by L A Cotton
I answered him with silence. I wasn't here to talk about Lo. As far as I was concerned she was off limits, separate to the ties that bound me to Dex.
“I get it, my man. You want to protect her from the bullshit. Keep her out of that world.” He dragged a lungful of smoke into his chest. “But you know one day they’ll cross paths and then what?”
My fingers scraped along my jaw, over and over, as his words sunk into my bones. He was right. Of course, he was fucking right. I’d seen to that when I took her to the warehouse. I’d already brought her into that world. Only then, I hadn’t known what she was to me. Not really. Sure, I'd felt the pull, but I didn’t ever plan on making her mine. Or maybe I had. Shit. I didn’t know which way was up lately. Between things with Lo and my father, and Caitlin and JB, and with graduation right around the corner, my life was freefalling.
“How is the old man?” Dex asked as if he could hear my thoughts.
My eyes snapped to his, narrowing with contempt. Dex didn’t know the whole story but he knew enough.
“Easy, Prince. It’s just a question but from the death stare you’re throwing my way I’ll go out on a limb and say things are still pretty fucked up.”
“Something like that,” I mumbled forcing down the dark urges swarming my chest.
“Some of the guys said you annihilated Suffolk.”
I flexed my fingers. In and out. The marks were barely visible now, but I knew I was sporting a pretty gruesome bruise around my eye. “He knew what he was getting when he stepped into the ring.”
“Yeah, but the last man standing match? You’ve got to be more careful, man.”
Silence stretched out before us. Dex knew the score. We didn’t fight for fame or fortune. We fought because we had to. Because we needed a release—a way to tame the beast.
“Selina’s worried,” I said, cutting the quiet and he shifted uncomfortably.
“I know but she doesn’t get it.” He blew out smoke rings. “No one does.”
“Have you tried talking to her?”
“Talking’s not my style, you know that.”
Another thing we had in common.
“You’re keeping up with classes though?”
“Yes, Mom,” he mocked stubbing out his smoke. “I can’t switch it off. I’ve tried. It’s in me, man. In me deep. I’m different. I have been ever since…” Dex stared off at nothing, lost to his memories.
I only knew this Dex. The guy he became after losing his girlfriend, Kellie, to a drunk driver. But I knew pain and hurt and anger. I saw it reflected back at me every time I looked at him.
“Just watch your back. Lacroix is gunning for blood after what you did last month.”
“Dex,” one of his friends called, and he met my hardened glare.
“Look, Prince, I appreciate the concern, but I can take care of my own shit. You should do the same.”
“Dex, man, get over here.”
“Chill, fuckers, I’m coming.” He stood up and clapped me on the back. “Don’t be a stranger, Prince. And take good care of your girl.” Pain flashed in his eyes and then he was gone.
I finished my beer and went back inside. Selina and Lo were talking like old friends and some of the tension in my shoulders evaporated. I wanted them to like each other. Even though I wasn’t close to Selina the way I was Kyle or Macey, she knew parts of me they didn’t. I didn’t have to hide or pretend with her.
“Speak of the devil,” she grinned, tipping her bottle in my direction.
“I hope you’re behaving, Lina?”
“Me? As if I wouldn’t.”
“I’m trying to get her drunk, so she’ll reveal all your secrets.” Lo smirked, and I hooked my arm around her waist tucking her into my side.
“There’s nothing worth knowing,” I said, the words calm and measured. Nothing like the storm raging inside me. Because I did have secrets. I had a boat load.
“You two are so cute.” Selina watched us with nothing but happiness shining in her eyes. “I’m glad you found each other.” Her gaze settled on me and I saw the understanding there, the silent message, and I flicked her a small nod.
Me too.
~
Lo was quiet on the ride back to her house. I wanted to know what she was thinking—if today had been too much too soon. But the coward in me kept quiet.
The house was pitched in darkness as I pulled into the driveway and cut the engine. “You're quiet.” I turned to her.
“Just thinking.” She gave me a small smile, but it did little to ease my racing pulse.
“Lo, I—” I said at the same time as she said, “Maverick.”
“You go,” I insisted, and she twisted around to me. My heart jackhammered in my chest as I gripped the wheel. Why did she look so worried? What had changed in the last hour? I racked my brain for a clue. Any hint she hadn't enjoyed today. But all I could picture was the happiness in her eyes. The sound of her laughter. The feel of her hand in mine as she stood squashed between overexcited kids as we watched the parades.
“Thank for you today. It was...” Her gaze darted around me and I held my breath waiting.
Fuck, if she wanted space, after everything, what would I do?
“I had a really nice time, Maverick.”
Relief seeped into my veins. Slowly, at first, and then like a tidal wave. She wasn't letting me down, she was thanking me.
“You don't need to thank me, Lo. I wanted to share a piece of me with you.”
And Disney had seemed like the lesser evil.
I reached for her, gliding my fingers along her jaw, and tilted her face to mine. “Thank you for coming to the party with me.”
“Selina is nice. I can see why you like her.”
“Lo,” I warned.
“I don't mean it like that, Maverick. I just meant I can see why you trust her.” I saw the hesitation flicker in her eyes. “But Kyle, he doesn't know?”
Mouth pulled tight, I shook my head.
“Because she's part of that? The fighting?”
“Dex is a part of that, not Selina.” Who was I trying to kid? I met Lo's soft gaze with my own. “But yeah, she worries. Dex has been through stuff. He's still healing.”
Selina had given Lo the cliff notes on what went down with her brother, but she’d stayed true to her promise to me and not revealed anything about me and my story. Even though she didn’t know everything, Selina knew enough. After watching me and Dex beat each other to a bloody pulp during my first fight at the warehouse, she’d drawn her own conclusions about me. By the time she was done with us that night, we left the place with more than just our pride in tatters. I’d sought her out after that and apologized. She told me Dex’s story and I gave up snippets of mine, and I promised to look out for her brother where I could.
We’d been friends ever since.
Silence hung heavy in the space between us. She wanted more. I saw it in her eyes. But I'd already given her as much as I could today. So I deflected. “What happened today, Lo?” I said.
“What do you mean?” Her voice quivered and she tried to pull free, but I cupped her jaw, holding her face firm.
“On the ride. You were so excited, but something changed. You were barely there and when we came out you looked… I don’t know, shell-shocked.”
“I...” Unshed tears lingered in her eyes but then her expression changed. Hardened. “I'm fine,” Lo said. “I guess it was scarier than I thought it would be after all.”
She was lying.
But then so was I. Neither of us ready to bare our truths. To face our demons.
“You want company?” I flicked my gaze to the house. She'd already told me her dad was staying at Stella's for the night and I wanted nothing more than to hold her. To feel the soft curves of her body pressed against me.
“I'm kind of exhausted. Raincheck?” Her smile was strained, and I saw it now, the dark circles around her eyes. Whatever had happened today had weighed more heavily on her than I anticipated.
> I leaned in, brushing my lips against hers. Featherlight. And not nearly enough. But I wouldn't push tonight. “I'll text you tomorrow,” I said pressing one more kiss to her mouth.
“Okay. Goodnight, Maverick.” She climbed out of the car and made her way up to the house. When she reached the door, she glanced back and gave me a small wave.
Once she was inside, I waited for a couple of seconds before backing out of the drive. Maybe time apart would be a good thing. Give us chance to get our heads straight and process everything.
Or maybe it would make the darkness bite back with a vengeance.
Lo
New Year’s Day came and went. With Luke's parents still out of town, he threw a party for the team, and I let Kyle and Laurie drag me along. But with more kids from school going I knew Maverick would keep me at arm's length. And sure enough, he did.
It hurt. More than I expected. It was like he'd opened up to me—about his dad, his past—only to slam his walls back down and push me out. Even though, deep down, I knew he was only trying to prepare me for when school started back, and I tried to brush off the dejection, I was only human.
At least he wasn’t sporting any fresh cuts or bruises. And while I wasn't deluded enough to think he'd stopped fighting altogether, I couldn’t help but hope I’d reached him on some basic level.
“All set?” Dad called, and I grabbed my bag and made my way into the kitchen.
“I think so. Kyle said he'd be here soon.”
“Where did the last four months go?” His eyes creased as he sipped his coffee. “A new year,” he sighed. “I feel like good things could happen this year, kiddo.”
“Sure, Dad.” I helped myself to juice from the fridge.
“Before you know it, it'll be summer, and you'll be thinking about college.”
My stomach sank, and the glass wobbled in my hand. In eight months, I'd be a senior and Maverick would be off at college. Away from Wicked Bay.
Away from me.
Alec Prince wanted him to follow in his footsteps and attend California State East Bay as a business major. Almost four-hundred miles away, it might as well have been another planet. And I still didn’t truly understand why Maverick would just give up his dream for his father—a man, for reasons I’d yet to uncover, he hated.
A horn blared outside, and Dad chuckled. “He sure likes to make an entrance. Have a good day, sweetheart. It could be a late one. You’ll be okay?”
“Sure, Dad. See you.”
I made my way out to Kyle. His hair had grown out over the holidays, falling over his eyes and he looked even more roguish than usual.
“Mornin’, Cous.”
“Hi,” I said slipping into the seat. “No Laurie?”
“She’s riding in with Autumn. Besides, I thought you and I should have a little chat.”
My eyes rolled on a groan. Kyle had taken it upon himself to become my relationship counsellor. It was sweet at first but now… well, it was bloody annoying.
“I’m fine. No pep talk required.”
The Jeep joined the steady traffic and Kyle tapped the steering wheel with his finger. “After the party, I just thought…” he trailed off.
“You thought I’d what? Have some kind of breakdown because Maverick hardly looked in my direction? Yeah, not likely.”
“You don’t sound bitter at all.”
“Seriously, Kyle, what do you want me to say? Maverick wants time. I’m trying to give him time. And maybe he’s right. Maybe it is better if no one knows about us yet. I mean you heard some of the things they were saying about me before school finished for the holidays. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”
“If you think people don’t know, then you’re wrong, Cous.” My eyes flashed at him, but he continued, “Hey, I’m on your side, remember?” His lips curved in a warm smile and I sank back in the seat, feeling the fight leave me.
“I know, I’m sorry. I just…”
“I know, Cous, I know. Maverick thinks he’s protecting you. But sometimes he makes the wrong call. Sometimes he needs someone else to make the decisions.”
“You think I should…” I couldn’t even say the words. If I walked into school this morning and did something crazy like kiss him in front of everyone he would go nuclear. “He’d kill me.”
“Are you sure about that?” He threw me a sideways glance.
Maverick had already said he wanted to protect me—told me he didn’t think he was good enough for me. But was he really so vulnerable? So uncertain about how I felt about him?
He was Maverick Prince for God’s sake. He could have any girl he wanted.
We bailed out of Kyle’s Jeep and met Laurie and Autumn. Much to my relief there was no sign of Liam… or Devon. After the dance, he’d tried to talk to me once, but I walked away and never looked back. As far as I was concerned he’d made his bed.
“Hey, Lo.” Autumn made a beeline for me, and we left Kyle and Laurie all up in each other’s business as we headed for the main building. “Did you have a nice Christmas?”
“Yes, thanks. You?”
She shrugged. “It was okay. It’s always hard when Derrick is away. My mom and dad struggle. But we visited my papa down in Tijuana which was nice.”
So that was where she got her tan skin and big brown eyes from. Hesitation lingered in her voice and I knew she probably wanted to ask about Maverick but thankfully, Laurie barged in between us, looping her arms through ours. “I’ve missed you both.”
“I saw you like three days ago,” I chuckled.
“Yeah, but now I get to see you every day again.” She clutched my arm. “Don’t look now but there’s Caitlin.”
Of course I looked. My eyes found her immediately walking into school with her friends.
“What a bitch. We so have to make her pay for what she did to you at Winter Formal.”
“Laurie,” Autumn and I said in sync. “I don’t want to start anything with her,” I added. She had enough ammunition to go after me without me handing her anymore.
“I know, I know,” Laurie sighed. “It’s just so unfair. She pulls this kind of shit all the time on people and I’m sick of it. Someone needs to bring her down a peg or two.”
I didn’t disagree, but I also wanted to try to not draw any more attention to myself. But as I joined the stream of kids entering the building, I felt their stares, heard the low rumble of their whispers.
Kyle was right.
They knew.
They all knew.
~
Maverick: I like your sweater
Lo: Stop perving on me and eat your lunch. You have practice tonight, right? You’ll need the energy
I risked a peek over at Maverick’s table. Wedged between Luke and Trey as they laughed about something, his fingers flew over his phone screen.
“Someone important?” Laurie’s eye dropped to my phone and I shoved it onto my lap.
“Just my dad.”
“And how is daddy dearest?” I heard the playful lilt in her voice, but I gave her a disapproving glare and she went back to her lunch while I discreetly read Maverick’s text.
Maverick: I can think of better things to be doing right now
Lo: Behave!!!
Maverick: With you? Never.
His intense stare burned through me even from the distance between us, and I knew if I looked at him, I’d see desire swimming in his eyes. His jaw tight with frustration.
Need.
So, I didn’t look.
I kept my head bowed, half-listening to Laurie and Autumn as they discussed their boyfriend’s successes and failures at gift-buying. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d retrieved my journal from my bag, running my fingers over the intricate stitching.
“That’s beautiful,” Laurie said craning over me to see. “Where did you get it?” There was no ulterior motive in her voice this time just genuine interest.
“It was a gift.”
This time I did allow myself to glance over at Maverick.
He chatted to Luke, their heads close. But, as if he felt me, our eyes met, and for a split second, there was just the two of us. No school. No busy cafeteria. No kids discussing their holidays over stale sandwiches and wilted salad.
Maverick broke away first, jolting me back into reality. Laurie watched me knowingly and gave me a sad smile. But I didn’t want or need her pity. I wasn’t some victim. A weak girl letting her boyf… the boy she cared about treat her like she was no one. I was a survivor and I understood pain and desperation and anger. I probably understood Maverick better than anyone else here. And if he said he needed time, I would respect that. Because when he looked at me I knew the truth.
Our truth.
And that’s all that mattered.
~
I survived the first day of classes. By the time the afternoon rolled around, I’d barely noticed the way heads followed me into a room. They could think what they wanted. Kyle insisted on driving me home, despite my protests I could walk. So it was no surprise to find him leaning against his Jeep when I filed out of the building along with my classmates. But his eyes narrowed to something over to my left, and I followed his line of sight, releasing a heavy sigh when I spotted Devon. He was hovering, waiting for something… or someone. When he spotted me, and started in my direction, I had my answer. Hitching my bag up my shoulder, I quickened my pace, wanting to avoid a scene.
“Lo, wait up,” he called, but I’d reached the edge of the parking lot. “Lo, come on, please let me explain.”
Something in his voice had me whirling around to face him. “Explain? Are you fucking kidding me? Is this another joke?”
“Lo.” His eyes darted around me. Anywhere but at me. “I… I fucked up. I just…” he spluttered.
“I don’t have time for this, Devon. Stay away from me.” I didn’t look back as I hurried for the Jeep. Satisfied he didn’t need to intervene, Kyle climbed inside and I joined him a couple seconds later.
“What did he want?” He flicked his head over to Devon who stood rooted to the spot, watching us.