by Adriana Ryan
“We shouldn’t keep her around,” the third man says, tugging on his long, oily ponytail. “It’s not safe. They’re going to be looking for a broad in a Guard uniform on the run. We’re going to be even more of a target.”
“And what do you propose we do, then?” Drew asks. His lips are thick and pouty for a man, and his eyes are a curious silvery-gray. I try not to stare at them.
“Finish her off, boss. Quick and easy.” The third man is especially hairy, the kind of man who revels in his own stench and bodily functions. He winks at me, as if he’s made a flattering comment instead of suggested Drew kill me.
Drew approaches me, pokes my jaw with his rifle so I turn my head. He inspects me up and down. “She might be of use to us yet.” He prods my stomach with his rifle next. “Cross us and we kill both you and your baby. Hear?”
I nod.
“You sure you wanna trust the broad, chief?” the squat man asks.
“Carlos, will you relax?” Drew laughs. “Look at the size of her. And she said she’s pregnant. Do you see any weapons?”
“No,” the hairy man says, leering at me. “But I could do a strip search if you want.”
Drew turns with lightning speed and decks him on the jaw. “Show some respect, Nathan.” Then, turning to me, he says, “You’ll have to forgive my boys. They’re not used to being around ladies like yourself.”
I try to keep my head, think on my feet. But I’m so very hungry. And the front and back of my throat seem to be sticking together in the heat. “Do you think I could have some water?”
“Of course. How rude of me. Carlos, get Vika some water, would you?”
The squat man hands me a steel mug of water. I drink it in one long gulp and hand it back. “Thank you.” I smile weakly to show him I’m willing to cooperate.
Drew chews on his lip. “What happened with Tomas’s great mission?”
“As I said, we got ambushed halfway to Toronto. Someone must have tipped off the Escorts. I had to run, but the rest of them—” I swallow, a terrible pain in my throat clogging the words. Finally, I just shake my head.
Drew looks at the others. “Alright. Well, it’s clear we can’t let her run off into the desert. Might as well just shoot her here if we do that. Nathan, set up the other tent about ten feet back behind the cluster of trees we looked at before, will ya?”
Nathan stares at me, as if pondering arguing with Drew. To him, I’m as much a waste of space and resources as a danger to them. Finally, apparently deciding the argument wouldn’t be worth it, he picks up a bag and walks outside.
“He wants you to follow him,” Drew says, smiling apologetically. “Why don’t you go get comfortable, take a nap or something, and we’ll see you back here in a few? Carlos will come get you when it’s time to eat.”
My stomach growls, but I bite my tongue and resist asking for food. I can’t afford to antagonize these men, my only potential allies. If I am to survive, I will need to ingratiate myself to them and their mission, whatever it might be. And maybe after I help them accomplish whatever they want, they will help me free my sister and Shale.
I follow Nathan.
Nathan sets up my tent without speaking once. I am in a shaded spot behind a copse of spiny, sharp-leaved trees. When the canvas structure is up, he tosses a few supplies into a bag and turns to me.
“There’s some water and nuts to eat. Try to hang on to ’em. They’re all you’ll get for the next few days besides what scraps we save at the big tent.” And he leaves.
I sink down onto the mat he’s laid out for me and curl into a ball. I try to drift off to sleep, but between the stifling heat and the sound of gunfire permeating my dreams, I can’t accomplish it. After about fifteen minutes, I decide to get out of the sweltering hotbox and take a walk. Maybe I can formulate a concrete plan or at least a deal to negotiate with Drew.
I crawl into a thicket of bushes to relieve myself. My bladder releases painfully, and I wince. I must remember to listen to my body more now that I am pregnant, especially since I won’t be getting any prenatal care for a while. I zip my skirt back up and am about to reemerge into the clearing when I hear footsteps approaching. I still.
“Can’t believe this bullshit.” It’s Nathan.
“Ah, she’s just one woman. It’ll be okay. We won’t be keeping her around for long.”
“You kiddin’ me? You see the look on Drew’s face when he saw her? He practically fuckin’ came in his pants, man.” He spits.
“Chill. Maybe he’ll realize we don’t have a whole lotta food to go ’round and kick her out. Maybe we can drive her out to Toronto with us, let her find her own way after that.” A sound of skittering rocks as they walk.
A grunt. “Don’t know about that. She’s just going to fuck up the plan. We travel with her, we’re a walking bull’s-eye.”
“Yo, boys! You comin’ back sometime this year or what?” It’s Drew.
Nathan curses, and Carlos yells out, “Yeah, boss! Comin’.”
Their footsteps recede as they walk back to the big tent.
When I haven’t heard them for a few moments, I come out and look around. I’m alone. I go back to my tent for a drink of water, and to think. What did Carlos mean about giving me a ride to Toronto? Why are they going to Toronto? Whatever it is, I need to find out quickly, before they decide to leave me behind. They could be my passage to Toronto. One thing is clear: I need to ingratiate myself to Drew. The other men seem to consider him the leader.
I decide not to ponder too deeply about the other things the men mentioned. I can’t afford fear.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
When Carlos comes to get me for lunch, I make sure to have my hair finger-combed and my clothes dusted off. The heat is oppressive here in the desert, more so than in the city. There is not much rain out here, and I’m struck but how much the climate changes in just a few hours’ travel.
In the big tent, the men have made an effort to clean up. A cot is laid out with a fresh sheet, and they’ve set out dried fruits, some fresh water, and oats for me.
“It’s not much, but I figured you might need all you could get with the baby on the way,” Drew says.
“Thank you.” I take a piece and chew. “It’s delicious.” And it is. It’s not the food I’m used to in Ursa, but it’s food nonetheless. Energy for me and the baby as we make our way north, hopefully soon. “What are you all doing camped out here?”
“We’re making our way to Toronto,” Drew answers. Nathan darts him a look as if to question his wisdom in divulging this information to me, but he is ignored.
“I see. And what business have you there?” I eat a dried peach.
Drew runs his fingers through his ponytail. “We’ve got a mission of our own. If you prove yourself to us, we might include you. We appreciate a woman who can show she’s got some humanity left, you know, not like the government. Treating all men like we’re worthless rats.”
I rush to fill the uncomfortable silence that follows his remark. “What about the physical test? Have you taken it?”
“The physical fitness test is not open to members of the Rads. And especially not those who’ve been shot.”
The men glare at me, as if I’ve made those rules myself. I concentrate on chewing. Plenty of Rads are unhappy with the way men are treated in our society, and they don’t like women. Drew doesn’t seem anything like those Rads, but it is better to be silent when you’re unsure.
“What about Shale?” Drew says. “Where is he now?”
Shale’s face flashes in my brain and I have to stop chewing to bring the pain under control. When I can speak, I say, “He was on the bus.”
The men are silent as they digest this bit of information.
“I see,” Drew says at last. “And you, Vika? Why were you on that bus? Why be involved in this at all, and risk your life?”
“My sister was taken to the Asylum in Toronto eight years ago. I want to get her out.” I blink and look away.
&nbs
p; “A noble quest,” Drew says. Nathan snorts quietly, but Carlos continues eating in silence. It is hard to get a read on him and it makes me nervous.
“Thank you,” I reply. “But I don’t think it’s noble, simply something I must do. Something I should have done years before. With the rioting, it is only more difficult now, for both me and her.”
“Then you should be thanking your stars you’ve found us,” Drew says. He smiles and raises his glass. “To new friends.”
I respond politely with a “Hear,” as I’ve been taught to do. But as I flash a glance at Carlos and Nathan’s pinched expressions, I wonder if they feel the same way.
I make sure to eat every last bite of my oats and fruit, because I do not know when I will eat so well again. I can’t entrust my wellbeing to these Rads, even though the temptation to view them as friends is great because of the kindness Drew shows me. But Nathan and Carlos are clearly not as enthused about my joining up with them, and if they choose to, they could likely convince Drew to abandon me.
Drew watches me, a small smile on his face. “Knowing you from Ursa makes me feel like we can count on you.”
My heart beats faster, hope blooming painfully in my chest. I need them to trust me.
“To tell you the truth, the boys and I have been working on our plan for a long time. And I think you could be of help to us. The other countries are less likely to turn away people when they have a female with them, I’ve been told, and especially a soon-to-be mother.” He licks his fingers clean of the sticky fruit and sits back.
I still. “What do you mean, other countries?”
“We’re planning on escaping, Vika. New Amana’s going to shit, if you haven’t noticed.” He gestures at my disheveled appearance.
“Yes, but…you haven’t qualified for emigration vouchers, surely?”
All three men laugh.
“Listen to her!” Nathan says. “So proper. A good upbringing for sure. Emigration vouchers.” He shakes his head.
“We’re taking the, ah, back way to Asia.” Drew winks. “We’re stowing away on the next ship at the harbor in Toronto. China isn’t the only country over there, ya know. Asia’s a big place. Lots of space to spread out.”
I shake my head, unable to process this. “But the security at the Harbor is meticulous. If you get caught…it’s punishable by death.”
“I think we’ll be okay. The boys and I have been through a lot.” Drew doesn’t look at all concerned. I wonder if it is bravery or stupidity.
“I see. Well, I wish you the best of luck.” I smile to show them I’m supportive of their plan.
“You’re coming with us, aren’t you?” Drew asks.
“I’m afraid I can’t. I have to free my sister and find Shale.”
“Ah, but your sister is in Toronto, isn’t she?” Drew sips at his water.
“Yes.”
“Then we’ll take her too. And Shale, of course. I’ll find out where they’ve taken him.” He doesn’t add “and whether he’s alive,” for which I am immensely grateful.
“But how? I mean…they obviously knew about Tomas’s plan. They’ll be on the lookout for more Rads. Besides, they know she’s my sister. They’ve probably got her under special obser—”
Drew holds up a hand. “Please. It’s much too hot to get all worked up. Believe me, Vika, when I say that I have the means to get to your sister. I have connections everywhere.” He smiles, his eyes roaming my face. “And for someone as beautiful as you, I’d lay them all on the line.”
I try to feel gratitude, or relief, but all I feel is a nudging worry at the edge of my mind. Drew is so eager to reassure me, to be kind. But why?
CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
The nights are cold here, much colder than they were in Ursa. After the arid heat of the day, my body is in shock. I curl up on the mat, hunching down into myself in an attempt to retain body heat. I hear the occasional croak and whisper of night creatures moving about their business, and I want to cry at the normalcy of it. At their innocence. I can hardly believe my plight. How can life go on when my world has been toppled off its axis?
There is rustling right outside my tent. I sit up to listen. It sounds like a large animal, and I feel around in the darkness, wondering if there is anything I can use as a weapon. If only Drew hadn’t taken my prod. The flap opens, my heart is in my mouth, and then I exhale.
It’s Drew, with a wool blanket. His eyes gleam in the meager light from the stars. “I thought you might be cold.” He lets the flap close behind him, and we are bathed in darkness again. I feel his body heat.
I take the blanket, wrap it around me. “Thank you. I didn’t realize the desert got so cold at night.”
I feel Drew’s weight settle by my feet. “Yes, it’s rather different from Ursa.”
I wait. I can feel there’s something else behind his words, something he’s trying to edge out. When he grabs my wrist, I am confused. When his other hand pushes between my thighs, I kick at him. My mind reels, unable to grasp what’s happening.
Then his face is near mine, and I smell alcohol on his breath. “Don’t you want to find your sister?”
I still. “Yes. And you need me to gain entrance to Asia. So we’re even.”
He laughs, puffs of fetid fumes fanning over my face. “Not quite, sweetheart. I had to say that, didn’t I, so you wouldn’t wonder why I was so damn friendly? We don’t need you like you need us. There are three of us, hearty, tough boys. And one of you, on the lam, wanted by your government. Play nice, and I’ll take care of ya.” He leans in close, malice dancing in his eyes. “Besides, this is the least you could do for me after runnin’ your mouth off to Tomas, getting me kicked out of the group.”
I blink at him, confused. “Running my mouth? I didn’t—I didn’t tell Tomas anything.”
“So he just happened to know I fucked up, forgot to contact that bitch Celeste? Naw. You come around, next thing I know I’m gettin’ shot. Gossipy little bitch.” He pushes my skirt up, and I swipe at his face, my nails digging deep into his skin, tearing it. He curses and pushes back. Then he grabs my arm, twisting the flesh.
“Don’t be stupid.” His fist digs into my stomach. “Do you want me to make it so you can never have another kid again?”
Fear is a tight knot in my throat. A whimper escapes my mouth, all that I’m able to muster in response.
Drew pushes me down, his fist still against my stomach. I lie still.
“That’s it,” he mutters as he pushes my skirt up to my hips. “Lie there and let me do the work. Just like when Shale put that baby inside you. Think of it as an apology.”
I don’t cry. I don’t fight. I stop being.
I recline there all night, unaware of Drew, unaware of my own body, unaware of the night shifting to the inky blueness of early dawn. Finally, someone pulls my tent flap back.
I’m surprised to see a chink of sunlight fall across my face and my tent empty. When did Drew leave?
Nathan’s face is in the entrance. “Hey, you ’bout ready to wake up? It’s ten and I really got to take a piss.”
I sit up and rub my numb face. It feels swollen. “What?”
“I’ve been watching your tent all night, but I gotta go take a leak. Why don’t you come with me to the big tent and get some breakfast? Drew said he wanted to talk to you.”
I follow him, my body stiff and awkward. Something trickles down the inside of my leg. I check to make sure it’s not blood. It’s milky white, so I keep walking. Nathan deposits me in view of Drew and Carlos and heads off to the bushes.
“Join us!” Drew gestures genially at the fruit on the cot. “You sleep well?”
Carlos watches me intently. I don’t say anything. I walk toward the cot and sit on my knees on the floor, my hands folded into my lap, staring at nothing at all.
Drew pops a piece of fruit into his mouth and chews, looking at me the whole time. Finally, he swallows and says, “Sulking irritates me.”
I know I should say
something. I know I should react. But I cannot. I am simply, utterly tapped out. I am empty.
“You hear me?”
I do. But I can’t raise my eyes to him. My eyeballs feel heavy; they are made of lead.
Drew grabs my jaw with his hand and forces my chin upward until I look at him. “Don’t anger me.” To Carlos, he says, “Take this bitch back to her tent.”
Carlos hauls me up by the arm and marches me to my tent. “You’d better straighten up,” he mutters. “Drew likes women who do what he says.”
I curl up on my mat and lie there, staring at the canvas. The heat settles on me, heavy and still.
An unknown amount of time later, Nathan is back. “You ready to go talk to Drew? He says you can’t eat until you apologize to him.”
I don’t say anything. I wonder if I’ve melted into the surface of the mat. The tent flap closes and Nathan is gone.
My head begins to swim with the heat. I think, I need water. The baby needs water. I stand up, go outside. I look at Carlos, who is standing guard.
“I need water,” I say. At least, I think I say it. Carlos frowns, asks me something, but I can’t hear him. The world goes white.
I fall.
CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR
I’m back in my tent when I open my eyes. It’s dark, and Carlos is crouched next to me.
“Here,” he says, holding a cup to my lips. “Drink this.”
My lips feel glued together. When I stretch them, the skin tears, and I taste the tang of blood. I gulp at the water greedily.
“Not too much.” Carlos pulls it back. “You’ll get sick.”
“What happened?” My voice is thin, like the papery dried out husk of rice.
“You fainted.” He looks away. I can only make out his silhouette in the gloom. “Look, you need your rest. Don’t come out of this tent, you hear? I’ll bring you some food later.”