by Olivia Kerr
“Isla,” he said, “I did not invite you to walk because I wanted to interrogate you. If you wish to walk in silence, that is alright with me too.”
“I don’t mind answering,” she said. “I just...cannot think of a single reason. It was not one moment, but a combination. I was a little more fascinated by plants, the church was far. And then David offered to take me into his household, and the world became a different place.”
“Did David forbid you from entering the cathedral?” he asked, and she shook her head.
“He never had to,” she said. “I knew that it was not a topic of conversation.”
“But if you wanted to?” he prodded her. He knew that he had just said he wasn’t going to interrogate her, so he did not want to push her.
“I did not want to,” she said, softly.
“Why?” he asked, and she sighed.
“I no longer felt like I would be accepted.”
“You would have been,” he said. “The cathedral is open to anyone. We want to welcome those who are unsure about faith, in order to show them the way of the Lord.”
“I know,” Isla said. “But I look so pagan that I fear I would burn up the second I walk in.”
He knew that it was meant to be a serious statement. However, he couldn’t help it. He laughed. When he turned to her, he saw that she was smiling.
“I suppose I could have done something about that,” she admitted.
“Perhaps,” he said. “I have never seen someone point out a pagan the moment they walked in. But then, I suppose they do not walk in very often.”
“I have seen them,” she said. “They call me a heathen. They tell me I should be burned at the stake.”
“They do not know,” he said, as their eyes locked. Their hands brushed against each other, and she did nothing about it.
They walked in silence for a while longer, and their hands brushed several more times. He briefly considered taking her hand as they got into town, just to see what would happen.
However, just as he got up the courage to do so, the cathedral came into sight, and she backed away.
“This is as far as I dare go,” she said.
“I do not want to leave you out here alone,” he said, but she shook her head.
“It is alright,” she said. “I am used to being alone. In fact, I prefer it. Alone, there is no judgment.”
He looked towards the cathedral and turned his eyes back to her.
He had not skipped going to Mass in many weeks. It didn’t matter how tired he was, or how far he walked. He had always found a way to go and had never let any excuse stop him. It didn’t matter whether there was rain, sleet, or snow, or whether he had drank too much the night before, or fought a battle and was still covered in blood. He would always go and hear the Lord’s word.
But in this moment, he was certain he could walk away from the service and be content.
“Are you certain?” he asked her.
They were standing in the middle of the town square. People were pushing past them. It was a rather large town, and he noticed that in the crowd, no one looked twice at them. Here, he was not a soldier and she was not a goddess. She was just a woman, gazing into the eyes of a man. They could have been married or betrothed, and no one seemed to pay them any attention.
He briefly wondered if any realm existed where they could live this moment again and again. Perhaps they could run away and find a place where no one knew their names. He had strength, and she had medical skills, and they could build a new life for themselves.
He knew it was daft, but he also had a brief flicker of hope as he stood there.
“I am certain of nothing at this moment,” Isla replied, and Cameron sucked in a breath.
“Let us walk some more,” he said. “Perhaps the path will become clear.”
“Perhaps,” she answered with a smile, and glanced at her arm in his. Neither was sure of what they were doing, but each knew that they could not walk away from the other at this moment. If walking together was all they could do, then that is what they would do.
10
“Isla.”
There had been a time in her life when she had waited to hear David’s voice. She had desperately hoped for it because it meant food, it meant medicine, it meant the sweet syrup that she had taken all her life and craved. However, now she dreaded when he called her name because it often meant there were things that were going to emerge from his mouth that she didn’t agree with.
“Yes?” she asked him, as she stepped away from the tent they were about to enter. She had been floating on cloud nine ever since her walk with Cameron, and she actually harbored hope in her heart for the first time in a long time. However, all of that hope felt completely crushed when David spoke to her in that tone.
“When we go into the council meeting, you are not to say a word other than to agree with me.” He looked her right in the eye. “Do you understand?”
“I…” She took a deep breath. “I...don’t think that I disagree with you, do I?”
“Not normally,” he said and held her gaze. “You’ve taken quite a liking to Cameron, haven’t you?”
She looked away. She didn’t know how David knew that, but she supposed it might be obvious just from the way Cameron looked at her.
“Maybe,” she said. “It doesn’t matter, David. I know that I’m not here to...I know that…”
“No, it can be used to our advantage,” he said. “Of course, you weren’t doing it for your own personal gain, were you?”
“No,” she replied. “I was thinking about us, as always.”
“Wonderful!” David said. “That is what I wanted to hear. So, when I suggest an option for battle, you will not contradict me?”
“I will not,” she replied. “I promise.”
“Good,” he said. “Because you don’t know what will happen if you do. Or rather, you won’t like what will happen.”
“Of course,” she replied. “I will do as you say.”
“Good,” he said and gazed into her eyes. “You are special, Isla. You are more special than I think you know.”
She wanted to argue with him. She wanted to say that she wasn’t special at all. Everything that was special about her was because he decided it was so. There was nothing she could say or do. She had to obey.
If she had any gifts at all, they came with this curse. They came with the terrible knowledge that one step out of line would take her away from everything that she had worked for.
Isla briefly considered what all those things that she had worked hard for were. Mostly, they were just the right to survive. She often watched other girls her age move through the communities they traveled in, without looking over their shoulder, or being controlled. She was completely jealous of those girls. She hated their freedom, and she wished to be them all at the same time.
“Go inside the tent,” he said. “You are late.”
“Are you coming?” she asked.
“Of course I’m coming,” he said. “I am the one with the plan.”
Isla took a moment to plaster a smile on her face and then slipped inside.
The entire war council was waiting for them there. Jacob was at the hearth, with Lewis and Cameron on either side of him.
Isla watched Cameron carefully as his father began to speak. She didn’t much care for what Jacob had to say. What she did care about was Cameron’s smile when he saw her. When men smiled at her, it was never genuine. Their eyes would always quickly drop from her face down to other parts of her body. Cameron never did that. Cameron always looked her right in the eyes and smiled as if he was glad to be in the presence of her soul.
She smiled back, but only briefly. She wasn’t sure what David was going to say, and she wasn’t sure whether he wanted her to show more kindness towards Cameron or less.
“Welcome,” Jacob said. “I am glad that we could all be together this fine morning. The gods have truly blessed us.”
Cameron said nothi
ng to that, and Isla wondered what he was thinking. She thought it was incredibly respectful of him to allow the other gods to be spoken about without immediately arguing with anybody. She wasn’t sure whether she would be able to be so respectful if her beliefs were constantly put into question.
The only person who seemed to question her beliefs, though, was herself...and Cameron. Cameron, however, didn’t do it in a way that made her feel as if their differences were insurmountable. Cameron made her feel like they could overcome anything if they were together.
“I believe that you have been debating strategies half the night,” David said. “I appreciate you asking for our input.”
“Well, of course,” Jacob said. “After all, you are led by the gods, are you not?”
“We are,” David said, and glanced at Isla. She slunk back a little bit into the corner of the tent because she wasn’t sure what else to say.
“And what do the gods say?” Jacob asked.
“The gods want you to keep a tight line,” David said. “That, combined with bringing the cavalry to the front, will ensure that you are seen from the heavens. With Isla at your helm, you will not be broken.”
“Keeping the cavalry at the front?” Cameron said in surprise. “We cannot do that.”
David raised an eyebrow at him.
“Why not?” he asked.
“The horses will block the rest of our forces,” Cameron said. “Perhaps we could keep them off to one side or…”
“No,” David said. “The line must extend just behind you as leaders. It is what pleases the gods.”
Cameron took a deep breath and glanced at Lewis. Lewis looked between David and Jacob before speaking.
“It is a very unusual plan,” he said at last.
“Unusual is what will win you the war!” David cried. “Unusual is what will win you the entire kingdom! Do you want a Scots king on the throne or not?”
“Of course we do,” Cameron said. “But I am not sure that this is the way.”
“It is the way,” David declared. “Isla?”
Isla knew nothing about warfare, but even she knew that it was an odd strategy. She had no idea where David had gotten that strategy, but she certainly hadn’t received the same message in her prayers.
However, she remembered his words clearly outside the tent. She was not to disagree with him.
“I agree with David,” she said. “I...have received the same message from the gods.”
She felt like she was betraying her very soul by saying that. She had lied for David many times in the past and it never got any easier.
“You did?” Cameron raised an eyebrow. She felt like she was dying even more at that moment. She never wanted to lie to him.
For all she knew, David had really received that message. She knew that he wanted a Scots king. At least, she thought he did. There was no reason for him to side with the Brits, and he certainly didn’t seem to have any time to do so. Whenever he was away from her, he came back with some productive speech or some item that he had made. He wasn’t wasting his time conspiring while he was away.
At least, she didn’t think so.
“I have,” she said, meeting Cameron’s eyes. Cameron took a deep breath and then turned to his father.
“I suppose then,” he said, “we should listen.” Isla couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic.
Jacob looked down at the map and then back up at David.
“You are certain of this?” he asked.
“Have I led you astray before?” David asked. “Have I led you into defeat yet? You wanted a battle that was impossible to win. I am the one who taught you that.”
Jacob nodded as he considered this.
“I suppose you are right,” he said. “I trust you. This is the plan of attack that we should go with.”
“Should we not drill the men more?” Cameron said. “Should we not—”
“What?” David asked. “Do you not trust me? The gods will guide your men.”
“With all due respect,” Cameron replied, “that is not the way that I go about winning battles.”
“Perhaps you do not normally,” David said. “But you were in dire straits before I arrived, and I am certain that you will be again if you do not listen to my advice. The gods will be insulted if you work this strategy to death. Do you not trust them?”
Cameron gave him an icy smile.
“Frankly, no,” he said, then looked at the rest of the team. “But that does not mean I am not willing to bow to the will of the rest of the team. Father? Do you agree with not drilling them?”
Jacob nodded.
“I do,” Jacob said. “David is right. The gods have not led us astray yet, and we have been blessed with the beautiful Isla at our side. We should continue to trust them.”
“Are these gods...speaking to you?” Cameron asked Isla. “The same way?”
Isla found her voice. “I am the one that speaks for them. Is that not what my birth was about? I am part god.”
“Of course,” Cameron said and took a step back. He met her eyes, but she looked away. She could not say such things to his face and feel proud.
Isla had never told anyone, but she wasn’t sure what she believed at times. She didn’t know what was real and what was the haze of dreams that David’s magic syrup offered her.
She knew that if she ever told anyone that, her place in the world would be over before it really started.
“Well, then, that settles it,” Jacob said. “Prepare the troops, but tell them to trust the gods.”
“Of course,” Cameron said, forever obedient to his commander. He brushed past Jacob and Isla’s heart almost burst. She knew that she needed to speak to him, but she wasn’t sure when her next opportunity would be. She also knew that if she didn’t obey David’s plan, it was likely there would not be another opportunity.
She didn’t know what David was planning, but she felt fear in the pit of her stomach. There was something terribly wrong with his plan, especially given that he had encouraged her to continue to catch Cameron’s attention. Just the other day, he had screamed at her about it and told her to stop wasting time with men who would never lead them anywhere.
Isla’s heart was torn, but she knew she must obey. Obeying came before everything else.
At least, obeying used to come before everything else. Now, with Cameron, it came second.
11
“Cameron!” Isla finally caught up to him on the beach that evening. The day had been a flurry of activity, and no one seemed to have a moment to catch their breath. The troops had not been drilled but there was still much to do. A battle meant that armor had to be polished, and horses had to be readied. Swords had to be sharpened and there were stations that had to be prepared because they were marching a great distance for the battle. Cameron looked exhausted, but he still turned around to see her with a smile.
“Isla,” he replied, “how are you?”
She was glad he greeted her with a smile. He could have easily scowled at her, given the way that the meeting had gone.
“I am alright,” she said. “How are you?”
“I am alright,” he said, as he stifled a yawn. “I did not know that I would work so hard when I got up so early.”
“It was a nice morning,” she said with a smile, and he picked up a rock to skip.
“Aye,” he said. “It was. But I suppose the day has taken a different turn.”
“It…” She swallowed hard as she gazed into his eyes. “There is something that I have to tell you.”
She knew that she was risking everything telling him, but she couldn’t keep it a secret any longer.
“What is it?” he asked. She knew that he must be exhausted and that he must be angry about the choices that were made. However, he still waited patiently, as if her words were the most important thing in the world.
“I…” She raised his shoulders and looked to the sky. “I have not heard from the gods.”
“What?�
� he asked, confused.
She wanted to say ever, but she wasn’t sure if that was entirely true. Looking into Cameron’s eyes, the only thing that she knew to be true was the fact that his eyes were beautiful and she wanted to stare into them forever.
“Certainly not on this matter,” she said. “And I’m not sure that David has either.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. “You were lying?”
“No,” Isla sighed. “I wasn’t lying. I just…didn’t know what else to say.”
“Oh,” he said. “Do you often just say those things when you don’t know what to say?”
“When David threatens me, I do,” she said.
“He threatened you?” he asked. He said it very calmly, but Isla had a feeling there was anger bubbling beneath the surface.
“Well...he didn’t threaten me…” she said. “Threatening would imply that I knew what the consequences were.”
“Isla...” Cameron held out his arm and she came a little closer. She didn’t dare touch him, even though she wanted to. “What exactly did he say to you?”
“He told me that if I didn’t listen to him, there were to be consequences,” she said. “And he wanted to make sure I understood that he was going to propose a plan at the council meeting.”
“Do you believe that it is the best plan?” Cameron asked her.
“I don’t know anything about war,” Isla replied. “But it did sound a little unusual. However, Cameron, you cannot assume that means anything. David has always wanted a Scots king on the throne.”
“You are certain of that?”
She nodded. “Yes, I am certain of it. I have never been more certain of anything. He often talked about it. And when he said he started receiving messages from the gods about this battle, he came to your father, not a British leader.”
“But what about you, Isla? What about all the things they say about you?”
“I have received no messages from the gods,” she replied.
“That is not what I am asking. Are you who you say you are?”
She looked away because she truly did not know what to say. He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, gently.