“How?”
“I’m a guy.” I muttered the words defensively.
She didn’t even blink. “You’re a man now, but you were a boy then. Even if you were raped right now, it wouldn’t be your fault. You’re the victim, and you did nothing wrong.”
I sneered at her. “What? You think you’re just going to magically cure all my fucked-up-edness, Mia? Come here and spout a few clichés, and I’ll have a breakthrough, and none of that shit will matter anymore?” I laughed coldly. “You’re a naïve little girl if you think that.”
Another tear slipped from her eye, and I cursed myself for causing it, even as I stoked my anger. It wasn’t directed at her so much as a general hatred for the world. She was just convenient.
“I’m not trying to fix you, Paxton. I love you, all of you. The darkness and the light. If you feel like you need to be fixed, I’m happy to support you as you go through therapy, or whatever you need. If you want to hurt me to ease your pain, you already know I’ll let you. If you want me to leave you alone, I’ll try to do that too.” She kissed my palm again before slowly letting go of my hand. “I’ll do whatever you want.”
I pushed away from her and got up from the sofa. My destination was the front door, and I intended to slam it behind me and never look back. Damn her. I didn’t want to get into this. I didn’t want to examine my feelings or try to work through the past. I wanted to keep that shit buried deep down, only pulling it out when I needed an edge to fight.
As I reached for the doorknob, a quiet sob behind me made me freeze. I was breaking her heart just walking out like this. Abruptly, all her words sank in. She loved me. Mia fucking loved me, though I didn’t deserve it. If I walked out on her, throwing that love back in her face, I was the rotten bastard I’d always thought I was.
She was my last chance at normal. The last time I could do the right thing and still find a way to be happy. If I stepped through that door, I was a quitter. I’d had my cowardly moments, like avoiding my mom’s funeral, but if I gave up on her, on us, I was a pathetic coward. There would be no redeeming myself, in her eyes or my own.
But why was it so hard to turn back to her? I wanted to be happy. I wanted to make her happy. Why couldn’t I just turn around and do that? Tell her I loved her too—a realization I’d come to in the days after I’d run from her. I ached for her, and here she was, but I couldn’t seem to take the final step to embrace her. Instead, I hovered indecisively.
Proving she was the stronger one of us, as if I’d had any doubts, Mia was suddenly behind me. Her arms wrapped around my waist, and she pressed her face against my back. I could feel feather-light kisses through the thin fabric of my T-shirt as she made herself vulnerable to rejection again.
I was a bastard—selfish, angry, damaged, and self-absorbed. But I wasn’t such a bastard that I could hurt her again. Abruptly, I turned around, lifted her into my arms, and slammed my mouth onto hers. The kiss was fierce and angry, but her mouth stayed soft and fluid under mine.
Though I was the one dominating her, she was subtly controlling the embrace. I was aware of my mouth gentling to match hers, and my tight grasp on her eased. I was now just holding her to keep her from falling, not letting my fingers bite into her tender flesh. Her fingers explored my body as I held her, and tension flowed out of me with every sweet stroke.
At some point, I moved the two of us from the door, remembering to kick it closed, and headed down the hallway. The first opened door revealed a bedroom, and I shouldered it open wider so we could slip through. I couldn’t bear to let go of her as I laid her on the bed, sprawling atop her.
We pulled at each other’s clothes frantically, but there was still softness in every touch. She didn’t speak, and I couldn’t, but our heated gazes shared tender thoughts. God, I needed her so much. Loved her so much. How could I have ever thought I’d be okay with just walking away from her?
She managed to unsnap my jeans and shove them partially down my legs. I raked up the ridiculously short dress she was wearing and pushed aside her underwear to reveal her slick folds. Two fingers inside revealed she was wet and ready for me. I guided her to my cock, and she sank onto me.
Our pace was slow and careful, and I knew I was making love to her, not just fucking her. How could I do anything else? With the realization that I loved her had come a fierce need to protect her from everything, including my darker self. I cherished and treasured her, loving her even as we sought a quick release.
The next time, we paused to undress, finally able to let go of each other for more than a second. When we came together this time, it was still slow and unhurried, but even more profound than before. As her pussy contracted around me, I grasped her hands in mine, pulled her down for a deep, long kiss, and let go of the last of my control. I climaxed inside her, crying out, “I love you,” as I came.
When she cried this time, I knew they were happy tears. To my surprise, my own cheeks were wet for similar reasons. I hadn’t been lying when I’d told her she hadn’t magically cured me. Even her complete acceptance couldn’t heal all the damage Dirk had done, but I could feel myself opening to the idea of healing finally. I’d done therapy briefly, but I’d only been going through the motions. Suddenly, I could see a future where I embraced the idea and did the steps to get out of the past and focus only on the future.
My future with Mia.
That sounded so good.
Mia
I relished being in his arms. We’d had sex before, of course, but we’d never made love like this. He’d even said the words, and I absolutely believed them. He wasn’t the kind of guy who’d lie about that, or say them simply because I had first. Paxton had seemed surprised by the words, and I knew he’d been surprised to find he loved me. Maybe he’d just been surprised to realize he could love anyone when he was so hard on himself.
His healing would be a long road, but I knew he could get there if he wanted. If he didn’t, I’d still stay with him and support him. I loved him, and I knew it had to be his choice whether he wanted to deal with the horror of the past or just bury it and move on. Enough choices had been stolen from him over the years. I wasn’t about to take one of the most important ones from him.
I was still snuggled against him, lost in the blissful aftermath, when the door opened. I froze with fear, half-expecting my father. Instead, it was Lila, and she was eyeing us with interest as she sauntered into the room.
“Well, that’s unexpected. You two are related, right?”
“Stepsiblings, so no,” said Paxton, looking unconcerned.
Lila smiled suddenly. “I’m just teasing. I could tell she was madly in love with you from the moment she came to my office.”
I blushed, hating to be spoken about like I wasn’t there and also sensitive to the fact she had realized how I felt about Paxton when I didn’t even have a clue what kind of relationship they had now or had in the past. “We aren’t doing anything wrong,” I muttered.
“Nope.” Lila shrugged, looking unconcerned. A second later, her expression turned serious. “Your stepfather is into a lot of bad shit, Paxton. He’s hiding money, stealing from investors, producing shoddy and dangerous products, and plundering the retirement accounts of his employees. Basically, he’s the poster child for douche bag corporate greed.”
I winced, hating hearing my suspicions confirmed. Not because I cared about what happened to my father, but because of what he’d done to others, and how many people he’d been hurting. It would soon come to light, and I couldn’t help thinking of all the devastation facing people in the coming days.
“Great.” Paxton was clearly focused on bringing down my father and not on what he’d done to others, which I understood. “How do we use that to bring him down?”
Lila grinned. “I know someone who can help.”
“Of course you do,” said Paxton with affection.
I could feel the jealousy creeping up again, but I forced it back. I’d have to find out where Lila fit into his l
ife, but I was glad to have her help.
After she left, I turned to Paxton. “Is she your lover?”
His eyes widened. “Lila? Hell, no.”
I nodded, accepting it, but also needing to know about the past. “Was she before?”
Paxton grinned, clearly amused at the idea. “Nope. When I first met her, I thought she wanted that, but she just saw my potential to be a fighter. A few months into our arrangement, I was starting to feel I owed her, since I hadn’t won any matches yet, and she was supporting me financially. I made a play, and she let me down gently.”
I frowned, trying to hide my reaction. “I see.”
“Do you?” He touched my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I didn’t want to sleep with her. I thought I owed her something, and it was all I had to offer. She knew that, and she didn’t want to sleep with me either. She’s a friend and a business colleague, but nothing else.”
“Okay.” In that case, I was definitely glad to have the woman in our corner.
“There’s never been someone I loved before you. I love you and only you, Mia.”
My eyes burned with tears, but I absolutely refused to cry again. I didn’t want him to think I was a big ol’ crybaby about everything. “I love you too, Paxton.”
“Thank god for that, because I can’t let you go now.” He said it in a warning fashion.
I didn’t know if he was warning me not to try to leave him, or if he was still trying to warn me away, because he thought it was the right thing to do. Either way, I snuggled closer, having no plans to go anywhere. “You’ll never get rid of me.”
“I like that idea just fine, baby.”
Epilogue
Paxton
The story broke within twenty-four hours. I tuned in with dark glee as I watched S.E.C. agents escorting a handcuffed Dirk Gaithway from his mansion. He’d been in the process of fleeing, according to the reporters, but he’d surrendered without a fight. I was of two minds on that outcome. On the one hand, I wanted him to suffer a long life in prison. Still, I would have been perfectly content to see him shot on a live news feed—though I doubt I’d have gotten to see that part.
Mia and I celebrated with a fancy dinner out before returning to my apartment to make love. It wasn’t as sweet this time, but even when we got rougher with each other, there was underlying tenderness in each act. I couldn’t imagine ever getting bored with her body. Or her heart. Or her mind.
She was my everything.
Fuck, it felt good.
Six months later, I won my first championship. I had the official title, and it came with a boatload of money, endorsements, and media attention. Reporters dug into my past and learned my girlfriend was also my stepsister, but most people didn’t seem to care, to my surprise.
Maybe it was because I was a UFC fighter and could kick ass, or maybe because most reporters emphasized how we’d been estranged as adults for a long time. I think I had Lila to thank for the surprising tact of the journalists, though she refused to take any credit for influencing any of her contacts.
After learning about Mia, it was inevitable my link to Dirk Gaithway, awaiting trial for the biggest corporate scandal since Enron, would come to light. I’d been undergoing regular therapy, and with Mia at my side, I made a brief announcement about being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse the day after the first article linking us appeared.
It created a stir, and it made people loath Dirk more than they already had. The scrutiny made me uncomfortable, but it was also liberating to stop hiding my secret. That bastard certainly didn’t deserve to be protected or shielded for what he’d done, and I’d come to realize I didn’t have to carry the shame around with me. I wasn’t ready to talk about it with anyone and everyone—and I’d walked out on a couple of interviews before journalists got that message and stopped asking for details—but it felt good to share my past.
With my past firmly where it belonged, I could focus on my future. It began in earnest a week after I admitted what Dirk had done to me. I proposed to Mia in a quiet, romantic restaurant, and she said yes. Of course she did. Yeah, I’m a conceited jerk, but I knew she’d say yes. She couldn’t live without me—but that goes both ways. I couldn’t live without her either.
Three months after our engagement, we got married in Bermuda and spent a month holed up in a private villa. Lost in our own world, we were among the last to hear that Dirk had been sentenced to eighteen years in prison and ordered to repay all the money he’d stolen. He’d never have those kinds of funds, but I liked the idea that he’d be haunted for the rest of his life, if he survived prison.
I was surprised by how little I cared about his fate. He was firmly in my past. The nightmares that had plagued me over the years were gone, and I slept deeply each night with Mia in my arms. I worried about how she took the news of his sentencing, because she was still his daughter, and she’d seemed upset. When I asked her about it, she said succinctly, “I’d hoped he’d get a longer sentence.”
God, I loved her.
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Also, if you enjoyed this novelette, you might enjoy my other stepbrother titles:
Kristianna Sawyer Stepbrother Romances
Claimed: Preparing to marry a man she doesn’t love, getting kidnapped the night of her engagement party is the last thing Ambra Hathaway expects. She hasn’t seen her stepbrother in three years, since the night Ethan Cartwright turned down her clumsy attempt at seduction. Why has he taken her now? Could it really be because he’s been in love with her all this time and was just waiting for her to be old enough to claim as his? She has two days to find out—and do her best to withstand his anything-but-clumsy seduction attempts.
Fighter: I’m a fighter.
I fought to survive on the streets after running away at seventeen. I did what I had to, and I make no apologies for it.
I fought and clawed my way up from illegal street fighting to a UFC contender.
I fought my fear and came back to this wretched place, where my stepfather made me so miserable eleven years ago.
I could fight how much I want my stepsister, who’s suddenly all grown up.
I could fight to keep my secrets hidden.
I could fight.
If I wanted to…
Couldn’t I?
Gone: Three years ago, Hale disappeared from Zoe's life without an explanation or even a goodbye. His appearance at her college graduation party is unexpected, as is his offer to let her use his apartment for the summer while he's in Europe. Living with him would be a bad idea because of the unresolved attraction between them, but there's no harm in staying in his empty apartment—until plans change, and he returns home early. Their forbidden love could cost them everything, but sharing 800 sq. ft. leaves nowhere to escape from the intense passion smoldering between them.
Owned: Knox, ex-soldier and sheriff’s deputy, is a man used to being in control. When it comes to his stepsister, he wants to own every inch of her, but he’s tried to do the right thing and not pursue the need to possess her. Forget his good intentions, because Claire’s wicked teasing is driving him to the breaking point. Soon, she’ll know exactly what it means to belong to a man like him.
Remember: Patrick lost his father four months ago, but his stepsister Beth has been his rock. When he realizes she’s been hiding something very big from him, he’s determined to discover all the details. Does her secret have something to do with the night shortly after his father’s death, when he got so drunk he couldn’t remember anything that had happened even the next day?
Revenge: I hate Tom Ambrose.
He ripped apart my family when he married my dad.
I found my mom b
leeding on the floor and promised her revenge.
Sweet Lia
My new stepsister.
She’s the key.
I just need to seduce and break her to humiliate her father.
How hard can it be?
I’ll just ignore how she makes me feel and focus on retribution.
I don’t need or want a conscience screwing this up.
Warzone: Despite disapproval from her dad and his mom, Anya and Cade had a brief relationship that ended when he chose the Army over her. Eighteen months later, Anya is an aid worker in dangerous circumstances. When she's kidnapped by fanatics, nothing will stop her stepbrother from finding her--and this time, he's not letting her go again.
I also write steamy stories of fidelity and fertility…
Fertile Erotic Romances
Chloe and the Cop (Bad Boys in Blue series): A traffic stop is the last thing Chloe needs after the day she’s had. The cop is an old friend who seems to want more, but she is skeptical. What man desires a woman who is pregnant with someone else’s child? Sean Nolan has been waiting too long to show Chloe how he feels, and he’s determined to prove his interest via the most seductive ways possible. What’s a little breaking-and-entering in the pursuit of the woman he loves?
Claimed by the Cop (Bad Boys in Blue series): Lexie plans to give her virginity to her boyfriend while her mom and stepdad are out of town. She doesn’t expect a cop to interrupt them and is annoyed to see her stepbrother, since he doesn’t even live with them. Ryan has spent the last five years of their parents’ marriage torturing her, so when he demands to take Jason’s place, she’s certain it’s just another one of his games. This time, she isn’t going to beg him to stop and calls his bluff. As he joins her on the bed, she realizes it isn’t a game and never has been. Could the older man be in love with her, and is it possible she feels the same? Does she secretly long to have his baby?
Fighter Page 10