A single candle burned from the side table, casting the room into a smaller and more intimate space. It was a place for secrets, made cozier still by the baby’s peaceful slumber. But the girls were silent for a time, at peace with each other and the night. Finally Anne spoke, confessing softly, “I had a most wondrous talk with Thomas Crowley today.”
“I saw,” Nicole replied. “Charles and I spied upon you from the library window.”
“I thought I saw a head appear, but I did not wish to draw Thomas away from his talk.” Anne still felt a thrill of excitement from their words. “I was so very moved by what he had to say, Nicole.”
“I saw,” she repeated. “I am so happy for you.”
Anne felt a slight blush rise to her cheeks. “Does it show?”
“Not so much from you. But the way Thomas watched you across the table tonight at dinner, I thought he would scorch the linen.”
The blush grew stronger. “Now you jest.”
Nicole smiled slightly. “Only a little. He’s positively smitten, you know.”
“You shouldn’t talk so.”
“Whyever not?”
“Because…I feel as though I am being untrue to Cyril’s memory.”
Instead of offering the expected comfort of reassuring words, Nicole asked, “So you care for Thomas?”
“I…” Anne swallowed. It was hard to confess such things, not so much to Nicole but to herself. “I fear I do.”
Again there was Nicole’s quiet assessment. “Have you prayed on this?”
“I have. In fact, I feel as if God’s hand is upon our quest.”
Nicole’s head tilted downward, causing her rich auburn hair to spill over one shoulder. “That’s an odd word to describe a relationship.”
“Well, it is far more than that. I sensed God speaking to me through Thomas this afternoon, outlining a work I might do here for Him—work I would be suited to perform.”
“Like a calling,” Nicole whispered.
“Yes, perhaps even that,” Anne said.
Nicole turned and stared at the candle. Anne was again struck all over again by the aura of strength and beauty that emanated from Nicole. The strong lines of her face were heightened by the candle’s shading, as were the depths to her eyes. “I should think,” Nicole said, “Cyril would be more than happy to see you returning to life and the future with such a sense of dedication to our God.”
The power of those quietly spoken words was enough to bring tears to Anne’s eyes. Impatiently she brushed her vision clear and said, “Might I stay with you in Harrow Hall a while longer?”
“What a question,” Nicole chided. “This is your home for as long as you wish.”
“Thank you, dear sister.” Anne hesitated a moment, then said, “I only wish you would find a man and a love for yourself.”
Again the gaze returned to the candle. “First I must find my place,” Nicole said.
“What are you saying? Your place is here. All know it to be so.”
Nicole’s eyes remained locked on the flame. “A calling, then. A purpose of my own. A direction and a—”
The words were cut off by a soft knock on the door. Gaylord opened and said, “Forgive me, ladies, but Lord Charles asks if Miss Nicole might join him and Lord Percy in the library.”
A faint shudder ran through Nicole’s body, which she quickly suppressed. “Of course.” She then rose up and crossed to the door, only pausing there long enough to whisper back to Anne, “Pray for me. Please pray.”
Nicole stood motionless outside the library doors. All the determination and resolve in the world were not enough to hold back the single tear now rolling down her cheek. She wiped it away and in the same motion knocked on the door. Instantly a voice called from within for her to enter. Still she hesitated as she struggled with herself.
The hardest thing she had ever done was to reach down and turn the handle.
Charles smiled at his niece as he welcomed her. “My dear Nicole, please do join us.”
She stepped inside and softly closed the door. Nicole immediately spied the sealed documents on the table beside Percy. Charles noticed her trembling and also the way she stifled it. Nicole lifted her chin, gathered the folds of her dress, walked over and settled onto the edge of the settee—graceful and dignified as a queen. “It is growing rather late, Uncle. Should this not perhaps wait until tomorrow?”
“No, it should not.” He saw how Percy’s smile of anticipation gradually disappeared in the face of Nicole’s solemnity. Charles sat down in the chair opposite them and could not help but take a moment to wish for things to be different. But he pushed this aside with the strength given him by the afternoon’s realization and the evening’s gift. “You look beautiful tonight, my dear.”
“Stunning,” Percy agreed.
“Thank you, Uncle.” Nicole folded her hands in her lap and waited, forcing herself not to look at the papers on the table.
“I’ve asked you to join us here, Nicole, because there are matters of great import to be settled,” Charles said.
“Here, here,” Percy said.
Charles continued. “I’ve decided that I shall not ask you to become my heiress after all.”
“And may I be the first to congratulate…” Percy’s mind caught up with what his ears just heard, and his jaw flopped open.
But Nicole was swifter to respond. She stiffened and said, “Have I offended you in some way, Uncle?”
“No, not at all. Far from it, my dear.” Charles smiled sadly. “You have made me proud in every possible way. You have gone so far beyond my greatest hopes that I could do nothing but see God’s hand in the woman you have become.”
“Then why…?”
“Yes, by all the stars! Why?” Percy sputtered. “I must insist, m’lord, that you think carefully—”
“Hold there,” Charles ordered. When he was assured Percy would remain in his place, he turned back to Nicole and said, “It is difficult to explain, but I want you to know that I find myself utterly at peace with this. And peace is what I wish for you.”
“I am, Uncle. I’ve found God’s peace sustaining me here.”
“Peace and something more, my dear. I wish for you also the blessing of joy. My own destination is set. For the first time, I can truly leave all my worldly affairs in God’s hands. I am defeated and yet on the other hand I feel triumphant.”
Nicole looked at him intently, and it seemed to Charles that her eyes held the clarity of precious jewels. “Is it your heart?” she asked.
He decided not to answer directly. “God has helped me to focus upon the true goal that lies ahead. I am beaten and yet I am victorious.”
“I understand,” Nicole whispered, her words trembling with the effort to maintain control.
“It is the least I can do,” Charles said. Then he reached and took hold of her hand. “To reward you for the trials you have overcome, for the sacrifices you were willing to make.”
“But I still am…” Nicole said and then took a shaky breath. “I am willing.”
Charles smiled again. “But I don’t ask this of you, Nicole.”
Percy looked to be foundering on the settee as he struggled to collect himself from the shock. “M’lord, this…this is scandalous!”
“On the contrary,” Charles said, not removing his eyes from Nicole. “Of all my decisions, of all my actions, this one has the feeling of being the most correct.”
“You must realize that with the enemy you face…sir, you could lose your lands, your title, everything!” Percy protested.
“What I have,” Charles replied softly, “in truth is not mine at all.”
“Uncle, I must refuse.”
“I beg you not to. I am releasing you from your obligations. In fact, I want you to return to the New World.”
Percy stared at them openmouthed. “You want…?”
“That’s right.” Charles then stood and walked over to his desk. “But there is something I would ask you to do for m
e.”
Nicole was no longer able to hold back the tears. “Anything.”
“I want you to live a full and joyous life. I want you to find your own destiny. I want you to become the woman we’ve all seen beginning to blossom these past months.”
Nicole raised her hand to her lips to stifle the sobs.
Charles picked up the documents that were handed him that evening by Samuel Blackthorne. “These papers confirm my landholdings in Massachusetts. Percy, I want you to draft a deed that will transfer ownership to Nicole and then add sufficient funds to enable her to do with the land whatever she pleases. No matter what the Crown might do to me here, at least she’ll be safe and well taken care of in America.” He gave them both a grand and satisfied smile. “And transfer to Nicole ownership of the painting that graces the wall of her bedchamber. May it always remind you, my dear, of one man who will be praying for you the rest of his life.”
Percy was unable to lift a hand to accept the packet. He just sat and watched as Charles laid the documents on the settee beside him. “But…what of your titles? Your home? Your holdings here, m’lord?”
“That’s all in God’s hands. As is everything upon this earth.” Charles felt the burden of a lifetime suddenly lifted from his shoulders and his heart. He smiled with deepest affection at the quietly weeping Nicole and said, “My dear, I beg you to agree to my request.”
Chapter 33
Over the following days, Harrow Hall became a hive of activity. Captain James Madden had responded promptly to Charles’s letter of inquiry, stating there was a ship leaving in two weeks for Halifax from which they hoped to learn whether or not the New York port was still in British hands. The captain also mentioned that he’d be commanding the foredeck. This news was taken as a sign by all, and so the entire manor threw itself into preparations. For Charles, these days took on a breathless quality.
Even Lord Percy, indignant as he had been at the outset, could not hold himself back from becoming caught up in all the excitement. He finally left for London, where the newly drafted documents for the Massachusetts property were to be formally deeded and sealed. Percy had shouted from the carriage window as he pulled away that they were mad, the entire lot of them. Yet he was smiling, and, earlier, he had embraced Nicole, promising to pray for her every day. Furthermore, Percy had taken Charles aside and vowed to do everything in his power to arrange for Anne to be appointed his heir. The key, he said more than once, was to strike before Charles’s foes could marshal their forces.
To everyone’s amazement, the stabilizing force in the household had turned out to be their latest visitor, Judith Mann. Cyril’s mother had arrived the day after Charles’s surprising announcement. Immediately Judith set about helping Nicole prepare for the upcoming voyage. And there was not a moment to lose, that is, if the ship was to sail before the first of the winter storms arrived. For the weather seemed to emphasize the sense of urgency. The days were now marked by blustering showers and wind enough to toss the trees violently back and forth. Their world now lay littered with the parchment of a passing season.
Eleven days later they set out together for Portsmouth harbor. They traveled in Charles’s carriage and a hired coach that trailed behind, both piled high with trunks and bundles. It was not a penniless colonial lass returning home, but rather a fine lady traveling in the style which befitted her station. Their departure was graced with the fairest weather in weeks, chilly yet filled with sunshine accompanied by a light breeze.
Charles had risen early that morning and gone downstairs for breakfast, finding Anne and Judith sitting together near the fire. He was about to greet them when Judith said, “I could not help noticing the affection you hold for Thomas Crowley.”
Charles took a step back and listened as Anne replied, “I do hope you believe me that I mean your son’s memory no disrespect.”
“Which is precisely why I decided to mention this at all.” Judith’s chair creaked as she leaned forward, closer to her daughter-in-law. “My dear, you are young and alive with passion and potential. From everything I have seen, Thomas is a fine and upstanding gentleman.”
“Oh, he is!” Anne cried. “He holds the Lord in his heart’s central place and seeks ever to do His will.”
“Of that I have no doubt. Nor do I question that His hand is upon your relationship.”
“Mrs. Mann, to hear you say these words…” Anne stopped and composed herself. “I confess that with Thomas I find myself able to dream again. His hopes and plans for the future absolutely thrill me.”
“I am very happy for you, then. Would you accept an old woman’s advice?”
“Words from you are always welcome.”
“Thank you, my dear. If the experience of years has taught me anything, it would be that in the matters of the heart, especially when one has endured such rough times as you, it is vital to move slowly and with caution. There’s no need for rushing into anything. Take time to heal fully. Take time to come to know the man as well as his mission. Therein lies your greatest hope for lifelong happiness.”
Charles turned and walked silently away. His breakfast could wait a while longer.
Though the morning brought the first autumn chill, Anne and Nicole elected to ride together in the hired coach, leaving John with Charles and Judith riding in Charles’s carriage ahead. Some of the bundles that would not fit on the roofs of the carriage and coach had to be placed on the seats alongside the two women. One of the coach’s windows stubbornly refused to close, so that the brisk weather hustled inside, carrying occasional leaves and the sounds of the road—clopping horses, creaking wheels, and the intermittent cracking of the driver’s whip. Anne and Nicole nestled together beneath a large woolen travel wrap to stay warm.
It was all a distinct reversal as to how things had been expected to be, with Anne remaining behind in Harrow Hall and Nicole preparing for yet another seaborne adventure. At first they traveled in silence. Now and then a trivial word was passed back and forth, but the immensity of the occasion seemed to have stilled their tongues. Then Nicole finally spoke to the feelings of her heart. “I wish you were sailing with me. The voyage would be much more pleasant with you and little John along.”
“I wish you were staying,” Anne said. “I shall miss you so.” She hesitated for a moment and then continued. “No, that’s not quite honest. Deep inside, I know what you are doing is right. You would never have been truly happy here.”
Nicole breathed deep, finding release in Anne’s forming the words she had so avoided speaking herself. “No.”
“Duty bound, yes. I’ve no doubt you would have performed your duty well. But I fear that true happiness would have eluded you.” Anne glanced at the world beyond the coach’s window and then turned back to Nicole. “I’ve watched you. You have come to wear the social graces like a well-sewn garment. However, your eyes have never lost their restless longing. Often I have looked your way and found a hunger and a thirst.”
“I was not aware that it showed. I tried so hard to mask it.”
“I know you did, and I admired that about you. You would have set your chin and gone about what you considered your duty to Uncle Charles without a thought to your own happiness. I am so glad that Uncle Charles saw what I saw and was willing to free you from your sense of obligation.”
Again there was silence.
“That does not mean I shall miss you any less,” added Anne with a sigh. She reached over and clasped her sister’s hand under the heavy blanket. “I cannot imagine what it will be like without you.”
Nicole had to blink back tears. She asked in a subdued voice, “Will you ever return to the colonies?”
Anne took a moment before answering. “I cannot say,” she said at last. “I thought when I first left that I could not travel back soon enough. On the ship over, I was wishing to turn around and head back to the safety and security of home. But now…life keeps moving forward. I still long for family and the village. And I ache for the life I knew wi
th Cyril. We had such a wonderful marriage. I had not fully realized how blessed I was until he departed.” She paused then, gathered herself once more, and continued on, “But that’s gone now, and I shall never have it again. There was a time when I thought I could not bear to live without Cyril. But God has sustained me. I am still here, still alive. At first I felt dead inside, yet how can one be dead if the pain is so sharp? And I had John. He gave me reason to keep on fighting, to hold on to sanity in an insane world.
“I believe God knew how much I should need my little lad. At least he was there with me…when Cyril died. And how I thank Him that Cyril was alive to see his son. That’s something I can share with John. I can say to him, ‘Your father held you in his arms. He prayed for you with his dying breath. He loved you greatly.’ I tell him these things every night when I tuck him into bed. I want John to know and feel the love of the good man who was his father.
“I was befogged from medications during the birthing, so I did not realize at the time just how great a gift God had given me in allowing John to be born before Cyril passed away. But God had my good, my future peace and happiness well in mind when He planned as He did. I thank Him daily for that blessing.”
Nicole stirred restlessly. It was still hard for her to hear Anne talk of her loss. She tucked the blanket close under her chin. Anne released her hand to wipe the corners of her eyes.
“So you see, I still don’t know what God’s plans are for me in the future,” Anne continued. “I do hope I have enough discernment to hear and enough obedience to follow His will, whatever it may be. For now, in a way I cannot express, I feel His presence. His peace. His gentle assurance that I am where He intends me to be. I cannot explain it. I don’t even understand it. Perhaps…perhaps He’s led me here more for John than for me. I have this…this inner sense that this is right, though I cannot tell you why. I feel there’s something ahead that will show me without a doubt why He’s brought me here—what He has in mind for me and John.”
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