by Chloe Carley
He surveyed the land he’d grown up on; the scrub brush was unusually dry for this time of year, and he wondered if they’d been getting enough rain.
The last few weeks he’d been in Texas the rain had come down so quickly he’d been forced to pull off the trail and seek shelter in a small cave, or risk being swept away by a flashflood. He’d managed to get a horse from a travelling group of wagons going from town to town to sell their wares.
It wasn’t the same quality of horseflesh that he’d grown up riding, but he figured there would be plenty of time to cull another stallion from the herd and train him up right.
The Lazy L was a combination horse and cattle ranch. When he left, there had been three stallions and a bevy of mares. With several hundred head of cattle, and enough geldings to manage the ranch work; the Lazy L was one of the largest spreads in this part of the New Mexico Territory.
His childhood horse, Alexander, had perished six months before he’d left the ranch. A dangerous thunderstorm had swept across the land before the hands had been able to get all of the horses inside where it was safe.
Alexander wasn’t afraid of snakes or river crossings, but he was deathly afraid of lightning and thunder. He’d bolted with the first vicious crack of thunder, jumping the corral fence and running as if the demons of hell were on his heels.
Gideon had watched in dismay as his horse ran away from the only safe place on the ranch, and as soon as the storm had calmed down some, he set out to find him.
What he found was a dead horse, his hide burned and still smoking from where the lightning had struck. It seemed Alexander had been right to be so afraid of the very thing that ended up taking his life.
Even now, three and a half years later, Gideon’s heart hurt for the loss of his faithful companion. He’d been there for the birth of the horse and had trained him so that Alexander responded to his slightest touch or verbal command. He’d always planned to take another foal and raise him up as a replacement, but after he’d been …
A shout from the distance had him pulling back on the reins and watching as two riders barrelled toward him. He welcomed the reprieve from his thoughts and lifted a hand in greeting.
He immediately recognized his pa’s horse and, as they drew nearer, realized the other rider was his sister. Sara Jane had grown up, but to anyone looking from a distance, she would only appear to be a young ranch hand,not the beautiful, red-haired, green-eyed beauty Gideon knew was hiding beneath the boy’s trousers and shirt.
Shawn was right. One of these days she was going to break some poor boy’s heart.
“Whoa!” He swung down from the saddle and walked out to meet the riders. He knew the minute Sara Jane recognized him. She flung herself out of the saddle and ran to greet him, jumping into his arms as he hugged her tight. She wrapped herself around him like a blanket, and her scream of delight was enough to make him momentarily deaf.
“Gideon!”
Gideon chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, the feeling so familiar it made his chest ache. “Hello, Sara Jane.”
“Gideon! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you’re here. Does Ma know yet? Or Shawn? Oh, they’re both going to be so excited.”
She was talking a mile a minute. He smiled and said, “I’ve already seen Shawn.” I’m fairly certain he wasn’t pleased to see me.
Gideon kept his thoughts to himself and hugged her close once more before tugging on her braids and untangling her legs from his torso. “You’ve grown taller, girly.”
“Not much,” Sara Jane told him, bending down and picking up the hat that had fallen from her head in her mad dash. She turned and called out to her pa, “It’s Gideon! He’s home.”
James Lawson dismounted and strode to where Gideon stood waiting. It was plain to anyone looking where Gideon and Shawn had gotten their height. Pa looked him over from head to toe and then smiled. “Welcome home, son.”
Gideon hugged him for a brief moment. “Thanks. Shawn told me where to find you. I didn’t realize Sara Jane was out here as well.”
Pa shook his head forlornly at his only daughter. “She shouldn’t be, as I’ve told her a thousand times. This is man’s work.”
Sara Jane firmed her lips and answered back, “I can mend fences as well or better than anyone else on this ranch.”
“I think what he’s trying to say is that you should be learning how to make bread, and soap, and mend …” Gideon was glad his sister didn’t have a weapon of any sort in her hands as she glared at him.
Sara Jane stuck her tongue out making him grin. “If you want fresh bread, I suggest you hightail it back to the house and learn to make it yourself.”
“Sara Jane,” Pa barked.
“Sorry, Pa. But the idea that a woman should only know how to cook and clean and raise babies is … well, it’s not for me. I want to be outside.”
“Doing a man’s work,” her pa added. “How are you ever going to find yourself a husband?”
“Don’t need a husband.” Sara Jane’s face took on a mulish look and Gideon realized that while some things had changed, others had not.
“How about we table this discussion for later? Are you done mending fences?” Gideon asked, not wanting to put his sister in a foul mood. So far, she was the only sibling happy to see him. That wasn’t likely to change anytime soon.
“Are you offering to help?” Sara Jane asked with a wink.
“Err … sure.” Gideon looked at the miles of fence to his right and slowly nodded. “I might as well get a bit more sweaty and dirty before I head for the river to wash up.”
“Your ma would be happy to heat some water…” Pa began, but Gideon shook his head.
“Nah. I won’t put her to that extra work. The river and I will do just fine.” It’s what I’ve become accustomed to. He didn’t voice those thoughts, not wanting any of his family to know just how far he’d sunk while gone from their midst. Hopefully, they would never need to know all of it.
“Well, then. Head on off to the river with you. We got all of the fence mended, and we’re headed home ourselves.” Pa nodded, used to having his word obeyed, and walked back toward his mount. “Sara Jane, you come along and let Gideon make himself presentable. You can talk to him all you want later today.”
“But Pa …” Sara Jane whined. She looked at Gideon, and he tossed his head toward her horse. “Fine. But I want to hear all about your adventures over supper.”
“Great,” Gideon replied, hoping his trepidation wasn’t noticeable in his tone of voice. He forced a smile and met his pa’s eyes. “I’ll wash up and then join you.”
“I look forward to hearing all about what you’ve been up to. Son, it’s good to have you home.”
“It’s good to be home.” The stupidest thing I ever did was to leave. If only … no! Gideon don’t go there. That time is over and past, and you can’t change what sent you running away from the ranch, so there’s no need to think about it now either. You’re home now--that’s what matters. Finding a place to fit in here is all you need to focus on right now.
Gideon watched his pa and sister mount up and head for home, before he turned his horse toward the river in the distance.
He took his time bathing, letting the cool water wash away the miles of dust and sweat he’d put on since watching his friends die. Their voices still haunted his dreams at night, and he couldn’t get away from the guilt that he’d lived and they’d perished. Especially since it had been his idea to rob the stagecoach in the first place.
They’d been talking about getting enough money to head to California and start over. There was gold and silver to be mined, and the railroad was always hiring men.
The stagecoach job was supposed to have been their last robbery, and then they were going to travel west, sign up with the railroad and make something of themselves. Finn, Lou, and Hobbs would never get that chance.
Gideon thought about the nickname they’d called him. Red. Every time he thought about his three friends, the Gideon
he used to be and was hoping to become again faded into the distance, and Red—the outlaw—took his place.
It was Red that was feeling so guilty for having survived. It was Red that felt duty bound to make amends wherever he could in his friends’ stead. They’d never been told about his family and siblings.
Red had felt ashamed to tell them how much he’d given up to search for his own fortune and moment in the sun.
Now they were dead, and their bodies most likely hadn’t even been given proper burials. They certainly hadn’t been buried alongside the local church or in any proper cemetery. They probably didn’t even have grave markers …
His thoughts made him depressed, and he waded further out into the water until it was just slapping the tops of his shoulders. He shed his underclothes, wadding the wet fabric up into a ball and tossing it toward the bank. Red was gone. Gideon was home now. He just needed to remember that whenever his mind wanted to go back in time.
He swam a bit and then ducked his head beneath the water, using his fingers to rinse the dust from his hair and beard. His facial hair would definitely need to go. His ma wasn’t fond of beards, which was why his pa had always remained clean shaven.
When his body started to chill, he headed for the bank and donned the last set of clean clothes he had in his saddle bags.
He didn’t worry about putting his shirt on just yet but moved to sit on a rock in the sunlight, enjoying the way the sun warmed his skin. He pulled a razor from his pack and then, with the aid of a broken piece of looking glass he tucked into the scrub brush, he carefully shaved the beard and moustache off.
His skin was on fire by the time he was finished up, but he figured his ma would appreciate the efforts and his skin would calm down after he claimed some of her chamomile and juniper salve.
He rubbed a gentle hand over his chin and peered at himself in the looking glass. This was as good a time as any to start turning over a new leaf. Starting with getting back to his roots.
“Uh, God? I guess you’re probably listening an all, but it’s been a while and well, I guess I could understand if you don’t want nothing to do with the likes of me now. I never set out to become an outlaw, it’s just the way of things.
“Anyway, I wanted to thank you for helping me get home. I know I don’t deserve to be here, but I’m trying to start over, and I’d sure appreciate it if you could maybe give me just a little more help here.
“I know I should’ve stopped living the life of an outlaw a while back, and it’s my fault that Hobbs, Lou, and Finn died in Texas. I would have helped them if I could, but You saw ... there was nothing I could do. Nothing.”
Gideon sighed and started packing up his things. “I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m sorry for how things turned out. I’m sorry that I became a bad man, but I’m home now and I’d really like to stay here. I’ve learned the error of my ways, and I’m sorry for the things I’ve done.”
Gideon paused and then looked up at the sky, the sun still shining brightly overhead. “Well, that’s all I got to say for now.”
He’d been having similar conversations with God all along his trek home but he wasn’t convinced that God was truly listening. He knew his ma would tell him that God had already forgiven his transgressions, but Gideon didn’t feel forgiven.
He pulled on his shirt, buttoned it up, and hoisted his saddlebags over the horse’s withers. “Okay, boy. Let’s go home and get you some oats and a place to rest for a bit. You done good. Real good.”
Gideon mounted up and then gave his horse, which still didn’t have a name this many weeks into travelling together, free rein to run across the land.
The horse didn’t seem to mind and tossed his head at being given a chance to race the wind. They returned to the barn and corrals in no time at all. Gideon greeted Jace, who was inside the barn grooming his own mount, but Jace was his usual quiet self and soon left the barn to finish his other chores.
Gideon brushed the horse down and led him to an empty stall, filled the manger with oats, and patted him on the neck a few times. “Thanks for getting me home in one piece.”
He strode for the exit to the barn, his destination—to see his ma. He mentally prepared himself for the scene she was going to make. Sara Jane had learned the fine art of screaming in delight from someone and it hadn’t been either of her brothers or her pa.
He was headed for the back door when he saw his ma’s skirts duck back inside the ranch house.
It was basically just a glorified cabin but had been added onto and was now a sprawling structure that spread out in all directions from the main cabin his grandfather had built so many years earlier. Calling it a house seemed much more appropriate, even though the walls were mostly constructed of pine trees that had been cut down on the nearby mountains and brought back to the ranch on wagons.
Smoke came from the chimney and Gideon knew his ma probably had something wonderful on the hearth in preparation for supper this evening. He glanced at the basket of laundry waiting to be hung up and knew she would be coming back outside in short order. His ma had a set schedule and if she was doing laundry that must mean it was Monday.
In his travels, he’d completely lost all track of time. He’d spent the first few days hiding out during the daytime and only traveling under the cover of darkness, sure the posse would be hunting him down like a wild animal. He’d not relaxed until he’d put Texas behind him and entered New Mexico Territory.
His shoulder had healed up, although it still pained him some if he used it too much. Gideon wasn’t about to complain though; each twinge was a reminder of all that had been lost and could never be regained.
An eagle cried out overhead. He looked up, realizing he’d once again let his thoughts get the best of him. He was home, and he needed to keep his thoughts directed at the future. The future. Here. On the Lazy L ranch.
Where his pa and ma were.
If they could forgive him for his past. He hoped his ma would be delighted to see him home. He waited outside for her to emerge from the house again. When she did so and looked up, seeing him sitting on the stump next to the clothesline, he felt badly for not announcing his arrival another way.
His ma, Pearl Lawson, was the strongest woman he’d ever known but, when she saw him, she screamed and crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.
Gideon rushed to her side, calling for help at the same time. “Help! Somebody! Outside!”
Gideon knelt by her side, afraid to move her for fear of causing her any injury. His pa and Sara Jane both rushed out of the house and stopped in their tracks.
“What happened?” his pa asked as he knelt on the other side of his wife.
“I was hoping to surprise her, but I think it was too much for her heart. She took one look at me and fainted dead away.”
“That was a smart move,” Sara Jane teased him as their ma moaned and tried to sit up. Pa helped her and then she looked around, stopping when her eyes landed on Gideon.
“You’re back.” She began sobbing and Gideon felt like he was two inches tall for making her cry so.
“I am, Ma. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Gideon held out a hand to her and she grabbed it and pulled herself up and hugged him tight.
“I thought I was seeing a ghost. I had a dream and you were killed … hung … it was a horrible dream …”
Gideon swallowed. “I imagine so.” Ma, you don’t know how close that came to being a reality. He couldn’t tell her that. Not now. Maybe never.
He hugged her close and assured her, “I’m here and I’m fine. No noose around my neck.”