I felt giddy and excited as I start putting together my very own business scrapbook. I was such a dork but that was the only way I was able to work; I needed visual aid. Maybe I could get somewhere; maybe, just maybe I could give Patrick a way out of this and improve his mood. I wanted, no, I needed to help him.
I was like that, working, for a long time; I’d lost all glamour and had my hair up in my nest and was dancing like there was no tomorrow to the loud music I had put on. Music, sometimes, helped me in a creative process. I didn’t know much about current music but the sound of it was enough to help me. I was jumping around, freeing myself from the stress I had on me the past week when I heard someone calling my name.
“Lucinda,” I screamed at the same time I jumped scared out of my mind. It was Patrick.
“Fuck,” I said putting my hands on my knees trying to recover from the near death experience I had just survived “Have you forgotten about knocking,” I said turning the volume down on my computer.
“Not at all. I knocked at least 5 times but you didn’t hear me,” he said leaning on the door with his arms crossed. He was recently showered and was on his sweats and gray hoodie.
“I’m sorry. I was way into this,” I said picking up everything on the floor.
“Sure, let’s call it that way,” He said grinning. I was not about to go into a debate about my dancing skills “What is it anyway?” he asked crouching in front of my mess.
“I’m planning something that could work instead of E-course,” I said a bit ashamed because, really, if you didn’t look closely you could easily think it was a girly scrapbook.
“Oh, let me see,” he said trying to grab the binder where I was working but I snatched it from him “Or not,” he said with an amused look.
“It’s not ready yet,” I smiled getting up from the floor and placing everything on the desk “dinner?” I asked and he nodded.
“I brought it here,” he said very proud of himself
“Why?” I asked scrunching my nose as I tried to do something with my hair.
“Well, I thought you had fallen asleep again and that you might be too tired so the idea of having dinner in here would be a relief to you but then I got here and heard the music so loud. There was no way in hell you could be asleep,” I laughed and we both walked downstairs to the kitchen.
“Let’s see,” I said opening the containers that were on the breakfast bar. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I saw Miranda’s lasagna.
“How was the party planning?” he asked leaning on the red couch.
“It was great. Tracy and Regina seemed very in tune with what they see for the party so that won’t be a problem,” I said while putting the lasagna on the microwave. I wasn’t heating it on the conventional oven, I was starving.
“Did my sister have crazy ideas?” he asked
“Not really,” I open the fridge taking out a bottle of wine and then two glasses from the cabinets in the kitchen “She is just…,” I shrugged
“Just….” He said with a smile on his face
“Your sister,” I said containing my laughter
“What does that mean?”He asked very amused
“She knows exactly what she wants. The difference between you and her is that she actually can put a name on the stuff she wants. She actually said I want cake pops on my dessert table. You would’ve just said, “I want those round things that I ate at my sister’s party,” I said and he was looking me in a strange way, “What?” I asked as I took the lasagna from the microwave
“Nothing. It’s just that you’ve managed to become completely necessary in my life in a matter of months,”
“Oh! C’mon Patrick.” I said while putting the lasagna on the dining table “If it wasn’t me some other assistant would be doing it,” I smiled at him.
“Nope,” He shook his head as he walked to the table “No one, in all my years as an adult, has ever become so essential for my every day,” he said holding my hand that was trying to pour some wine on the glasses. Black caramel apples, that’s what I felt.
“Dinner is ready,” I said as we both sat down.
“So what is it that she wants for the party?” he asked as he took a mouthful of lasagna.
“Purple and expensive favors,” I said summarizing what Regina wanted.
“Go Figure,” he smiled.
“We need to go and check the clubs, Patrick.” I said chewing on the lasagna.
“What? Regina didn’t know which one she wants her party at?” he asked in a sarcastic tone I laughed.
“No. The thing is that she knows what she wants for the party so we have to see which club would be the best option for everything she wants,” I shrugged.
“Fine. See if they can make it tomorrow morning. We can do that before lunch,” he nodded and gave a sip of his wine “We have a gala tomorrow,” he said and I was ready to throw my lasagna to the wall.
“Not themed I hope,” I said hopefully
“Great Gatsby,”
“Oh my god, Patrick. Why? Why would they do shit like that?” I said as I downed the rest of my wine.
“Why God invented galas?” he asked rhetorically.
“Why didn’t you let me know?” lately he had been announcing galas one day before the event.
“Regina told me yesterday. It’s for her friend’s parents’ charity,” he shrugged “I don’t know she just gave me the invite and gave the sad puppy eyes that she knows I can’t resist,”
“Ok, but it’s not business. Then I don’t have to go,” I said pushing my plate because I was done and putting my feet up in the chair.
“No, but you are the best friend ever and you are coming with me,” he batted his eyelashes. I couldn’t believe he was doing that.
“Patriiiick,” I whined
“Peppeeeer,” he whined back.
“Ugh! Fine,”
“Thank you so much,” he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“I don´t have a dress, though,”
“I’ll ask Tracy to get us both an outfit,” he said and I just nodded. “How are things going with Brian?”
“Ugh,” I said taking the dirty dishes to the kitchen.
“That great uh?” he said raising his eyebrows.
“No, it’s not that,” I sat on the red couches and he went to sit next to me with the glasses of wine “It’s just that… I have no fucking idea how am I supposed to feel at this stage of a relationship,” I shrugged and took the glass he was offering me.
“What stage is that?” he asked giving a sip of his wine “I don’t even know that,” I said frustrated “Is there a stage where you are just going out to stupid dates, kissing a lot and not talking about feelings or future or anything?” Patrick looked disgusted as I said the kissing part.
“That sounds like dating in high school, Pepper,” he smiled “I wouldn’t know that. How could I?” I shook my head “No, but seriously, I am confused,” “What are you so confused about, Lucinda? Either you like Brian or you don’t,” he shrugged “I do like him, Patrick. But you like Brian too. It’s just the feelings part that I have no idea if I’m doing right,” I threw my hands in the air after putting the glass of wine in the coffee table.
“Lucinda,” said Patrick getting up and sitting closer to me “there’s no right or wrong way in the feelings part, like you call it. You just feel it; you know when everything that the other person is or is ever going to be is what you want to have in your life forever. You just know that suddenly you forgot how to breathe when you are next to them and you are completely ok with that shortage of air for eternity,”
“Wow,” I said as I looked at him. He definitely was thinking about someone. There was no way he could recall those feelings if he had never felt them before. They were specific and nowhere near to what I felt for Brian. Not even close. Complete different universes. “Well, if I am supposed to just know then,” I sighed and continued “I am clueless,” Patrick nodded.
“What ar
e you doing with him then?” he asked with a serious face.
“I want to give myself a chance, Patrick. I want to see what having a relationship is like,” I realized I sounded sad.
“That’s not a relationship. That’s something like friends with benefits or something,” he drank from his glass and gave me mine. I swallowed it all. He was right.
“We haven’t had sex,” I finally said after drinking the rest of the wine. He just nodded. We stayed there in silence. I was thinking and thinking about what Patrick said. About all of it.
“So you have been in love uh?” I asked and he widened his eyes and nodded. In that moment his phone rang; it was his mother to ask if the plans for Regina’s party were already up and running.
Eleven
We called Regina and Tracy to see if they could meet with us next day for a tour of the clubs. Regina decided that we should all have breakfast at Patrick’s place and then ride together to the clubs. Patrick asked Tracy to bring a couple of outfit choices for the party and she said that she would see what could be done in such short notice. Around 8 that night Patrick left and I decided to take a bath. I was really tired but mostly overwhelmed. Too many feelings and few of them were directed towards Brian. Maybe the feelings would grow as the companionship grew. My thoughts were completely interrupted when my phone rang, reaching for the phone that was in a small table near the tub where I currently was trying to relax. I read the ID and realized it was Brian. Great, just great, complicate things for me won’t you?
“Hey,” I said answering.
“Hello, you, how are you?” I smiled, I couldn’t help it. Brian was a great friend and had a way of making me feel positive about anything.
“Tired as hell,” I said resting my head on the tub.
“I was wondering if you were up for a pint of sorbet in your pjs in those cozy red couches you always talk about,” I literally moaned at the thought of sorbet
“I’d kill anyone for that,” I smiled I couldn’t help it.
“Not necessary, I’m on my way there.”
“Can’t wait,” I said and we hang up. Oh God! I’d just, practically, invited Brian over. At night. Great! 45 minutes later I heard someone knocking on my door. It was, obviously, Brian and I thought either he had been on his way when he called me or he drove like a maniac.
“Hey,” he said as I opened the door “here you have,” he gave me a brown paper bag that of course had a pint of sorbet.
“Oh you are my hero,” I said taking it and motioning for him to come in.
“Never been in here before,” He said looking around as he took his coat off.
“Like it?” I asked from the kitchen where I was already serving the sorbet into tiny bowls.
“Pretty cozy,” He said sitting on the red couches.
“What kind is it?” I asked while I served several scoops of sorbet “Kiwi,” he said and I nodded
“Here,” I gave him his bowl and I sat next to him with mine putting my legs under me. I think I was having a date with the sorbet because when I opened my eyes after tasting it Brian was looking at me like something was wrong. “Sorry,” I said smiling
“It’s ok,” he laughed “How was your day?” he asked “Long. Too long, Brian. I met Regina today,” I said nodding “Oh, how is she? Haven’t seen her in ages,”
“She’s ok. I guess. I’m helping with her 18th birthday party,” I shrugged “Oh… I would say she is worst than Patrick but I don’t know about that,” he was looking at his bowl. The sorbet was gone.
“She is very specific but I rather have that than trying to figure out what Patrick is talking about. Anyway,” I set my empty bowl on the coffee table “How was your day?” I asked.
“It was long, but no so complicated,” he said as he got closer to me. No more food to keep us apart “It’s nice to see you,” I didn’t know what to say so I did what any confused woman would have done. I kissed him, seemed like kissing was my coping mechanism for confusing situations. Like I’ve said before, kissing Brian was not an exhilarating or firework behind my eyes kind of thing but it was nice. For so long, my whole life really, I had been deprived, mostly by my own self, of the contact and touch of people I knew. Having this kind of intimacy, physical intimacy, with someone I cared about, in some level, was refreshing and at some point addictive. Maybe that’s why I let the kiss turn into some heavy making out session; a bit heavier than Halloween, pants weren’t part of the scene, my pants, and definitely no tops involved, both our tops. Brian surely knew what he was doing and at some point I relaxed long enough to let myself enjoy what was happening. However and here it’s when the thing gets complicated, I began to think; I thought about work, about where our relationship was going, about what Patrick had said about love and relationships but mostly, I thought about Patrick and that was really annoying and distracting. I had to stop what I was doing; I was never ever going to have a normal relationship with Brian because of Patrick!
“Brian,” I said trying to stop him but he really knew what he was doing. No! I had to stop him “Brian,” I said tapping on his shoulder
“Yes?” he asked while kissing my neck.
“I need to go to bed. I have a very long day tomorrow and I haven’t had time to rest,” I said staring at the ceiling when I finally felt him move.
“Sure,” he said. When I finally looked at him I couldn’t detect a hint of annoyance or frustration. He wasn’t angry it was as if he was relieved that I had stopped this from going further. “What are you doing tomorrow?” He asked while he put his shirt on.
“I am going with Regina to his brother’s clubs,” I refused to use his name while I was almost naked in front of Brian “and then, at night, I have a horrible, horrible themed Gala for one of Regina’s Friend’s Parents’ charity or something like that,” I said while arranging the nest on my head in a more decent way.
“That’s a horrible day indeed,” He said while he help me put on my pjs top. “What theme?” He asked as he tied his shoe laces. I definitely didn’t care about putting my pants on.
“The Great Gatsby,” I said and he laughed his ass off.
“What’s so funny?” I asked laughing as well. It was contagious. Good thing about Brian, he could scare away the awkward in a couple of minutes.
“C’mon Lucy, the outfits are hideous! I know how much you hate themed galas,” he kept on laughing.
“I do hate them,” I said putting my feet on the couch and hugging my knees “Just relax, have fun, have a drink or two,” he said getting up and looking at me in the couch “galas can be a bitch,” He gave me a soft kiss on the lips and I climbed down the couch to walk him to the door.
“They can be,” I was pouting.
“Anyway, I’ll call you tomorrow at some point,” he grabbed me by the waist and smiled “Ok,” I whispered. What the fuck was I doing?
“Good night, Lucy,” he kissed me again.
“Good night,” I said as he walked out the door. I closed it and leaned on it. I seriously needed some help I grabbed the pint of sorbet and went upstairs to my room. I turned the T.V on and sat on the bed eating the kiwi sorbet. I felt depressed but I didn’t know why. It was a weird feeling like I was losing something. My deep thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing. I picked it up only to find Patrick’s name on the screen. It wasn’t that late, 11:30 pm, but late enough to want a midnight snack.
“Yes Patrick,” I said as I began to put my pj pants on.
“You don’t need to put your pants on,”
“What the fuck?” I looked around for cameras “do you have cameras in my room, Patrick?” I heard him laugh out loud.
“No, look out your window,” I looked and saw him standing in the office. The lights on and he was still dressed as earlier, that meant he hadn’t gone to bed. He waved. “Stop stuffing your mouth with sorbet and go to bed, Lucy, we have a long day tomorrow.”
“I can’t sleep,” I said sitting down on the bed.
“Why?” He aske
d.
“It’s not that I can’t. I don’t want to,” I shrugged.
“What happened with Brian?” he asked and I turned around to look at the window through the blinds. He was laying his head back on his chair and had his eyes closed.
“You knew he was here?” I asked and saw what I thought was a smile.
“I know everything that happens in my house, Lucinda,” he still had his eyes closed. I put a pillow against the wall that was next to my bed so I could, comfortably, face the window and watch Patrick while we talked.
“Not everything,” I said as I took a spoonful of sorbet “you don’t even know what kind of soap you use,” I saw him shaking with laughter.
“I know about the important stuff,” I nod “So, what happened?” “Nothing,” I said while eating more sorbet he still had his eyes closed.
“Nothing?” he repeated not moving.
“Not at all,” I smiled more to myself than for him; I knew he wanted to know about how things were going.
“What does that mean?” He smiled as well.
“Well, we didn’t have sex if that’s what you want to know,” “You didn’t?” He opened his eyes and sat straight on his chair; he wasn’t aware that I was still watching him.
“No. I’m not ready to take this to that level and putting the friendship at risk,” I shrugged and ate some more sorbet.
“Why are you eating sorbet, then?” He finally turned to the window and I waved at him “And why are you on stalker mode?” He laughed.
“I’m eating sorbet because why on earth would I leave an amazing kiwi sorbet on the freezer if I could be eating it,” I took a bit spoonful of sorbet “and I am not in stalker mode you are the one that called me the minute I was in my room,” I heard him laugh and I saw him rest his arm on the window in his office.
“Go to sleep, Lucinda. We have a long boring day tomorrow,” he smiled “Good night, Patrick,” I smiled.
“Good night, Pepper,” Once again my nights belong to Patrick in a strange way. The last person I saw almost every night was my boss and I was ok with that.
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