by Sophie Stern
You’re a shitty husband.
All you care about is your job.
You never have time for me.
Men make the worst lovers.
She’d said things in anger and maybe she hadn’t meant them. Dean would never speak to her again, so he’d never know. He’d never know which words were said in anger and which ones bled honesty, but the truth was he didn’t need to know.
He’d taken Barbara’s words and he’d used them to change himself. Maybe it had been the wrong thing to do. Maybe he really hadn’t been in the wrong. Maybe he’d been okay and she was just crazy, but he doubted it. He knew it took two people to make a marriage work and it took two people to break one.
He had wronged her, and she had hurt him, and their relationship had failed.
He would not make the same mistake twice.
If Dean married again, he would not be a shitty husband. He wouldn’t become obsessed with his job. He would find time for her. He would be attentive. Loving. Kind. Part of the reason he had become interested in BDSM was because it taught him how to pay attention to a woman.
People thought being a Dom was all about power and control. Some of the time, it was, but that wasn’t all of it. Being a Dom meant he learned how to read a woman’s body. He learned to tell when she was aroused and when she was scared. He could tell when she was close to orgasm and he could control that. He could make her wait or make her come and it was all up to him.
He did have the control.
He didn’t use this power for evil. He used it to bring pleasure to his partners they’d never imagined was possible. He used it to show that a good man, a strong man, could be a dedicated partner. The right man could take a woman who was scared, who was nervous, and turn her into a fucking porn star.
That was why Dean liked BDSM.
That was why he was going to teach the couples this weekend how to play.
“She left you with scars, brother,” Anthony said. “I’m not judging you, but you aren’t that man anymore.”
“I’ve changed.”
“I know.”
He sipped his drink and looked around the room. The play equipment was clean, but empty. Tomorrow night, he’d teach his class before the club opened, then once the regular attendees showed up, his students would have a chance to practice their new skills.
They’d have a chance to play in a real BDSM setting.
They’d have a chance to try everything.
“I never thought I’d find myself in a place like this,” Dean commented. “Being married made me dull, boring.”
“Barbara made you dull and boring. Not marriage,” Anthony countered. “A good marriage makes you a better man. It makes you stronger and fun and interesting and good.”
“I don’t know if I’m a good man, but I’m a changed man.”
“Do you still think of her?”
“Not much anymore.” Still too much, though. Still too often. He’d still have moments of doubt where her words would creep back into his mind and haunt him. He had moments where he’d feel lost, tortured by the things she had said.
It was those moments where he had to work to center himself. A calm submissive could help, he’d found. Having someone else to take care of, someone else to focus on, could help him. He liked that. He liked having someone who would be there for him, who would pull him from the horrors of his mind he could so easily become trapped in.
“You’re lying again,” Anthony commented.
“Perhaps you shouldn’t ask such difficult questions.”
“Consider it part of my job.”
“Being single suits me,” Dean said.
“I think you’ve met someone.”
“And if I have?”
“I hope she does you justice, Dean. I hope she’s special. I hope she’s sweet.”
“She doesn’t think she’s sweet, but she is.”
“Then I hope you give it all you’ve got, buddy. You deserve to be happy.” Anthony patted his back and Dean nodded.
Happiness.
Was his friend right? Did he deserve to be happy? For so long, he had simply focused on the little things. He had focused on getting out of bed, on making it to work each day. He had focused on taking things one step at a time, one breathe at a time.
Now he was beginning to realize there might be more to life than simply surviving.
Maybe he did deserve to be happy.
He at least deserved the chance to find out.
9
Renee stood outside the dragon’s house.
This was it.
She was walking into his lair.
She was wearing a red dress that showed off her cleavage and that fell to her knees. It wasn’t overly slutty, but it wasn’t modest, and it made her feel good about herself. She liked the way the thin fabric clung to her hips and bottom and she thought Dean might, too.
She hoped he would.
Renee had chatted with Ava on the phone briefly during lunch. They were both looking forward to their scene the next evening at The Dungeon. If Ava was nervous, she hadn’t shown it to Renee. If anything, Renee thought she was the nervous one.
She’d been planning this scene with Ava for awhile now and she was worried about getting everything right. Renee was no stranger to performing for an audience, but this was different.
Dean would be there watching her.
He was teaching a class before The Dungeon opened. He’d told her about it briefly and she was looking forward to hearing about it afterward. She wouldn’t observe the class because it was such a sensitive topic. The couples who were attending were new to the lifestyle and would probably be nervous enough without having a stranger watch them explore their deepest fantasies. They didn’t need to be scared.
They needed to be calmed.
Dean would be good at that. He’d be good at helping them relax. She pictured one of the subs getting nervous and knew Dean would help her Dom figure out a way to help her return to a calm mindset. He’d help each of them find their place in this new world because he’d been new once, too.
So had Renee.
Everyone had to start somewhere and it really helped when you had someone else, someone who had already been through everything, who was willing to help you keep going. Even though she loved being a Domme, loved making her subs beg and cry and laugh, it was difficult at times.
Sometimes, she worried she was no good at it.
Other times, she felt confident.
It was all part of the game.
Now, as Renee stood in front of Dean’s home, she thought about her performance. She thought about how she would do. Would she be able to make Ava come as hard as she wanted her to? Would she be able to focus fully on her submissive?
Or would her thoughts be too scattered from the week?
That was her problem right now.
She was standing on Dean’s porch, about to ring his doorbell, and she couldn’t stop thinking. She just couldn’t stop.
Amanda had been a perfect angel all day at daycare. She hadn’t given any of the teachers any trouble until it was time for her parents to pick her up. When Miles and Penelope had walked in, Amanda had started to cry again, which made Penelope cry, which made Amanda cry harder.
She knew it was hard for new parents. It was difficult to get everything under control. Not only did you have to worry about losing the baby weight and figure out how to breastfeed, but you had to juggle your relationships, too. Penelope still had to figure out how to make her marriage work. She still had to figure out how to make her damn job work.
It was a lot to take in.
To be honest, Renee wasn’t sure how she made it work so well.
Nearly a year ago, something had happened on the island. There had been an incident with poachers trying to infiltrate the island. They’d made it further into the world of dragons than they should have, and they had tried to steal some of the dragon-shifter babies. A human from off-island and the dragon who fell in love wi
th her had saved the day. They’d saved everyone.
Renee wondered how any of the parents had been able to leave their children after that.
The daycare had been empty, honestly, for a good couple of weeks after the attack. There had been talks of closing the center for good, but it hadn’t happened. Somehow, the parents had started to calm down once they realized Emerson was serious about stepping up security on the island.
They’d set up patrol schedules. Dragons would fly around the island regularly, especially at night, to make sure nothing was amiss. Renee had volunteered before and it was boring, but relaxing work. It was important, but it calmed her. She liked flying around the island at night. She liked having the responsibility of making sure the shifters were safe.
There was something relaxing about knowing she was looking for bad guys. There was something calming about knowing she was capable of taking them out if she had to, if she needed to.
Once the patrols had been implemented, parents began taking their children to the center again and life had returned to normal on the island.
Still, Renee knew it must be hard for them. Leaving your child for any amount of time must be difficult. Leaving them for an entire day while you go work must be even harder. She respected Penelope and Miles for their ability to juggle parenthood with their jobs.
She hoped someday she had the chance to call herself a mother, too.
But she needed to push those thoughts from her head.
This wasn’t the time or the place.
“Are you all right?” Dean’s voice broke into her head, silencing her mind. He was in front of her, standing there. How long had he been standing there? He’d been watching her and she was suddenly embarrassed about it. She hadn’t meant to let him simply stare at her. She hadn’t meant to show up at his house and then be weird.
“I’m fine,” she answered simply.
“You look stressed.”
“It was a long day.”
“Come inside.”
She stepped past him into the cabin and heard him close the door behind her. The room was cozy, quaint. She liked the décor. She knew Dean hadn’t chosen it himself, but the place suited him.
The couch had a floral pattern that looked like something a grandmother would love and the mismatched end-tables had wear and tear. They were old, well-loved. They were comfortable.
Like Dean.
Renee turned back to him and Dean stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her.
“I missed you today,” he said.
“I missed you, too.”
She rested her head on his chest for a minute and just let him hold her. It felt good to have this comfort, to have this strength offered to her. For so long, Renee had been on her own, and though she had only just met Dean, she felt a strange comfort when he was close to her.
He pulled back and cupped her face. He searched her eyes for something.
“Wine?” He asked.
“I prefer bourbon.”
“Sit down. I’ll get you a glass.”
She sat on the couch while he went into the attached kitchen and began to make them some drinks. He returned a few minutes later with two glasses and handed her one. She sipped it and smiled.
“It’s good.”
“Of course it’s good,” he smiled. “It’s bourbon.” They clinked their glasses together and she leaned back against the couch and looked at him.
“You really are too handsome for your own good, you know.”
“Is that right?”
“You have a nice jaw line.”
“Can’t say that’s a compliment I’ve ever received before, but I’ll take it.”
She chuckled and pushed her blonde hair back over one shoulder, then sipped her drink a little more.
“Are you ready to tell me about your day, firecracker?”
“Not really. I kind of don’t want to talk about it.”
He raised an eyebrow and she realized this was it. She had a choice to make. She had to make it now. There would be no waiting with Dean. There would be no taking it slow or seeing where things led. He would want everything she had to offer. He would want all of her.
She did the same thing with her subs.
She expected them to tell her about their days, expected them to open up to her. She was a Domme and openness was how she worked. She couldn’t very well meet her sub’s needs if she didn’t know what they were. One of the ways she began to learn what each sub needed was to gently coax their emotions and feelings out of them.
Talking about their day was the perfect way to begin.
People didn’t realize how much they shared about their emotions when they were doing something as simple as talking about their day. The words you used to describe your experiences and activities meant a lot. Using the word “yelled” instead of “said” or “glared” instead of “looked” demonstrated huge differences in your understanding of what happened and gave the listener great insight into your mood.
She’d done this with her own submissives many times. Crystal in particular hated talking about her day. She liked to hide things from Renee, which had always been a fight. Renee never felt like she could reach Crystal’s core, her heart. She loved her. Oh, she had loved her, but sometimes she wondered if she truly knew her.
Crystal had never been one to talk about what she’d done while Renee was at work. She couldn’t do it without flipping out, without accusing Renee of not trusting her. It was only later that Renee discovered why that was. Crystal hadn’t been doing the things she said she was doing. She didn’t convey emotion about her daytime activities because she didn’t have any activities.
At least, not any she wanted Renee to know about.
Instead of working full-time, Crystal had switched to part-time and then spent her free time sleeping with different shifters on the island. For someone who didn’t want Renee to explore another side of her sexuality, Crystal certainly didn’t have the same issue when it came to herself.
Renee felt betrayed when she found out.
Hurt.
Devastated.
Words couldn’t describe the hole in her heart from Crystal’s behavior, but it was the lies that hurt the worst. Renee had tried so hard to meet all of Crystal’s emotional needs, had tried so hard to meet her physical needs, had tried to be everything she needed her to be.
It hadn’t been enough.
None of it had ever been enough.
“Renee?” Dean rested a hand on her thigh.
“It was just long, tiring,” she said. She didn’t look at him.
“Hey,” he cupped her chin and turned her face so she couldn’t help but look at him. “I like you, Renee. I’d like to spend more time getting to know you. Would you like that, too?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s start with something simple, then. We don’t have to jump into bed right now. This is just talking, then dinner. Sex can come later, or not at all. It’s fine either way. Right now I just want to get to know you a little better. Will you let me do that?”
“Okay,” she could do that.
“Good,” he smiled. “I’ll start.” He reached for her hand and she gave it willingly. His palm was warm against her own and once again, she was struck by how much comfort he gave her.
She often felt alone in the world. She often felt abandoned and she so frequently used dominance as a way to make herself feel grounded. When she was playing with a sub, Renee felt strong and powerful, but she also felt in control. She felt in charge. She had responsibility when she was topping. She had to take care of her sub’s needs. She had to make sure the sub came, that she had a good time. She had to make sure that any needs that woman might have were met.
It was a lot to handle.
She liked it, though.
She liked this, too. She liked Dean touching her. The way he ran his thumb over the back of her hand made her feel safe.
“I met with Anthony today to talk about the first class I’m going to t
each. I’ll be working with him to create more educational courses at The Dungeon, but we’re starting with a one-day class tomorrow evening.”
“Are you excited?” Renee asked.
“I am.”
“Will you have a sub?” Renee asked. She wasn’t jealous or bothered by the idea. She was simply curious. Whether her and Dean pursued a relationship was irrelevant when it came to work. He would have to be with subs and to be honest, she would, too.
She needed it.
Renee had long ago lost any notion that monogamy was important to the long-term sustainability of a relationship. Honesty was what mattered. Truth was what mattered. Whether or not you had sex wasn’t important. People had different needs and sometimes one partner couldn’t meet all of yours. It wasn’t a big deal.
What was important was that you talked with your partner about it.
What was important was that you were honest with them.
Renee liked that part of BDSM. She liked that different people found ways to make it work with their relationship. She liked that truth was important. She liked knowing where she stood with people.
“Jasmine,” Dean said.
“She’s good,” Renee said. “I’ve topped her before. She’s not bratty very often. She’s sweet and fun. She’s expressive and friendly.”
“I’m glad to hear you approve,” Dean smiled. Then he kissed Renee gently.
“Will you play at the club after your class?”
“I will. It’s a beginner course and we’ll be covering the ins and outs of the club, how it works, what people can expect. That sort of thing. We’ll give ideas for spicing up their relationships and talk about consent, safety. We’ll discuss the importance of open communication between partners.”
“I think that’s often one of the biggest challenges new couples face,” Renee admitted. “Since most normal relationships are built on lies.”
“It’s pretty ridiculous, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Renee nodded. She didn’t like to think about it too much.
“What about you?” Dean asked, smoothly transitioning to talk about Renee. “How was your day?”
“Most of the time, I’m in my office, but today I worked in one of the childcare rooms. Penelope and Miles’ new baby was there today, so I helped out with her.”