by Nichelle Rae
“I don’t understand. How can your son be dying of illness if he’s a Salynn?”
She gave a barely-there, bitter smile. “His father was human.”
I smiled. “I thought marriage to humans was rare among Galad Kasians.”
“Marriage is rare.”
“I see,” I said and nodded my understanding.
She looked at her son. “He was a traveling cloth merchant and came to Galad Kas often. We fell in love and conceived our baby our first night together. I wanted to leave Galad Kas and be with him, but he told me didn’t think it was fair to me that I should commit to him, since he was a human and I was a Salynn. So, regrettably, I stayed and had Cairikson on my own.
“He came to visit more often but because Salynns age slower”—her eyes filled with tears again—“he never saw Cairikson grow out of infancy before he died of the same disease my baby has now.” She covered her eyes with one hand, composed herself for a moment, then looked at her son again. “I left Galad Kas when I found out. First I wanted to try to find where he’d been buried, but then Cairikson fell ill as we traveled and my quest quickly became a search for a human Herbest who might be able to cure this human disease. Years of searching have led from one dead end to the next, and now I don’t know what to do.”
The story of Cairikson’s father oddly reminded me of Derweldo, Rabryn’s father. Derweldo’s death had never made sense to me since I’d found out my brother and he were Salynns, but perhaps Derweldo’s father had been a human as well, and thus able to die of illness.
I looked back at the Redians. “Addredoc, can you do anything?”
“Perhaps. But I would need to know what’s wrong with him first. I can’t even diagnose it. It’s completely alien to me.”
I looked down at Cairikson’s precious face. He was so sick. He probably wouldn’t live to see his birthday in two weeks. Well, I had something to say about that! I rested my hand on the boy’s burning forehead and poured my magic into him. I would not let him die! First my hand began glowing white, and then so did Cairikson’s entire body.
I smiled. “Open your eyes, little one,” I whispered.
His eyes opened to reveal the biggest most stunning pair of blue-green eyes I’d ever seen. I heard Nekinda wail her son’s name, and from the corner of my eye I saw her try to reach for him, but my brother stepped forward and held her back.
“Hello sweetheart,” I whispered softly to the boy. “We’re going to make you all better now, okay?”
I saw my own glowing white eyes reflecting in his eyes, and I stared into the whiteness of them. Soon, a darkness in my sight developed, which I somehow recognized as his illness. I couldn’t really describe it except that it was there, and it was huge. It was killing this little Salynn boy before he even had a chance to live.
I focused my sight on the darkness of the disease that was growing and multiplying rapidly, and concentrated my magic into it. Soon the edges of the darkness began glowing white and, unbelievably, began to shrink. I watched, half stunned and trying to concentrate, as the spreading illness got smaller and smaller until finally it was completely gone and all I could see was the white light of my eyes.
I withdrew my magic, and immediately the room began to spin. I felt suddenly weak enough to pass out for at least a week. I forced myself to stay awake as I smiled down at the child. My pounding headache from forcing unconsciousness away was worth it to be able to see the baby smile up at me and say, “Am I all better now?”
I smiled. “You sure are.” I looked up at Nekinda. She was staring at her son with big tear-filled eyes and was covering her mouth with both of her hands. “You’re right, he is a good talker.”
Cairikson turned his head to look at her. “Hi, Mama.”
Nekinda smiled and her tears spilled over when her eyes crinkled with the smile. “Hi, baby,” she squeaked, her voice cracking.
Cairikson looked up at me again. “Can I go see my mama?”
“Of course you can,” I said, still trying to fight off fatigue.
I leaned towards Nekinda to hand her back her son. “No wait, please,” she said, stopping me. “Please just hold onto him for a moment.”
Confused, I sat back again as she crawled over and caressed his face. “My son, do you know how much I love you?”
“I love you too, Mama.”
Nekinda sobbed softly, then swallowed heavily. “I know you do, sweetie. Now listen to me very carefully, okay? This is the White Warrior. You’ve heard me tell you of the great deeds the White Warrior has done. Do you remember those stories?” Cairikson nodded. “She is a very, very good, brave, powerful person.”
“I know it, Mama. She made me all better. I don’t feel sick anymore.”
Nekinda’s tears were falling like rain. “I know she did, sweetheart. Now listen, I want you to listen to her and do as she says, just like you do with me. She’ll look out for you until she gets you home to Galad Kas. She always knows what’s best. Do you understand me, honey?”
“I do, but why are you talking like this, Mama? I’m scared.” His eyes filled with tears as I wondered the same thing.
“I know you’re scared, but the White Warrior will never let harm come to you, or those that are good. There’s nothing to be afraid of while you’re with her, okay?”
“Yes Mama, but why are you talking funny still?”
Nekinda leaned down and kissed her son’s forehead several times. “Because sweetie, she saved your life, and now Mama has to save hers in return. She’ll explain things to you when she feels she should. Now I want you to close your eyes and count to twenty. Remember how to count?”
“I do,” he said hesitantly, then closed his eyes and began counting.
I leaned forward. “Nekinda, what are you doing?” I whispered.
“I can’t let you be discovered. It would mean more lives than my son’s…or my own.”
My brows dropped, “What do you…”
“Thank you, White Warrior, for saving my son,” she interrupted. With that she reached down and yanked my Salynn blade from my holster. Before I could stop her, she plunged it into her heart.
“NO!” I screamed, and the small room exploded with voices and movement.
As I watched in horror, the air grew thick and everything seemed to slow down before my eyes. Nekinda was falling backward with my knife protruding out of her chest and Cairikson’s eyes were opening. I gasped and pulled the blanket over his face so he wouldn’t see his mother’s dead body. I forced myself to my feet and practically threw the boy into Ortheldo’s arms. “Get him out of here!” Without question, Ortheldo quickly carried the screaming boy outside.
I ran back to Nekinda and fell to my knees at her side, but I was too late. Her fair face was shrouded in a grey cloud of death, her lifeless eyes staring up at the ceiling and a blood pool expanding around her. I covered my face with both my hands and silently begged for an answer to this.
I looked at her again a moment later, completely confused and hurt. “Why?” I whispered looking into her dead eyes. “You had a son to live for.”
I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders and I was slowly pulled back against my brother’s chest as he kneeled behind me and wrapped his arms around me. “Azrel,” Rabryn said, “she was linked to Hathum by Jonoic.”
My head snapped around to look at him, which only made the fierce pounding in my head worse as I continued to battle this odd fatigue. “What? She wasn’t evil!”
“No no, she wasn’t evil but. . .”
“And Jonoic’s dead! You killed him!”
“I know Azrel, but listen to me. Nekinda had a link in her mind, put there by Jonoic, which stretched straight to Hathum. Jonoic put it there, knowing that if he failed to see proof of who you were, Nekinda might, as you usually associate more often with Good people like her.”
I looked up into his intense blue eyes, “How do you know?”
“Nekinda warned me herself when Acalith and I first found her. I didn’t tell a
nyone else because I didn’t want her sent away before she could see her son healed.”
I closed my eyes tightly and pressed my face against his chest again. He held me tight. Nekinda had seen every shred of proof that Hathum needed in order to prove that I was the White Warrior. She’d seen my eyes fill with my white tears when I’d almost wept at the first sight of her. She’d seen me kick open the wagon door in a unique way no one else would be able to do, and she’d just seen me use my magic to heal Cairikson.
“But why kill herself?” I asked, my face still pressed into my brother’s chest. “If Hathum has seen me through her, then he’s seen me already.”
Rabryn rubbed my back. “Nekinda told me she could feel it when Hathum checked in on her. He wasn’t watching while you interacted with her. If he had been, she probably would have killed herself sooner.” He kissed the top of my head and held me tighter. “She saved your life by ending hers. Now Hathum can’t see any proof through her.”
Damn him! Damn that man for using innocent lives to get to me! As I looked at her I was finding it difficult to comprehend what she’d just done, yet at the same time I felt a new sense of pride and responsibility. A new awareness of who I actually was came over me for a moment. Good people were willing to do unimaginable things, like a mother stabbing herself in the heart and leaving her very young son orphaned and abandoned, for the sake of Goodness; and I was the Warrior of Goodness.
“It doesn’t surprise me,” Addredoc suddenly said as he looked down at her, “that she would have such strength in her loyalty to you to do this.” He gently closed Nekinda’s eyes and looked at me. “She was a Galad Kasian and they are all loyal to you.”
How odd this new realization felt to me. I was the White Warrior. I was the essence of everything Good. I had the earthly power of the Gods of Light hanging at my hip. I couldn’t hide from it or run from it. It was there, and I had to deal with it.
Yet another part of me could only recall the suffering my father and I had been through because of it. I couldn’t stop resenting my magic and my sword for such hardship and difficulty. It seemed a cruel joke that my father and I should suffer so much on the Light Gods’ behalf.
Suddenly I realized what it was going to take to open that “window” in my mind that Rabryn was talking about, that window that needed to disappear so my magic and I could be one whole being again. I had to let my past go—my past and my father’s past.
Yet again here was another cruel joke being played on me. How could anything, or anyone, expect me to forget all of that? I still bore scars physically and mentally from my own past, and my father’s past still followed me into this age because people still hated the White Warrior.
How was I supposed to defeat 3,000 years of the past? How was I supposed to defeat 3,000 years of animosity towards my father and now towards me? I was rejected throughout Casdanarus, and however far beyond it the world cared to remember my father. It was an impossible task to forget the past because the past hadn’t forgotten about me, the White Warrior.
Chapter Four
Ortheldo
Nothing I did seemed to calm him. He kept crying for his mama. He was too weak to struggle against me because he’d been so recently ill, but he could still scream bloody murder. At least the rain had stopped, and at the moment he had quieted down to a heavy crying. His head rested limply on my shoulder as I paced and gently bounced him up and down in my arms. I rubbed his back with my other hand and whispered softly to him. His crying was right in my ear, but it was a small price to pay for the fact that he’d just lost his mother.
Finally, I started walking towards the creek. Water always calmed me down; maybe it would calm him too. When I got there I started pacing along the bank. Even if it didn’t calm him, at least I’d be able to think more clearly. I was baffled about why Nekinda had killed herself. I had some ideas about why, but didn’t know anything for certain. I thought about her last words, trying to make sense of them, but I was failing miserably. Rabryn was so much better at this than I was.
It was officially the second worst day of my life. The first had been when I lost Azrel to the Ambuel River. Today nothing had gone well: the Legan’dirs chase, the bastard that beat Azrel so badly that she… I had to take a deep breath and keep my mind off that mess. Thank the Light Gods that Addredoc was so powerful. Then, of course, there had been my “I love you” at probably the most inappropriate time we might encounter along this journey. That hadn’t been how I pictured telling her. Not at all. She didn’t seem to have heard me anyway, but still, I wished I’d kept my mouth shut.
The only small comfort I had in this was the memory of her kiss in Narcatertus. I didn’t know what I was thinking when I kissed her this second time—how stupid! But Narcatertus—though it may not have been her intention to kiss me there, it had still been her lips against mine. Nothing I would ever experience again in this world could compare to that blissful moment when she’d kissed me. It was branded on my memory and would be there if I lived to be 1,000 years old.
I froze when I realized Cairikson had gone quiet. I shifted my eyes to my shoulder, trying to see if he was asleep without waking him. His eyes were open and he was looking at the side of my face with those big, unique-colored eyes.
I smiled and rubbed his back. “Did your voice finally run out?”
The corners of his mouth went up a little in a weak smile. “I was just listening to your thoughts.”
I suddenly felt self-conscious. “Well, that’s not very nice. I didn’t give you permission to hear my private thoughts.”
“I’m sorry. You just looked so sad and then so happy. I was confused and wanted to see what you were thinking about.”
“It’s okay. Just ask next time.”
He nodded against my shoulder. I smiled and continued to pace and rub his back. “Do you love her very much?” Cairikson asked.
I gave him a gentle smile. “Yes, very much.”
He nodded again. “I thought so.”
I grinned, then looked at him. “Say, how old are you? You talk very well for a human of three years.”
“I’m seventy-five. I’ll be seventy-six in two weeks. That makes me about nine or ten in human years and maturity, though I look younger because I’m a Salynn.”
I had only asked as a joke, but now I found it odd that Rabryn, who was also half human, had a human life span while Cairikson had a Salynn life span. I guessed the mother’s race decided how long her child lived.
I smiled again at him. “You’re older then I am and that’s pretty old. Shall I call you ‘geezer’?” Cairikson giggled. It was very weak and airy, but it was nice to hear. I laughed with him and rubbed his back a little more vigorously.
“You’ll make a good father someday,” Azrel’s voice said from the shadows. Both Cairikson and I looked up to see her approaching with a gentle smile. She looked dreadfully exhausted, as if it was only her pride keeping her on her feet right now. It had been, after all, a really long few days.
I smiled. “I don’t know about that.”
“I do,” she said and stepped up to us.
I only smiled in response. She had bathed and changed into a red cotton tunic and black pants. Her hair was back in a tail and she only wore her sword at her hip. The Salynn holster at her thigh was still empty. She’d probably never be able to touch that blade again without seeing Nekinda impaling herself.
Compared to her, I felt filthy. I was still in the clothes I’d been wearing since Narcatertus, and trying to catch up with Azrel for two days had left no time for bathing…or sleeping, or eating. All of us were going to need a deep long rest before getting back on the road.
“Here,” she said bringing her hands out from behind her back. She had a small cloth, a large cloth, her three vials of Salynn cleansing liquid, and a change of clothes. “Everyone else cleaned up. I thought you’d like to also.”
“Thank you,” I said. She set the items down on a nearby rock.
“I’ve got Med
dyn making some proper traveling clothes for you, Cairikson. They’ll be done soon.”
“Thank you.”
When Azrel looked at him, a shadow of regret passed over her face. She was going to have to tell him his mother was dead. I knew how well she read eyes, so I put a little message in mine, Do you want me to tell him?
She studied me for a moment then shook her head sadly. “It’s my responsibility.”
“Where’s my mama, White Warrior?” Cairikson asked, still unable to lift his head from my shoulder.
Azrel sighed, pushed the dirt with the toe of her boot, then looked up at him. “How old did you say you were in human years, nine or ten?”
I felt my face warm with nervous heat and quickly tried to remember if I’d told Cairikson I loved Azrel before or after he’d told me his age. What if she’d heard? I couldn’t let those words slip out foolishly again! I relaxed when I recalled he’d told me his age after I’d told him I loved her. Maybe she hadn’t yet been close enough to hear me.
“That’s right,” Cairikson replied.
Azrel nodded. “That’s old enough to be told the truth.” She held out her arms and, with me supporting his head with one hand and his bottom with the other, I gently placed the weak boy in her arms. She cradled him like a newborn and adjusted the blanket more snugly around him. My heart ached at seeing her with that little boy. She looked right at home holding him like that.
“How do you feel?” she asked.
“Weak but not sick.”
“The weakness will pass.”
“Where’s my mama?”
She sighed, then looked at me. She nodded towards the creek. “Go ahead and bathe.” A tiny smirk came over her lips. “I promise I won’t take him away from you.”
I smiled, then went to the edge of the creek and started to undress. She carried the boy over to a large rock that rested on the bank and sloped down into the water. She went right to the water’s edge and set the boy in her lap cradling him close. As I watched her with him, I prayed that someday I’d see her like this with our own children.