by Nichelle Rae
I was slipping from myself into madness of my own making. “But . . . but why drag you and Rabryn into this? You could have stayed home and . . . and been safe.”
“What home?”
The statement wasn’t firm or harsh. It was just plain and factual. They had nowhere to go except with me . . . us . . . whoever.
This didn’t make any sense! I didn’t want to believe I was even more odd and strange than I’d grown up believing. I’d thought I had some level of normalcy to me.
A terrifying thought came to me; someone else was in control of my magic! Someone else was in control of the element of Goodness, the Light Gods’ power on earth; someone in my mind … and Hathum could take over minds!
Oh Gods! I had to stay hidden! Hathum couldn’t find me like this!
I pressed my hands against my cheeks in horror. “How do I end this?” I cried. “If Hathum gets in my mind and takes this . . . this person, my magic . . .”
He gently took my face in his hands, “We don’t think he can. Not yet anyway.”
“What do you mean he can’t? He can’t get in my mind? That’s what he does, Ortheldo! He did it to my father! He made my father flee battle! What do I need to do to stop this?”
“Azrel, Azrel,” he said gently. I looked into his eyes, desperately clinging to the hope that what he was saying was true, that somehow Hathum couldn’t get in my mind. His thumbs caressed my cheeks. “We don’t know what it’s going to take to make you one person again, but we believe this ‘other world’ of green light is a fortress, a barrier against Hathum for now. It’s a place your magic can go to hide if Hathum gets too close. It’s deep inside your mind, and we think a part of it may even be outside your mind, which is where she meets people. Hathum will have to look very hard in order to get to your magic.”
I slightly relaxed, but the look in his eyes told me he wasn’t done. “There’s more?”
“I need to explain to you what happened in Narcatertus.”
I swallowed hard.
“The person Rabryn went after was a man Hathum had on the hunt for you.”
My eyes went wide and my hand came up to my mouth. I heard my terrified heartbeat pounding in my ears. Hathum was looking for me?
“We don’t know how he’s aware that the White Warrior has returned. We don’t know for sure how much Hathum knows, but we don’t think it’s very much. Otherwise, why would he send someone to find you instead of coming after you himself?”
I could barely think straight. “And Rabryn killed him because he found out who I was?” I breathed.
“Actually, Acalith killed him.”
I felt my sanity stretching as the terror swelled inside my soul. “How did he find out?”
Ortheldo’s brows dropped. “You promised, Azrel! Now pipe down and let me explain!”
My fear burned so badly in my throat that I felt hot tears in my eyes. I was terrified, absolutely terrified.
“Hathum sent this man armed with some basic form of mind magic. That nightmare you had of snakes? We think that was the hunter getting into your mind. I asked you if he was angry because if he was, he might not have found evidence of the White Warrior there due to the White Warrior hiding in the protective ‘other world.’ He must not have found anything because he came into the room and insisted on seeing you, claiming he was an Herbest. We think he really wanted to see your white tears.
“In Narcatertus he gave you another night terror to make you cry. Unfortunately, Rabryn and I were in the hallway and couldn’t get to you to wake you up. That’s why Rabryn jumped out the window after him. That’s why he had to die—he would have taken the proof of your tears to Hathum.”
As terrified as I was, things were beginning to make sense. My voice telling the Redians “It’s nice to see you in this world at last.” Even Acalith saying, “You’re too busy getting in your own way to give me a weapon.” While I still didn’t understand the “give me a weapon” part, the rest made sense about my getting in my own way—getting in the White Warrior’s way. The White Warrior must owe her a weapon.
This was crazy! I was thinking about a part of me as if it were another person! The last thing my father had ever given me, my powerful white fire magic, was segregated from me now. The power of Goodness itself , the power that made me everything I am wasn’t even a part of me. The Light Gods power in earthly carnation was no longer mine. The magic I would need to kill Hathum was beyond me now, in the hands of another person inside of my head! How? And how could I stop it?
“Okay,” I said in a shaky breath, “now that we’re clear on my newest abnormality, and clueless as to how it happened or how to fix it, tell me how you know what the Deralilya is and I don’t.”
He sighed through his nose and looked away towards the water. “I was hoping you’d forget to ask me that.”
“Do you know me at all?” I countered.
He shifted his eyes to meet mine and smiled sadly. “I know you enough to know that you’re not going to take this well.”
“What is it?”
His face took on a somber look. “I hope you truly believe that I care deeply for you and that I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m not supposed to be telling you any of this at all.”
“Then why are you?”
“I couldn’t stand to see you suffering with the questions and doubts about everything happening around you. Addredoc was guiding me about what to tell you when you started asking questions, but I saw how deeply not knowing the truth was cutting you.” He sighed again and looked at me intently. “I want you to keep your promise to me now. If you have questions, hold them for after I tell you everything. Do you swear?” I nodded. “Say, ‘I swear.’”
“I . . . swear.”
“Your father didn’t tell you everything about his past.”
I blinked. It was quiet. I blinked again. Had I heard him right? No, I couldn’t have heard him right. I blinked again. I saw the look on Ortheldo’s face; I had heard him right.
I couldn’t catch my breath. Everything I knew and loved about my father seemed to be in question. If I didn’t have my father for solid roots of who I was, what did I have?
Ortheldo pulled me to his chest, but I was too numb to embrace him back. “I’m so sorry, Azrel.”
How could my father keep things from me? His daughter? His warrior? Why would he do that? He trusted Ortheldo with these apparent secrets, and Ortheldo wasn’t even his son!
The numbness gave way to the inferno of anger. I had to go. I had to go now!
I shoved Ortheldo away from me so hard he fell and hit the back of his head on the rock. I jumped up and ran. I needed to get out of here. I needed Beldorn to talk to. I needed my father to yell at.
“Azrel, wait! Let me explain!”
I just ran. Secrets, lies and madness—that was all that surrounded me! Why me? Why?! What did I do so wrong? Everyone else seemed to be fine. Why was this happening to me?
I hated Ortheldo right now! He wasn’t even his flesh and blood, yet my father had loved him more than me! My mother had told me once that he was disappointed when I turned out to be a girl. He’d wanted a son . . . and he got one when Ortheldo came into his life! The son he always wanted, the son he trusted more than his actual daughter.
I kept running. I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t care. I ran so fast that the woods were a blur. I felt branches and twigs clawing at my face and arms, scratching me. My anger and pain could have kept me running from here to Rocksheloc, getting me there in less than a day. If I ran fast enough, maybe the pain would be left behind. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t catch up with me. Maybe I could outrun it.
Someone grabbed my shoulders. I spun around to fight.
“Azrel! You promised me you wouldn’t do this!” Ortheldo cried, trying to defend himself from my wild blows.
With each of his attempts to rein me in, I screamed and fought him off harder. Blinded by my father’s betrayal, I couldn’t even think straight enough t
o fight him off in an organized manner. I just desperately pummelled him so he’d let me go and I could keep running. I managed to slap him hard in the face. He grabbed me, crushing his mouth to mine in a rough kiss.
I paused in my attack, stunned at how his lips felt and at the fact that he was doing this. Then I started beating at his head, neck, and face. I didn’t want him touching me!
He pulled back and looked at me, hurt and angry. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, Azrel! I love you!”
I fought him off harder. “Get away from me!” I screamed, my mind going wild in every direction imaginable. Still he tried to hold onto me as I struggled.
“Azrel stop! Listen to me!”
He was a fake. A liar and a traitor! I hated him right now! My father had loved him more! “Let me go!” I cried. He fiercely tried to keep hold of me. “Let me go!” I screamed again.
Suddenly he was ripped away from me by a powerful pair of hands and thrown a good ten feet. He landed against a rock with a bone-breaking crunch. He screamed in pain.
A mammoth man stormed towards him as he lay crumpled, clutching his ribs. Ortheldo managed to pull out his sword, but the huge man grabbed his wrist with one hand and the front of his shirt with the other, picking Ortheldo clear up off the ground.
The monstrous man glowered at Ortheldo. “‘No’ means ‘no,’” he growled in a deep, powerful voice. “‘Let me go,’ means ‘let me go.’ And when a lady tells you to leave her alone, you do.”
Though Ortheldo was a tall and well-built man himself, he looked like a doll in this man’s grip. The giant was hugely muscular and about six inches taller than Ortheldo. His nape-length, wavy blonde hair was plastered to his head. It looked like he’d just stepped out of a lake and had run a comb through it. He had clear blue eyes and beautiful tanned skin. His face was youthful, but also aged enough to make it apparent that he was in his late thirties.
He looked back at me. “Are you…” his eyes went wide and he dropped Ortheldo to the ground and came towards me. “You’re bleeding!” His face turned lethal. “He hurt you?”
I looked down and saw he was referring to the slash and bloodstains from the Legan’dirs’ attack. He turned and stormed back towards Ortheldo.
“No! Wait!” I cried and ran to block his path. He looked ready to destroy Ortheldo but stopped when I stood in front of him. “He didn’t injure me. We had a run in with Legan’dirs. I was wounded and my brother, who’s a Salynn, healed me.”
Whoa! I scolded myself. Way too much information to reveal to a stranger, Azrel!
He studied me and I saw him looking at my hair. “Aren’t you a Salynn, then?”
“Oh,” I said, breaking his intense gaze and self-consciously running my hand over my hair that didn’t have any Sallybreath flowers, “he’s my half-brother, actually.”
The man nodded, then again looked towards Ortheldo, who was now kneeling on the ground, blood staining his shirt.
I kneeled next to him. “You’re hurt.”
He shot me a glare and forced himself onto his feet. “I’m fine. Rabryn will heal me. I’ll leave you two alone.” He started to hobble away.
“It’s almost an hour away and you’re bleeding!” I called after him.
He glared back at me. “You wanted me to leave you alone, so I am. What do you care what condition I’m in?”
“I don’t like seeing you hurt, you pompous ass!” I yelled after him. “I just wanted time for myself to think!”
“Well, now you have it. Unless of course your new bodyguard decides to keep you company.”
I scowled at his back as he walked away, nearly doubled over in pain.
“I’m sorry,” the man said softly. “I didn’t know you knew him. I just thought . . . well, you sounded like you were in trouble.”
I smiled sadly as I looked up at the sky through the canopy of trees and walked away from him. “I was in trouble, but he wasn’t the danger. I’m in danger from my whole past, another person’s past, and my entire life.”
My face went slack when I realized what I’d just said. Holy Gods! Why did I have such a loose tongue around this person? Stop it! I scolded myself.
I kept on walking as the sting of Ortheldo’s words came back to me. I looked in the direction in which he’d limped off, but he was already over a mound of land and out of sight. I glared after him. I hated him right now. Hated him! How could my father do this to me? Why?
“Wait, Miss,” the blonde man said and came to walk beside me. “You said Legan’dirs were about. If that’s true, it’s not safe for you to be wandering alone.”
“I can take care of myself, thank you.”. What did this man think he could do for me against Legan’dirs anyway?
“Well, I won’t tag along to protect you then. Would you mind if I just walked with you to keep you company? You look like you have a lot on your mind.”
I caught myself before I could answer, You bet I do, and spill out my problems. Why was I so willing to open up to this stranger? It didn’t feel right.
“I’m a good listener, if you’d care to tell me what’s wrong.”
“No,” I said again, stopping myself before blabbing.
“Oh, well I have a wagon a little ways away. I’m a fabric merchant. Can I give you a ride to somewhere?”
“No,” I replied, refusing to speak so openly again.
He grew quiet for a moment and a bit of awkward tension built up between us. I glanced at him. He smiled when he saw me look at him, which broke the tension a little. “I’ll just walk with you then, and I’ll do all the talking.”
I actually managed to smile, “If you’d like.”
“May I at least ask your name?”
“Azrel.”
“Azrel. What a beautiful name. I’ll give you mine, but I’m afraid it’s not nearly as pretty as yours.” I managed to chuckle and felt myself blush a little at his charming manner. “My name is Jonoic.”
I looked at him still smiling, “Pleased to meet you, Jonoic.”
He stepped in front of me, bowed down gentlemanly, and swept my hand up into his and brought it up to his face. “The pleasure is all mine, my lady.”
As he went to kiss the back of my hand, he looked up at me with eyes that suddenly became terrifying to me. They gazed at me hard without glaring. It felt as if he was seeing through my skin and bones to my very soul. As his lips touched my skin, the air seemed to hum and vibrate all around us. As the entire world became thick with warning and foreboding, I was about to scream and pull away. Then he released my hand and everything snapped back to normal. We continued walking through the woods. The birds were singing merrily, a sound I realized had disappeared with the low hum of the air. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, suddenly feeling very cold.
“Oh, how ungentlemanly of me,” he said and started to take off his cloak.
“That’s not necessary, Jonoic,” I said, and at the mention of his name I suddenly felt a dry, sour taste in my mouth, like I’d just sucked a lemon for an hour.
“Of course it is.” He draped the cloak over my shoulders.
I managed to smile. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure, Miss.”
“Azrel.”
“Sorry?”
“My name is Azrel, not ‘Miss.’”
We looked at each other and he smiled, showing off two rows of perfect pearl white teeth. I looked away with a soft smile. We walked in silence for a while and my thoughts kept drifting to Ortheldo. Would he make it back? Had he really said that he loved me?
I shook away the thoughts of him. “You were going to tell me about yourself,” I said to Jonoic.
He looked at me compassionately. “Yes, well, you seemed like you had other things on your mind.”
“Believe me, anything that will take my mind off my problems, I’m willing to listen to with undivided attention.”
He chuckled heartily. It was a warm, soft sound. “Very well then, Azrel. What would you like me to begin with?”
>
“Do you have a family?” I needed to hear about the wholesome, happy family that this man had the potential to have. I imagined a wife swooning over those blue eyes and children running out the front door to greet their daddy with arms wide open when he came home from a long trip.
Jonoic was quiet for a while. When I finally looked at him, his smile was gone and he was staring at the ground with a furrowed brow. The warm light in his eyes was replaced with sadness.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He looked at me with a forced smile, then down again. “I know you didn’t. It’s just…” He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut a moment. “I have a wife, Nekinda, and a son, Cairikson.” He swallowed hard. “Cairikson is very ill.”
“Oh Gods,” I said in a breath. “I’m so sorry.”
I gently placed my hand on his forearm, but I had to snatch it away immediately because it felt like my palm had caught on fire. I examined my hand; no harm. My eyes turned back up to Jonoic. He didn’t seem to notice my quick retraction of comfort.
“Thank you very much. We’ve taken him to see so many Herbests, but they don’t even know what’s wrong with him.” His huge body seemed to deflate under the pressure of exhaustion and sadness. “He could die any time.”
Before I could say I might be able to help, a sharp clap of thunder deafened me for an instant. My shoulders jumped up under my ears and I ducked down as if the sky was falling on top of my head. Then the rain fell. There had been no hint of its coming—it just started to pour down in sheets. I was already soaked as I straightened myself.
“More rain!?” I cried up at the sky as if the Gods could hear me. “Aren’t you sick of it by now?” Deep black clouds rolled in and filled the sky, completely drowning out the daylight. I watched with wide eyes as it instantaneously became night. “What the. . .”