by Sonia Tilson
Chapter 20
“Come and see the horses, Mom.” Neil said as they finished their coffee. “They’re just outside in the paddock.”
“How many horses do you have here?” his mom asked as they stood looking out at the door.
“Three horses, two big ponies, and a Shetland,” said Cheryl, coming up alongside them.
“And the donkey,” Neil said, “Benjamin.”
“You and that donkey!” Looking into the distance, Cheryl said, “Ken might be getting rid of the whole lot actually.”
Neil stared at her. “He’s going to sell them?” He felt his mouth twisting. “All of them?”
“Yup. Guess he has to,” Cheryl said. “Not enough money coming in.” She turned in Sasha’s direction to explain, still without looking at her: “The lady that owns that little quarter horse there, she’s finally gonna give up riding. And the girls those two paint ponies belong to need the money for university now. None of the little kids want to ride the Shetland no more, not since he wiped one of them off on a fence post. And now the owner of that big black one’s giving up on him too.”
“But what about Dude?” Neil asked, blinking furiously.
Cheryl smiled at him. “Don’t you worry about Dude, kid. Ken’s already found a good home for him, and you’ll be happy to hear that your precious Benjamin’s going with him. There’s a real nice girl that’s had her eye on Dude for the last year or so. Good little rider too. You know who I mean, Neil. Amelie. You were watching them jump in the ring last week.
He did know the girl. Small and slim, and a very competent rider; she’d looked good on Dude. It had even occurred to Neil as he watched that he might be getting a bit too tall for the horse. But of course he’d had no idea then what Ken had in mind.
Cheryl shrugged. “Nope, it looks like the end of the road for the stable, unless somebody buys the whole shebang,” she said. “Ken’s getting on a bit now anyways, and his arthritis sure ain’t getting any better. And me, I’m out of here just as soon as I can find work somewheres else.”
“You’re leaving?” Without either of them, how would Ken manage?
“Yup, I’m off. Me and Ken had a bit of a falling out Sunday night, after your accident.” She picked Keeper up for a rough cuddle.
Neil thought he’d heard raised voices in the kitchen that night. He had a pretty good idea what the fight was about.
“Tell my mom how Keeper saved me, Cheryl,” he said, looking hard at her and then glancing over at his mom and back, trying to convey that Cheryl should look at his mom when speaking to her.
As Cheryl proudly explained how brilliant Keeper had been, he saw how she began glancing over the dog’s head at his mom for approval.
But Neil had to know more about Ken selling up. He stretched his chin and swallowed. “What about Mackie?” he asked.
She grinned. “That little devil’s so darn cute, he’ll find an owner. Maybe he’d be better off anyways with just one rider.”
“And what about the cat?”
“Oh, she’ll survive. There’s plenty of mice in the barn.”
“But she’s pregnant. She needs looking after.” He looked at his mom. “Doesn’t she?”
Cheryl laughed, putting Keeper back down. “She’s had kittens before. She’ll manage just fine. She’s got a barn to live in, and plenty of fresh food running around for free. Ken knows she’s there, and I’ll check in on her from time to time.”
“Maybe,” Sasha said, looking up from Keeper, “if there’s a carrier here we could have, we could take the cat back home with us, if you’d like, Neil. It’s not such a long flight.”
He looked at her in amazement.
“Are you nuts?” said Cheryl. “Have you ever travelled with a cat? She’d yowl non-stop the whole darn way. And poop like you wouldn’t believe. I had to take her to the vet once, and I promise you, I’ll not be doing that again.”
“No, Mom,” Neil said, smiling, “Cheryl’s right. This cat isn’t tame and trusting like Perkins. He knows all about going in the car, but she’s half wild and she’d be terrified, and anyway it’s too long a trip. She’s definitely better off staying here.”
His mom sat back, looking relieved.
Cheryl got up. “Well, I better get back to work. Morning chores and all that.” Looking straight at Neil’s mom, she shook her hand warmly. “Take your time here, Sasha. No rush. It was real nice meeting you. Have a safe trip back.” Turning to Neil, she said, “Don’t forget us now.”
“No way.” He stood up. “And…well, thanks for everything, Cheryl.”
Balanced on one leg Neil gave her a clumsy hug, smelling the stable on her clothes and cigarette smoke in her hair. “Say goodbye and thank you to Luc for me,” he said, his good leg suddenly feeling shaky.
Chapter 21
The Linda rock loomed up in front of Neil and Sasha as they drove towards Saint John on their way to the airport. Neil saw his mom turn her head as they went by and remembered how he’d felt when he first saw those words. Had she ever felt like that about anyone, he wondered, that she would love them forever?
“What do you think about that?” he said from the back seat as they turned towards the highway. “Those words back there on the rock?”
In the rear-view mirror he saw her raise her eyebrows and blink while keeping her eyes on the road. “I think it’s beautiful,” she said over the thrum of the engine. Linda I will love you forever. It’s like a poem, with all those l’s and v’s and i’s and o’s.”
“No, I mean about the meaning. Seriously, can a person ever be as sure as that?”
“Oh yes,” she said, “of course they can.” She met his eyes in the mirror. “I know that’s how I felt about you the first time I saw you.”
He stiffened. He hadn’t expected she’d want to get into that stuff so soon.
While they waited to merge, she turned around to look at him. “Do you want to talk about that?”
He relaxed enough to shrug and look away. “In a bit, maybe,” he said.
They drove in silence until they were clear of Saint John. She looked around again. “Are you ready to talk?”
He pressed himself into the corner of the rear seat, zipped up his hoodie, and crossed his arms. He did want to know, of course. Everything. But not right now. Maybe she could put it in a letter or something, so that he could take it all in at his own pace when he was by himself. But he could tell from the set of her mouth and her nervous glances in the mirror that wasn’t going to happen. This was it. He closed his eyes. “If you want.”
“Jessica and I were in love,” she said, “but I had to leave her because I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t.”
“Oh. I see,” he said. He didn’t really, but he wanted to.
“I knew I had to change myself,” she went on, “not into someone totally different who no longer loved Jessica, but into the hidden person I’d been all along.”
“But what about when you were, like, my age?” he asked. “Were you a hidden person then?”
“I was confused by my feelings, but I mostly went along with what people expected of me. I was very good at pretending to be a boy, since I was tall and athletic and girls liked me.”
“Wasn’t there anyone you could talk to,” Neil asked, “like your parents?”
“Huh. Margaret was never unkind, but I couldn’t talk to her about those feelings, and I always felt that Ken was like my enemy, always onto me, watching me for any sign of girlishness.” She looked up at a hawk slowly circling over the field. “When I was little, he forced me to have a crewcut and threw away my teddy bear because he said I held it like a girl.”
“Oh, that’s awful, Mom. You didn’t have anyone at all?”
“No, not really. I couldn’t even really explain it to myself until I got old enough.”
“But you’ve got me now,�
� Neil said. “And Margaret.”
Sasha gave him a sad smile in the mirror.
He thought for a bit. “I’m sorry I was so rough on you, Mom,” he said. “I just didn’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me about my father, and I was getting madder and madder at you. I think I understand better now though.” He sat forward. “But what I don’t understand is why people are so mean about it all. I mean, if that’s the way you are, what’s the matter with that?”
She pulled over onto the soft shoulder and stopped the car. “I can’t believe I’m talking to you like this, Neil,” she turned to look at him, “so openly, and so much on the same wavelength. You’re like a different person.” She shuffled around to face him more squarely. “I’ll go back to all that later if you want, but let’s talk about you for a bit.” She held out her hand towards him. “Tell me what happened at Ken’s to cause such a change in your attitude toward me.”
This was easier. He shifted his cast and put a cushion behind his head before he described the accident on Dude and the frozen dream from which she’d made him wake up.
“That was when I realized,” he said, “that you were the only person in my whole life who cared at all about me, except for Margaret, I guess, and maybe…” he stopped and looked away. He wasn’t bringing Courtenay into this. Besides, she had just been a friend really.
“Except for…? Except for whom, Neil?” She paused. “Except for Ken?”
“Ken?” he laughed. “No way! Ken doesn’t give a hoot about me, or anyone really. Why would you ever think that?”
She shrugged, smiling. “Well…I guess I was afraid you’d see him as the father figure you’ve been searching for. And that he would see you as the son he never really had. To be honest, I was jealous and scared stiff, not only of losing you, but of losing you to him.”
“Well, you didn’t need to worry, Mom. Ken couldn’t be a father figure if he tried.” Neil frowned. “Honestly though, Mom, he should have stayed at the stable until you came. He should have been there for you.”
Sasha looked away across the fields. “He was never there for me,” she said. She narrowed her eyes. “Did he ever say anything to you about me?”
Neil decided not to go into that. “Not really. He just seemed uncomfortable with it all.” He sat up. “What’s the matter with him anyway? Why is he such a total jerk?”
“I don’t know, Neil. As far as I can remember, he’s always been like that. Margaret says he’s lost touch with his own feelings, perhaps because he’s afraid of them.” She looked at him. “In the end, it’s his choice. You can’t change people, they can only do that themselves.”
He raised his eyebrows and returned her look. He needed to get this straight.
“Mom, why did you lie to me?” he said.
After a long pause, she spoke, looking down at her lap: “I know it was hard for you, Neil. I was very wrong not to tell you the truth sooner. I’m sorry for the way I handled it. I kept telling myself that I should wait until you were older and could understand it all better.” She looked up at him. “And what would have been the right age, anyway, for you to learn about that? I didn’t know where to begin, and I was so alone in all this, and so horribly afraid of losing you, I just couldn’t do it.” She sighed. “I know all this must be terribly difficult for you, Neil, but please try to understand.”
He nodded seriously. “I am trying, Mom.”
***
They arrived at the small, neat airport just in time to return the car and have a lobster roll at the bistro before boarding the plane.
“It’s not so bad,” his mom said, after they’d buckled themselves into their cramped seats. “We’ll be home in time for dinner. Margaret will meet us at the airport.”
Neil’s stomach contracted. “Is Margaret still mad at me?”
Sasha smiled. “She’s over it. She wasn’t worried about the mess you left, she was worried about you. There was no real harm done. Just to our nerves!” She opened her purse and took out a bottle of painkillers. She swallowed one, then leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “I’m going to have a bit of a rest now.”
Coming here must have been very hard on her, Neil thought, trying to move his injured foot under the seat in front, especially so soon after her accident. No wonder she looked so pale. A sleep would do her good. He felt a bit sleepy himself and tried to get comfortable, putting his foot on Sasha’s carry-on bag under the seat ahead, and his head on one of the little pillows Sasha had asked for. The faint vibration and drone of the plane were soothing, and Neil felt calm inside as he closed his tired eyes.
“Cabin crew, prepare for landing,” came a sudden loud announcement over the speaker.
As the flight attendant came down the aisle, checking seat belts and reminding people to lift their trays, Neil looked out the window at Ottawa. His new city was getting closer by the moment, and he realized, with some surprise, that he was looking forward to getting back to his life here.
He braced for landing, ready to step back into his new home.
Chapter 22
Feet up on the squishy red couch, Neil was deep into Great Expectations, at the part about the cobwebby wedding cake with the blotchy spiders running in and out of it, when his cellphone rang.
“Hi, Neil.” The voice sounded familiar. “This is Hiu. Remember me? We used to sit together in French. They told me at school that you’d broken your ankle but you’d be back soon.”
“Oh, hey Hiu,” said Neil. “How’s it going?”
“Pretty good. I just wanted to say hi, and to ask if you feel like getting together at the mall after school.”
“Today?” Neil sat up. He would love to meet Hiu again. It seemed years since he’d talked to anyone his own age.
“Sure. We could meet at the food court at, say, four o’clock, and hang out for a bit. Are you up for that?”
“That sounds great.”
“Cool. Maybe Courtenay could come too. I know she’d like to see you, since you practically lived next door to each other for a bit, didn’t you? Are you okay with that?”
“Uh…sure.”
“Okay great, I’ll ask her. See you soon.”
He would have preferred to take his own time about meeting Courtenay, but the sooner the better. If she didn’t turn up, he’d get the message. He settled back down to his book and had just got to the bit where the beautiful Estella turns up her nose at Pip for being a rough, common boy, when the doorbell rang. Compared to the stable, life was a social frenzy here, he thought as he got up to answer it.
“Hello, Neil. It’s good to see you again.” The small pretty woman standing on the doorstep smiled at him. “I’m Julie. Do you remember me? We met in the hospital.”
Sure,” he said. It was his mom’s nice nurse. Was she here for a home check-up? He opened the door wider. “Would you like to come in?”
“No, I won’t, thanks. I’m in a bit of a rush. I just wanted to leave a message for Sasha since her phone is turned off. Would you tell her that I’m sorry, but there’s been a change of shifts so I won’t be able to swing by this afternoon?”
“Yeah,” he said, “I’ll tell her.”
“Thanks Neil, I’ll see you again soon, I’m sure.”
He stood in the doorway and watched as she climbed into a light blue car and took off.
So, his mom had invited Julie to visit them that afternoon? Could this mean something? He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
Apart from the pain in his ankle, Neil had to admit he was very comfortable here in this bright colourful house, with his mom once again “waiting on him hand and foot,” as Ken and Cheryl would put it. It was quite a change from his life at the stable.
Neil missed the animals, of course, especially Dude and Keeper, but he knew very well that he was finally in a good place. He was glad to be back, glad to be returning to school soon, es
pecially now that Hiu had called him. Most of all, he was happy to be in a much better relationship with his mom.
“All I want to do now,” she had said, “is to look after you and try to make it up to you.” At the time, he’d thought this sounded great, but maybe this thing with Julie was good. Could be it was time his mom had a life of her own.
***
“Hey, man! Welcome back!” Hiu clapped Neil on the back, grinning. “How are you doing? You were pretty easy to spot.” He pointed at Neil’s crutches. “Let’s go over there for you to be safer.” They moved around a corner to be out of the crush of kids. “How long do you have to be on those?”
“Not sure,” Neil said. “Tomorrow I get to see the doctor about ordering a special boot that’s supposed to make getting around a lot easier. I’ll be back at school on Monday.”
“That’s great. How long will your ankle take to heal?”
“The doctor in Saint John said it should mend perfectly and quickly if I’m careful and don’t rush it. But it’s going to take another six weeks at least, and then I’ll still have to go slow.”
“Sounds good, though. Do you think you’ll be up for track and field by the summer? We were both going to try out, remember?”
“Yeah, I hope so. I want to play soccer too, later, next year maybe, when my ankle’s better.”
“Me too. Come on, let’s get in line for a drink. Courtenay will be here any minute.”
“Great…” he grinned at Hiu. “Listen. I’ll get it. My mom gave me some money. She’s going to pick me up at five because she thinks the bus would be difficult with these.” He shifted the crutch.
“Hi guys.” Courtenay appeared in front of them in her long black coat. “How are you doing, Neil?” She looked just the same, except a bit neater. Her hair was fastened back and looked a lot tidier, and the dangling button on her coat had been fixed. She was smiling at him.