he would have only made it worse.”
Reaching out, Jesse touched Nat’s hand, her eyes dark with concern. “What did Hoyt say when you told him?”
Pressing a hand to her stomach, Nat blinked back tears. “He went crazy.”
Her stomach rolled when she thought about Hoyt’s fear—the first and only time she’d seen him scared about anything. “He was so happy at first, but I could see that he was also afraid. He wanted me to marry me then and there. He wanted me to go away with him. I couldn’t. I wanted to so much, but I knew that I couldn’t leave then, especially because I suspected that the only reason he’d asked me to marry him was because I was pregnant. I was so scared. So young. I was too scared to go with him, and the thought of leaving me alone and pregnant tormented him. He was devastated.”
Jesse reached out to grip her hand. “Oh, Nat. That must have been awful for both of you. I wish I had known. I feel so selfish for not being there for you. I can’t believe that I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t even notice what you were going through.”
Shaking her head, Nat got to her feet, kissing her sister’s hair on the way to the coffeepot. “You never had a selfish bone in your body. You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to know, and you were very supportive when you did find out about the baby.”
Shaking her head, Jesse sat back again. “I can’t believe that I didn’t suspect anything. I thought all along that Jake was Joe’s father. Why didn’t you tell me later?”
Nat shrugged. “There was no point. You met Brian and got married, and after Joe was born, Jake wanted to move to Desire. I felt I owed both Jake and Hoyt to keep our secret, at least then. Telling the truth would have just made life more uncomfortable for everyone.”
Jesse frowned. “So, you told Hoyt you were pregnant. What happened then?”
“Jake stepped in.” Wiping her eyes, Nat squeezed Jesse’s hand before pulling hers away, the knots in her stomach so tight, she thought she was going to be sick. “Jake told Hoyt that he loved me. Hoyt punched Jake in the face, and asked me if the child was his. He went crazy. He and Jake fought. God, it was awful.”
“Oh, Nat!” Jesse rose from her chair and came toward her, but Nat waved her away. “No. Let me finish.” She was afraid that if she really starting crying, she’d never stop.
Nat moved to the counter and leaned back against it, swallowing the lump in her throat, and couldn’t seem to stop shaking. “Between us, we finally got Hoyt calmed down. We stayed up all night, just the three of us, just talking. Hoyt was torn. Heartbroken. But, he had to leave. He’d already signed up, and there was no turning back. I was torn. Heartbroken. I couldn’t imagine leaving, especially with a baby on the way, and Hoyt knew I was worried about you. He was worried about me.”
Shrugging, she met Jesse’s gaze. “We both understood each other’s position. We both blamed each other. We both felt guilty for what we were doing to each other.”
Taking a shuddering breath, she set her cup aside. “Jake told Hoyt that he wanted to marry me.” She shook her head, Nat’s pulse tripped as she remembered. “I’ll never forget the way Jake looked at me that night—as if all the need for pretense had been ripped away.”
Meeting Jesse’s look, Nat smiled and shook her head again. “Shocked the hell out of me.” With a shrug, she leaned back against the counter. “He told Hoyt that he would take care of us and encouraged him to visit us anytime he could. I fell asleep while they were still talking, so I don’t know everything that they talked about that night, but in the morning, everything was settled. Jake and I would get married.”
Blowing out a breath, Nat turned to stare out the window again, almost buckling under the memories. “Hoyt had always been so serious, but after that, he was even worse. He made me promise to put his name on the birth certificate, and promise to send him pictures and update him all the time. He was so happy when Joe was born and constantly begged me for information about him. Anything. Everything. Jake sent him pictures all the time, and we both wrote to him.”
Staring at the opposite wall, Nat thought back to that time. “Jake was wonderful. We got married and then Hoyt left. Jake took care of me all through my pregnancy. He fussed and coddled me and basically spoiled me. He wouldn’t let me worry about anything. I fell madly in love with him. We’ve been so happy all these years. He’s been everything to me. Jake’s always been my rock.”
“I know.” Jesse came forward to hug her. “He’s madly in love with you, too. Anyone can see that. You two were made for each other.” Leaning back, Jesse frowned again. “You said Joe knows that Hoyt’s his father?”
Nat turned back to look out the window. “Of course. We told him as soon as he was old enough to understand—on one of Hoyt’s visits.”
“How did he take it?”
Nat shrugged, remembering how Jake and Hoyt had been with her son. “He was a little upset at the time, but Hoyt had established a relationship with him right from the beginning. Jake and Hoyt spent the entire day with him. They came home laughing and joking.” Her love for all three of them made Nat smile. “Joe considers both of them his fathers. Hoyt and Joe have remained very close over the years. I don’t know how they did it, but they worked everything out, and somehow became closer than ever.”
Leaning on the counter next to her, Jesse stared out the window, smiling as Clay and Rio came into view again. “I’m so glad that Joe’s close to both of them.” Turning, she frowned at Nat. “But I’ve never met Hoyt, have I? I haven’t seen him or even heard about him since I moved here.”
Nat sighed. “And now we get to the heart of the problem.”
A mental image of the way Hoyt had looked the last time Nat saw him brought a lump to her throat. “Hoyt used to visit all the time, and for every holiday he could, but he hasn’t been here for three years now. He talks to Jake and Joe over the phone and through e-mails, but he hasn’t contacted me. At all. Now, I know why.”
Jesse straightened, wrapping an arm around Nat and leading her back to the table. “You’re pale. Have you eaten anything?”
Lowering herself into her seat again, Nat waved a hand dismissively. “I had some toast before Jake and I had our talk. Right now, just the thought of eating makes me feel sick.” Nat smiled reassuringly at her sister, recognizing Jesse’s attempt to calm her. “I’m fine, Jesse. Stop fussing. I know you’re dying to hear the rest. Just let me get through this.”
Lowering herself into her own seat, Jesse reached for her cup again. “I assume this is where Jake dropped his bombshell.”
Nat reached for her own cup, and just as quickly set it back down again. “You assume right. Son of a bitch, Jesse. I wasn’t expecting this.” She started tearing her napkin into little pieces. “When Hoyt stopped visiting, I ignored it. I missed him, but I didn’t want to upset Jake or make him suspicious by asking about him. I’ve never gotten over Hoyt. He’s a hard man to get over, but I sure as hell didn’t want to hurt Jake.”
Blowing out a breath, she tore another strip of napkin. “It turns out that Hoyt stopped coming because of me. Jake said that Hoyt still loves me, and it got too difficult to keep coming around.”
Jesse stilled, her eyes going wide. “What? Wait a minute. Hoyt’s still in love with you? Holy hell! Is that what’s been bothering Jake? Is he mad? Did he have a fight with Hoyt? Why the hell is he taking it out on you? Is he jealous? What’s he going to do?”
Despite her anxiety, Nat couldn’t hold back a laugh. “Wait. I’m not finished. You’ve been so patient—a hell of a lot more patient than I was when Jake talked to me. Just bear with me. I’m all scrambled up inside and I’m trying to tell this in a way it makes sense.”
Leaning back in her
chair, Nat stretched her hands toward the ceiling in an effort to work out some of the kinks in her back, but it did nothing to settle her nerves. “Oh, Jesse.” Blowing out a breath, she got to her feet again, too restless to sit still. “Jake’s been talking to Hoyt for months, and I didn’t know about it. Evidently, they’ve been having some intense conversations. Hoyt’s retiring and he’s coming here.”
Meeting Jesse’s stunned gaze, Nat smiled, her stomach fluttering with nerves and excitement. “He told Jake that he hadn’t gotten over me, and he wants the chance to spend time with his son. He says that he can’t go on with his life without knowing if we can all be a family.”
Jesse shot to her feet. “Oh, my God! I can’t believe it. What does Jake think about all this?”
Thoughts of Jake’s mood that morning made Nat’s pulse trip. “Jake understands Hoyt and his motives. He misses him. He’s also afraid that not knowing if things could have worked out for the three of us will always stand between us. He doesn’t want to be blamed for keeping Hoyt away when we live in a town where the three of us can be together.”
Running her hands through her hair, she groaned and stretched again. “What a mess. Jake’s scared of losing me. He knows that I would have married Hoyt if he hadn’t joined the Navy.”
Remembering the anguish in Jake’s eyes, Nat faced Jesse again. “Jake refused at first. I can only imagine that conversation. But, Hoyt assured him that he had no intention of coming between us. He also asked Jake why the hell we moved to a town where ménage relationships are accepted if he hadn’t been expecting it.”
Jesse’s brows went up. “Good question. What did Jake say to that?”
Blowing out another breath, Nat started ripping another napkin. “Jake admitted to me that he’d done it because he knew Hoyt would be back one day, and that if we lived in Desire, they could share me and Jake wouldn’t lose me.” Nat grinned, her pulse racing again at Jake’s other admission. “Jake also told me that the thought of sharing me with another man excited him.”