“Before we get started, I think it’s only fair that you all know a bit about me, and who I am,” Victoria said gently. She patted down her skirt and sat at the seat in the front of the room, crossing her left leg over the right and placing her hands in her lap.
“My name is Dr. Victoria Wilson, however you can just call me Victoria. In here, we’re all the same. This is a safe place for everyone, and nothing said here will leave here.” She scanned the room, and then continued. “I grew up here, however when I was twenty I moved to New York to pursue my postgraduate studies. I worked and studied there for seven years, and now here I am, back home.”
“You are all here because you read my fliers or my webpage, so you know my work and my qualifications. I won’t go on boring you with that. Instead, I’ll tell you this. I’m twenty-seven years old, and my favorite movie is Enchanted. I enjoy reading and spending time in nature, and while I’m so ridiculously happy to be home, I miss the ocean every single day.”
Mary’s eyes were lighting up as she put down her pen and fixed her gaze on Victoria.
“I am a human, just like you, and while we’re on opposite ends of the circle in here, we are equals. I’m going to be a part of this group just as much as you will be. I will participate in drills, share my stories, and go on the very same journey that each of you is going on. We’re in this together, okay?” Victoria asked, looking around the room.
Everybody nodded, excluding Jimmy, who continued to stare at her blankly.
“I’m extremely happy to have all of you here, and I can’t wait to—” a door interrupted Victoria. “I’m sorry. Somebody else must be here.”
She waited thirty seconds, and just as she was about to get up and investigate, a knock sounded at the door to the room.
“Come right in!” Victoria called out. When the door opened, a scrawny teenager walked into the room. Behind him was—oh, no.
Behind him was Gabe Matthews. His eyes went wide when he saw her, and she had no doubt that he was as shocked to see her as she was to see him. What the hell was he doing here? Her head was spinning.
The teenager turned to Gabe, called his name, and Gabe’s eyes pulled away from her. Thank God. He followed the boy and the two of them sat down in the two seats between Jimmy and Mary.
Victoria swallowed hard. This was her job, her dream, and a visit from Gabe wasn’t going to mess that up for her. She looked back to the group, purposefully avoiding Gabe’s eyes but meeting everybody else’s, big smiled fixed on her face.
“As I was saying, I can’t wait to get to know all of you and go on this journey together,” Victoria completed her earlier thought. “Now, let’s go around and introduce ourselves. We’re all going to be great friends in no time, so we should know a little bit about each other. Tell us your name, your age if you’d like, the issues that brought you here today, and anything else you’d like to share about yourself so that we can know you better.”
“George, we’ll start with you and move around the circle.”
George smiled. “Hi, everyone. My name is George, if you didn’t get that from the doctor. I’m 29 years old and I’m here because my wife wants me to be.” George laughed as he looked to his wife, but she did not share his humor. “I sometimes drink a little bit too much on the weekends, but that’s all.”
Lori cleared her throat.
“Oh, and uh, sometimes I take adderall when I’m working on a tough case. But I’m not addicted to anything, I can go days and weeks without taking them,” George laughed again.
Victoria was starting to understand George’s demeanor, now. And she knew better than most that you didn’t need to have a physical addiction to have a substance abuse problem. Victoria’s eyes traveled to Lori.
“I’m Lori. I’m 28. I’m here for the same reasons my husband is. I woke up one day and realized I can’t sleep without a glass of wine or a sleeping pill of some kind. I want to have kids, and I won’t raise them with all of this crap in the house,” Lori said. Her face became very serious. “I won’t.”
Victoria had so much respect for that. She’d seen too many parents take out their problems on their children, or, even if they didn’t, they normalized dangerous behaviors. She knew that all too well.
“I’m Mary. Eighteen. I’ve actually never drank or smoked or tried anything… I’m here because I’ve wanted to. Because I’ve seen other people do it and hurt people and I don’t want that to be me, but I want to do it. I have addicts in my family and… and I just don’t want that to be me. So I came here, instead.”
A smile broke across Victoria’s face. What an incredible young woman. She nodded softly at Mary, not wanting to cut anyone off, but wanting to acknowledge to her what a big deal her being there was.
“I’m Michael. I’m nineteen. My mom thinks I’m drinking too much with my friends, so she asked me to come here. I wasn’t going to, but Gabe here talked me into it, and here I am.”
Gabe talked you into it, huh? That was an interesting plot twist.
She kept total composure as her eyes locked on Gabe. No matter what feelings she felt, she would lock them down and do her job. He would not mess this up for her.
“I’m Gabe. I am thirty-four years old, and I’m mostly here to support my buddy, Michael, over here. That being said, I had a drinking problem for a big chunk of my twenties. I’ve been completely sober for three years, now, but uh, as they say, you’re always recovering, right?”
Victoria saw Jimmy nod at Gabe’s remark. Interesting. And interesting that Gabe had been sober for three years… three years ago was when Amy died. Did her accident trigger his decision to quit? She’d always wondered what the accident had done to him, but she hadn’t had any way of knowing.
“Jimmy. Forty-eight. I spent twenty years sober, until last week.” Jimmy was looking at the ground, his hair covering his face. “So here I am.”
Gabe reached over and placed a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder, and Jimmy responded by placing a hand over Gabe’s and nodding in his direction. The look on Gabe’s face was one of genuine sympathy, real concern there. Victoria couldn’t spend time thinking about it now, but she was starting to wonder just how much Gabe had changed in the years since she’d left home.
Maybe there was more to Gabe than she thought…
***
WATCHING HER SPEAK took his breath away. God, she’d changed. Victoria was strong and confident and sweet, assertive in the most gentle of ways. She was a walking contradiction and it drove Gabe crazy.
When he had first walked into the meeting and saw her face, he was nervous. He thought it might be better for him to turn around and walk away, but he made a promise to Michael, and he couldn’t just abandon the kid. So he’d stayed.
Staying was the best damn decision he could’ve made. He was able to sit back and watch her, listen to that voice of hers that soothed the turmoil in his head. Every move she made had his heart doing leaps in his chest, and when she’d bite her lip? Yeah, well, it’s a good thing that they were all sitting down.
Gabe couldn’t remember the last time he had wanted a woman like this. Maybe never. He was completely sober, simply watching her sit and talk, and yet in his head he was going crazy. His mind was drifting back to that night they’d shared all those years ago…
It was still the best sex he had ever had.
People started standing up, and he had to get his head straight. Quickly.
“Gabe?” his cock pulsed when she said his name. Get it the fuck under control.
“What’s up?” he asked, meeting her gaze.
“Do you mind staying a bit? I’d like to talk to you. It will only be a few minutes.”
Fuck yes. “Sure.”
“I’m heading out to lunch with my friends, man. I’ll talk to you later?” Michael asked.
“Yeah. Yeah, man. You need a ride?”
“I’m good. We’re meeting at Ellie’s, it’s right down the block.”
Gabe nodded. “Talk soon, kid.”
Michael smiled at him, waved to Victoria, and walked out. The room slowly emptied, and Gabe stood, taking two steps towards Victoria, who was in the front of the room, sifting through papers.
“Why did you come here, Gabe?” her voice was controlled, the way that it had been when she had first started the meeting.
“I swear, I didn’t know this was your meeting. Michael’s parents found the meeting and asked me to go with him. They told me where it was and that is literally all of the information I had,” he said quickly. “I swear.”
She stared down at her papers, biting her lower lip as if contemplating something. Then, suddenly, she turned to him and moved closer, so that there was only a foot of space between them.
“Has it really been three years? Since your last drink?” she looked up at him with some emotion in her eyes… hope? Was that it?
“Yes.” Three years and change. He’d been completely sober since the day after Amy’s funeral…
Victoria let out a breath, looking away from him. Gabe didn’t know why, but he couldn’t stand to have her look away from him. He placed a hand on her cheek, pulling her face back towards his, but she flinched. He moved his hand to her shoulder, and her gaze met his.
“I’m sorry, Vic,” he started. She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “I’m really fucking sorry.”
She licked her upper lip, looking away from him and nodding before heading back to her desk and the papers.
“I want you to do the program,” she said.
“What?” Gabe was confused.
“The past is the past. It’s gone. You’re a man who could benefit from what I can offer here and I am a psychologist who wants to help people who need it. I would like for you to take part in the program, as if you were any other patient.” She looked back up at him, and as if she knew he was about to protest, she walked towards him, strong and confident in each step, quickly closing the space between them and continuing, “You will take part in the program, participate as anyone else would, leave our history where it belongs, far away from here, or you will get the fuck out and not come back.”
Who was the woman he was talking to right now? This wasn’t the Victoria he’d known so many years ago. She was different, now. Stronger. More confident. Good for her. Gabe felt warm to know she’d done it, she’d made something better for herself. He was… happy for her.
“Deal.”
“Say it. Say that our past is dead and buried,” her voice was strong, still, but there was something pleading in it. A tiny movement at the corner of her lips gave her away, and he knew that there were emotions there, still. He’d play along, though. He’d do whatever it was she needed him to do to feel better.
“What past?” he asked, raising his eyebrows and lifting his shoulders into a shrug.
He gave her what she wanted, and yet she looked… disappointed. Her eyes lowered, her chin fell, slowly she turned her back to him, taking small steps away. He wanted to pull her back, find out what was wrong, but he let her go. That’s what she wanted.
“Then we’re good here.” Her voice was quiet, controlled, schooled as if she’d practiced these words.
Gabe turned and started towards the door, until he heard Victoria call his name. He turned around, looking at her, waiting as she battled whatever it was she was thinking in her head.
“Sorry. Nevermind. I’ll see you next week.”
Gabe released the breath he’d been holding in his lungs and continued towards the door.
“Next week,” he muttered. Damn it.
***
WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE doing here? Victoria continued to play with the papers on her desk as Gabe left the room, needlessly moving them around from one position to another, the only purpose to keep her from fidgeting around and showing him how nervous she still was around him. Maybe nervous wasn’t the right word. She was still hurt. And that was worse.
Victoria wanted to pretend it never happened, or, at least, she thought she did, but when she heard him speak those words, “what past,” something inside of her felt like it broke. She was catapulted right back to that day, seven years ago, when Gabe pretended he’d never known her, never kissed her, never made love to, er, slept with her.
Victoria let out a long sigh. What was it about Gabe Matthews that gave him this power over her? His face looked older, harder, his expression colder than she’d ever seen, but he was still the most handsome man she’d ever laid eyes on. The stubble on his jaw seemed like a permanent fixture now, and if Victoria was being honest, she liked the manly addition to his face. She liked the way it made his lips look. She remembered what his kisses felt like… Her skin lit on fire when he’d touched her earlier, and the chemical reaction to a simple touch had shocked her so much that she flinched. God it hurt when he took his hand away.
Stop it! Victoria had to get a grip.
Gabe Matthews was just a man. Nothing more. She’d met plenty of men in her life. She’d meet plenty more. Hell, she was meeting one tonight! Right! The date!
Victoria dropped the papers, did a quick tidying up of the room, grabbed her purse, locked up, and headed home. Not only did she have a date to look forward to, but she also had to continue preparations to take on more clients. She had something to get ready for, and memories of Gabe from nearly a decade ago would not stop her. She was a new person, now, and the new Victoria just met Gabe today. No past. No history. Maybe some chemistry, sure, but that’s all. Nothing else.
What a joke…
Chapter Five
ELLIE’S WAS THE PLACE to be, especially on a Friday night. A shitty hole in the wall, the place had the best damn drinks in the entire country. And hell, the wings were pretty good, too.
Gabe watched as Jason sipped on his drink. The place smelt of tequila and mexican spices. Picking up a hot wing, Gabe took a bite, the burning of his mouth not comparing in the least to that old burning in his throat he had loved so much. It had been three years without a drink, three years without stepping foot into this place. It was weird being back, and even weirder drinking pop with his meal.
“You were close with that guy? The OD?” Jason asked, putting his drink down on his napkin and tossing a chip into his mouth.
“Nick,” Gabe corrected Jason. “Yeah, Nick was my best friend in another life.”
Jason crunched on another chip, nodding at Gabe’s words. “You guys hadn’t spoken for awhile?”
“Been a couple years.”
“Grew apart?”
“Mm,” Gabe nodded, turning his attention to the wings in front of him.
Gabe was only two bites into his wing when Jason began speaking again.
“Yeah, I can see that. I can’t imagine you hanging out with a junkie. You’re one of the most straight edge guys I’ve ever met, especially in our line of work. I don’t know how you do it, man.”
The dark laugh that burst from Gabe’s lips nearly made him choke on his chicken. He quickly grabbed a napkin, wiped his mouth, and took a big gulp of his cola to wash down the food. Jason rose an eyebrow at Gabe, clearly awaiting an explanation for his reaction. Fuck it, time for some honesty.
“I was a drunk throughout the entirety of my twenties, man.” Jason’s eyes widened at Gabe’s confession. Gabe had mentioned to Jason before that he partied a lot, but perhaps he never stressed how serious it was. He continued. “Nick and I partied together, but then I stopped drinking. And he spiraled out of control.” Gabe laughed sadly. “I always drank more than him, got more messed up than him, handled my shit better than him. I loved the guy, but fuck, I thought I was a bad influence from day one. It’s weird to think back to it now and know that my fucked up habits actually kept him on a good path.” Not good. Being a drunk is not good. “Or, well, a better one.”
“How long after you stopped drinking did he get hooked?”
“I tried to keep him as my friend, but it turns out that once you erased alcohol from the equation, we didn’t really have much there. I couldn’t be around him drink
ing, and he couldn’t be around me sober.”
Jason’s eyes went down to his drink, and then slowly lifted to Gabe, so Gabe shook his head quickly to reassure his friend. “I’m fine, now. It’s been years.” Jason nodded and let out a sigh.
“Nick and I stopped hanging out about four months after I put down the bottle. I spent nearly a year trying to get him to sober up with me before I gave up and moved on. I wanted to reach out to him when I found out he picked up the needle several months back, but at that point, it was useless. I couldn’t help him, and he didn’t want me to.” A sad truth. “Believe me, I tried.”
“Listen, man. We see it all the time in our line of work. You can’t blame yourself for that shit.” Jason’s face was so serious, Gabe had to smile.
“I know, man. I’ve lost a lot of friends over the years, lost a lot of people I cared about. It’s fucked up to say, but I’m starting to get used to it.” Gabe laughed, but nothing about that statement was funny. It was painfully true, but laughing seemed safer.
Jason smiled, but it didn’t meet his eyes. He knew what Gabe was doing, he had to have known. But fuck, bless him for not pushing it further. Gabe looked around the restaurant, looked at the people laughing and drinking, looked at the waitresses wearing too tight clothing and flirting with old men for tips. This fucking place. Gabe smiled.
“Can I get you gentlemen anything? Some margaritas, maybe?” the short blonde waitress leaned against the table, spreading her red-painted lips into a wide smile. She wore a tight white shirt that was cut open to reveal plenty of cleavage and ended just above her navel.
“Can I get another coke?” Gabe asked.
“I’ll be right back,” the blonde winked. She walked away slowly, swaying her hips with each step she took.
“God damn,” Jason muttered.
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