by Terri Reed
A flash of disappointment in her lovely eyes had him regretting the words. He never was so wishy-washy. He always knew his own mind. His own heart. He was doing the right thing by severing whatever it was that had started between them.
She glanced away for a moment. When she returned her attention to him, the disappointment was nowhere to be found in her eyes. Now she wore a polite mask that didn’t settle well with him.
“I appreciate that,” she said. “Goodbye, Blake. I will always be grateful to you for saving my sister.” She smiled. “And me.”
He didn’t like that she always put her sister before herself. Over the past week he had seen her put others before herself and her own safety time and time again. He wished he could make her see how special and wonderful she was, how much she had to offer the world.
However, it wasn’t his place to do that, not if he wanted to end things between them now.
But he didn’t want to walk away. Not yet. He reached for her hand, half-afraid she’d refuse to let him touch her. She willingly slipped her small, delicate hand into his. It wasn’t enough. He pulled her to him so that he could encircle her with his arms. She leaned back to stare up at him with a question in her eyes. He didn’t have an answer as to why he was doing this. He just knew if he didn’t kiss her, he’d never be able to get her out of his mind, out of his heart.
He dipped his head, hovering over her lush mouth, waiting for her permission. He held his breath, hoping she wanted this as much as he did. She made a soft little sound in her throat and rose on her toes to close the gap between them and fitted her mouth to his.
Sensation exploded through his system. He embraced her tighter, drawing her into him as if he could absorb her.
The world around them faded to white noise. It didn’t matter that they were surrounded by people or that any second her plane would board and he’d have to face the reality of his life without her.
For this moment, this time in space, they were two halves of a whole. He deepened the kiss, taking all she offered and giving all he had, knowing it would never be enough. He’d made a tactical error. Kissing her had been the biggest blunder ever because he never wanted to let her go.
“Lizzie,” Jillian’s voice intruded. “Lizzie, they called for our plane to board.”
Liz eased back, breaking the contact. She placed a hand over his heart. Tears glistened in her eyes. “Goodbye, Blake.”
She disengaged from him, grabbed her suitcase and walked away.
He stared after her, unable to move, to think. Suddenly his life seemed so empty. He felt so alone.
Before she headed down the Jetway, she paused and turned to wave.
He couldn’t bring himself to wave back, to finalize this moment. His heart felt as frozen as the water of Niagara Falls.
Her hand dropped slowly to her side, an expression of gut-wrenching agony stole over her lovely face.
Then she disappeared out of view. The world around him rushed in, the chaos and noise making his head pound and his heart ache.
This was his choice. The only choice he could make. It was time to put the memory of Liz in a box in his heart. He had work to do. More smugglers, murderers and thieves to bring to justice.
His job was his life.
But the thought didn’t hold the same amount of conviction that it had before he’d met Liz.
* * *
Liz sat in the aisle seat on the plane bound for South Carolina, her fingers digging into the armrests and her heart thudding wildly in her chest. Jillian sat next to her, calmly flipping through a magazine. Liz was glad Jillian wasn’t in a chatty mood for once.
Liz needed some time to come to grips with what had just happened before she’d boarded the plane. Blake had shown up out of the blue. She’d had no indication he would see them off so she hadn’t been prepared to find him standing there looking so handsome and uncertain.
She wasn’t sure why he’d arrived but was glad he had. And even more glad that he’d initiated a kiss. She’d wanted to kiss him for the longest time. That the kiss was a goodbye kiss didn’t diminish its power or lingering affect.
Wow. That’s the only word she could think of to describe how it had felt to be within Blake’s embrace. Sure, he’d put his arm around her before, but she’d not been able to really relish the other times because of the underscoring danger chasing after her.
Suddenly she missed Blake so much. Would she ever see him again?
Doubtful.
A tear slipped unbidden down her cheek. She wiped it away, hoping no one noticed.
“Lizzie, what’s wrong?”
Jillian’s softly asked question made the tears fall faster. Pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes, Liz fought to stop the flow of unhappiness leaking down her face. “I’m fine.”
Jillian harrumphed. “Right. Like you’d ever let me get away with a nonanswer like that. What gives?”
Dropping her hands from her face and smoothing her palms over her thighs, Liz tried to hedge. “It’s all catching up to me. Everything we’ve been through this past week.” She lowered her voice. “You were the one who was kidnapped for days. How are you doing?”
Huffing out a little sigh, Jillian said, “Okay. I miss Travis.”
Liz covered Jillian’s hand with her own. “I’m so sorry things turned out badly.” It wasn’t in Liz’s nature to gloat that she’d been right about Travis, so she kept the thought to herself.
“I should have listened to you,” Jillian admitted. “Maybe if Travis and I had slowed our relationship down none of this would have happened.”
She clamped her teeth together to keep from pointing out that nothing would have changed the fact that Travis was a criminal. Pure and simple.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Jillian’s voice took on a peevish tone that grated on Liz. “You think Travis is a bad man because of what he did.”
“And you don’t?”
Jillian shook her head. “No. He’s made some really bad choices, but he’s not a bad person.”
Remembering the way Travis had shielded her from Ken, Liz had to concede that point. “No, he’s not a totally bad person.”
“He loves me,” Jillian stated. “And I love him.”
“But he’s in jail. And will be for a long time.”
“And I’ll be there when he gets out.”
Liz stared at Jillian, noting the determination in her clear blue eyes. But also seeing the black and blue skin over her cheek where Santini had hit her. Liz’s fingers curled with suppressed anger. “That will be a hard path to take.”
“I know.” Jillian lifted her chin. “But it will be worth it. Our love is worth fighting for.”
Liz’s heart spasmed in her chest. Her sister was so brave and yet so reckless. How could she stay true to a man who’d put her life in jeopardy? Would her and Travis’s love withstand the pressure of a jail sentence and then the life that would come after he was out? He’d always have a criminal record.
Was Jillian’s love enough to change Travis’s ways?
Liz prayed it would be enough for Jillian’s sake. Even as longing hit her hard.
She wanted to have a love like that, a love worth fighting for. She wanted that with Blake. Fresh tears pricked her eyes. But there was too much separating them. His job. Her life on Hilton Head Island. His need to be free from entanglements. Her fear of losing herself.
Jillian squeezed her hand. “Hey, Lizzie. Please tell me what has you so upset.”
“I don’t want to burden you with my troubles,” Liz said.
“Oh, please,” Jillian huffed. “I burden you all the time. You’re due. For once let me be the strong one.”
Needing to talk about it, Liz gave in. “I—” Saying the words out loud was harder than she’d imagined. “I love Bla
ke.”
A wide grin spread over her sister’s face. “I knew it.”
“Did not.”
“Oh, yeah.” Jillian wagged her eyebrows. “You don’t kiss someone like you did back at the airport if you aren’t in love with them.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Liz said. “It’s been a long time since anyone has wanted to kiss me.”
Jillian made a raspberry sound. “That’s because you don’t let anyone get close enough for you to find out if they want to kiss you.”
“That’s not true.” Though Liz knew what her sister said was exactly true. “Mostly, not true.”
“Name the last time you went on a date,” Jillian challenged.
Liz frowned and stared at the back of the tray table. She didn’t want to admit it had been years since she’d gone on a bonafide date. “It doesn’t matter. He said goodbye. There was no ‘I’ll see you soon’ or anything like that.”
“Well, did you ask if you could see him again?”
“No.” And she never would. It was better to keep the break clean. Better to do it before her heart was any more involved than it already was.
“You should tell him how you feel,” Jillian advised.
The very idea made her heart pound. “It wouldn’t work out.”
“Why not?”
“He has a risky job that keeps him moving from place to place. My life is on the island. Someone has to manage the shop.” She didn’t understand the resentment bubbling up inside. She liked managing the shop; she enjoyed her quiet, uneventful life on Hilton Head Island. Only the thought of never seeing Blake again made the future appear dull and lifeless.
“I could manage the shop.”
Liz hid a smile as love for her sister filled her to the brim. “The point is Blake’s life and mine wouldn’t mesh.” How could they?
“They would if you let them.” Jillian snapped open her magazine. “You’re making up excuses.”
Stung by that pronouncement, Liz couldn’t keep the defensiveness from her voice. “I’m not like you, Jillian. I can’t just go with every whim I feel.”
Jillian arched an eyebrow. “Oh, well if what you feel for Blake is just a whim...”
Liz frowned; that wasn’t at all what she’d meant. “It’s not a whim. It’s just...”
“You’re making a mistake.” Jillian closed the magazine and took Liz’s hand. Suddenly Jillian seemed older and wiser than she’d ever had. “Sometimes in life you have to take a leap of faith. It would be good for you to step out of the bubble you’ve insulated yourself in and live a little.”
More defensiveness rose along with some indignation. “Hey, I did step way out of my comfort zone to help you.”
Tenderness softened Jillian’s gaze. “To which I’m eternally grateful.” She released Liz’s hand. “It’s time I start taking more responsibility for my life.”
Surprised but glad to hear it, Liz said, “I’m proud of you Jillian.”
“Thanks. I want to enroll in some business classes so I can help run the store. Or maybe start my own business with my art.”
Either were steps in the right direction. Her baby sister was growing up. “I think that’s a fabulous idea.”
“I just hope you’ll stop hiding in the shop,” Jillian said. “It’s time for you to have a life of your own, Lizzie.”
Unnerved to realize her baby sister had grown up and didn’t need her the way she had before, Liz mulled over her sister’s surprisingly sound words.
But deep in her heart she knew it was too late for her and Blake.
And the knowledge left her miserable.
* * *
Two weeks later, Liz stepped into the dining room of the apartment she and Jillian shared over the family antique store to find Jillian had her craft box out and the dining table covered in glitter and glue and scraps of paper.
Jillian had tamed her hair back with a red ribbon. Her peaches-and-cream skin was scrubbed clean. No traces of the bruises she’d suffered at the hands of Santini remained. She looked young and fresh.
She’d surprised Liz by actually doing as she’d said she would on the plane. Jillian had enrolled in some online business classes and Liz was teaching her the ins and outs of the antique shop.
They would head to the early service at the community church. Liz had thrown herself into volunteering more at church as a way to keep her time occupied. Because any time she found herself idle, thoughts of Blake would drift through her mind. The kiss they shared had left a tiny piece of hope in her heart that maybe he felt something more for her than just friendship or obligation. And that hope continually sent her spiraling into a depression that she feared she’d never shake.
Liz grabbed a cup for coffee. “What are you doing?”
Jillian held up the card she was making. “It’s for Travis. You know Valentine’s Day is coming up.”
Right. A day for couples. She poured coffee into her cup and noticed her hands shook.
“You should send Blake a card,” Jillian said.
The thought was like a spear to her heart. She hadn’t heard anything from him these past weeks and didn’t expect to. But she still jumped a bit every time the phone rang, hoping that maybe he’d call just to check on her. Silly. He was off on some assignment, protecting the country from bad guys doing bad things. The last thing on his mind was her. And she’d be all kinds of a fool to think otherwise. Wouldn’t she be?
“I’m not creative like you are,” Liz said.
“Then buy a card.”
She made it sound so simple. There was nothing simple about Liz’s feelings for Blake. She hadn’t wanted to get involved with him because she’d feared losing herself to him but she was losing herself anyway. Every day she felt less like herself. Every day she slipped deeper into a thick abyss of discontentment.
Jillian came to her side and put an arm around her waist. Dropping her head on Liz’s shoulder, she said, “I’m worried about you.”
Picking up the edges of her composure, she put on a brave smile. “No need to be.”
Jillian raised her head and gave Liz a disbelieving look. “Right. You’re mopey and irritable. You need to snap out of it.”
Liz sighed, knowing she was right. “I would if I could.”
“Send Blake a note. Ask him to dinner on Valentine’s Day. If he doesn’t answer or doesn’t show then you can write him off. And maybe get on with your life.”
“I’m not brave like you,” Liz whispered past the constriction in her throat. Not when it came to matters of the heart.
Jillian pursed her lips. “You are the bravest person I’ve ever met. Just not when it comes to love.” She shrugged. “It’s your life. I’m going to go get ready for church.” She skipped out of the room as if she was ten rather than twenty-three.
Going to the table, Liz contemplated what she should do. She did need to move on with her life. She felt stuck, in limbo, waiting for something to happen that wouldn’t unless she was fearless enough to initiate it. Picking up a sheet of cardstock, she made a decision. She would invite Blake to come to the island for a Valentine’s Day dinner. And if he rejected her offer then she’d be able to kill that speck of hope once and for all.
* * *
Blake sat in his usual seat around the large table and stared out the window of the conference room in Washington, DC. The view of the Washington Monument in the distance had always made him feel patriotic.
But lately, irritation seemed to be the only thing he could feel.
He’d been called to the Homeland Security office for a meeting with the US personnel side of the various IBETs members. Every few months they’d gather to debrief on the program, looking for ways to improve their effectiveness. Usually Blake had plenty of ideas and opinions.
But not today. The Va
lentine’s Day card in his pocket burned clean through his shirt to brand his skin.
It had arrived two days ago. He still didn’t know what to make of it. Nor did he know if he wanted to respond. And the indecision was wreaking havoc on his psyche.
The handmade card was not just a greeting but also an invitation. A Valentine’s Day dinner invitation. From Liz. Her sweet face danced through his mind, and his heart kicked into high gear demanding he acknowledge that he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Couldn’t stop dreaming of being with her, kissing her again. Holding her close, hearing her voice, her laugh.
For a man who didn’t do emotions, that was all he seemed to be made of these days. A hot, messy glob of emotion.
His dad would have a field day of mockery if Blake ever admitted he’d fallen head over heels in love with a woman who made him feel.
“Hey, Blake. Earth to Blake.”
He snapped his attention to the man seated across the table from him. “What!”
“Whoa!” US Border Patrol agent Jeff Steele, raised his hand. “Dude, what’s up with you?”
“Nothing.” Thankfully they were the only two in the room at the moment.
Blake better get his head back in the game before the other agents and officers, including the deputy director, joined them.
Jeff raised an eyebrow. “Something.”
He eyed the agent with interest. Steele had been married a little over a year now to a woman he’d met while on an assignment in northern Washington state. She was a doctor, a biologist actually. Together they’d brought down an illegal marijuana grower and human trafficker. “How did you know you loved Tessa?”
A slow grin spread over Jeff’s face. “Ah, I see. You’re in love, and you’re not sure what to do about it.”
Blake grunted. “Something like that. So? You gonna answer the question?”
Jeff stroked his chin. “Well, I fell in love long before I decided to do something about it.”
“Yeah?” Blake straightened in his seat, his curiosity piqued.
“Let me put it this way, I didn’t believe in love until I was hit with it square in the heart.” Jeff smiled. “I came to a point where I knew I couldn’t live without her in my life. And that, brother, is the true test. Living without Tessa was miserable. I couldn’t concentrate or barely think. Every moment apart was torture.”