by Honest Lee
“By any chance, do you like Mario’s Meatballs & Spaghetti?”
“The ones that come in a can? I love it! I eat it for dinner all the time!” Jacob said.
And so Lucy cast Jacob in a commercial—but not as himself. He wore a costume that transformed him into a mascot for his favorite canned spaghetti. As Meatball Mario, Jacob became a singing, dancing stack of meatballs covered in spaghetti. His character would dance under a shower of Parmesan cheese and sing songs to entice kids to eat his canned goods. At the end of each commercial, fireworks would explode all around him as he said his tagline:
“Mario’s Meatballs are magically mouthwatering!”
Jacob loved the idea. He got to be on TV during his favorite shows, but he didn’t have to put up with any fans chasing him around town.
But after a few hours of actual work, Jacob could barely breathe. It was so hot inside the suit, he would sweat like a man crossing the Sahara without water. All that sweating made his face break out in pimples. And it made him stink, too. After filming, he didn’t want to be seen—or smelled—in public. And when the fireworks went off, he almost always got burned.
Needless to say, Jacob wasn’t happy.
“I can’t keep doing this,” Jacob told Lucy. “I’ve lost twenty pounds, I stink every day, and my face looks like a pizza.”
“Do you want to do pizza commercials, too?” Lucy asked.
“No!” Jacob said. “I don’t want this job anymore. It’s not as fun as I thought it would be.”
“Sorry, kid,” Lucy said. “You signed a lifetime contract to appear in Meatball Mario commercials. You’ll be doing this for the rest of your life.”
So, dear reader, the next time you see a funny commercial on TV with someone inside a costume, think of Jacob. You may be laughing at the commercial and enjoying yourself, but the actor inside that costume is sweaty and stinky and they are not having a good time.
That’s TV for you.
CHAPTER 28
Olivia
As the resident know-it-all of Classroom 13, Olivia Ogilvy had a lot of thoughts about things. She had thoughts about Ms. Linda, opinions about her classmates, and even a theory that the 13th Classroom was alive… which is ridiculous. (Isn’t it?)
To earn her fame, Olivia wrote all her thoughts down. It became a series of very popular books. You may have heard of them. She wrote her books under a pen name. A pen name is a fake name that writers sometimes use to hide their true identity.
What’s that? Did she write this series? Um… I don’t know!
CHAPTER 29
Lily
Famous agent Lucy LaRoux’s cell phone rang. She took one look at the caller ID and turned pale. “It’s my boss.” She gulped. She answered, “Hello?”
Judging by all the screaming coming from the phone, it did not sound like good news for her. In between bursts of shouting, the kids in Classroom 13 heard Lucy whisper:
“Yep… Uh-huh… I’m so, so sorry.… I know, you’re right.… But it wasn’t my fault.… It will never happen again.… I’m begging you.… Okay, got it… Thank you… I won’t let you down!”
Lucy turned off her phone and glared at the students of Classroom 13. “Is everything okay?” Ms. Linda asked her cousin.
“No, everything is not okay,” Lucy said. “Right now, about half of your students have made me money, and the other half has cost me money. My boss is not happy. But we have one chance to make things right.…”
Then Lucy got down on her knees in front of Lily. “You’re the last student left. Please, please, please tell me that you’re going to help me get a win for the Ace Agent Agency.”
“Well, I want to be an astronaut, but I’m still too young. However, I do have all kinds of science-y ideas for inventions. For the last month, I’ve been building one to prank my four brothers.…” Lily pulled the small device from her backpack. It looked like a little metal egg. “I call it the LILY-HAMMER 5000.”
“What is it?” Lucy asked.
“It’s an EMP,” Lily answered.
The agent scratched her head. “Does that stand for: Egg Making Power?”
“No, it stands for Electromagnetic Pulse,” Lily explained. “The Lily-Hammer 5000 emits an invisible pulse of EM energy that knocks out all electronics in a one-room radius. It makes TVs turn off, computers go to sleep, and phones shut down. But not forever. Everything will power back on again after an hour. I don’t wanna break people’s stuff; I just want to prank people.
“I’ve been doing it to my brothers all week. Every time they play their video games, I shut them down right before they beat a level. They have no idea it’s me. It drives them nuts!”
“That’s so cool!” said Yuna and Ava.
“That’s so cruel!” said Dev and Teo.
“It looks like an egg, though,” Lucy said. “Can it prank people and make eggs?”
“No,” Lily said.
Lucy considered the egg-shaped machine. Even though she didn’t quite understand it, Lucy did know that people liked technology and gizmos. “Okay, if that’s the best you’ve got, let’s see what I can do with it.”
Lucy sent Lily’s blueprints to the Ace Agent Agency. They filed a patent and started production immediately.
Pre-orders for the Lily-Hammer 5000® were in the millions. Pranksters of all ages couldn’t wait to mess with their friends and families. The prank device cost three hundred bucks each, but no one cared. They wanted it.
The Ace Agent Agency was pleased with the sales numbers, and Lucy’s boss told her she “did good.” Things were looking up for Lucy and the Ace Agent Agency.
On the day it came out, Lily tried to turn on her computer. She wanted to read the reviews and the blogs and see what people thought of something she’d made. But her computer wouldn’t turn on.
In fact, neither would her phone. Or her tablet. Or her TV.
Nothing worked.
That was because everyone in the country who bought a Lily-Hammer 5000 got their package shipped to them in the mail at the exact same time. That meant everyone in the country opened the package at the exact same time. That also meant everyone in the country turned on their own personal Lily-Hammer 5000 at the exact same time…
…and that created one giant EMP so massive it fried nearly every device in the country. No one could call or text or play silly games on their phones.
Everyone freaked out. Society went crazy. Many believed it was a return to the technological dark ages. Needless to say, people were furious.
Lucy was so mad her face was the color of… well, I can’t think of a metaphor, so let’s just say her face was really, really red. “I thought you said the pranked phones would turn back on after an hour?” Lucy yelled.
“They were supposed to.…” Lily said, rechecking her notes and calculations. “Oh, I see what happened. People weren’t supposed to use their Lily-Hammers at the same time. We should have put a warning on the box.”
“Now you tell me!” Lucy shouted. “I told you this thing should’ve made eggs!”
Technology in the country did not turn back on after an hour. Or twelve hours. Or twenty-four hours.
The Ace Agent Agency started getting letters—actual letters, in the mail, with stamps. The letters were all complaints.
“How am I supposed to order a pizza without my cell phone?” one angry letter said. “I am starving!”
“How am I supposed to text my friend Jeff ‘you are kewl’ with a sunglasses emoji?” another angry letter said. “Now Jeff probably thinks I’m mad at him!”
“What am I supposed to do in the bathroom? Just use the bathroom?! I like to play games on the toilet! This is madness!” said a third letter (probably written while on the toilet).
Finally, the president declared a state of national emergency and demanded that people destroy their Lily-Hammer 5000s. To help people calm down, the president also bought everyone a new phone. After all, she was a very good president. (Yes, the president in this world i
s a woman, and she is a very good president at that!) Then Madam President demanded the Ace Agent Agency refund everyone’s money. Immediately.
Lily may have been embarrassed that her invention broke the country. But her embarrassment was nothing compared to the rage Lucy LaRoux was feeling at this moment. Lucy was in big trouble at her job, and Lucy needed to blame someone.…
CHAPTER 30
Infamous Lucy!
On Friday, something occurred to Ms. Linda. “With all of you becoming famous and infamous, I honestly can’t remember the last time we did any actual classwork,” she said. “So… POP QUIZ!”
The students of Classroom 13 groaned. Some of the students were still famous (or infamous), but all of them still had to go to school. They prepared themselves for a boring, terrible, regular day of work, when—
—the door swung open, and a furious Lucy stormed in.
“Stop whatever it is you’re doing!” Lucy shouted at them.
“Excuse me, Lucy LaRoux, but this is my classroom,” Ms. Linda said. “You may be my cousin and a famous agent, but in here, I am in charge.”
“No, no, no!” Lucy growled, stomping her feet on the floor and pitching a tantrum. “I have something to say, and all of you are going to listen!
“In all my time as a senior talent agent, I have never dealt with such horrible clients before! Look at all of you! Failed wrestlers and failed artists and failed actors—”
“I didn’t fail. I quit,” said Triple J.
“Same here,” said Sophia.
“Me too,” said Dev.
“When I say fail, I mean failed to make me stinking rich!” Lucy LaRoux screamed.
“Then you should have said so,” Ms. Linda said. “After all, I don’t think anyone in this class failed. I think everyone did a wonderful job.”
“If they did such a wonderful job, then why is my job in jeopardy?!” Lucy asked.
“I suppose our goals and your goals were not in alignment—meaning, on the same path. If you feel the same way, perhaps you should nullify, or cancel, our contracts. Then all of us can go our separate ways, giving one another only well wishes,” a voice said from the back of the class.
Everyone expected it to be Olivia (because of all the big words), but it turned out to be Mason.
Ms. Linda was impressed. She could hardly believe Mason—who believed Halloween candy was alive and could read his mind—formed such a structured and well-thought reply. It was not like Mason. “Mason, that was incredibly well spoken,” she told him.
“Thank you,” Mason said. “I hit my head this morning. My smarts will wear off soon. For now, I’ll return to my box.” Mason climbed back into his empty box like a sleepy kitten.
“What is wrong with all of you?!” Lucy shouted. “You know what—it doesn’t matter! You all work for me!”
She slammed their contracts down on Ms. Linda’s desk. “None of you can just quit! I’ll lose my job unless I make some real money off you kids, and that’s just what we’re going to do. You all signed these contracts, and contracts are binding, which means I own all of you! Kiss your families good-bye because you’ll never see them again! You’ll be too busy working for the rest of your lives! I don’t care if you fulfill your contracts as celebrity toenail-clippers or circus pooper-scoopers or whatever other terrible jobs I can think of. You. Will. WORK!”
A hush fell over the class.
Some students started to cry. Others just got angry. They didn’t like being famous or infamous. (And those who did like it really didn’t like Lucy LaRoux—she had taken all their money and had yet to share the profits.)
“Now, listen here,” Ms. Linda said. “You will not come into my classroom and bully these children. As far as I’m concerned, your contracts are already null and void.”
With that, Ms. Linda took the stack of contracts and ripped them in half.
“YAAYYYY!” the students cheered. They’d never realized how awesome Ms. Linda was before now.
“Not so fast!” Lucy said with a sneaky sneer. “I have copies.”
“BOOOOO!!” the students moaned.
But when Lucy opened her purse, she screamed. Earl crawled out with a fat belly and let out a long, rude BURP. He had gotten his revenge.
“That rodent ate my duplicates!” Lucy hissed.
“YAAYYYY!” the students cheered.
“No matter!” Lucy snapped. “I have triplicates!”
“BOOOOO!!” the students moaned.
But when Lucy opened her briefcase, the Emm-azing Emma snapped her fingers. The contracts poofed into a cloud of purple smoke and glitter.
“Yay?” some of the students cheered. They weren’t sure how many more copies Lucy LaRoux had.
And sure enough, Lucy smiled a wicked smile. “Good thing I have digital copies of the contracts on my phone! Hah!”
“Good thing I bought a Lily-Hammer,” Ms. Linda said, grabbing something from her desk.
“Those are illegal!” Lucy said. “If you use one of those EMP Lily-Hammer things, you’ll go to jail!”
“How silly of me. It’s not a Lily-Hammer. It’s just a regular hammer.” Then Ms. Linda grabbed her cousin’s phone and smashed it into a hundred little pieces.
Lucy’s smile finally faded. All her copies were gone. There were no more contracts. The students of Classroom 13 were free once more.
Ms. Linda opened the door of Classroom 13 and pointed to the hallway. “I think it’s time for you to go, Lucy LaRoux. We need to get back to learning.”
Defeated, famous agent Lucy LaRoux scowled at the classroom and said, “You’re all terrible, and you’ll never be famous again!”
Little did Lucy know that the kids were already famous. This is the third book they’ve starred in. And they’ll star in many more to come.…
As they were no longer famous (or infamous), the students of Classroom 13 finished the school day like most students do—with some very unfamous activities.
Instead of walking a red carpet, they walked the tiled classroom floor to turn in their homework. Instead of signing autographs, they signed their names on quizzes and tests. And instead of smiling for cameras and journalists, they just smiled for their teacher, Ms. Linda, who had saved them from her terrible cousin.
Meanwhile, outside in the hall, famous agent Lucy LaRoux was kicking the 13th Classroom’s door in anger. Like most living things, Classroom 13 did not like being kicked.
“Stop it,” whispered the classroom door.
Lucy looked around. “Who said that?”
“I did,” said the voice.
Lucy looked up and down the hallway, but there was no one around. Just her. And the door to Classroom 13.
“Don’t kick me again,” the door said. “It’s rude.”
Lucy figured this was some kind of prank. She roared, “I’ll do what I want!”
Then she kicked the door again. This time, her leg went right through the door. Lucy tried to pull her leg back, but it was stuck in what felt like strawberry jelly. Then, like a strand of spaghetti, the door sucked her in completely. She was not in Classroom 13. She was somewhere… else.
“You should have made me famous,” the 13th Classroom whispered. Then the door burped her out.
Lucy bounced into the hallway covered in slime. She had no idea what had happened or where she had been—but she was totally freaked. She ran out of the school, screaming and vowing to never work with children again.
Meanwhile, Ms. Linda and the students didn’t hear a thing inside the 13th Classroom. They never did. But they would one day, one day rather soon.…
CHAPTER 31
Your Chapter
That’s right—it’s your turn!
Grab some paper and a writing utensil. (Not a fork, silly. Try a pencil or pen.) Or if you have one of those fancy computer doo-hickeys, use that. Now tell me…
What do YOU want to be famous for?
When you’re done, share it with your teacher, your family, and your friends. (Don’
t forget your pets! Pets like to hear stories, too.) You can even ask your parents to send me your chapter at the address below.
HONEST LEE
LITTLE, BROWN BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS
1290 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10104
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