“It’s not bullshit, Jordan.” Gavin’s voice was rough and edgy, barely above a whisper. “I don’t have anything left to give. Even if I did, I’d be of little use to you, Gracie, and Lily. You said it yourself—you came home to start over. The last complication the three of you need is to have me in your life.” His jaw clenched and his mouth set in a firm line as he fought to get the words out. “I’m trying to protect you.”
Jordan inched closer and her clean, flowery scent cut through the pall of smoke that clung to him in a seemingly ever-present cloud. With it came hope. Need. Yearning. All he’d smelled for weeks was smoke and burnt plastic but not now. Soap. A hint of suntan lotion and a whisper of flowers wafted off her in a deliciously sexy way. His body and mind were waging an all-out war, and the conflict was going to drive him mad.
“No, you’re not,” Jordan countered. Her breasts brushed against his chest. The edge of the counter dug into his ass as she trailed one finger up his arm. Her voice, soft and seductive, drifted over him like a caress. It threatened his resolve as did the trail her finger blazed along his flesh. “The only person you’re trying to protect is yourself.”
Gavin stilled when her empathy-filled, intelligent brown eyes met his. Fear, guilt, regret, lust, and overwhelming need flooded him as her delicate hands drifted over his chest and down his stomach before finally settling at his waist.
She pressed her body against him and lowered her voice to a whisper. “You didn’t kill them.”
“That’s not what this is about.” Gavin grabbed her arms and gently but firmly pushed her away before striding out to the living room. “Stop. This is done. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is.”
He stood at the glass sliding door and stared out over the ocean. Hands on his hips, he kept his back to her. Maybe, just maybe, if he pushed hard enough, she would leave.
“Jimmy was playing with those matches up in the loft,” she continued, all of her natural strength and determination shining through as she persisted. Jordan kept coming at him like the relentless waves in the ocean below. One after the other, she persisted. “Before you tell me that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, I’ll let you know that I spoke to Tommy. He told me what happened, and, yes, you brought the matches and cigarettes, but you tried to keep Jimmy from touching them. Tommy said that his brother stole them when you weren’t looking and took them up to the loft. Jimmy lit the fire that killed him and wounded you and Tommy.”
She moved closer but Gavin held firm.
“Tommy tried to get to his brother first, but he got scared by the fire and you saved him. He said you tried to save Jimmy too, but fire and debris started to rain down on you. What else could you have done? And Rick? Rick did what he had to do, Gavin. He did what you and all of the men in your squad have done countless times. He put his life on the line to keep someone else safe, and this time…this time he lost.”
Her voice wavered, her hand settling on his shoulder where the scarred and puckered flesh lived. A grim daily reminder of his failure. “The scars you carry aren’t only on the outside, Gavin. But you have to stop torturing yourself. You didn’t kill Jimmy.” The warmth of her palm seeped into his shoulder, soothing the wound and bringing the numb flesh to life at the same time. She sniffled, her voice cracking with emotion. “And you didn’t kill Rick.”
A swell of grief swamped Gavin, making him squeeze his eyes shut against the surge of emotion, but the gentle sound of Jordan’s voice tugged at him. It called to him, preventing him from falling over the edge like the sun and vanishing into the abyss.
Jordan’s hand dropped from his shoulder, and he could feel her moving away from him. She was right. He was scared. Scared shitless both of losing and of loving her. The sound of his front door clicking open forced his hand.
He couldn’t let her leave. Not now. Not ever.
He was a selfish bastard.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Gavin ground out.
When he spun around, Jordan was standing in the open doorway with her back to him. A warm ocean breeze blew through the house and lifted her hair from her shoulders like wings. The lights from his parents’ house glimmered in the distance, making it even more evident that his home was right here with her.
“You’re right. I’m scared, Jordan. I am absolutely terrified that I’ll die on the job and leave you, Lily, and Gracie alone. I don’t want that for you. Can you understand that? I want you and the girls to have a big life, a life full of magic tricks and bodysurfing. Not nights of wondering whether or not I’m gonna die in a fire and leave you all alone. You deserve better than that.”
“I don’t need you making my decisions for me,” she said, her voice rising with impatience.
“Damn it, Jordan.” He ran one hand over his face and shouted, “I don’t want to fail you!”
There it was. He’d finally spit it out. His worst fear was out in the open and exposed like a wound that wouldn’t heal. Failing Jordan was the one tragedy he simply had not been willing to risk.
Gripping the doorknob tighter, Jordan turned around slowly. She closed the door before leaning back against it. A smile curved her lips and she tilted her head, keeping her hands clasped behind her. She studied him with a knowing expression for what seemed like an eternity before finally pushing herself away from the door and striding slowly toward him.
“I love you, Gavin, and in spite of how you’re acting, I know that you love me.” She stopped a few feet away from him with that steely, determined expression on her face. “But I am not your responsibility, and you don’t get to choose who I love. Okay? And as fate would have it, I love you, you big idiot. And it’s not just me. My girls love you. You’ve been more of a father to them over this summer than their own father ever was. I know you’re scared and so am I, but that’s part of the deal, isn’t it?
“Love is scary. It’s terrifying. Whether it’s the love we feel for our child when we first look into their face on the day that they’re born or the love we have for a parent who’s frighteningly imperfect, or if it’s the love I have for a man who’s hell-bent on not letting me love him. Love is scary and wonderful, and it’s what makes us human.” Arms wide and with a smile brightening her face, she whispered, “I love you, Gavin, and I need you. You didn’t kill Jimmy or Rick.”
Her hands dropped to her sides as she closed the distance between them, stopping only about a foot away.
“But if you cut me out of your life…” Tears filled her eyes and her voice wavered. “Then you just might kill me.”
* * *
Gavin glowered at her from beneath his furrowed brow, and his green eyes glittered with something she couldn’t quite identify. Passion? Desperation? Fury? Perhaps all of those things? With the moments hanging heavy and silent between them, Jordan feared she was too late and that she really had lost him.
And then, in a flash, he was on her.
Gavin’s mouth slanted over hers, hard and fast. His strong hands tangled in her hair and tilted her head, taking immediate control of the kiss. Jordan opened to him as his tongue demanded entrance and speared hers with swift, wicked strokes. Desperate to get closer, she grabbed his shirt and tugged it up, exposing the warm expanse of his back. She groaned into his mouth, his muscles moving beneath her hands.
Breaking the kiss and breathing heavily, Gavin reached behind and quickly yanked the shirt off over his head, tossing it hastily aside before capturing her lips once again.
As she clung to him desperately, Jordan’s fingers grazed the puckered flesh that marred part of Gavin’s back, and a swell of love filled her. This man would give every bit of himself to protect others. If she’d let him, he would have sacrificed his own happiness, thinking he was securing hers. How wrong he was.
The only one, the only man who could ever bring Jordan true happiness…was him.
Kissing her deeply, Gavin walked her backward, his hands exploring her body with urgent, almost desperate speed. Jordan gasped as her back bumped t
he door and Gavin dragged his mouth from hers. He grabbed the fabric of her skirt and yanked it up, reaching between her legs and cupping her sex with one hand. Gripping his shoulders, Jordan gasped again. His other hand tugged her top down, exposing her breasts to his hungry stare.
Her fingers dug into his muscular shoulders and she cried out, his hot, wet mouth covering her breast. He flicked her nipple with his tongue, while sliding two fingers beneath the edge of her panties. His rough touch rasped over her clit in one wicked pass. Pleasure swamped her, and Jordan moaned as Gavin brought her to the edge. He massaged the tiny nub with his thumb before sliding two fingers deep inside her, putting pressure on that spot she wasn’t even sure existed. G-spot? Yes, please.
“I want you to come for me, Jordan,” Gavin murmured against her breast. He lifted his head, lust stamped on his handsome features, his fingers continuing their merciless assault. Crying out, she hooked her leg over his hip, giving him better access to her hot, wet center. His fingers moved faster, sliding in and out of her sex as her orgasm started to crest. “That’s it, baby. Open up and give me everything.”
Shaking and on the edge of no return, Jordan whimpered when Gavin removed his hand and dropped to his knees. Gasping for breath, her body clinging to that exquisite cliff of impending climax, she leaned against the door for support.
Kneeling between her legs, Gavin peered up at her with that wicked, mischievous grin, the dimple appearing in his cheek. Reaching up, he grabbed the front of her dress with both hands and yanked it open.
“Too many buttons,” he growled as tiny disks went flying around the room, clattering one by one somewhere in the distance.
Jordan didn’t care; all she could see or feel was him. She clung to his shoulders, his fingers trailing over her breasts, flicking her sensitized nipples, then settling on her hips. Jordan’s entire body hummed with unfulfilled desire, the orgasm exquisitely close.
Gavin hooked his thumb beneath the edge of the lacy fabric of her panties and pulled them down her legs, flicking them aside.
“You’re so beautiful, Jordan,” he murmured, sliding his hand along her thigh. He lifted her leg and hooked it over his shoulder, grasping her knee. He peered up at her. “I have to taste you.”
Biting her lower lip, Jordan nodded, unable to utter a word. One sound might shatter her taut, overheated body into a million pieces.
On a curse, Gavin clutched her by the hips and dove deep. Jordan cried out as his hot mouth covered her sex, licking and suckling her already swollen clit with total abandon. The orgasm started to bloom with lightning speed. Only one thing would make it complete—make it perfect.
“Wait,” she said through heavy breaths. Threading her hands through his hair, she tugged gently, urging him to stop. “I have to have you inside me, Gavin. Right now.”
Gavin rose to his feet. Jordan’s leg slipped from his shoulder, and she grabbed the waist of his jeans eagerly. Muscles straining, Gavin braced both hands on the door on either side of her as she made quick work of releasing him from the confining, unyielding fabric. Looming over her, caging her in, Gavin swore as Jordan’s fingers curled around the steely length of his thick shaft. He moaned with pleasure as she ran her hand up and down the rigid stalk of flesh. He shuddered when she slid her thumb over the swollen head, slick with moisture.
He captured her mouth with his, kissing her deeply as she massaged him. The pace was swift and sure and pushing him to the edge. Unable to wait any longer, Jordan released him and shoved his jeans down his hips. Knowing what she wanted, what they both wanted, Gavin grabbed her ass and lifted her up, momentarily breaking the kiss. With her body pinned firmly against the wooden surface, her mouth hovering near his, and her legs wrapped around his waist, Gavin lifted her higher and tilted his hips, deftly positioning the tip of his shaft against her swollen entrance.
“Don’t stop,” Jordan gasped. She tangled her hands in his hair and rested her forehead against his. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“I’m trying to love you,” he whispered. “You’re mine, Jordan.” As her name hissed from his lips, Gavin slipped inside her with one slow, deliberate stroke. Inch by inch, he claimed her. “Forever. I’m never letting you go, ever again.”
Jordan cried out as he thrust into her, filling her more completely than anyone. Physically. Emotionally. Gavin McGuire filled Jordan in every way possible. As his body moved inside hers, she knew, with every ounce of her soul, that this was forever.
This loving, passionate, sensitive, devoted man was her past, her present, and her future.
Jordan held her to him as he pumped into her time and time again. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, and the orgasm erupted brightly, lighting her body up in one merciless wave after another. She shouted his name as the powerful climax ripped through them both. He thrust into her with one final pass, leaving them shaking, sweating, and bone-meltingly satisfied.
Tiny aftershocks rocked their tangled bodies, and Gavin swept his mouth up her throat before kissing her deeply once again. His lips suckled hers in slow gentle passes as he carefully disengaged from her body. Jordan’s feet found the floor but her legs felt like jelly, while Gavin gently peeled the scraps of her dress from damp flesh, allowing them to fall noiselessly to the ground. He kissed her again and quickly adjusted his jeans before scooping her up in his arms and pressing his lips to her forehead.
“That was…incredible,” Jordan whispered. She linked her arms around his neck and flicked his earlobe with her tongue. “You’ve learned a few things over the years.”
“What are you saying? You mean that was better than the lighthouse?” He arched one eyebrow as he carried her through the living room to the hallway off the kitchen. Pushing the bedroom door open with his shoulder, he brought her to the foot of the king-size bed. The spacious bedroom was sparsely furnished and had all the markings of a bachelor’s sleeping space. “We were kids then. Fumbling around in the dark. Nervous, turned on, and not sure what went where.”
“True.” Jordan giggled. Now, with her naked body curled up in his arms, she knew what it was to be truly cherished. To be loved. She brushed a lock of hair off his forehead before cradling his scruffy cheek in her hand. “That was a special night but, oh my God… Do you remember how you fumbled with the condom and—” Jordan’s eyes widened as she realized what they’d forgotten. “Oh shit.”
“What?” Gavin stopped by the bed. “The lighthouse was better?”
“No.” Jordan squeezed him tighter and pressed a kiss to his lips. Nuzzling her face against his neck, feeling awkward even bringing it up, she said, “We didn’t use anything…you know.”
“Oh…right.” Gavin’s grip on her tightened and his voice grew gruff. “Shit. I didn’t even think about that.” His thumb rasped over her arm, sending a fresh surge of lust through her. “You know what that means, don’t you?”
Jordan shook her head but couldn’t still her quaking body.
“We have to do it again. I wanna make sure I get it right.” He waggled his eyebrows at her and kissed her firmly. “And I can promise you that there will be no fumbling tonight or any other night.” He strode around to the side of the bed and laid her out gently, almost reverently. “I love you, Jordan, and if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it.”
Chapter 17
The delectable smell of burgers cooking on the grill drifted past Jordan and Maddy as they sat in their beach chairs while the girls played in the lapping waves. Between the sounds of their laughter, the stomach-rumbling aroma of the grill, and the gorgeous August weather, Jordan couldn’t help but think it was a perfect summer day. In fact, ever since that night at Gavin’s cottage, life had been better than ever. The only thing that would make it truly perfect would be if she could heal Maddy’s grieving heart.
“Burgers will be ready in a few minutes,” Gavin shouted from the deck.
Jordan smiled at him over her shoulder but when he grinned at her, spatula in hand, she los
t it and started giggling.
“I’m really happy for you, Jordan,” Maddy said quietly. She was wearing large, dark sunglasses and had her curly brown hair swept up in a clip, and sadness clung to her like heavy blanket. “You deserve to be happy, and so does Gavin. I have to tell you, he’s like a different person ever since you came home.” A wistful smile curved her lips as she drew lazy circles in the sand with one of her feet. “Rick knew this was where you two were headed. In fact, he said you’d probably be married by Christmas.”
“Married?” Jordan adjusted the straps of her red one-piece bathing suit and laughed nervously. She and Gavin hadn’t discussed marriage at all, but Jordan would be lying if she said she never thought about it. Because she did. A lot. “Oh, that’s kind of rushing it. I mean, we just got back together. Marrying me is way more than just marrying me.” She gestured to the girls. “If that happened, he’d get an instant family.”
“Girl, please.” Maddy sat up in her chair and jutted a thumb at Gavin. “Look at what’s happening here. He loves you and your girls. Hell, he’s cooking on your grill on your deck and drinking a beer like you two have been married for twenty years.” She pushed her sunglasses onto her head and grabbed Jordan’s hand. “Go with it, Jordan. I don’t regret one single second of my life with Rick, but if he were here, I’d tell him to cut the shit and marry me already. You have something special with Gavin, and I hope you hang on to it with everything you’ve got.”
Before Jordan could respond, assuring her she had no intention of letting Gavin go, Maddy’s phone started chirping. Letting out a creative curse, Maddy started rummaging through the big colorful bag that was sitting on the sand between their chairs until she found it.
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