by Lucy Lennox
The next day was Bennett and Xander’s wedding, and the day after that was Christmas. Time was racing ahead at Mach speed, and with every day that passed, I felt my priorities begin to shift. On the one hand, my feelings for Jake were spinning out of my control. But on the other, I finally began to pull together a picture of what I really wanted my life to be. For once, I wasn’t sure that life was in New York City.
Chapter 24
Jake
“Outside? Really?” I asked as I glanced between the window and Xander. “It’s like twenty degrees out there, and there’s gotta be close to a foot of snow on the ground. In what universe does it make sense to get married outside?”
“The friends one,” Xander said nonchalantly as he adjusted his burgundy bowtie in a small mirror.
“Um, what?” I asked, completely lost. “What do your friends have to do with it?”
“Not our friends, Friends. You know, the TV show?”
“Okay, yeah, I’ve seen it.”
“Five minutes, people!” Lucky suddenly yelled from somewhere down the hall. We were in a small sitting room at the back of the lodge. Most of the guests were still milling about inside the large sunroom, but Xander and I were waiting in the room around the corner. Lucky appeared a moment later wearing a white parka over a sharp-looking black wool suit. I noticed the scarf Oz had made him tucked carefully around his neck. But what really caught my attention was the headset he had–the kind singers wore when they wanted to keep their hands free. “Five minutes,” he said sharply as he pointed at Xander.
“Got it,” Xander said, barely stifling a smile.
“And don’t dally on your way out there. We’ve got ten minutes for this thing and not a minute more. And we both know how you and B like to talk all that lovey-dovey shit… um, stuff,” Lucky announced, then he was gone.
I laughed and said, “I get it. He’s Monica Geller. You’re taking a page from Phoebe’s wedding when there was a blizzard and instead of cancelling, they got married in the streets of New York.”
Xander nodded. “Bennett and I were binge watching the show a couple weeks back while we were deciding where exactly to say our vows. That episode came on, and we just knew.”
“So, are you the bride or groom?” I asked.
Xander shoved me lightly.
“Two minutes!” Lucky shouted. The second he rounded the corner, Xander and I both gave him a thumbs-up and he nodded in satisfaction.
“Guests are going out the door,” Lucky said into his microphone as he marked something off on his clipboard.
“Who’s he talking to?” I asked.
“Not a clue,” Xander responded. “The damn thing could be unplugged for all I know.”
“I can’t believe you made your seventeen-year-old kid play the part of Monica Geller,” I groused.
Xander hesitated, then glanced at me. “Okay, confession time. He’s never seen the show. All that” –he waved his hand in Lucky’s direction– “that’s all him.”
“Oh,” I murmured, because what else could I say? Congratulations on your tyrant of a wedding planner?
“I know,” Xander said, but the smile that spread across his features couldn’t be denied. He was loving every second of this. “So what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Where would you do it if, say, you and… someone… were getting married?”
“Subtle,” I said snidely as I straightened my jacket.
“Just a question,” Xander observed.
“Uh-huh, sure it is.”
Even though I had no intention of answering Xander, mostly because I knew there would be no wedding bells in my future with Oz, the seed had been planted, and as Lucky reappeared, I was already trying to figure out my theoretical proposal.
Jesus, what the hell was I doing? How had I gone from casually dating and having lots of hot monkey sex with Oz to dreaming up the perfect way to propose to him and envisioning where we’d build our life together?
We had no life together. We had a little over a month left at best. I needed to be figuring out how to pull back from the relationship, not lose myself even deeper into it.
“Okay, show time,” Lucky declared as he marched down the hall toward us. “Remember—”
“No dallying,” Xander and I said at the same time. We followed Lucky to the sunroom and my eyes fell on Xander’s aunt Lolly. Her eyes went all soft and warm at the sight of Xander.
“Oh, my boy, you look so handsome,” she said, and then she was hugging him. But she kept it brief and whispered, “He only allotted me fifteen seconds for the hug.”
By he, I assumed she was referring to Lucky, who was standing off to the side. He was still talking into his microphone, which was, in fact, plugged in. He caught my eye and jerked his chin toward the door that led outside.
I stifled a smile and held my arm out to Lolly. “Ms. Reed, if I may have the pleasure,” I said.
“Oh,” she said, blushing prettily and then taking my arm with her fuzzy purple gloves. I glanced over my shoulder at Xander, but saw his eyes were no longer on us.
They were rightfully on his fiancé who was making his way down the opposite hallway. Bennett was dressed in a dark suit like Xander’s, but instead of a burgundy bowtie, he had a hunter green one. They both wore formal wool overcoats, with the scarves Oz had made pulling the entire coordinated look together. How in the world had Oz known?
Aiden was by Bennett’s side, leading Bear on a silver leash shining against the dog’s thick black coat. The big dog plodded along the roll of red carpet Lucky must have put down the makeshift aisle to keep people from having to walk through any snow or ice. A tiny silver pillow peeked out from the collar at the back of Bear’s neck.
When Bennett reached the door to the sunroom, Xander held out his hand to him. Their eyes shone and when Bennett walked into his embrace, I saw Xander say something to him that had Bennett nodding. I couldn’t hear the words, but I didn’t really need to. Their actions spoke volumes.
I heard a throat clear and saw Lucky scowling at me.
“Oh, right, sorry,” I said, then led Lolly out the door. Music was already playing outside and the dozen or so guests had taken their seats. The minister was waiting at the end of the short path in a gazebo that overlooked a small frozen pond. Twinkling lights lined the path as well as the roof of the gazebo. The air was cold, and I could see the occasional snowflake falling here and there from the almost cloudless sky dancing with stars. Despite the chill, it was the perfect backdrop for Xander and Bennett to start this new chapter in their lives.
As I neared the gazebo, my eyes settled on Oz, who was sitting between Ash and Zoey in the front row. Boo was on his lap, wearing a sparkly little dress that Oz had sewn just for her that morning. I’d still been lying in bed as I’d listened to him telling Boo how beautiful she’d look for her man, and in that moment, I’d wished that every morning could be like that.
But I knew mornings wouldn’t be enough. There weren’t enough hours in the day for me to get my fill of Oz.
I was coming to realize that was because there was no such thing.
I’d crave him whether he was lying in bed next to me, talking to his dog about absolutely nothing, watching TV and scoffing over the abhorrent clothing choices, or doing nothing more than looking up from one of his designs to find me so he could do a visual check-in with me.
Oz looked me up and down, and I could practically hear his thoughts. I sent him a little wink, which had him smiling. I escorted Lolly to her seat before going to stand in my spot inside the gazebo. Aiden walked down the aisle next, leading Bear. Not surprisingly, his gaze lingered on his fiancé, despite the fresh flowers, poinsettias, twinkle lights, and holly decorating the gorgeous space.
The look the two men shared made a sharp stab of envy go through me. What would it be like if I could look at Oz like that? If I didn’t have to temper my words and my touches when I was around him? What if I could say and do exactly what I was f
eeling every time I saw him?
My eyes shifted back to Oz and in that instant when he held my gaze like we were the only two people on earth, I knew.
I was in love with him.
The realization was enough to nearly send me to my knees in both despair and joy.
I was in love, and there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do about it.
Except bleed even more when I had to walk away from him.
I forced myself to watch first Lucky and then the grooms make their way down the aisle past their closest friends and family. They were, not surprisingly, holding hands, but it was the way they leaned into each other and occasionally spoke in soft murmurs so that only they could hear that really got to me.
Once they stopped before the minister, the music ended.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve gathered here tonight to witness the union of Xander and Bennett. For those of you who know these two fine young men, you know that the journey they started on together as children was always meant to lead them to this very moment. It is no great surprise that no ordinary vows can express their commitment to one another, so Xander and Bennett have chosen to speak their own. Xander, would you like to begin?”
Xander took in a deep breath and nodded. He reached for Bennett’s hands. I was close enough to see that both men were shaking.
“My Benny,” Xander said softly. That simple phrase had Bennett barely stifling a whimper. Xander let out a small laugh. “My Benny,” he repeated, before continuing. “From the moment you sat down in that swing next to me and asked me if I liked rats, I knew you were going to change my life. And I knew in that moment that it would always be you and me against the world. No matter what, right?”
Bennett let out a watery laugh. “Right,” he answered.
“We may have lost our way for a while, but we never really lost us. Even all those years without you, I still felt you by my side. No matter what peak I climbed, or what valley I ended up in, or what lake I pitched my tent by each night, you were always there. People say chance brought us back together, but we both know it was more than that. Fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it, it changed our lives from the moment it made you look out that car window at precisely the right time to see me on the playground. But you, Benny, you did the rest. Fate was our helping hand, but you’re the reason we’re standing here today. I love you, my Benny, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life proving to you that I was worth the fight.”
Bennett let out another little sob, then tried to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. “You’re worth it, Xander,” he whispered. “So worth it.”
The two men stared at each other as the minister invited Bennett to say his vows.
“I, um, wrote all these different speeches last night, but when I went to sleep–which, by the way, we’re never sleeping apart ever again because that totally sucked…” The small crowd burst into light laughter at that, and Xander pulled Bennett’s knuckles up to his mouth and pressed a kiss against them.
“Agreed,” Xander said.
“When I went to sleep, I knew there weren’t any words I could say that would explain to the world what this moment means to me. What being able to take this next step in my life with you by my side forever means to me. So, I’ll just say this…” His voice broke and he choked back a sob before continuing in a shaky voice. “I’m so very grateful. Grateful to you for playing by my side when I was a little boy, for staying by my side even when I didn’t deserve you as a teen, for returning to my side when we became adults, and for standing by my side today as we pledge our love to each other. Most of all, I’m grateful that I get to spend my life with you by my side, through thick and thin, ups and downs, and laughter and tears. I have loved you my whole life and will continue to do so as long as I live.”
With each of Bennett’s words, Xander pulled him a little closer and I realized that whatever Bennett was saying, it meant something to the both of them. I couldn’t help but look at Oz again. I wasn’t surprised that he was watching me too. Bennett’s next words rang in my ears as I held Oz’s gaze.
“I love you not just because you see me when we’re together, but because you let me see you. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you never forget that I may have been the one to sit down next to you on that swing set, but you’re the one who chose not to let me go.”
It was Xander’s turn to try to hold back his emotion. He failed miserably, but no one cared. There were a few sighs throughout the group as Xander pulled Bennett into his arms. When the men separated, the minister hurried through the final steps of the ceremony, since it seemed like we were going to lose the two husbands-to-be to another kiss before the long-awaited official one. I felt myself choke up when the minister declared them husbands and finally gave them permission to kiss. The crowd burst into applause, causing Bear and Boo to begin barking.
“Okay, let’s take this party inside,” Lucky announced a few moments later.
“Um, just a second, please,” Xander said after managing to pry his mouth off his husband’s. “I know you all are cold, but if you will indulge me and my…” –he looked at Bennett adoringly– “husband, there’s a question I need to ask a special someone.” All eyes looked at Bennett in confusion, but Xander was looking at Lucky. With one hand holding Bennett’s, he walked down the few steps of the gazebo and came to a halt before the young man who was watching him curiously.
“Lucky, I’ve been waiting for this moment almost as long as I’ve been waiting to marry your father. Now, it won’t be official until we go to the courthouse next week, but it doesn’t really matter because you’ve been my son from the moment you sat right over there” –Xander motioned to a snow-covered picnic table by the pond– “and made us a family.” Xander pulled out a sheaf of papers from his jacket pocket. “These are adoption papers. They’ll tell the world what we already know. That you’re as much my son as you are Bennett’s. What do you say?”
Lucky stood frozen in place for several beats and then he pushed into Xander’s arms. He didn’t actually answer Xander out loud, but the way he was clinging to him and nodding emphatically was answer enough.
Xander held him for several beats, then addressed the crowd. “You heard my son. Let’s get this party started!”
Chapter 25
Oz
At one point during the wedding reception, I was tapped on the shoulder by one of the servers while I was talking to Aiden and Ash.
“Holy shit, you’re Laird,” she squeaked.
I did a double take and stared at her. It was the first time in almost two months I’d been recognized in public. And I wasn’t even in public, really.
“Oh, hah. No. But I get that a ton. Like you wouldn’t believe,” I said with a big fake grin. The last thing I needed was to have my precious anonymity stripped away from me here in Haven.
“But,” she said, squinting her eyes at me. “You look just like him.”
“Believe me, hon. If I was, I’d be living it up somewhere fancy like Miami or wherever it is models like that spend their winters. LA? Do I even want to know? Probably somewhere way warmer than this place. My mom jokes all the time about how I should try to dye my hair and join one of those look-alike companies in Vegas, I get this so often.”
Shut up, Oz.
“Oh. Oh, weird. That’s… yeah. It’s uncanny,” she said, looking at me in disbelief.
I shrugged at her and turned back to Ash and Aiden as if it was no big deal. Aiden’s eyes were assessing while Ash’s were wide and worried. I made small talk until I was sure the server had disappeared back toward the kitchen.
“Fuck, close call,” I said.
“Has that been happening a lot?” Aiden asked.
“No. Ever since I cut and dyed my hair, I haven’t been recognized at all. And you know what? It’s been so nice. I forgot what it was like to just be… I don’t know… normal.”
“Well, don’t get used to it,” he said with a grin. “Once Fashion Week
happens, you’ll go back to getting stopped in the streets no matter what your hair looks like.”
I felt a familiar rumble of nerves in my gut. “Yeah, about that. I kind of wanted to discuss some things with you while I have you here.”
Ash asked if I wanted him to leave the two of us alone.
“No, of course not. Maybe you’ll have some good ideas too,” I said.
Ash looked taken aback. “Me? I don’t know anything about managing fame.”
Aiden and I both laughed. In the short weeks since Ash had signed a record deal, his first single had gone viral and people were trying to book him left and right. It was only a matter of time until he was the one the caterer was stopping rather than me.
Aiden leaned in and kissed his fiancé. “Then maybe you should just listen and learn, babe. It’s going to be you soon enough.”
I began telling them about my incredible time in Haven, how I’d loved the design and volunteer projects I’d done and enjoyed being a part of a small community.
“I realized I don’t have the same drive to prove myself I had before. Remember how pissed I was at Cocci Borroni when I first came to you?”
“Of course I do. That fucker stole your designs and cashed in on them, Oz.”
Aiden’s belief in me warmed my heart. “Yeah, well, I was so angry, you know? I just wanted to prove to the world I wasn’t this bubble-headed pretty face, that there was more to me than a chiseled jaw or whatever. But now… now I kind of feel like I really just needed to prove it to myself. And I have.”
“So what are you saying? You don’t want to design your collection anymore?”
I shrugged. “No, it’s not that. I love designing, and I’m excited about this collection. But what I’m not sure about is whether or not I want to be the face of it.”