Sarah’s eyes widened as the horror of the statement moved through her.
“You ruined Cora Dade’s life, and now you’re going to destroy your own daughter’s.”
“Shut up,” Terrence growled. “Do you think it’s easy living with the guilt of what I did? Why do you think I took Sarah in and gave her a home? I love her. She’s mine. And Cora was mine until Tom came along and stole her from me. But I was one up on him. I took her first.”
Sarah put a hand to her stomach. Her mother, her beautiful, good, precious mother was raped by Terrence Sax? She could not think of him as her father—never! What kind of horrible man was he? She had been raised to think of him as uncle, not father, and to picture him forcing himself on her mother… Hate swept through her like a great wave and she felt sick.
“You sound like a child fighting over a toy,” Mary said in disgust. “It wasn’t easy living with you after you told me, and it wasn’t easy for me to take in Sarah, knowing she was yours. But she’s a darling, sweet girl, and I have come to love her, too. But I can’t stand watching you make her so unhappy. You never should have let them hurt that young man. You’re jealous of him, that’s what. You’re jealous because he reminds you of Tom, and you’re still jealous of him, even after death. May God forgive you, Terrence Sax!”
It was all Sarah could do to keep from crying out in her shock. It all made so much sense now, Uncle Terrence’s possessiveness, and the mutual dislike between the brothers. She hurried back to her room, feeling numb and removed from herself. She quietly closed her door, trying to think. Her aunt had said something about Uncle Terrence letting someone hurt a young man. Did she mean Caleb?
“My God,” she whispered as it fell into place. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She could not break down now. She had to be strong and smart, like an Indian woman, for that was the kind of woman Caleb needed now. She could not stay in this house a moment longer, and the thought of setting eyes on Terrence Sax again made her want to scream.
She padded silently to her dresser, opening a drawer and taking out clean clothes. She could not go to any of her friends, for their parents would tell. She had no choice but to try to get to Caleb’s campsite in the dark, try to find him and hope he was still alive. If he was, she would help him and they would run away. Her young mind could think of no other answer, and youthful energy and determination convinced her it could be done.
She retrieved her carpetbag from under her bed and stuffed the clothes inside, then went to her closet and pulled out two cotton dresses, folding and stuffing them in as well. She removed her nightgown and put it in, then put on a plain blue cotton dress and pulled on long stockings and her bloomers. She went to the washbasin and wrapped a bar of soap into a washcloth, putting it and a towel inside the carpetbag. Then she brushed out her hair and tied it behind her neck and packed the brush. She picked up her warmest cape and tied it around her neck. It had a hood. With Caleb’s warm buffalo robes there should be no worry about the cold nights to come. The days were pleasant because spring had come early.
She took one last look around the room she had lived in for over four years. She had learned much here and been given the things any girl would want. But she wanted none of it now, not this way. She moved to the door and quietly slid shut the lock. They would think she locked herself in out of anger and would not investigate right away. She had a little time.
She picked up her high-button shoes, deciding not to put them on until she got outside. She went to the window and carefully set her carpetbag and shoes on the balcony, then climbed through the window herself. As a young girl she had climbed down the rose trellis many times, out of sheer daring, pretending she was running from pirates, always giggling to herself when she knew her aunt and uncle didn’t even know she’d been gone.
Sarah slipped the handle of the carpetbag over her arm, then leaned over the railing and threw down her shoes. They landed almost soundlessly in the soft grass. She pulled up her dress and moved her foot over the edge, placing it carefully on the first rung of the trellis. She pulled her dress over the railing and carefully climbed down. She found her shoes and slipped them on without buttoning them. There was not time.
She ran off into the darkness, forcing herself not to be afraid of the night. She had to think of Caleb.
Chapter
Eighteen
“CALEB?” Sarah made her way through the dark trees toward the small campfire. She had never dreamed she would be brave enough to walk alone through the back alleys of Saint Louis at night or into the shadowy forest. But she had to forget her fear for herself. She had to think of Caleb. What had they done to him?
She walked closer, finally seeing him lying on what appeared to be the robes that had once made his tent. The small fire was nearly out. “Caleb,” she called again.
He moved, slowly sitting up and reaching for his pistol.
“Caleb, it’s me, Sarah.” She hurried closer and set down her carpetbag. By the light of the dim fire she saw that his hair was cut short. She gasped, her heart filling with pain, her throat constricting so that it took her a moment to find her voice. “Caleb … what did they do to you?”
“Go away,” he mumbled. “It is bad for you here. Go home, Sarah.”
She moved to stand above him, but his back was still to her. “I’m never going back,” she told him a shaky voice. “We’re going away together, Caleb. I waited for you to come for me, and then I heard them arguing. They said something about you being hurt. I had to come, Caleb. I had to know what happened to you.”
“I was going to come for you. But I was waiting until I was stronger. And my hair… I could not face you.”
She knelt down behind him. “Caleb,” she whispered, touching his hair. She gasped when he jerked away, putting a hand to his head. “Do not touch it.”
“Caleb, it doesn’t matter. Let me help you if you’re hurt. What did they do?’
He rubbed his short hair. “Byron Clawson came with seven others. If I’d had my weapons I could have stopped them. I could not fight all eight of them, not one man against muskets used like clubs… and kicking feet.” He shuddered. “I would like to kill them all… the Indian way. I would like to make them sorry for what they’ve done.”
“No, Caleb. It’s just what they want. It would give them an excuse to hang you.” Tears ran down her face, and she rested her head against his back. “Oh, Caleb, I’m so sorry. I feel responsible for all of this. You should have gone back to your son and left me here.”
He turned then, pulling her into his arms, ignoring the lingering pain in his bruised body.
“Caleb, take me away,” she sobbed. “Let’s just go away—right now, tonight. I can’t stay in that house. I—I heard them talking.” She put a hand to her face and trembled. “Oh, Caleb, Uncle Terrence isn’t my uncle. He’s my father!”
She cried harder for a time while Caleb gently rubbed her back.
“What are you talking about?” he asked when her sobs subsided a bit.
“I heard them arguing… my aunt and uncle. Aunt Mary said if he hadn’t raped Cora, I wouldn’t be here. Uncle Terrence took me in because I’m his daughter, Caleb. He raped my mother because he was jealous that she loved Tom more and wanted to go away with him.” She clung to Caleb. “I hate him! I hate him! I’ll never think of him as my father. Tom Sax is my father, and I want to get away from Saint Louis.”
Caleb closed his eyes against his own hatred. It was no wonder Tom Sax had nothing good to say about his brother. It all made so much sense. Terrence Sax had once loved Cora, and she chose Tom instead. Terrence had raped her out of spite, a jealous brother determined to have her before Tom did. Sarah was the man’s daughter.
His heart ached for Sarah. What a terrible thing for her to learn. He had to protect her, take her away, but how?
“We cannot stay here long,” he finally spoke. “You are a brave woman, Sarah, coming here this way. No matter what they did I would not have left without you. I was just not well enou
gh to ride.”
She sniffed and looked at him, seeing even in the glow of the small fire how badly his face was battered. “Oh, Caleb!” She gently kissed his bruised puffy lips. “My darling Caleb.”
“They will look for you soon, and this is the first place they will come,” he told her. “They have been watching me, coming every morning to see if I have gone.”
“We’ll leave tonight,” she said quietly, sniffing and wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her dress. “And we won’t leave any tracks.”
Caleb frowned. “What do you mean?”
“We’ll go by the river. I know where there’s a raft. We can go far downstream before getting off and heading west. They’d never find the place where we got off. They’d never know where to start looking. By the time they find us—if they find us at all—we’ll be married, and they’ll have to give up.”
His heart swelled with pride at her courage and determination. “Where is this raft?”
“Uncle Terrence used to forbid me to go near the river, but when I first got here two friends and I found a raft that doesn’t seem to belong to anyone. We used to float it up and down the river, using poles to guide it, pretending we were pirates. It’s farther up the river. I could go and get it, Caleb. Uncle Terrence would never figure out how we got away. Are you well enough to pack everything while I go and get the raft?”
He rubbed bruised ribs. “I think so. Will it hold two horses?” She frowned. “I don’t think so. It might hold one, though.”
He sighed, looking up at the fine Appaloosa. “The gray was given to me by Tom, but he is getting old.” He swallowed back his sorrow. Again he must give up something he loved, but, after all, there was not time to consider other alternatives. “I will leave the gray and take the Appaloosa. He is younger and stronger.”
“Good. I’ll leave my carpetbag here.” She started to rise, but he grasped her arms.
“Sarah.” She stayed on her knees. “I do not like you going through the forest alone. I do not like any of this. You could be hurt.”
She tossed her hair. “I’m as strong and brave as any of your Indian women, Caleb Sax. Would they do any less?”
He managed a slight grin through his sore mouth. “Tom Sax once said the Irish are stubborn, bull-headed and determined. You are all of that, Sarah Sax.” He caressed her cheek. “No matter what happens, we belong to each other,” he told her. “Nothing can change that.”
She gently kissed his swollen knuckles. “I love you, Caleb. I’m so sorry for what they did to you.” She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “I want to be with you forever and ever,” she whispered. “After tonight we’ll never be apart again.” She stood up. “Get everything together and go down to the riverbank. It’s only a short walk from here. I’ll be back soon and call out to you from the river until I hear you answer. It will be hard to tell in the dark just where this spot is, so listen for me.”
She ran off. He started to object again, but she was already lost in the shadows. He got to his feet, ignoring his pain. There was no time to lose now. Never had he loved her more, for this night Sarah Sax showed the courage Tom Sax had raised her to have. Yes, she truly was Tom’s daughter, not Terrence’s, and she was unlike any white woman Caleb had ever met.
Every movement was an effort, but Caleb managed to pack the most important things onto the Appaloosa. He walked to the gray gelding and untied him, slipping the bridle from the animal’s head. He reached around its neck then, hugging it. Saying good-bye to the gray was like saying good-bye to Tom Sax again. He prayed to the spirits that the horse would stumble upon a kind man who would keep it and be good to it.
“I am sorry to desert you, boy,” he said quietly. “We have been together for a long time.”
The animal whinnied and nuzzled his neck, and Caleb turned away, the pain of parting coursing through him. He picked up the Appaloosa’s reins and led it toward the river. The gray started to follow. Caleb turned. “Go,” he said in a loud whisper. “Go away!”
The horse whinnied again and tossed its head. Caleb walked up to it, then picked up a stone. “Go on! Go!” He tossed the stone and the gray jerked back, then turned and trotted off.
“Damn,” he hissed. “Damn them all!” He turned and began walking, his gait not the usual long, easy strides, but a slow limp. He was not ready for this, but there was no choice. He must draw on all his inner strength. He must heal, and what was not healed must be ignored. He had been through the Sun Dance for Walking Grass. He would survive this for Sarah.
He moved through trees and thick underbrush to the edge of the river, then waited for what seemed an eternity before finally catching sight of one person on a small raft. Farther upstream the bell of a steamboat clanged, and somewhere far in the distance the music of a fiddle floated through the night air. Caleb smiled ruefully. He had been through much in his short life, moving back and forth between two worlds, but who ever would have though there would come a time when he would be sneaking away in the dead of night with Sarah, the woman he loved?
The raft came closer and he heard her call out softly.
“Here,” he answered. It did not take much to be heard. Voices carried far over open water at night. He smiled again at the thought of Terrence Sax sound asleep, thinking his Sarah was nestled in her own room nearby, thinking a beating or the offer of money could make Caleb Sax leave Saint Louis and the precious woman he loved.
Sarah maneuvered a pole and got the raft close enough to shore for Caleb to step aboard. She helped him pull the Appaloosa on also. The horse balked at first, but Caleb spoke to it in Cheyenne, and the animal seemed to relax. Caleb tied a rope around the animal’s leg, then kneeled, grunting with pain, and tied the other end of the rope around one of the raft’s logs. He spoke soothingly to the horse more as Sarah pushed with the pole to get them back into the river’s current.
“The river is calm for a long way,” she said quietly. “We shouldn’t have any trouble. We can be far downstream by morning, then get off and head west.”
He walked around the other side of the horse, picking up another pole and pushing himself. He turned to look at her, so proud of her courage and daring. When she shivered he reached out to touch her shoulder encouragingly.
“You are wet.”
“I’m all right. I slipped and fell into the water pushing the raft out.”
He retrieved a robe from the horse. “Get those clothes off,” he ordered.
“I can’t. Not now, Caleb. There isn’t time.”
“You will get sick.”
“No I won’t. Just put the robe around me. Please, Caleb. We can’t stop for anything.”
Their eyes held in the moonlight and he bent down and lightly kissed her lips. “I should not have come back here. If it were not for that Byron Clawson I would have left you here where you belong.”
He put the robe around her shoulders.
“But I don’t belong here,” she replied. “I never did. I belong with you, Caleb.” She handed back his pole. “Can you push? Between us and the current, we’ll make good time.”
He took the pole. “I will do what I can.”
A terrible dread came over him, the black feeling he had experienced before he lost Walking Grass. In his twenty years Caleb had never been able to hang on to anyone he loved. Now there was Sarah, and if they could get away, they would go and get little Tom. Was it possible he could have such happiness, possible he could have them both?
The weather turned suddenly hot, and the trees and underbrush hung limp and quiet. They had gone south on the Mississippi rather than west on the Missouri, hoping any trackers would search the Missouri first, knowing Caleb Sax would head west. In the early morning they left the river and moved onto land, making their way through the thickly forested parts of Missouri so as not to be seen, heading west toward Unorganized Territory. Caleb knew that once he was in Indian country they could make good time. But the heat, the heavy woods and his own injuries were slowing them up for no
w.
Sarah rode in front of him on the Appaloosa. She had refused to stop and change the night before. Now she removed the buffalo robe because of the morning heat, and her clothes were drying but still damp, clinging uncomfortably to her body. Caleb was worried about her, and by mid-morning he stopped the horse and dismounted, ignoring his own pain and pulling her down from the horse.
“You are getting out of that dress and everything else,” he told her. He opened her carpetbag, pulling out another dress and a pair of bloomers. “Put these on.”
“Caleb, there isn’t time.”
“There is less time for you to be sick. We will never get away if you are too ill to travel.” He turned her around and unbuttoned the back of her dress, pulling it off her shoulders.
She folded her arms over her breasts and hung her head, stepping out of the dress, her high shoes still unbuttoned and soggy. Caleb stooped down.
“Pull,” he told her, grabbing a shoe. She pulled her foot out of first one, then the other. He pulled her stockings off next, trying to ignore her slender thighs and calves, her milky white skin. This was the first time he had seen her this way, but his pain and the gravity of their situation left little time for lingering on her beauty. He yanked down her bloomers.
“Caleb, don’t—”
“Don’t be silly,” he told her, rolling up the clothes and tying them while she stood there naked. To her relief he did not stare at her, and she loved him more than ever, almost wanting him to look, yet devastated at the idea of being stripped in front of him in the bright morning light. He picked up the dry bloomers and she stepped into them. Only then did he glance at her secret place as he pulled them on.
A certain tension hung in the air for a moment. Then both of them began to relax slightly and realize what they had done, that they were alone together and could do whatever they wanted. All they needed was a little more time, time for healing and time to get farther away.
Caleb grasped her wrists, and she hung her head but did not resist when he gently pulled her arms away so he could look upon her breasts, full and white, her pink nipples erect from the stimulation of his gaze.
Savage Horizons Page 26