by Blue Saffire
I pull Kamara to the bed, kicking off my shoes and climbing onto the mattress. Leaning over, I reach for her brush and comb from the nightstand. I straighten, reaching for her, pulling her to sit before me. As has become a habit, I start to braid her hair back.
I take my time, massaging her scalp in between braids. I comb my fingers through her mass of curls, careful to detangle with the comb when needed. When I finish, I rub her shoulders and dip my head to leave a trail of kisses on her neck.
She releases a sexy moan, causing my groin to tighten. I ignore my need and focus on giving Kamara what she needs. I wrap my arms around her, pressing my lips to her ear.
“I’m going to draw you a bath,” I say in her.
“That sounds nice,” she whispers.
I go to collect the twins, moving their carriers closer to the bathroom door, where we can see them from inside. I then usher Kamara into the bathroom. I move to the tub and start to run the water.
I move in front of Kamara, going for the hem of her t-shirt. She lifts her arms over her head and I tug it off. I push her sweatpants from her waist, down her legs.
Squatting in front of her, I kiss her tummy. I flick my tongue out against her soft skin, looking up through my lashes to watch her. I love the shy smile on her lips.
I look back at her skin. The stretch marks that are evidence of our children are such a turn on to me. I knew Kamara’s body inch by inch, before our children grew inside her.
Her skin was once flawless, not a blemish. Now, her skin says, I have been here. My children were inside her. Our lovemaking created life, within this beautiful skin. There is perfection in the fact that her skin is no longer completely perfect.
I stare at her so long, Kamara tries to cover her middle with her arms. I shake my head and block her arms, grasping her waist. I kiss my way across the patterns my son and daughter created on their mother’s flesh.
Hooking my fingers in her panties, I peel them slowly over her plump ass and thick thighs. I let them fall to the floor, landing with her sweats. I can smell her arousal.
I lick my lips, but hold onto my restraint. My hands glide over her backside, then back up her back, around to her front, making another trip back to her ass. I palm her cheeks, dipping my hands between them and squeeze.
“You’re so beautiful,” I murmur. “I have to be the luckiest man alive.”
Her cheeks glow and she ducks her head. The fact that I can still pull this reaction from her baffles me. She has to know she’s gorgeous.
I stand, dragging my hands over her body, as I lift to my full height. Her head lifts with me, her lips parting, and her brown eyes glowing back at me. I can’t resist moving in for a kiss.
It’s a slow kiss, a kiss that tells her everything I don’t have the words to say. I show her how much I love her, how much she means to me, that I can’t live without her. I pour everything I am into the kiss.
Nipping at her lips, exploring every corner of her mouth. Our tongues meet and it’s like we’ve created a new language. She tastes like life. My hands go to her ass, once again, pulling her into me.
I break the kiss, looking into her eye. “I’d die without you,” I rasp.
The words just float out. It’s my truth. I’ve loved this girl from the first time I saw her. I didn’t understand it then, but now I know. I know I’ve loved Kamara with everything I am and I will never regret it.
“I don’t think I could leave you. Even in death,” Kamara whispers back.
I reach for her hand, turning so that I can turn off the water. Bending, I stick my hand in the water to check the temperature. It’s perfect, just the way she likes it.
I turn, wrapping my fingers around her waist, lifting her to place her into the filled tub. I can’t help myself. I let my hands glide over her skin again, before taking her hands to lower her into the warm water.
Kamara looks up into my eyes, as she sits slowly. My eyes hood, as I stare back at her. My gaze drops to her full breasts. Her nipples are tight and pointed at me.
I smile and shake my head. The dirty thoughts that run through my mind that fast, nearly derail me. I wink at Kamara and turn for the bedroom. I have so much I want to tell her, but I’m not stupid.
The twins will pick up on our voices and wake, if I’m not careful. I go for my earbuds and head back for the bathroom. I pull my phone from my pocket, setting it and the earbuds by the bathtub. I then begin to strip from my own clothes.
Kamara sits forward to make room for me to climb in behind her. I lower into the water, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to bring her body back against my chest. The feel of her soft skin against mine is like coming home.
“I love you,” I whisper into her ear.
She cranes her neck to smile at me and mouths the same words. I reach out over the side of the tub, retrieving my phone and the earbuds. Plugging in the buds, I hand one to her and take the other for myself.
I tap in the title of the first song I want to play for her. The song comes on and I tighten my hold. Nate Ruess begins to sing, Nothing Without Love. I place my forehead to the back of her head, closing my lids and inhaling.
I truly am nothing without her love. I made it through today with thoughts of her alone. Knowing that if I ever needed someone the way Nellie does now, I would have Kamara. She would be my rock.
I think back to college, even before we started dating. I had so much going on at one point, with working for my father, classes, and playing for the basketball team. I sprained my ankle pretty bad and couldn’t do anything I was supposed to.
I was so bummed. I felt like I’d let everyone down. Kwäzē had a lot on his plate, but Kamara offered to help me out. I remember that time so clearly now.
“Hello, Toby, it is me,” she called into the apartment, as she entered.
I sat on the couch sulking, as I watched her walk in. Her bright smile had pulled me halfway out of my funk, without even trying. Everyone else had been too busy, but there she was.
“I thought I would come check on you. I brought you something to eat too,” she said brightly, that shy smile on her face.
“Thank you,” was all I could grumble.
She tilted her head to the side and gave me a saucy smile. “You are not going to be a sour ass the whole time I am here, are you?”
My mouth popped open and my eyes widened. My sour mood evaporated instantly. I couldn’t help the laugh that boomed from my chest.
It was the first time, Kamara showed me that side of herself, she never shows to others. I smile at the memory. I’ve seen Kamara tease with Kwäzē, but that sassy mouth is usually reserved for me. Now that I know she is royalty, I get it.
I cherish her even more for it. I know that we have a special bond. I get the parts of her she can’t reveal to the world.
The song ends and I find another. It’s older, I don’t think she’s heard it before. I play PM Dawn’s Die Without You. I know the song from Wyatt and Noah playing it.
Her body sags back into mine further. Her hands come up to grasp my arm around her. I can feel the energy shift between us. I’m sure if I reached down into the water, I would find her ready for me.
Thinking better of it, I don’t. Instead, I start to sway us to the song. Inhaling her scent repeatedly. She’s my air.
I kiss her shoulder, moving one hand to caress her breast. As soon as, I flick one of her nipples, both TJ and Lulu decide to wake up and let their presence be known. I chuckle against the back of Kamara’s head.
“Don’t move,” I sigh, pulling my earbud from my ear. “I have them. Take this time for you.”
I kiss the back of her head, her neck, and then her shoulder. I lift to step out of the tub, grabbing a towel to wrap around my waist. So much for my plans. I guess it’s for the best. Something tells me we both would have let it go too far.
~B~
Kamara
I’m left sitting in the tub stunned. It’s not Toby’s first romantic gesture ever, but this one will sti
ck with me for life. I know Toby loves me, but tonight, he made me feel it.
I mourn his absence from the bathtub the moment he steps out. I turn my head to watch him, his tight ass coming into view, as he moves to wrap a towel around him. I smile and take in an eye full of him, as he moves to our children.
I watch until he and the carriers are out of view. I lean back and close my eyes. I allow a tear to fall, now that Toby has left the room. It is a tear of mixed emotions.
I feel loved, but I also feel a bit lonely. I miss my family. I sort of feel as I did when they fled, leaving me behind. With Lulu and TJ being so small and needing so much, I feel their absence all the more.
Nevertheless, that loneliness pales in this moment, knowing I have Toby by my side. I am in awe of him. I know he is in his own pain, but he has made me feel so special with his simple actions.
Another tear slips free and I know it is for my old friend, Nellie. She may not even remember me, but I remember her. In the short time that I knew her, she was a friend, when I didn’t have many.
I can’t even imagine the pain she must be in. Soon, I’m unable to hold back my tears at all. I’m just overwhelmed with life itself. I’m frustrated that I can’t do more.
I am sick of going through life feeling helpless. I cry silently, until I have exhausted myself. When I climb out of the water, I’m spent.
I towel off and walk into the bedroom. I pause as the dim room comes into focus. My heart swells and I feel the life reenter my body.
Toby has his back to the headboard. His long, sweatpants covered legs sprawled out. He has a baby wrapped in each of his muscled arms, resting against his chest.
All three of them are snoring. A smile covers my face. This has to get better. Moments like this, prove it won’t always be this way.
I allow Toby’s display of love, from less than an hour ago, fortify me. Our world may seem to be crumbling around us, but precious moments like this say otherwise. I get dressed and climb into bed with my little piece of a perfect world.
chapter TWenty-Seven
Okay
Toby
A year later…
I need a fucking break. Both Kamara and I are at our breaking point. There still hasn’t been any change in our situation. Kwäzē still hasn’t brought this to any resolution.
Afafa has proven to be one slimy, slippery, manipulative bastard. I’m getting tired of waiting, twiddling my thumbs, while this guy holds our lives in limbo. Fuck politics, fuck royal etiquette, and fuck discretion.
To compound it all, TJ’s been sick a lot. I mean, a whole fucking lot. One minute he is just fine. A happy little baby boy, the next he’s vomiting all over the place.
It’s starting to put a serious strain on both Kamara and me. I’m not on top of my game at work and I’m always tired and frustrated at home. I’m tired of lying and hiding shit from my family.
Every single day, I’m one step closer to just spilling my guts. I’ll even take the ass whipping, I know is going to come with all of this. I’m just tired of trying to keep up this double life.
Kamara and I need a reprieve. Kwäzē has been concerned, but things in Africa have held him from coming back to help. Besides, he has his own shit to deal with. At the moment, neither Kwäzē, nor I, trust many of the people around him.
It’s the reason no one has been assigned to help me and Kamara out. Those that Kwäzē truly trusts are needed to keep him safe, while he’s over there. We both heard the stress in each other’s voices the last time we spoke.
In this very moment, I just need to get through these reports to get my dad off my ass. I’m frustrated, which isn’t allowing me to focus one damn bit. Kamara and I have been arguing more and more.
She’s ready to tell my family everything. We need help and she has been pushing to get it from the only people I trust. I hear her. I totally understand.
I just know the risk we’re taking by involving them. It doesn’t even seem like we are close to this shit being over. I don’t know how to tell them and not spill the absolute truth.
If we tell them now, we will still be lying to them. I’m over all the lying. What I need is to find a way to protect my family.
My cellphone buzzes, bringing me out of my thoughts. I guess that’s for the best. I’ve been pondering an idea. If I can pull it off, I may be able to solve this once and for all.
I shake the crazy thoughts away, when I see it’s Kamara calling. I know before I pick up, something isn’t right. Call it instincts.
“Hello,” I answer, looking around the office.
Not many people are in the office today. I can see Nellie working at her computer. Heather is up at reception.
“Toby, I need you. It’s TJ,” Kamara says, all I need to hear.
I curse in my head. I’ve been slacking so much lately. This is the third time in the last two weeks, I’ve had to take off at the drop of a hat. My father is going to kill me if I don’t get this work done, but there is no way I’m staying here now. I look around the office again, trying to think. When my eyes land on Nellie, I nod to myself.
“I’m on my way,” I respond and hang up.
I’ll call her back, as soon as I get into my car. I shutdown my laptop and grab my reports. I rush over to beg a favor from Nellie.
“Hey Nel, can you do me a favor,” I ask.
“Sure, what’s up,” she replies, looking up from her computer.
“I need to get out of here. Uh… something came up. Dad’s up my butt about my reports. I have them finished. I just haven’t had time to transfer them and upload them. Do you think you can get them done for me before you take off?” I turn it on thick, letting my eyes beg for her help.
I watch the wheels turn in her head. I don’t have time for this. I throw my head back and groan, when I see her eyes light up and her lips curve into a smile. I know she’s going to give me some kind of shit. This will come at a price.
“Nel, come on. I really need to go,” I sigh. “What is it going to cost me?”
She leans forward, with a grin. “I want to know what is going on with you. I’ll do this for you if you tell me this secret we all know you are keeping,” she says, with a victorious smile on her face.
My shoulders slump. What the fuck, we need help. Kamara and I can’t keep going like this. We can give Nellie as close to the truth as possible. Having Nellie be there for Kamara will be a good thing. Nellie would be perfect to give my wife the support I know she so desperately needs.
Decision made, I look around the office, pressing my lips. I huff out a breath, turning back to look at Nellie.
“Okay, but not here. Do you think you can get Wyatt to let you out of his sight for a few hours after work?” I whisper cautiously.
Nellie actually claps her damn hands, looking like I just offered her the best Christmas present ever. She nods her head. Honestly, I suddenly feel relieved.
“I drove myself to work this morning. I’ll make something up,” she answers.
“Fine, I’ll text you with an address later,” I say, then point a finger at Nellie. “This is between us. Don’t bring my brother along, Nellie. I’m trusting you as a friend. I’m not ready to tell the family what is going on.”
Nellie nods again. I hand over my reports and rush out of the office. Hopefully, this will be one of those times that we can figure something out, without having to rush to the ER or doctor’s office.
~B~
Kamara
I stare at Toby in disbelief. I didn’t think I would ever get him to agree to tell someone about us. I’ve been pleading with him for months.
I’m ecstatic that we will finally be opening up to someone, but Toby’s words have frustrated and frozen me. More lies. He wants to tell more lies.
“Why do we have to lie to her?” I finally respond.
“Are you seriously asking that question,” he looks at me incredulously. “Baby, I don’t believe all of this shit going on around us half the time. You seriously want to
tell Nellie the complete truth and then ask her not to tell my brother?”
“I’m just so tired of all the lying and hiding. It was so hard for me in high school, trying to keep it all straight. I like Nellie, I don’t want to break her trust,” I reply.
“I’ve known Nellie a lot longer than you. I’m telling you right now, if we tell her the truth, she’s going to tell Wyatt. That, or she will get involved. Nel protects her own, it’s who she is,” Toby sighs and rubs his eyes.
“So, we tell her that my family was dishonored when they found out about the pregnancy. We are going to mention the arranged marriage,” I lick my lips, trying to remember everything Toby said we would tell Nellie.
Toby huffs and rubs the back of his neck. “The goal is to remain as close to the truth as you can. That way you will be able to remember the details a little better,” he pauses and presses his lips. “Just leave it to me. I will do the talking.”
I rub my forehead staring off into space. I’m nervous, yet, excited. The twins are thirteen months. They haven’t known more than myself, Toby, and the medical staff that’s becoming like family, with the amount of time we spend with them.
I nod my head. “Okay, okay, this will be good for the twins. They need more people in their lives. I can do this,” I say more to myself than Toby.
He stands, pulling me into his arms. He kisses the top of my head. “I know you can,” he murmurs. We’ll just keep taking it one day at a time.”
chapter Twenty-Eight
A little Relief
Kamara
I can’t stop smiling. I don’t remember when was the last time I’ve smiled this much. Telling Nellie about the twins was one of the best things we decided to do. She has been such a big help.
Her being around has made all the difference. TJ and Lulu love Nellie so much. They get so excited when she comes over.
Toby even seems to be less stressed out. Something has changed with him. All he has said to me is that he may have a way to fix all of this. He hasn’t said more than that.