“Oh, the Research Institute?”
Arc’s smile grew; if his lips spread any more, Mr. Charm would be showing his fangs. “That’s right. You see, ma’am, your daughter, since she’s new and all, must not have realized that she needs to get clearance before she can leave our facilities.”
“I’m afraid you’re the one who’s confused,” Toni returned with a frigid look. “The Institute is run differently now. I’d think you’d know that, Mr. Costache, as you were present at the meeting where that was explained.”
Toni’s first stipulation as co-leader had been that no woman would ever be held in Ţărână against her will. As a part of that new guideline, Hannah, Ellen, Beth, Maggie, and Kimberly had been called in front of the leadership and individually polled: Did they want to stay or go? It had been a matter of form – all of the Dragons had agreed to stay, of course – but it’d been important to acknowledge their choice. Roth had even gone a step further and gathered the warriors together so all of them could apologize on behalf of the entire community for kidnapping them.
A muscle in Arc’s jaw bunched. “Maybe I should say I’m astounded, then, that you’d run out on your husband, when you know –”
Shannon’s eyebrows flew up. “Husband?” She gaped at Toni. “You’re married?!”
Toni blasted Arc with a heated, thank-you-very-much-you-butthead glower. “I was going to tell you tonight, Mom.”
Shannon’s hand went to her throat, her fingers twining in her necklace. “Was there a wedding or … or …?”
“No, Mom. If there had been, you would have been invited. Please, don’t feel hurt. The whole situation has been … rather unconventional.”
“Well, can I meet him?” Shannon asked, still flustered. “He’s my son-in-law, after all.”
Arc sniffed, the edge of one nostril lifting. “Toni’s husband isn’t feeling too chipper right now, ma’am.”
Toni moved her eyes over to Arc’s face and felt something in her chest begin to squeeze, a bad feeling stirring in her belly.
“Jacken needs his … medication.” Arc’s gaze sharpened on her. “And you know you’re the only one who can give it to him.”
Toni’s cheeks went cold, then numb. But that didn’t make sense. Pure-bred Vârcolac could last five to seven days without blood, Mixed-blood Dragons up to ten. Surely a Half-Rău –
“Men of your husband’s unique heritage,” Arc went on, correctly assuming she needed clarification, “require their meds every three days. Today’s the third.”
Her stomach bottomed out. Dear God, that meant by tomorrow Jacken would be in a blood-coma. She pressed a hand to her mouth, then her cheek. “Where is he?” she asked in a frayed voice.
“We’ve got him holed up nearby at a Doubletree Hotel on Front Street. Nyko’s babysitting him.” Arc’s mouth compressed into a tight line. “He’s pretty bad off.”
“Jesus, stop looking at me like that, would you? I’m not a monster. I didn’t know something like this was going to happen to him.”
“It wouldn’t exactly have been an issue, if you’d kept your ass planted at home where it belonged, now would it?” Arc jerked forward in his seat, his eyes blue steel. “You got problems with your husband? Then fucking man-up and fix them, Toni, because everyone’s getting sick and goddamned tired of you running away.”
Bracing the heels of her palms on the edge of the table, Toni pushed her spine against the back of the booth. Arc’s words cut like a knife, spilling blood, opening her up to the infection of guilt. Tears sprang painfully into her eyes.
Arc’s gaze dropped. “Shit.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry. I saw what Jacken did to you, Toni, and, yeah, it was really damned bad.” He exhaled a long breath through his nose. “But you’re one of the leaders of our Institute now. You can’t deal with your marital issues like this. It sets a bad example.”
“No, I suppose not,” she admitted stiffly.
Shannon was staring at her Guinness, but Toni could tell her mother was listening intently to everything.
“Look, I know there’s a lot of stuff you still haven’t been told yet. Everyone thought you knew about the O-sticks, but –”
“I do know.”
Arc’s brows came down, his narrowed eyes searching her face. “Then why –?”
“Just let me say goodbye to my mother, okay?” Toni cut in. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot.”
Arc paused a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, sure.” He scooted out of the booth and shook hands with Shannon again. “It was nice meeting you, ma’am.” He smiled. “Sorry for all the weird.” He jerked his chin at Gábor and Thomal, and the two men joined him on their way out the door.
Toni watched the three Vârcolac leave, her stomach so heavy it felt like it was full of lead. She smiled faintly at her mother. “Well … um … I’m sure you have a ton of questions about all that.”
“Just one.” Shannon’s eyes darkened with concern. “Are you all right, Toni?”
Oh, God. Toni planted her elbow on the table and slumped her forehead into her palm. Her mother thought Jacken was a full-on power-and-control wife beater. “Mom, listen, I don’t want you to think …. What my husband did to me wasn’t awful, like Arc said, I mean, it wasn’t his fault, so ….” She expelled a breath. “I don’t want you to think ill of him, okay. He’s a great man.” He’s just genetically challenged.
Shannon smiled gently. “I don’t mean to kick you when you’re down, honey, but your choice in men in the past hasn’t exactly been spot-on.”
Toni flipped over a cocktail napkin, changing it from a shamrock to a leprechaun. That was, unfortunately, a valid point. “I can’t explain all the reasons why things are different now, but they are. I’ve chosen well.”
Shannon tilted her head to one side, her eyes moving over Toni’s face. “You love him, don’t you?”
A rush of emotion flooded Toni’s heart. “Yes, I do,” she pushed through a suddenly tight throat. “Very much.”
Shannon nodded. “Well, that’s the problem, then.”
Toni felt a frown pull at her features. “I don’t …. What do you mean?”
Shannon’s blue eyes softened. “Toni, honey, ever since what happened with that Brad Flannigan boy you’ve been a changed person … more closed. I just don’t think you’ve ever forgiven yourself for it.”
“That’s not true. I understand now why I slept with him.” Oddball that she’d been in high school, having no way to understand about being a Dragon, it’d been irresistible to have a handsome, popular jock show her attention, even though it turned out he’d only been pretending.
“I’m not talking about having sex with that boy.” Shannon gave her a meaningful look. “I’m talking about what happened afterward.”
A spasm of pain gripped her body. “Mom, no. I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Of course you don’t. You’d rather go through your whole life pretending the consequences of that Homecoming night with Brad never happened. But the problem is that every part of your heart knows it did.” Shannon drew a breath and exhaled a rush of air. “Ever since your senior year of high school, you’ve been living in a kind of preemptive strike mode, Toni, pushing away anyone you started to care about, or who cared about you, before they could leave you.” She glanced down. “Alex might’ve been an exception, but I certainly haven’t been.”
Shock tripped Toni’s pulse out of rhythm. “You think I’m the one who’s been pulling away from you all this time?”
“Yes,” Shannon answered somberly, “you have been.”
Toni put a hand over her mouth, tears stinging her eyes again. Had it really been her?
“And now I’m guessing you’re doing the same thing to this man of yours,” her mother said. “You’re running away from him, not because of whatever this not-awful thing is he did to you, but because you started to love him too much. And you got scared.” Shannon set both palms on the table, a loving ache entering her eyes. “You nee
d to stop beating yourself up for the choices you made back then. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything absolutely right.” Grabbing her purse, Shannon reached inside and pulled out a photograph. “Here” – she set it on the table in front of Toni – “it’s time you took this.”
A tear slipped from Toni’s eye and rolled over her fingers. She didn’t look at the photo. She didn’t have to.
“I’ve kept it all these years,” her mother said softly, “knowing you’d want it someday.”
“I don’t.” Toni reached out to shove the photo away, inevitably glancing at it. The paper was curled at the corners and yellowing around the edges, but the picture in the middle was startling clear. Acid lurched into her throat.
“Take it, Toni.” Shannon gently pushed the picture back to her. “Show it to your new husband and tell him about it. When you see nothing but loving acceptance in his eyes, then maybe you’ll finally realize you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Toni stared blurrily at the photo. “Oh, Jesus,” she moaned low, “Mom.”
Shannon reached across the table and gripped Toni’s hand, holding it firmly while Toni cried, her chin ducked to her chest and tears dropping steadily into her lap. She couldn’t believe she was crying in the middle of a bar, but there was nothing she could do about it. That photo had torn open an unhealed wound, and there was no getting around the excruciating anguish of something that had been festering within her for so many years.
When Toni’s tears had finally eased to sniffles, Shannon patted her hand. “You okay, baby girl?”
Nodding, Toni wiped at her eyes with the palms of her hands. “I … I should probably go, though.”
“Yes,” her mother agreed. “It sounds like your husband needs you.”
Toni pushed unsteadily to her feet, feeling utterly drained.
Her mother put some money on the table, then stood, too, handing Toni a tissue. “So when do I get to meet this man of yours?”
“Probably Christmastime. Sooner if I can arrange it.” Toni blew her nose. “I should warn you, though, he’s … kind of scary-looking.”
“Is he?” Shannon laughed. “Okay.” She hugged Toni tightly. “Email me, baby girl. I miss you so much.”
“I will.” Toni squeezed her mother back. “A lot.”
The two women exited The Field, parting at the door. Toni headed for the parking lot, spotting Arc, Gábor, and Thomal standing next to the community Pathfinder. Thomal made a pained face when he saw the evidence of her tears.
She came to a stop right in front of Arc, clutching the photo to her chest. “You don’t know anything about me Arc Costache,” she said, barely keeping a quaver from her voice, “the experiences I’ve had and the pain I’ve suffered. So I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your damned judgments about me and my marriage to yourself.”
“All right.” Arc shocked the devil out of her by pulling her into a quick brotherly hug. “Sorry, Doc.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Toni made it all of two steps inside the Doubletree Hotel room, then slammed back against the door, her mouth gaping open on a frightened gasp.
Jacken was coming at her like a Howitzer.
Arc, Gábor, and Thomal scattered in all directions, while Nyko leapt to Jacken’s side and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him to a halt. “Jacken –”
Jacken snarled and curled his lip at Nyko, showing his brother a pair of rapidly lengthening fangs.
“Listen to me,” Nyko enunciated clearly, sounding amazingly unfazed. “You don’t want to scare your wife again, do you?” His voice dipped an octave. “Just let me talk to her a second.”
A sinew in Jacken’s jaw shivered ruthlessly, but he nodded and stayed where he was.
Nyko let go of his brother and looked at her. “Please don’t be afraid, Toni, all right? Jacken’s not Rău, and he’s not going that way. He’s just three days without blood and screwy. I imagine the last thing you want to do is let him feed before you’ve had a chance to talk things out, but –”
“No, it’s fine,” she interrupted. Dear God, her husband was a mess, his black hair sticking up all over his head like lacquered broomsticks, his eyes wild and bloodshot, his skin zombie pale. Huge sweat rings marked each armpit, while more perspiration painted a wide racing stripe down the middle of his pecs. “He just startled me at first, is all. I’m not afraid.”
“Okay,” Nyko said, “good, that’s good. I’m going to leave this cell phone here for you, though, just in case.” He set it on the nightstand. “Press number one and it’ll automatically send out an emergency call to every warrior.”
“I won’t need it.”
“Of course not. It’s just to make you feel solid about things.” Nyko gestured the other men out. “We’ll be down in the lobby bar.”
The four Vârcolac left, the door shutting softly behind them.
She exhaled raggedly. “I’m so sorry, Jacken. I had no idea this was going to happen to you.”
He rushed over to her, his arms wrapping her in a shaky embrace. “I ….” He gave her a turbulent look. “I don’t want to be too rough, but I’m ….”
“You won’t be.” She grabbed his head and pulled his face down to her throat, every loving instinct in her just wanting to make him better.
With a groan, he plunged in his fangs, his jaw pumping hard against her throat as he sucked like a starving babe at the breast. His body shook, and again.
Her lips parted on a breath as Fiinţă swam through her, heat and pleasure beginning to –
Abruptly, Jacken jerked out his fangs and collapsed onto his knees at her feet. “Oh, shit.” He clutched her around the middle, his cheek pressed to her belly. “Toni, I … I’m the one who’s sorry. Jesus, if ….” He sank all the way to the floor, hunching over, and grasped his head between his hands. “If I could let you divorce me, I would. I swear it.”
She knelt down beside him, her knees feeling a little squishy from that bolus of Fiinţă in her bloodstream. “I don’t want to divorce you.”
He lifted his head, showing her haunted eyes. “I hurt you,” he wrenched out. “I would’ve forced myself on you if the warriors hadn’t –”
“You were glazed-out and didn’t know what you were doing, and I … have to take my own share of responsibility for what happened.” She gently touched his sweat-soaked hair. “That night we cooked meatloaf, I’d just checked an O-stick. I saw I was heading into my fertile time, but I came out of the bathroom anyway.
Surprise flexed the skin across his face. “You did it on purpose?”
“Partly subconsciously, I think, but yes. I certainly didn’t know you were going to go Rău when I ovulated, but I think somewhere in my mind I was looking for any excuse to run away.”
He blinked hard, once, in confusion.
“Will you … sit with me for a minute while I try to explain?”
His brow cleared. “Of course.” Pushing to his feet, he moved slowly over to the bed with her and sat.
She picked up her purse from the floor, pulling out the photo her mother had given to her. She handed it to Jacken, peering over his shoulder as he studied it, seeing what he saw: a blonde girl in a hospital delivery room, painfully young-looking, a bundled newborn baby in her arms. The expression on the girl’s face was something between amazed shock and anxious desperation. Toni knew exactly what was going through the girl’s mind; that she was going to have to give up something soon that she deeply wanted to keep.
“That’s me,” she said around a lump in her throat.
Jacken looked up from the picture and met her eyes.
She smiled weakly. “When I was a junior in high school, I had a stupid crush on a guy that led me into making an even stupider mistake, which got me pregnant.” She pointed to the baby in the picture, the lump in her throat nearly choking her. “I held my son for three minutes, thirty-two seconds, then never saw him again.” Tears flooded the corners of her eyes. “Ever.”
“Toni ….” Jacken t
ook hold of her hand.
“I know I did the right thing by giving him up for adoption. I was in high school and couldn’t have taken proper care of him. Other girls, maybe, but I was really immature and had low self-esteem. Now I understand that it was because of being a Dragon. My mother found a very good home for him, too, so I know he … he’s had a good life.” He’d be about sixteen himself by now. Was he good at sports like his dad? Did he like chocolate chip mint ice cream like she did? A cold, hollow feeling opened in the pit of her stomach like an echo. “Problem is,” she continued on a rasp, “even though my logical mind tells me all of that, my heart doesn’t agree most of the time.” The tears in her eyes tumbled down her cheeks. “I feel like I abandoned that little boy, just like … just like ….”
“Just like your father did to you,” Jacken filled in for her.
“Yes,” she sobbed.
“Ah, honey.” He drew her against his body and held her close. “I don’t know your father’s reasons for leaving, but I do know that he was an adult when he walked out on his wife and kids. In my eyes, that makes him a selfish bastard. Whereas you gave up a baby you obviously adored for your son’s welfare. That’s the furthest thing from selfish there is.” He gave her shoulders a squeeze. “You’re nothing like your old man, okay? You shouldn’t feel anything but proud of yourself for making what was probably the biggest and hardest sacrifice of your life.”
She pressed her face into his thick, sweaty shoulder, nodding mutely. She cried harder, though – really hard, sobs wrenching her chest and spasming her throat.
“Toni, it’s okay, really.” He was probably completely freaked out by her breakdown, but, God, she was stripped so raw, she couldn’t help it. “You’re such a caring person, honey; look how much you’ve done for the community and the Dragons in just two weeks. You gotta remember that about yourself.”
She gulped and sniffled, bringing herself back to some semblance of calm. “M-my mother says I’ve been pulling away from people ever since I gave up the baby, and … I think she’s right. Somewhere in my mind I must’ve decided that anyone I loved would eventually be lost to me, like my father, and then the baby, so I needed to leave first before I got hurt.” She leaned back and looked at her husband through swimming eyes. “I love you so much, Jacken, more every day, and as idiotic as it sounds, that’s why I left you. I’m just so afraid of losing you, and … and being destroyed.”
The Community Series, Books 1-3 Page 29