by Tori Alvarez
“Yes, it will help him. Now for Alex to find something he enjoys instead of jumping from job to job,” she continues. The guys have hid their dealings from her, but I’m not sure if she is as clueless as we think. Alex helps her way too much, and this new situation with bailing his dad out without help from anyone…she has to know there is more to the story.
“He will,” I add to her hope. “He’s a very good guy.” I’m not lying about this. He is loyal and trustworthy with the people he cares about. I wouldn’t be where I’m at without his help.
During my first year, he would come by, pick me up, feed me, and shove a few bucks in my purse while I wasn’t looking. I knew at the time that he had begun dealing. I ignored it because it wasn’t my business. Who am I to tell him he shouldn’t? Living in the dorms my first year came in handy for his business, though. I learned who needed the connections and sent them his way. I felt better about the car he gave me since I was sending business his way. No reason for some college shithead to get the business when Alex needs it more.
Our lunch continued with more gossip from the hood: the latest drive by that happened a couple of weeks ago and the neighbor’s granddaughter who is pregnant and still in middle school.
“Did you enjoy lunch?” Alex asks Guela as we walk in.
“Si, mijo. I love spending time with my grandchildren. It was nice. Has comido? (Have you eaten?) Do you need me to make you something?” she responds, always thinking of taking care of others.
“Está bien, Guela. I’ll grab something later,” he tells her so that she doesn’t head into the kitchen and begin working. “Go lie down and relax. I’m going to talk with Toni a bit.”
I give her a hug and a kiss. “I’ll tell you bye now in case you’re asleep when I leave.” I hug her a little tighter before letting go. We watch as she walks to the hall back to her room.
Alex takes a seat on the couch, kicking his feet up on the rickety coffee table. “So what did Guela tell you?”
“Nothing. I could tell I hit a nerve when I asked her how she could think of putting the house up, so I backed off. Changed the subject and didn’t bring it up again.”
“Sounds about right. She wondered how I was able to get him out without the house. I just told her I called in favors. She was insistent on putting up the house. My dad is a dumbass and has always been in and out, but this is the first time it’s for something big. Unpaid tickets, fights in bars, public intoxication I can handle. I don’t know what to do with this.” His admission worries me. He could very well be in the same predicament if he was ever found out.
He continues, “Here’s the cash to cover the bill. I should’ve told you what was going on, but I thought I would be on my feet already.” Alex extends his money-filled hand to me.
“I can’t take that. I’ll pull a few extra shifts before the semester gets going. You just said it yourself, you aren’t back on your feet, and if Guela needs anything, you will take care of her.” The guilt for doubting him is eating at me.
“Please take it. Things are picking back up, but I don’t want to rush things. I need to be careful. I got this covered.” He is still holding his hand out to me.
“No. But I’ll make you a deal. If I need anything, I WILL let you know. How’s that? Better?” My offer is the best I can do, knowing we are both strapped.
“Fine, but you better let me know if anything comes up.” I agree, knowing I would need to be desperate before asking. I have only come to him twice in the past 3 years for additional money. Both were toward the end of the semester when I was drowning in papers and studying, not bothering to pick up shifts at the club. He has also helped me by coming by the apartment with groceries. It may only be essentials, but staples in the fridge go a long way.
“I will.” He nods at me, knowing if the time comes, I will call him. “I gotta go.” As I get up, he follows me to the door, hugging me tightly.
“Take care.”
“You know it. And let me know how things go with your dad.”
Driving away from my grandmother’s, away from the life I was born into and should be a part of, I can’t help but feel a sense of relief. I breathe a little easier, knowing this doesn’t have to be my destiny. The walls this neighborhood places to keep its inhabitants in are slowly crumbling for me.
Chapter 5
Just one date…
Garrett
Back at the frat house, babysitting the underclassmen during study time, I’m debating on texting her or not. My book is open in front of me, pleading with me to read, but all I can think about is whether texting her now is too soon. What was it that had her jetting so fast? I stick my phone back in my pocket and stare at my book.
My brain not registering the words I’m reading, I decide to walk around. She is absolutely captivating. Her beauty is unmistakable with her tan skin and dark eyes. It’s those brown eyes that keep her secrets. I know she has some; I just don’t know what they are. Enough daydreaming. I need to get back to work.
Back at my place, I scroll through a few texts from the day. A couple are from girls I dated for a bit. They are still hanging on after I called it quits. They loved to play it cool and “work” the house, seeing who would be best for their lifestyle. As soon as they found out who I was, they were like stink on shit. Thanks, but no thanks. I delete these without opening them. I scroll through again, hoping the one I want has texted. No such luck.
Everything turn out okay?
I decide to cannonball in. No use in pussyfooting around now.
I watch my phone, willing those stupid three dots to appear. After a few minutes of watching, I throw my phone on the bed to change. I can’t let myself drown in thoughts of her when we haven’t even had a real date yet. I don’t know what it is about this girl that has me intrigued. The fact she is keeping a secret in knowing Kevin, her beauty, her aloofness to me, the fact that she hasn’t thrown herself at me… Whatever it is, I figure I’m going to continue coming back for more.
Gym it is, to let out some of this frustration.
Toni
He’s persistent, I gotta give him that. Most guys don’t bother with the chase anymore. With so many girls willing to spread their legs in drunken nights out, the need to pursue girls is becoming obsolete. Am I jaded or is this really life? I can’t tell anymore. Living in both worlds for the past three years has become second nature. My neighborhood girls don’t mind a quick lay if it’s going to get them something. No use in sleeping with anyone for free. You have to survive. The college-going, privileged girls fight for the guys’ attention. They give it away for free if they perceive themselves to be the next “it” girl.
I know I have no right to speak. I have survived college with money from men. My justification? If I’m going to make it out, I need money to get me through it. Money makes the world go round.
All is well. Thanks for checking. I respond to his text. His charm, that dimple, and his willingness to keep trying is refreshing.
I’m glad. His response is short. No questioning what happened or quizzing me.
The phone rings as I’m staring at his response. Here comes the inquisition. I brace myself before I answer.
“Hey. What’s up?” I answer.
“You know, normal Monday night. I just got back from the gym.”
“That’s dedication. Work all weekend AND go to the gym. Are you trying to impress me?” I tease him, but in actuality, I’m kind of annoyed. Trying too hard, dude.
The laugh I hear is loud and real. “Not really. It’s just what I do.”
“You’re a gym rat?” Disappointment sets in fast. He’s a pretty boy. Probably flexes in front of the mirror, too.
“Hardly.” He continues laughing. Now I’m unsure whether he’s just laughing or laughing at me.
“Care to explain?” Now I’m curious.
“Well, darlin’, I’m in the city now. When I got bored growing up, I had plenty to do on the ranch to keep me busy. Like my dad said, ‘No time for idle
hands on the ranch.’”
Garrett
The explanation just came tumbling out. This conversation is not going as I expected. How is it she continues to throw me off my game?
“Ranch?” I knew this is what she would catch. Am I going to have to end this before it has a chance to start?
“Yes, small town, remember? Not much out there to do except raise animals. And you need land for that.” I try to downplay the ranch.
“Makes sense, I guess. I’ve never really thought about what there is to do in small towns since I’m a city girl.” Her voice lowers with each passing word.
“No worries. How about you let me take you to dinner to make up for calling me a gym rat?” I am not above guilting her into letting me take her to dinner, especially since she didn’t press on for more.
“Sure. When?”
I am in unfamiliar territory. She wouldn’t let me pick her up, insisting on meeting me at the restaurant, and to top it off, she picked a weekday dinner. She is keeping her distance. I can’t help but wonder why. As I walk through the door, I see her. She has her back to me and is speaking with the hostess. I want so badly to wrap my arms around her and kiss the curve of her neck, but instead, I opt to place my hand on her lower back to let her know I’m here.
“Hello, darlin’.”
The smile she graces me with is my new favorite. It reaches her eyes, and they sparkle. Her whole face is relaxed and unguarded for the first time since I’ve met her. “Hello yourself.”
It dawns on me that she wears a smile as a mask, keeping people at bay. Rarely does it ever reach her eyes. My new goal is to have all her smiles with me be true so I can witness her eyes sparkling.
I place a bit of pressure on her back, pulling her closer to me, and I place a small kiss on her cheek. The flirtatious wink she gives me as I pull away could have been my undoing if the hostess hadn’t gotten our attention to walk us to the table.
I chose a small Italian restaurant away from campus prying eyes or uncomfortable run-ins we most likely would have had any closer to campus. I know she’ll jet faster than a bull out of the shoot if she gets spooked. Wanting to know the secrets she guards will take time, and I have to go about it with ease.
“Do you like wine?” I ask after we are seated. I’m not a big wine drinker, but if that’s what she prefers, I’m game.
“If boxed wine counts, then sure.” Her gaze drops to her menu.
“If it comes from grapes, then it counts. Want to share a bottle?”
The waitress comes up, asking for our drink order. “Start us with waters as we decide,” I answer.
She watches the waitress walk away before she continues in a hushed voice, “It’s so expensive. I’m a poor college student.” Her smile says teasing, but her eyes speak the truth.
“It’s on me. It’s a date, remember. And we can always get the cheapest bottle. We are drinking it, not sip and spitting,” I tease in return, hoping to get us back to the ease we had a couple of minutes ago.
“Are you sure? Not dutch?” Her eyes are still skeptical.
“Positive. Cheap red or white?”
“White.”
“Just what I was thinking.” Not much of a wine guy, I can stomach white. “How were your classes this week?” I change the subject before she has a chance to dwell.
“Fine, I guess. There is so much already. And you?” Her answer is generic as she lowers her voice. Is it embarrassment for her?
“I feel ya. This last year will be no joke, that’s for sure. I guess professors think we’ve had too much fun the last three years. They’re cramming all the torture into the last year,” I continue, trying to lighten the mood. I want her back with me.
“I guess you’re right. I mentioned before that everything up until recently has come easy. Now, I have to actually put some effort into it. I guess that’s what’s throwing me off.”
I want so badly to ask her something personal, but I know now is not the time. “What do you feel like eating?” I stay in the safe lane. I watch as she’s browsing the menu.
“Spaghetti and meatballs sounds good.” A small, fake smile appears.
“Hmmm…” I glance around the menu at the prices. I notice she has picked the cheapest item. Mention of the wine and now the cheapest item… She may not be exaggerating being a “poor college student.” I decide to follow her lead and order the lasagna, which is only a dollar more than the spaghetti. No need to flaunt or make her uncomfortable. “The lasagna sounds good.”
The waitress comes back with our waters, and we place our orders. I’m struggling to find conversation which doesn’t spook her.
“Do you like working with your dad?” she asks, surprising me from my thoughts.
“Yes and no.” I decide to open up just enough to build some trust. If this goes anywhere, she won’t be able to say I lied. I just didn’t share everything. “It’s all I’ve ever known, so it’s great. I enjoy being outdoors. I don’t think I could be friends with an office—at least, not long-term. My dad is controlling, though. Everything is his way.”
“So no office for you?” Her eyebrow raises in question.
“Not if I can help it.”
“Well, an office is all I have in my future. I don’t see an accountant working in the great outdoors. Where will I plug in my computer?” The lightness in her voice has returned.
“Very true. Are you planning on grad school?” I’m desperate to know anything personal about her.
“Probably. I’m looking into scholarships to continue on. There aren’t as many for grad school as I’m used to. And you?”
“Also a probably. Looking at all my options.” The waitress comes back with our wine and bread.
“Thank you,” I tell the waitress as she begins walking away. “Tell me about you.” I ask an open-ended question she has control over. She can share as much or little as she wants. I’m hoping this works and she doesn’t shut down.
Chapter 6
A Friend?
Toni
Dinner wasn’t what I expected. This was my first date. True date. And he didn’t push too hard. When we left the restaurant, he walked me to my car and kissed my cheek, which was sweet. Men have always just been a means to an end for me. It’s all about what I can get from them to continue on my journey away from the hood life I would lead if not in college. None have my trust, and I am not emotionally attached to any. “Mom” had a great way of teaching me this lesson early on. Seeing her so heartbroken each time another would leave her left me with massive trust issues. I know this, and I acknowledge it, but I won’t apologize for it, either.
“Mom.” I knock on her bedroom door softly. “Can I come in?” I always ask before walking into her room, because the couple of times I didn’t ask came with a serious spanking.
“Leave me alone,” she yells through the door through her sobs.
“I have a drink for you.” I hold the beer tightly in my hand, wanting her to stop crying. I hate to be left again with my guela but I hate her crying in bed even more. I know once she starts drinking the beer, she will perk up, drop me off at Guela’s, and be out with her friends. When I see her again, days later, everything will be back to normal.
“Come in.” She sits up as I walk in and extends her hand to grab the beer.
“Get your things to go to Guela’s.” She wipes her eyes after taking a long swig.
I turn around and walk out.
What six year old should be burdened with taking care of their parent? None. But yet, that was my life. I never came home after that. That was when I moved into my grandmother’s home permanently. Mom decided I was the reason men ran away from her. What man wanted to be burdened with a child that wasn’t theirs. It wasn’t me, though. Men continued to walk in and out of my mother’s life, but she continued to blame one thing after another. She never saw she was her own problem.
Which brings me back to Garrett. Last night was difficult. He was sweet and attentive a
nd it would have been so easy to be pulled in by him. I want so desperately to fall into him and be damned with everything I have learned. But I can’t. I know what can happen when you let your heart lead, and I’m not ready for that. I have to stay in control. If the hood is going to be my past, I can’t let a guy derail me.
Why am I still seeing him when I close my eyes to let sleep find me? What is it about him? He’s persistent but not pushy. He’s a gentleman. Is that even possible? Do they still exist or did they ever exist? He let me lead the conversation. He asked about me but never pried. I was able to stay in safe lanes but came too close to the truth a few times. I admitted I was from town, but he didn’t ask which high school I attended. If he had, I would have been in serious shit, because that would have given away where I’m from. I don’t need him looking down on me or trying to save me.
My phone pings an incoming text. I pick it up to see a message from Garrett.
Goodnight beautiful! See u for coffee
I agreed to meet him for coffee again. I don’t know why I agreed. I should keep my distance, but I want to see him. Knowing I will see him tomorrow again, I drift off.
Walking through the parking lot after class, I see a girl speaking on the phone, pacing. She spots me and quickly makes her way to me.
“I’m sorry to bother you. Do you think you could give me a jump?” She is a designer petite blonde, flawless makeup, a perfectly styled messy bun, and of course her Greek letter fitted tee.