Jocelyn was relieved that Denny left out the intimate details, but it was obvious from the brunette’s blushing face that the three of them had enjoyed each other thoroughly. But before the night had ended, Gabe’s defenses had finally crumbled, and he’d admitted that he was as in love with Denny as she was with him—and that was when Jonah had made himself scarce. It almost made Jocelyn feel sorry for him, which was weird, seeing as how he’d undoubtedly had a good time. But it had to have felt lonely, leaving Gabe and Denny behind all starry-eyed and in love with each other, vowing that they would be faithful to one another from that night on, while he went home alone.
Though, knowing Jonah, he’d probably just headed over to his sex club and lost himself in an endless stream of beautiful women, fucking his cares away. The thought made her frown, and she started when Denny reached over and placed her soft hand on top of hers. “Are we okay, Jace? Because it would kill me to lose you as a friend over this.”
Turning her hand over, she gave Denny’s a gentle squeeze and tried to curl her lips in an understanding smile. “We’re good. I just…I guess my feelings are more involved than I realized, because it felt like someone had kicked me in the chest when I read that message.”
Denny got that hopeful look again that made Jocelyn want to groan. “Don’t you think that’s a sign? The universe is trying to tell you to go for him. That none of that other crud—like past hurts and reputations—really matters. Not when there’s a chance you could be with the one you want.”
“You make it sound so much easier than it actually is.”
Shaking her head, Denny gave a soft, wry laugh. “Trust me, Jace. I know all about fear and heartache and not believing that things will work out. But all you really need to ask yourself right now is, ‘Do I want him?’ If the answer is yes, then you have to shove all that other stuff aside and ignore it.”
Feeling like her heart was on the verge of pounding straight out of her chest, she wet her lips again and somehow found the strength to admit, “I do want him, Den. I want him in a way that I’ve never wanted any other man.” Denny started to give her a bright smile, but Jocelyn held up her hand, saying, “Don’t look at me like that, because it’s not that simple. If anything, he’d only be interested in a brief affair, and I don’t think I can do that.”
Denny opened her mouth, no doubt to argue in Jonah’s defense, but Jocelyn kept talking. “It’s not that I can’t see myself having sex with a man who doesn’t love me. Despite what he thinks, I’m not a prude, and I’m sure as hell not that naive. But I…I don’t know that I could do it when love…when it’s not even a possibility,” she explained awkwardly, her fingers fiddling nervously with a cocktail napkin. “When the idea of a future is taken off the table so completely, what’s left just sounds…cold. It might feel good for a short time, but then I have a feeling it would be even lonelier than not having a man at all.”
“I can understand that,” Denny murmured. And then, looking a little perplexed, she asked, “But why do you think Jonah doesn’t believe in love?”
“Because he basically told me so.”
Denny’s eyes went wide, and she looked like she wanted to pump her fist in the air. “Wow, you’ve really got him scrambling.”
Wondering what Denny thought there was to be so excited about, Jocelyn finished off her wine, then set her empty glass back on the table. “I asked him how he explained you and Gabe—the fact that you’re both so obviously in love with each other—and he said that the two of you are ‘a rare exception to the rule.’”
Denny gave a feminine snort. “Bullshit. I’m not buying it.” Leaning closer, she lowered her voice and said, “That night…God, Jace, I was so scared. I could have bailed at any moment on our way to Gabe’s apartment. And do you know what Jonah said to me? He said, ‘I know it isn’t just lust, because whenever you set eyes on him, your pulse quickens and you have this tearing little ache in your heart.’ Does that sound like a man who doesn’t believe in love?”
“Then why the mind games?” she asked, feeling more confused than she had at the start of this conversation.
“I’ve said from the beginning that I think you scare the hell out of him,” Denny admitted with a touch of triumph. Then her expression turned more serious, her brows drawn into a slight frown. “And this might not be something I should say, but I also think that Jonah’s, um, ‘extracurricular activities’ are a lot more extreme than he ever let on to Gabe. They’re best friends, but I think he believes Gabe wouldn’t understand, or that he’d lecture him constantly about how he deserves more, and so he’s kept that part of his life separate. But it’s there, and it presents its own set of complications.”
Wishing she didn’t have to drive home so that she could have another small glass of wine, she asked, “Are you talking about the club?”
With a little nod, Denny said, “You’ve heard about it?”
“Briefly,” she admitted, feeling a blush come on again. “And from what he’s told me, I know he likes to perform for a crowd.” Among other things…
Denny was damn near scowling now. “Gabe knows about Vane—that’s the club’s name—but I don’t think he realized until recently just how much time Jonah spends there. Or how little he dates outside the club’s membership, if at all.”
It was impossible not to feel dejected by that little bit of news. “No wonder he thinks I’m a prude.”
“Bullshit,” Denny said again, looking as protective as a mama bear with her cubs. “He might spout that crap, but it isn’t true. The guy thinks you’re freaking amazing. It’s blindingly obvious every time he’s in a room with you. When you’re not looking at him, his eyes are glued to you with so much hunger, it’s almost too much to take in.”
Oh yeah, she was definitely blushing now. “I, uh…I find that hard to believe. Especially after today. I mean, he made it clear that he wants to have sex with me—but he also said some things that were pretty awful.”
Sounding far wiser than her years, Denny said, “Just remember that pain can be expressed in a lot of different ways. Sometimes even as a smart-ass smile or a nasty remark. But you can always see the truth in a person’s eyes.”
She swallowed, thinking of Jonah’s dark, stormy eyes, and listened as Denny went on. “Jonah wears his scars on the inside. But just because you can’t see them as clearly as Gabe’s, doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Or that they aren’t as damaging. So if he mouths off like a big ol’ jerk, just know that it’s more of a defense mechanism than how he really feels.” With a grin suddenly kicking up the corner of her mouth, and her eyes twinkling, she added, “Though you should definitely give him a ton of crap for it.”
Jocelyn had never heard anyone mention Gabriel Harrison’s scars before, and it was on the tip of her tongue to ask how he’d gotten them. Particularly the painful-looking bastard that cut into his upper lip. But as someone who valued her privacy, she would never do anything to impede on Gabe’s. So all she said was, “Okay. I’ll…I’ll think about everything that you’ve said.”
Looking genuinely relieved, Denny gave her a sweet smile. “If you ever need to talk, you know I’m always here.”
“Thanks, Den.” She took a quick breath, then tried not to wince as she said, “And about the message. Would you mind not saying anything about it to anyone? I wouldn’t ask you to keep a secret from Gabe, but I don’t…I don’t think I could stand right now for Jonah to know that I know.”
It was clear from Denny’s expression that she’d just put her friend in a difficult position, and Jocelyn was on the verge of taking it back, when Denny said, “All right. But I can only promise you a week, Jace. Because whoever sent that text, they didn’t do it out of the kindness of their heart. They’re trying to cause trouble, and Gabe needs to know.”
“Okay. You’re right. A week…a week will be perfect,” she lied, fully aware that in seven days she wouldn’t be any closer to knowing how to handle what she’d learned. But she was grateful for the rep
rieve.
“Ah, here’s my sexy fiancé now,” Denny said with an unmistakable note of pleasure, waving her hand to get Gabe’s attention.
Scars or no scars, Gabriel Harrison was a prime example of masculine perfection, turning heads left and right as he made his way toward them through the crowded bar. “Hey beautiful,” he said to Denny as soon as he’d reached their table. He leaned over and gave her a brief, but swoon-worthy kiss, before nodding at Jocelyn. “Hi Jace.”
“Hi Mr. Harrison.”
He sighed as if he were getting ready to say something he’d said a thousand times before. “Gabe, Jace. Please call me Gabe.”
“Right. Sorry.”
He took the seat closest to his fiancée, and Jocelyn couldn’t help but notice the way the table’s overhead light played over the painful scar on his mouth. But the brutal mark was softened by the emotion in his gray eyes whenever he looked at Denny. It was, to use Denny’s phrase, “blindingly obvious” that these two were crazy about each other, and she couldn’t imagine the possessive alpha sharing his woman with any man, let alone his best friend. So she could easily believe Denny’s assertion that it had been a one-time thing, and wouldn’t ever happen again.
But as for Denny’s heartfelt recommendation on Jonah Cartwright’s character—the jury was still out on that one. The fact that Jocelyn could feel how strongly she wanted to buy into Denny’s beliefs just made her even warier. She’d been burned too badly in the past, her judgment taking too brutal a hit—so she found it difficult now to put herself out there and take the risk. Any risk.
And yet, she couldn’t help but hear Rey’s voice in her head, telling her to stop hiding from life and get on with it already. To loosen up and let herself have some pleasure and fun, even if it wasn’t with a forever kind of guy.
If those were her requirements—pleasure and fun—then Jonah was a hell of a choice, if he were willing to make it just the two of them, without the “watching” eyes of others. And if she overlooked the fact that she worked for his company. Could she sleep with him, for however many times it lasted, and then continue to work with him once he’d moved on? That was something she’d have to give more thought to.
Because the sad fact of the matter was that no other man had ever affected her like him. Desire wasn’t a choice—it was chemistry. You didn’t get to pick and choose who you were attracted to, only what you did about that attraction.
“You ladies look like you needed the drinks,” Gabe said, draping his arm over the back of Denny’s chair, his long fingers playing with her beautiful hair. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine,” Denny assured him with a strained smile. “Jonah’s just…well, being Jonah.”
Gabe gave another weary sigh. “What’d he do this time?”
“He—” Catching Jocelyn’s “Please don’t say anything” look, Denny snapped her mouth shut, cutting herself off.
Gabe frowned as he looked from one to the other. “I can’t fix the problem if no one will tell me what it is.”
Denny leaned over and kissed his cheek as she patted his chest. “As much as I love your protective nature, this is something that Jocelyn needs to handle on her own.”
He clearly didn’t like it, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he simply looked at Jocelyn, his deep voice all rumbly and low as he told her, “I’ll let it go for now—but if you need us, you just give us a call. Anytime.”
“I will,” she promised. “And thanks.”
“You’re a great employee, Jace, and you’ve become a friend. Neither of us wants you in a position that’s unbearable. So the moment you feel that way, you let me know and I’ll find someone else to work with him on this deal. I’d hate to lose you on it, but I’m more concerned with keeping you at Atlas.”
She thanked him again, and was finally able to relax in a way that she hadn’t been able to for the past few days. Knowing that her job would be safe no matter what meant a lot—as did the realization that this amazing couple had her back, no matter how close they were to Jonah.
In that moment, Jocelyn knew that she could open her mouth, ask to be reassigned, and Gabe would make it happen. Just a few easy words, and all the tension and uncertainty that Jonah Cartwright put her through would be in the past. Things could go back to how they’d been before, when she did her best to avoid him, rarely running into him at the office.
And yet, she didn’t say anything. She just sat back in her chair and talked with Denny and Gabe about the wedding they were planning in April, and where they would be spending Christmas and New Year’s.
She was taking a leap. One that she was completely unprepared for, but willing to see through, wanting to know where it could take her. Needing to know where she might land.
And hoping against hope that she was still in one piece when her feet hit the ground.
CHAPTER SEVEN
For the past week, Jonah had been in a completely new kind of hell. And now this.
As Jocelyn walked into his office and stopped in front of his desk, her attention focused on her bag as she set it beside one of the leather chairs, all he could think was red would have made more sense. After all, red was the color a matador used to provoke a bull. And given how on edge he felt, the bull analogy was pretty accurate.
But since when had the color blue been enough to incite such an extreme response? Christ, he was so fucking hard he was surprised he hadn’t burst through the fly of his trousers.
A rich, smoky shade, the blue dress currently decorating her mouthwatering body was all soft and wispy, with a cut that was somehow as provocative as it was conservative. Sleeveless and cinched in at the waist with a sash, the hem reaching just above her knees, it was a goddamn cock-tease. And his cock was most definitely paying attention, along with every other part of him.
Yeah, the woman had him completely twisted up and knocked back on his ass, and now Jonah didn’t have a clue what was going on.
He’d started the week by apologizing for the things he’d said to her in his office last Friday, his snide remarks having weighed on him heavily over the weekend. She’d graciously accepted, and then they’d gotten on with their work. For the first few hours, she’d been fairly quiet, but as Jonah let her get comfortable and didn’t push her, she’d slowly begun to relax. Her personality had started to shine through then, and damn. He’d found it as addictive as her beauty. Her scent. Her taste.
Every single time she made eye contact with him, he wanted to fall on her like a ravenous beast and gobble her up in one delicious, satisfying bite. But he’d sensed that he needed to give her some breathing room if he wanted her to stick around, and so he’d choked back the gut-clawing lust, and had actually taken the time to get to know her.
And now he was in a world of hurt unlike anything he’d ever experienced. Because not only did he want to fuck this woman in a way that would probably end with broken furniture, claw marks, and orgasms that left them both physically destroyed, but he genuinely liked her. A lot. She might be shy, but once she started to feel at ease with a person, she was a fucking riot. Sharp, witty, and a hell of a lot of fun to talk to. It was obvious that she had a love of technology, but she was also keen to discuss a variety of topics, from music and movies to current events and politics, always willing to argue for what she believed in, but with an open mind to different opinions.
They’d worked well together all day on Tuesday, though she was still a bit skittish with him. And then, on Wednesday, he’d stood up for her during a meeting, after one of the pompous lawyers at Fillmore made a shitty comment when Jocelyn had pointed out a mistake in their data, and everything…changed. When the lawyers had left, and it’d been just the two of them in the conference room, she’d thanked him and given him the most blindingly beautiful smile he’d ever seen, and Jonah’s fucking heart had nearly stopped. Right there, in the middle of a goddamn workday, he’d found himself rubbing at the center of his chest, wondering what in the hell he was going to do about the girl.
“If making some dickhead lawyer eat his words is what it takes to put that look on your face,” he’d told her, unable to take his eyes off that amazing smile, “then I would have done it a long time ago.”
Her cheeks had turned pink when she gave an embarrassed shake of her head. “It just feels good to know that someone has your back.”
He’d smiled back at her, thinking, I’d like to have your back and front and everything in between, baby. Just say the word.
Unfortunately, it was Friday now and she still hadn’t said it. Hadn’t given him any indication that she was ready to act on the scorching attraction that burned so fiercely between them it damn near crackled. But Jonah’s current plan was to be patient, even if it destroyed him. Which, from the way his cock was aching, he figured just might be the end result.
“Good morning,” he murmured, casting her a friendly, admiring look as she sat across from him and fired up her laptop. “I love your hair like that,” he added, not trusting himself to mention the dress. “You look beautiful today.”
“Thanks.” She lifted her hand, running her slender fingers through the silky locks that seemed a bit curlier than usual. “I try, but I’m pretty hopeless at doing anything with it.”
His chest shook with a quiet laugh. “I have a feeling you aren’t hopeless at anything, Jace. You’re too smart and driven.” And gorgeous. So goddamn gorgeous it almost hurts to look at you.
As if she’d heard those silently growled words, she stared at him for a heated moment, then looked back down at her computer, her lower lip caught provocatively in her teeth and the color in her face a bit brighter than it’d been before.
Thankfully, his phone rang before he could say anything to get himself in trouble, and Jonah took the call while Jocelyn finished getting the software she’d designed for the Fillmore deal ready for him to evaluate.
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