For a few moments we stop, listening out for more from beyond the curtains.
When there isn’t I look back into Laura’s eyes and start to move my hips forward again, watching her reaction as I –
‘MITTENS!’
Bollocks.
‘COME HOME MITTENS!’
Now I’m really getting put off my stroke.
I stop again… and we both wait once more for another outburst.
This time a good couple of minutes go by.
‘You think she’s given up?’ I ask.
‘Yeah. She doesn’t normally do it for long.’
‘Okay.’
I kiss Laura and again start to move my hips back and forth.
I expect to be interrupted at first, but by the time I’ve worked up a bit of a rhythm, I’ve forgotten about Mittens and have my mind firmly back on the job.
It’s not long before Laura starts to moan loudly.
She’s starting to build to a climax and I increase my speed, her moans becoming gasps with each thrust.
We’re moving together now, faster and faster… the orgasm getting closer as our bodies work in harmony and our –
‘MITTENS!’
Laura starts laughing – partly at the timing, partly at the look of angry frustration on my red, sweaty face.
‘Astrid?’ a man’s voice says. ‘Will you stop calling that stupid cat? It’ll come home when it wants to.’
Judging from how annoying ‘Astrid’ is, I’d wager Mittens has done a runner in an attempt to avoid going deaf, and won’t be back any time soon.
‘But daddy! He might have been run over!’
‘I doubt it. Inside with you, I’m sure it’ll be back soon.’
I would have genuinely liked this bloke for dragging his noisy daughter inside, were it not for the fact the idiot had called her Astrid.
The moment somewhat lost, I climb off Laura and lie next her while her giggles gradually dissipate.
‘Sorry about that,’ she says, draping one leg over my body. ‘The flats are close together round here. You get to hear a lot.’
‘No worries. Let’s just hope nobody heard us.’
‘I was being as quiet as possible. It wasn’t easy though… you know what you’re doing, Newman.’
Excellent.
‘In fact, I feel like I should step up my own game.’
For once, I’m glad that Laura is a competitive little soul, as she now slides down my body and starts to give me the single best blow job I’ve had in years.
I’m in absolute heaven.
Before long I can feel my climax building again. I’m caught in a wave of total pleasure as she licks me with her tongue.
This is simply the best feeling I’ve had in months and I never want it to –
‘MITTENS!’
We ended up watching the rest of Slumdog Millionaire on Laura’s portable TV, figuring that Astrid would eventually go to bed and we’d be left in peace.
The credits rolled on the movie at about eleven, and Laura and I finally got to have some uninterrupted fun.
I just about managed to put Astrid and Mittens out of my head, but I have to confess I didn’t relax entirely until the deed was properly done and Laura was wrapped in post-coital bliss in my arms.
I ended up staying the night and was late for work the next day.
There’s nothing quite like waking up with a warm, soft female body next to you to put a smile on your face on a Monday morning.
In the end it was fantastic night, but I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to look at a pair of children’s gloves in the same way again…
Laura’s Diary
Monday, September 19th
Dear Mum,
It’s at times like this I really miss your advice.
Something’s happened that has set my head spinning faster than a washing machine on ‘heavy soiled’.
I’ll try to explain. Maybe writing it down will clear my head and help me come to some kind of decision.
Last time I spoke to you, I was telling you about my first time with Jamie.
Despite the next door neighbour’s insistent attempts at ruining the moment, Jamie and I had sex for the first time - and it was quite exceptional.
There’s nothing like a hot, sweaty summer’s evening to kick start your libido… even if it does mean being part of one small girl’s hunt for her missing cat.
Having got past the semi-awkward first time together, Jamie and I embarked on what could only be described as a rampant sex-a-thon. Over the course of the next week we rocked the Kasbah every night.
Sometimes twice.
By the end of seven days I was so knackered from trying to combine a newly discovered sex life with work I could barely keep my eyes open.
I always tend to get emotional when I’ve not had much sleep, so I’m afraid I let the side down a bit last Wednesday when I burst into tears in front of Jamie as we lay together in his bed.
‘Are you alright?’ he said in a panicked voice. ‘I didn’t do anything wrong did I?’
‘No,’ I assured him as I wiped tears from my face. ‘It’s nothing to do with you. Today is my mum’s birthday.’
‘Aaah.’ He didn’t really have anything else to say, bless him.
Jamie already knew that I’d lost you Mum, but we’d never gone into much detail. Things were different now though, so I spent a few minutes explaining what had happened.
‘A friend of mine died of cancer about three years ago,’ he said when I told him what had taken you away. ‘I know it’s nothing like what you’ve had to go through, but it was horrible.’
He planted a soft, gentle kiss on my forehead. This made me cry again – for somewhat different reasons.
‘What was she like?’ he asked, wrapping his arms around me. I’d never felt so safe.
I told him all about you…
The big things and the little things:
How you brought me up on your own after dad left us, working yourself into the ground so I could go to college and university.
How you loved chocolate, eating and cooking with it, and the hours we’d spend in the kitchen when I was a little girl, rustling up all sorts of sugary treats… which led to three fillings in my twenties.
I even told him about my twenty first birthday, when you surprised me with the trip to Rome.
‘Why Rome?’ Jamie asked.
‘I’ve always wanted to go there, ever since I saw Roman Holiday. Audrey Hepburn was my idol when I was a girl. It’s a truly beautiful place. Mum started to get sick just after the trip, so it was the last time I got to spend quality time with her. It was the happiest weekend of my life.’
‘That’s lovely,’ Jamie said. ‘Nice that you have a memory of her like that.’
I’m going to stop writing about this. It’s getting difficult because I’m having trouble seeing through the tears.
Moving on then:
Suffice to say, things were going very well with Jamie at this point.
Then my bloody ex-boyfriend Mike comes along and throws a gigantic spanner in the works.
I hadn’t seen him for over a year and a half, and was at the point where the break-up was a distant memory, rather than the all consuming agony I’d carried around with me for months.
It was last Friday when Mike Adams walked back into my life and turned it upside down.
Again.
It was lunch time and I was stood behind the counter enjoying a lull in foot traffic. I’ll never complain about having lots of people in the shop parting with their hard-earned, but it’s nice to have a break now and again when you’ve been on your feet for five solid hours.
Sipping a cup of coffee and munching on a prawn mayo sandwich from Marks & Spencer, I was neatly ensconced in a pleasant daydream about what filthy things I intended to do to Jamie that evening. It involved the French maid’s outfit that had been hidden at the back of the wardrobe for four years, and the tube of play lube stuck in the front pocket.
&nbs
p; The speculative smile dropped off my face when I looked over to the entrance to see Mike standing there looking tanned and annoyingly healthy.
A jolt went through my whole body.
‘Hi sugerbear,’ he said and walked towards me.
My stomach rolled.
The last time I heard him call me that was the night he dumped me.
The night he sat on my bed, the sheets crumpled from the desperate sex I’d just had with him, and told me all about Le-Anne, the girl who worked with him at the gym.
‘We’ve done nothing together yet,’ he’d assured me, as if that would make it any better. ‘But we really like each other. I don’t know what it is about her. We just seem to get on so well.’
…well enough to send a five year relationship with me down the drain, anyway.
Enough!
I spilled this all out last year in these pages. We don’t need a repeat performance.
Needless to say all the tears and misery come flooding back as Mike strolls up to the counter - that oh-so charming lop-sided smile plastered across his face.
‘What are you doing here Mike?’ I ask, from roughly ten thousand miles away.
‘I would have come in sooner. It just took this long to work up the courage.’
‘What do you mean?’ I drop the half-eaten sandwich. My appetite has deserted me.
‘I’ve been walking past for a few weeks now. Every time I think about coming in, you look busy with customers so I don’t. How’s the shop doing?’
‘It’s… it’s doing fine, thanks. Why have you been walking past?’
‘To see you, baby.’ He looks genuinely sad. ‘I miss you so much.’
‘You miss me?’
‘Yeah. Of course I do.’
‘What about Le-Anne?’
He contrives to look guilty. ‘Well, we didn’t work out in the end.’ Those big green Irish eyes look deep into mine. ‘She just wasn’t you, hun.’
It’s impossible to describe the mixture of emotions that cascaded through me.
I open and close my mouth a couple of times like a hungry guppy, before pulling my wits together enough to respond.
‘I’m seeing somebody,’ I say, altogether too quickly. Jamie’s kind, open face pops into my head. ‘It’s too late for us.’
Mike actually looks like he’s about to cry. ‘I was afraid you’d say that. Should have known you’d get snapped up by somebody else. I’m so sorry I left you. I was an idiot.’
‘Yes. Yes you were.’
‘But I realise that now. I love you, Laura. Always have. Is there any chance for us? Do you like this guy that much?’
…God help me, I don’t know.
I should be showing him the door. I should be telling him this boat has sailed. I should be kicking him to the curb.
But damn me, I’m not.
Jamie’s face is replaced by the five years I spent with Mike: The holiday to Koh Samui. The way he used to nibble my toes. The long weekend in Paris. The way he’d kiss my neck just behind the ear. The Christmas at his parent’s house in Donegal. The feel of his hands moving across my breasts. The smile. The green eyes…
Oh bloody hellfire.
‘You dumped me for another woman, Mike.’ I’m trying to keep some steel in my voice. It’s not working.
‘I know. I’m an idiot. I threw the best thing I ever had away.’ He moves around the counter, removing the barrier between us. ‘Please Laura. Just come out with me. We can talk. Then if you want, I’ll just leave you alone.’
Somehow, he’s taken my hand in his. I didn’t notice it happen.
‘I don’t know, Mike.’
‘For old time’s sake, if nothing else?’
The eyes have it.
‘Okay. Next week sometime.’ Jamie’s face reappears in my head. I feel terrible.
‘Great. I’ll call you. Same number, yeah?’
I nod, dumbfounded by this turn of events.
‘Great.’ He turns and notices an old couple walking into the shop. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’
I don’t even flinch when he leans forward and kisses my cheek.
What the hell is wrong with me?
This man put me through the emotional wringer and here I am contemplating letting him back in my life again.
I watch Mike leave, my jaw slack.
The timing is incredible.
I finally meet a new man and the old one comes barging back in, turning everything upside down.
I’m consumed by guilt at agreeing to meet Mike for a drink. There’s a part of me that loathes the ease with which he talked me into it.
Jamie doesn’t deserve this.
But how the hell else am I supposed to feel? Mike was my entire life for five years. I’ve known Jamie a few weeks. I don’t have the history with him… or the memories.
And let’s not forget that he was the guy who gave me food poisoning.
So what’s worse, McIntyre? Breaking your heart or giving you the galloping shits?
Good point…
Damn it.
I’m seeing Mike on Thursday night, Mum.
I’m nervous, excited, sickened, ashamed and angry - all in equal measure.
He’s got a lot of explaining to do, but God help me, I do want to hear what he’s got to say.
I’m seeing Jamie tomorrow as well… though I might try to get out of it.
I owe it to the poor guy to get my head straight before anything else happens with him.
What’s a girl to do, Mum?
Your confused daughter, Laura.
xx
Jamie’s Blog
Wednesday 21 September
I knew something was wrong with Laura the second she answered the phone.
There was a reluctance in her voice she couldn’t disguise. It sounded like she couldn’t wait to hang up.
Until yesterday, she’d always sounded happy to speak to me, but when I rang her at work mid-afternoon there was a definite change.
‘So what do you fancy doing this evening?’ I asked.
‘Um. Not sure. Might just have the evening in actually. Quite tired.’
Hmmm.
She’d sounded keen about getting together the last time we’d spoken on Sunday. Something was definitely wrong.
‘Okay. How about I just come over and hang out for a while?’
‘I don’t know Jamie.’
The cold clammy feeling that had been settling in across the back of my neck got worse. I tried to ignore it.
‘I won’t stay long if you’re tired. I’d really like to see you though.’
‘Yeah… okay. Come over at seven thirty.’ Her voice was dull.
Maybe she was just tired.
Or maybe she’s decided she’s had enough of you.
I said goodbye and hung up with a sinking feeling in my stomach.
I didn’t have a clue what I’d done wrong.
I certainly hadn’t poisoned her again.
The sex had been pretty fantastic from my point of view… hers too, judging from the noises she’d been making. I hadn’t made any social faux pas (much to my surprise) and had been on my most charming behaviour every time I’d seen her.
I literally had no idea what the problem could be.
It was therefore with some trepidation that I rocked up at her flat that evening.
‘Hiya,’ she says, the smile on her face a bit forced.
‘Hi,’ I reply. I’m too worried to smile.
‘Come in Jamie.’
The rather formal use of my name doesn’t bode well.
Neither does the way she ever so slightly backs away when I lean in to give her a kiss.
‘Is something the matter Laura?’ Two can play at the formal game.
I don’t get a reply immediately, but I know the dreaded phrase ‘we need to talk’ is fast homing into view like a runaway oil tanker.
Say anything else, woman.
Tell me you’ve come down with herpes.
Tell me you hav
e to leave the country because the KGB has caught up with you.
Tell me you’ve been in contact with your home world and are being called back to the Orion Nebula.
‘We need to talk.’
Bollocks, fuck and shit.
‘Alright,’ I sigh deeply and make my way through to the lounge like a man headed to the gallows.
She sits in the chair across the room from me, a sure sign she’s about to say something unpleasant.
‘You’re not about to tell me you’ve won the lottery, are you?’ I say, trying to make light of the situation.
She smiles in a half-hearted way. ‘No.’
‘Go on then. Put me out of my misery.’ I point a finger at her. ‘But if you don’t want to see me anymore because of the bloody fajita thing, I won’t be happy.’
‘I don’t want to stop seeing you.’
Well, that’s unexpected.
A small bloom of hope makes the stupid mistake of forming in my chest.
‘Then why have you got a face like a bulldog chewing a piss covered thistle?’ I can’t help it. I get crude when I’m nervous.
‘It’s just that… I have to… I don’t want… Oh for fuck’s sake.’ She puts her head in her hands.
‘Make like your head and come to a point, woman.’ I know this isn’t really the time for banter, but I can’t help myself.
‘My ex Mike came into the shop the other day. He wants to see me again. Says he misses me and wants me back.’ This came out very fast in one breath, like she wanted it out there as quickly as possible.
In these situations, a man more in control of his emotions (and one more experienced with the vagaries of the female mind) would have handled things much better.
I’d only been seeing Laura for a few weeks, and this guy – who she’d told me about only a week beforehand in one of those ‘who’s ex is worse’ conversations you always have early in a relationship – had been a part of her life for half a decade.
Of course she’d still be conflicted about it.
Of course she couldn’t just brush his reappearance off without a thought.
Love... From Both Sides (A laugh-out-loud romantic comedy) Page 13