by K. Ryan
Rae's features twist with concern and her head tilts a little to the side. "What's that?"
"They told me how my dad—my real dad—really died."
Her eyes widen, but I don't find the surprise in them I'd expected. No...it's like she already knows. All she needs are the gory details. And here I sit, complacent and willing to believe any story they fed me because...what? Because I was the orphan, the odd man out, the poor charity case. Because I didn't want them to change their minds and send me back. Because I didn't want to lose the only family I had left.
It was all a lie. Every moment of it.
And as I lay it all out in the open for her, I can still hear his voice in my head, riddled in half-truths and blatant, insulting omissions.
"I was the one who was supposed to be in the ring that night," Roark tells me, his eyes hollow and void of all the light I'd once seen in them. "I didn't know it right away, but everything about it was a set-up. The ref was paid off. The owner of the club was paid off. Hell, I think even the bets were rigged too. Neither of us knew it, but we took that fight set up by the Gianotti brothers because Shane and I thought that was it—our big break into the boxing market and with that money, we thought we'd finally be able to buy the bar together and make it ours."
He flinches at the memory, but I hardly have time to register it. I'm too busy fighting off this mounting dread, this mounting panic that everything in my life is about to go sideways.
"Moretti was behind the whole thing. He was the one who paid off the ref, the bar owner, and anyone else who needed to be kept quiet. It wasn't just supposed to be a beating though. It was a hit. We'd planned on me being in the ring because I was the surest bet and the quickest on my feet. And when I didn't make it...when Shane got in the ring instead, we didn't know. We had no idea. We just stupidly thought it would all work out the way we wanted it to. Your dad never came out of that ring alive. He didn't even have a chance."
Moretti had obviously somehow found out about his wife's affair and this was as good a way as any to take out the competition quietly and cleanly. It was a pretty good plan, too, except for the fact that the wrong fighter got in the ring that night.
"Where were you?" I can hear myself growl. "Why did my dad fight and not you?"
Roark opens his mouth to speak, but he just can't seem to find the words I need him to say.
He casts Father Lindsay a mournful glance and the best the priest can do is just shake his head and blow out a deep sigh. I expect more from these two men. I expect them to be the honorable, respectable men I've grown up idolizing, but it looks like that pedestal I'd had them on my whole life was a false one. They'd never earned it, not even from the start.
I know exactly where he was and why he wasn't there. He was with her. He'd chosen his mistress over his responsibilities over and over again until it finally came back and bit him in the ass in the worst way. I've been paying for that ever since.
"It should've been me," Roark whispers instead. "Maybe everything would be so much better if I'd just died that night. Everything would be different..."
Maybe. But I feel my blood boiling in my veins. Why can't he just admit it? Why can't he just look me in the eye and tell me the truth?
"Where were you?" I try again.
Even now, he can't do it. He wants to, or at least there seems to be a small part of him that wants to lift the burden once and for all, but it's not enough to actually go through with it. And now I'm seeing red, clenching my fists around the edge of the bar to keep myself from wrapping my hands around his neck.
"You have to see now why you can't take this fight," Roark sidesteps around what I really want and barrels forward with what he wants instead. "Everything about it screams set-up. You have to see that. How do you know this won't end the same way as the night Shane died? And even if you get to the end, even if you win, how do you know you'll really get that deed? Going off the word of gangsters...that's no way to enter into any kind of transaction and you know that."
I stare at the man I've called my father since I was three. Because of that, I can give him this one last chance to do the right thing. Now I know exactly how Sean felt, how he could do something as stupid as admit to a crime he didn't commit because I feel like I'm about to go down that same path.
"Is there anything else you need to tell me? Anything else I need to know?"
He gets ten full seconds of my time and when I get nothing but silence in return, I toss the towel strewn over my shoulder down on the bar and stalk outside with my hands in my pockets.
Rae's shoulders slump as my story ends and a trembling hand runs over her face. When she unearths her face, her eyes shine with unshed tears and before I can catch my breath, her arms wrap around my neck to pull me in tight. My nose dives into her hair, breathing her in, taking shelter in her warmth and that airy sunshine scent lingering around her.
"I'm so sorry, Jack," she whispers against my neck. "I'm so sorry."
What does she have to be sorry about? We're victims of circumstance—all of us. Rae, Sean, and me...we've been dealt shitty hands and I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel like we've been working against fate from the beginning, fighting against the sins of our parents, pushing back at the machinations around us, out of options, out of choices, out of luck.
It doesn't have to be that way anymore.
Today, we take it back.
My hands slide up her neck until they rest against her cheeks. Her eyes flash a beautiful emerald green, a lush meadow I could get lost in for days. It's okay. I'll let myself feel it now.
"Hey, Rae?" I murmur. "Can I ask you a question?"
She nods into my hands, giving me permission with wide eyes.
"How do you feel about me?"
Those emerald eyes only double in size, surprise and shock bouncing around in them without abandon. God, I want to kiss her.
"Okay," I laugh and let my hands fall down to her shoulders. "Maybe we'll work up to that. Can I tell you how I feel about you?"
Her lips part and she sucks in a deep breath. When she nods, her gaze still hasn't left mine and now it's just intensified to a jade green, filled with enough sharp, cautious edges that tells me I have to tread carefully.
I haven't thought of anything but what I feel for her since I stepped off Roark Callahan's property to grasp hold of my own fate. My own destiny. Forever linked with hers.
"I've been fighting this since the day I realized who you were," I tell her softly. "I hated you at first. Well, I think I wanted to hate you. I knew I needed to hate you. I don't know if I actually did because underneath all the animosity, there was always this...this pull. That night we first met? I feel like this invisible string rolled out between us and bound us together. I've pulled against it, tried to sever it, tried to ignore it, but it hasn't worked. I tried to tell myself it was just because of what we were trying to do for Sean, but it was never really about that, was it? What I feel for you has always been more than that. I want to protect you. I want to hold you. I want to know you. I want to..." I trail off, my courage suddenly waning thin underneath the weight of all these feelings. "I just know I...I just know I want you, Rae. Is that alright?"
It wasn't as eloquent as what I'd practiced in my head. I'm just this scared little boy, terrified of rejection and the prospect that maybe I've imagined this connection between us. But, given the way her lips tremble and the way her hands reach for me, I think I might be right.
But then, just as quickly, her hands fall back at her side.
"I don't...everything you just said, Jack—those were all the right things to say."
I nod tightly and take a small step closer to her just for good measure.
"What about the other day? What's changed since then?"
That's a fair question. She deserves an honest answer.
"It was too complicated before. Too twisted," I shrug and shake my head. "But when I heard everything Roark Callahan had to say tonight...I was just sitting th
ere thinking, what am I still doing here? Why do I care what this man thinks? I don't feel like we have to keep our distance just because of all this history we've had no control over. I don't care what Brennan thinks. I don't care what happened with my dad and your mom. None of that matters to me anymore. I let it get to me before, used it as an excuse to walk away from you, but...I don't wanna walk away."
Her eyes flash with something I recognize and I use that as fuel to push forward, making sure my body is as closing to touching hers as possible.
"I don't want to be anywhere you're not," I tell her simply. "It's not just because I feel this superhuman, wicked crazy need to protect you." I chuckle a little at that and rub my mouth. "Who woulda thought, yah know? When all this started, who woulda thought I would end up feeling crazy when I'm not with you—I figured it would be the other way around. I always wonder what you're doing, what you're thinking, what you're feeling, if you're okay, if you're thinking about me, what you're feeling about me...I just pushed it away because I thought I had to and I don't."
Her breath hitches in her throat and I'm glad I'm close enough to feel it. This is a good opportunity to touch her and I take it, letting my hand snake around the side of her hip to draw her in closer, to pull her in tighter. Her hand flies to my chest, but she doesn't push me away.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," I murmur as my free hand drifts up so my thumb can brush her cheek. "That's the last thing I wanna do. I'm so sorry...I thought I was doing us both a favor, but I can't stay away from you anymore even if I wanted to. I just want to be with you, Rae."
I pause for a moment, letting all that sink in and swim around for a little before I press on: "Do you feel any of that too?"
She nods without hesitation and swallows hard, her fingers brushing the scruff on my cheek. "Yes. It terrifies me."
"Yeah," I laugh easily and resist the urge to press my lips to hers. I need permission for that first. "I feel that too. But we're not them, Rae. You don't have any reason to be scared of me. I promise you—I'll never hurt you again. And I'll never let anyone else hurt you again either."
Her lips curl up and I let my fingertips ghost over their softness. "You're right. We're not them."
"Can I kiss you now, Rae?"
She nods and with that, the tides shift. My lips find hers and press into them, savoring every touch because I know just as well as anyone that this could all be ripped away tomorrow. Or more specifically, in two days. But for now, everything is deliberate. Every movement is carefully calculated because for once in my life, I'm actually getting exactly what I want, when I want it. There's no need to rush, not even with fate knocking down our door.
Her skin is silk underneath my fingertips. Her lips part for me and I take them again, sliding deeper and deeper until I've lost track of where I end and she begins. In the wake of strewn clothes and stumbled steps, we pause long enough for Rae to lock her furry monster in her bathroom.
Different...everything is just so different with her. I know why. I know why I need to let my hands wander over her skin, tasting and exploring every new curve. Her breath catches when my lips pass over the base of her neck and I linger there a moment longer, giving myself the time to revel in it.
I take my time with her—I need the time to discover her, all the angles and dips, the smooth softness, the sweet scent of her skin, I need to know it all. She gives it to me with abandon, responding softly and then all at once, as if she's suddenly aware that she's wanted this just as long as I have. It's here, raging against us. All the things we fought to keep at bay are raining down on us until I can't see anything but the soft glow of her skin under my touch.
Caught in a storm with her is the only place I want to be.
And so we fall, tangled limbs and murmured embraces, headfirst with hearts and arms open, bodies and souls in beautiful tatters.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Jack
The next morning, I wake up to a beautiful sight. She's all around me, her auburn hair kissing my cheek, her right leg strewn over my lap, her right hand resting lightly on my chest...what's better than this? I lean in, taking a deep inhale of her soft, sugary scent and close my eyes. I don't ever want to leave this bed. Who cares about food, water, hygiene...okay, maybe we should care about that a little.
Besides, this is as good an opportunity as any.
"Hey," I whisper in her ear. "Let's get up."
"No," she groans and burrows her face in my chest, squeezing her right leg around my torso to keep me in place. "Let's stay here."
A low groan rumbles in my throat, but I have to bat it down. She drives a hard bargain and her light touch trails down my chest, lingering on my stomach...nope. Focus, Flynn. You'll have time for this later.
Time. Right.
We have less than 48 hours before the fight. I just need to keep my eyes forward and focus on what I can control—I need to start proving to her that she matters. That she's not someone I'm just going to throw away like all the men in her life have done before me. I almost made that mistake before and I'll never do it again.
"C'mon," I try again, leaning in just enough so my lips can brush her hair. "I want to..." I trail off, struggling for the right words to describe just what it is I want to do. "I want to take you out on a date."
That gets her attention. Her eyes snap open and she jerks up to her elbows. "What?"
"You heard me," I laugh. "Let's do it."
Her eyes gleam mischievously. "I feel like we skipped a step or two. I've been out of the dating scene for a little while, but if I remember right, I thought people usually went out on a few dates before they..." she gestures with her head toward our tangled limbs. "You know."
"Yeah," I chuckle again. "I know. So I skipped a few bases before sliding into home. Big deal."
Her shoulders shake with laughter and I just pull her closer to my chest just because I feel like it. Just because I can. Finally.
"I mean it though, Rae," I try again. "I want to take you out on a real date."
She cocks an eyebrow at me. "Like we're a couple?"
"Yeah," I lift a shoulder. "That's what we are, aren't we? I mean, I've been out of the dating scene for awhile, but if I remember right, usually when the guy comes over to the girl's apartment and lays everything out on the line after being a ragin' jerk and then they have bangin' hot sex not once, but twice...doesn't that usually mean they're together after that? I mean, I could be wrong, but—"
She smacks me playfully and then dips her head back into her pillow, grinning wide and beautifully as she laughs, happy and carefree. I like to think I played a little part in that. It's an exhilarating feeling. One that fills me up and carries me forward as a plan takes root. It might be a little uncomfortable for her at first, but this is the only way I know how to show her what I'm feeling, to show her I just don't give a shit about anyone's opinion but hers.
Of course, she chooses that moment to put a kink in those plans when she swings the rest of her body over mine, hovering over me and pressing into my hips in a way that sends another low groan rumbling in my throat. I'm quickly learning she's not one to waste any time because her lips leave a trail of fire in their wake, up and down my neck, making all the hairs on my body stand on end just from that simple touch.
"Rae," I murmur hoarsely. "You keep this up and I'm gonna start to get the feeling you don't really wanna go out with me."
"What are we—in high school?" she laughs against my skin and I shudder a little from the impact.
"Nope. But I need you to get up and get dressed, okay? Why is this so hard?"
She glances down in between our bodies and when she gives me her eyes again, her eyebrows waggle smugly. "I think I know."
"Ah shit," I mutter and gently pry her off me, sending her body sliding back down to the bed, and I give her a little push. "Get going. I'm serious, Rae."
"Okay, okay," she throws her hands up in the air in exasperation and then her face falls. "Wait...oh no. Shit. Jack, I have
to work today. I completely forgot."
I can't imagine why she's been distracted, but I see her point. "So call your sister and work somethin' out with her. I'm not taking no for an answer. We're going."
Her eyebrows lift in amusement and slow grin spreads over her face. "Alright. I guess I'll see what I can do."
I raise a mental fist-pump in victory and settle back against Rae's plush pillow to watch this all play out. She reaches out to her nightstand to snatch her phone off her charger, swipes across the screen, and hits a button.
"Put it on speaker," I whisper loudly, gesturing to her phone. "I gotta hear this."
She rolls her eyes, but she still obliges me and I take that opportunity to reward her by dragging my thumb lightly up the side of her arm, all the way up to that sweet spot underneath her earlobe. She shivers a little underneath my touch and shoots me an exasperated look as she bats my hand away. Okay. Point taken.
"Hey Luce," she tells her sister.
"Hi Rae. What's up?"
She shoots me a quick, anxious look and when I just smile in response, she dives right into it. "So, um, I know I have to work today, but I was wondering if—"
"If you could take today off and spend some time with your boyfriend. You know, Jack Flynn. Right?"
Rae's mouth hangs open in a brief moment of shock, her eyes wide shards of emeralds.
"Come on," her sister just laughs through the phone. "Did you think I was stupid? The way he came into our store the other day...he couldn't see anything but you. And you. Geez, you were the worst. You looked like you wanted to jump him right in the middle of the store and I've never seen you blush that much in our entire lives. You've got it bad for him, don't you?"
"Yeah," Rae answers softly, her eyes flicking up to meet mine as she speaks. "I do."
My heart swells in chest and I just grin back at her. I can't exactly pull her to me now, not when she's in the middle of doing exactly what she needs to do so I can get what I want. But God, I want her. I need her. I don't know how I survived life this long without her in it and now, all I can think about is the fact that I've already wasted so much time. Between now and that night we first kissed in my apartment, I could've been spending all that time with her. Getting to know her. Feeling my way around her life. Settling into something I didn't even know I wanted until I met her.