What she would give to have a car of her own. Due to the accident, her license had been suspended for 10 years, which meant she wouldn't be allowed to drive a car anytime soon. The thought of that was torture.
Taking public transportation everyday definitely wasn’t something she looked forward to. But despite it all, she couldn't complain. Just a few months ago, she didn't even have enough money for the bus. This was better than nothing.
When a black Nissan pulled up along the curb, the window rolled down and she was shocked to see Vance behind the wheel.
"Get in."
She blinked, foolishly. She almost questioned if she heard him correctly. "Huh?"
"I said, get in," he said louder.
Without a question, she hurried to the car and got in. He sped off. Zara settled in the leather seat with a sigh, relieved to be out of the rain. As he cruised the streets, Zara gave him a wary stare, wondering why on earth he was giving her a ride. He was the last person she expected to do something like that.
"Uh, thanks for the ride. You didn't have to do this," she said to him.
He didn't respond. Much less look at her.
She didn't let his dismissive response bother her. She was just relieved not to have to take the bus. Zara faced forward, and sat quietly as he drove, listening to the low sounds of Biggie playing in the car.
When hunger pains struck her, she rubbed her stomach with discomfort. She hadn't eaten since this afternoon. And after dancing so hard at the gym, she could eat a whole cow right about now. She was tempted to ask Vance to stop for food, but that would be too much. He would probably tell her no, anyway.
"What's wrong?" He glanced at her.
"Nothing, just a little hungry."
"What do you wanna eat?"
"It's fine, we don't have to get anythi-"
"What do you want?" he said, with annoyance.
"Uh...I'll take Mc Donald’s, thanks."
He made a U turn and pulled into a Mc Donald’s nearby. When he cruised into the drive-thru, she told him to order a double cheese burger, fries and a drink. Before she could dig into her purse to pay, he had already handed the cashier the money. That surprised her. She didn't expect him to do that either.
When he handed her the food and drink, she thanked him.
"Here," She handed him the money as he drove off.
He glanced at her palm and frowned. "What's that for?"
"The food."
"Keep it."
"Vance, it's fine. You don't have to pay for me. I have my own mon-"
"Keep the damn money, Zara," he snapped.
She clamped her mouth shut and put the money back in her purse. Zara took no time digging in her food. She nearly stuffed the whole pack of fries in her mouth to simmer her bellowing stomach. She then began to feel guilty. Here she was stuffing her face, and she didn't even have the decency to offer Vance any.
She looked at him. "You want any?"
"Nah."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I hate Mc Donald’s."
"You hate Mc Donald’s? Why? It's so good," she said, before stuffing more hot fries in her mouth.
"The last time I ate from there, I found some shit in my food I didn't like, so I'm good."
She paused. "Wait, what did you find?"
"Nah, don't worry about it. Just keep eating your food."
"No, tell me."
"I found a dead fly in my sandwich."
She nearly spit out her food. "You what?"
A smirk teased his lips.
"Please tell me you're joking."
"Nope. And I had the same sandwich you're eating right now too.”
"Are you serious? Ugh!" She instantly grew nauseous. "Why did you have to tell me that, Vance?"
"You asked." He shrugged.
She shot him a glare, only to notice the smile tugging his lips. Her heart melted in her chest. This was the first time she had ever made him smile. And the thought of that brought a warmth in her chest and a smile to her lips.
His phone rang, interrupting their little moment. She nearly broke the phone in annoyance.
As he spoke, Zara observed her burger carefully before deciding to throw it away. After what he had told her, she couldn't even bring herself to eat it. She ate her fries though.
"Aye, I gotta make a stop in Queens real quick. Need to meet up with my contractor about something. You okay with that?" he asked her.
"Yeah, it's no problem."
After a 40 minute drive to Queens, they arrived at a quiet neighborhood in Laurelton. They were now away from the project buildings, and abandoned houses. Now two story homes with neatly cut lawn entailed the residential area, a vast difference from the destitution that plagued the poverty stricken area of South Bronx.
When they pulled up in front of his house, he shut off the engine.
"I'll be back in a second." He got out the car.
Zara gazed at the construction workers working on various parts of the house, from the unfinished sidings to the shingles on the roof. Metal scaffold surrounded the home like a cage, while stacks of wood and other supplies scattered the yard. It seemed to be almost done. She was curious to see how it looked when it was finished. Zara watched as Vance spoke to the contractor. He nodded his head as he gnawed his lip with a frown, engrossed with whatever the contractor said to him. He looked so concentrated. So focused. She bit the edge of her nail, as a rush of heat flared between her legs. She could only imagine him making that same face as he drilled himself deep inside of her.
Zara turned away and huffed out a frustrated sigh. She needed to stop. Vance didn't want her and that was that. Fantasizing every damn two seconds, wasn’t going to help. She was only torturing herself.
A ringing sound tore her from her thoughts and she noticed Vance's phone rested in his cup holder. She picked it up and glanced at the screen nosily. She scowled at Laurie's name.
This bitch.
She was tempted to answer the call and tell her that her man was busy dicking her down right now, just to piss her off. After their last encounter at the bbq a while back, she couldn't stand her bougie ass. For her to come at her the way she did, she deserved to get her ass beat. She lucky it wasn't the old her, or her teeth and pretty hair would've been on the floor like glitter on paper.
When the phone stopped ringing, a certain sound arose, signifying a text had been received. She peered at an unaware Vance, then nosily read the text.
Laurie:
Heyyy, love. Are you still stopping by tonight? Can't wait to see u <3
Zara rolled her eyes and put the phone back. Whatever.
Soon after, Vance entered the car.
"Your phone rang. I was gonna go out and tell you, but I didn't wanna interrupt your conversation," she explained.
Vance picked up his phone and stared at the screen. He then slid the phone in his pocket as though it were of unimportance. That brought her pleasure.
"So, why are you getting your house renovated?" she asked, as he drove off.
"It caught on fire."
"Really?" she said, shocked. Why the hell didn't Reyna mention that?
"Yeah."
"How?"
"There was a leakage in one of the gas pipes."
"Oh wow, that's crazy. Were you in the house when it happened?"
"Nah, luckily I wasn't. One of the neighbors ended up calling 911. But by the then, most of the house had already burned down. Ended up losing a lot of important stuff."
"Damn." Zara shook her head. That was horrible. "Well at least, you weren't in the house when it caught on fire. Who knows what would've happened?"
"Yeah, I think about that all the time," he said lowly. "Shit, I could've ended up dead, who knows."
His somber words lingered in the air and a tightness formed at the pit of her stomach at the thought of Trish. She glanced at Vance and noticed his face had hardened as he stared at the road without word. She wondered if he was thinking about her too.
The familiar twinge of guilt pained her chest, and Zara faced the window.
He turned up the volume of the radio, shutting her out of his world he had let her in moments ago. They drove in silence for the rest of the way.
Chapter 12
Bright lights flashed before Zara's eyes as she entered the club. Reggae music pounded the walls, while bodies gyrated to the up-tempo beat. A deep feeling of unease rushed through her as she took in the familiar environment. This was her first time stepping foot in a club in years, the very last place she had been before the tragic accident. Just the humid, sticky air, the lights, the music, the liquor, the whole atmosphere triggered a myriad of haunting memories she didn't expect to feel at once and Zara stopped in her tracks, unable to move any further.
Reyna also stopped walking and spun around. "Zara, C'mon."
Zara didn't move.
Reyna gave her a confused look, and approached her. "What's wrong? Why're you just standing here?"
"I can't be here." She shook her head and turned away.
Ignoring her sister's call, Zara left the club. She stepped outside, and leaned against the brick wall. Wrapping her arms around her torso, she shut her eyes, inhaling the cool fresh air. The chattering of people, the booming music, the busy traffic, everything around her faded into oblivion as she forced herself to take deep breaths. She thought she could do this. But being here only brought her back to the time of Trish's death and the pain was too much to bear.
"Zara." Reyna approached her, concerned. "What's wrong? Why'd you leave?"
"I can't be here. I thought I could do this, but I can't." Zara shook her head.
"What do you mean? Why can't you do this?"
"Because, being here just reminds me of Trish...and..." Tears slid down her face, before she could stop them and she quickly wiped them away.
"Damn," Reyna whispered, and brought her in a hug. "Za, I know it hurts but you can't let what happened that night, stop you from living your life."
"I know, but it's like everything I do, everywhere I go, I just think about her and It's hard. I miss her."
"I know." She rubbed her back soothingly. "It's hard, but you have to find a way to move on, Za. You have to."
"I don't know If I could," she whispered. She wanted to move on, she tried to move on, but she couldn't.
"You can. You just have to try. You can't carry on that guilt forever, sis." Reyna slowly pulled away.
"And plus you are looking too sexy to not be up in there."
Zara looked down with a faint smile. She would be lying if she said she didn't love the newly bought, black satin dress that snugged her slender frame. The skin tight dress accentuated every part of her curves, as royal blue stilettoes embellished her neatly manicured feet. She almost felt like her old confident self again. Almost.
"Go in there, snag you a sexy ass brutha and try to have some fun.’Cause you deserve it. And if it gets too overwhelming for you, just let me know and we'll leave. But at least give it a try, okay?"
Zara nodded. "Okay."
"Okay good. Now give me another hug."
Zara embraced her sister, feeling more at ease. She always knew how to lift her spirits up when she needed it, and she loved her for that.
Reyna pulled away. "Alright, let's go for real. I'm ready to shake my ass."
Zara grinned, and they began to walk inside.
"Oh, and Rey?"
"Hmm?" She turned to her.
"If I try to drink tonight, just stop me, okay?"
Reyna nodded. "You know I will."
They entered the club once again, and Zara tried her best not to succumb to the discomfort that unsettled her. She reminded herself that she came here to have fun. Like Reyna said, she needed to try to move on.
They approached Reyna's group of friends, Toya, Imani, and Layla, who were seated in VIP.
"Hey bitchesss!" Reyna greeted.
"Heyyy!" They welcomed her with hugs.
"Ooh, look at you looking all cute," Reyna told her friend, Toya.
"Thanks girl, I try. I try," She flipped her hair in a boastful manner and they laughed.
Zara stood there awkwardly as they spoke amongst each other. She wasn't exactly well acquainted with Reyna's friends. She had known Reyna's best friend, Toya, from long ago, since they had all grown up in the same neighborhood. They had spoken every now and then, only because of Reyna, but that was about it. Zara never had a problem with her, but she always got the subtle feeling she didn't take to her too well. It was just a weird vibe she got from her. That didn't surprise Zara anyway. Females never seemed to like her too much, which was probably why she never had too many friends growing up. Imani and Layla were Reyna's close friends from college. They seemed pretty nice for the most part. Zara didn't care to hang out with either of them but she knew she would have to get used to them whether she wanted to or not, since they would all be in Reyna's wedding anyhow.
"Hey, Zara girl. I almost didn't recognize you standing there." Toya hugged her. "Girl, you look gorgeous! And I love those shoes."
"Thanks," she said with a faint smile. She also greeted Layla and Imani with hugs.
"I was wondering when you both would get here," Layla said as they sat down.
"Yeah, traffic was crazy getting here," Reyna replied.
Zara stared at the bottles of liquor on the table. Peach Cîroc, Bacardi and her all-time favorite, Grey Goose, sat in the bucket of ice, teasing her.
"Well, I'm happy you finally came out tonight. I'm surprised," Imani said, before taking a sip of her drink.
"Why're you surprised?" Reyna raised a brow.
"Because, for the first time in like forever, you're not booed up with the hubby," she joked.
The rest of them agreed, laughing.
"Girl please. You know I work overnights, me and Rodney barely have time to be boo'd up, as is."
"Ya'll wanna drink? Bottles on me," Toya said to them.
Reyna began to reach for a bottle, then paused as she glanced at Zara. She then sat back, waving it away.
"Nah, I'm good."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm driving tonight. Gotta stay on point."
"Well, what about you, Zara? I know you definitely want some."
"No, I'm fine," Zara declined.
"What? You not drinking out of all people? Now, I definitely don't believe that."
Zara tensed, her words cutting her deep. Her tone seemed playful, but she wasn't so sure. The one thing she learned about Toya, was that she said a lot of slick shit. Especially to her. Zara let it go most of the times, just to keep the peace, but she could only take so much before she snapped on her ass back.
"I said, I'm fine," she said stiffly.
"C'mon, you know damn well you want to. Go on girl, take some."
"She said no, Toya. Relax," Reyna snapped.
"Okay, fine. Damn. Just sayin' all this liquor shouldn't be going to waste."
Zara rolled her eyes. Now she remembered why she never cared for this bitch. She talked too damn much.
"Anyway, I don't know about ya'll ladies. But they're playing my song right now, so I'm 'bout to go over there and get my life." Layla placed her drink down and stood up.
They all agreed and followed suit. When Zara remained in her seat, Reyna turned to her with a slight frown.
"Zara, you're not coming?"
"No, I'll catch up with ya'll later. I don't really feel like dancing right now."
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
Reyna glanced at the liquor on the table, then at her. "I'll just stay here with you, then."
"Rey, it's alright. You could go. I'll be fine, really," Zara assured her. She knew she was worried about leaving her alone with the alcohol, but she didn't need to be. She wasn't going to drink.
Reyna gave her a hesitant look. "Alright, I'll be right over there. Just call me if you need me."
She nodded and Reyna left.
Zara sat by her lonesome, watching as people d
anced along to Mary J Blige's classic song, Family Affair. If this was years ago, Zara would've been in the middle of the dance floor, enjoying herself. But right now, all she wanted was to go home. She felt out of her element here. Clubbing no longer felt fun for her. All it did was deepen the emptiness within her soul and trigger painful memories she wanted to forget.
Zara averted her gaze to the liquor on the table. She imagined just how good some of that would feel in her system right about now. She had been sober for 5 months. And even now, she still felt the urge to indulge. Like drugs, alcohol had also been her sense of comfort. Whenever she wanted to have fun, or numb the pain, or even get through the motions of the day, alcohol provided that escapism for her. After how damaged her life had become, alcohol should've been the last thing on her mind. But it wasn't. She would honestly give anything, to drink again.
She huffed and sipped on her glass of cranberry juice. She knew she should've stayed her ass home.
"Hold up, I know your ass ain't drinking."
Before Zara could respond, Reyna snatched the glass from her hand.
"It's just cranberry juice, Rey. Relax," she snapped.
Despite her words, Reyna took a sip. She tasted it for a moment, then nodded.
"Okay, I thought so." She placed the glass down and Zara rolled her eyes. "Anyway, why the hell are you still sitting here?"
"I'm not in the mood to dance," she said lamely. She just wanted to go home and sleep.
"Well enough of that. C'mon, get up. We're dancing." Reyna grabbed her hand and lifted her up. She tried to protest, as Reyna pulled her further away from her seat. Not even bothering to fight any longer, Zara finally gave in and followed her to the dance floor.
Fuck it. She might as well have her fun.
Chapter 13
The rhythmic beat of the pencil tapping his desk echoed in the office as Vance reviewed his budget report. He had to make sure every detail and calculation was accurate before he presented it to his supervisor tomorrow. It was for the upcoming sport event next January and in order for the event to be implemented, the budget report would first need to be approved by his supervisor then by the Executive board.
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