“It’s getting dark,” Ben said, looking at the horizon, which had just a shadow of pink left. “You do know the way home in the dark, right?”
“Of course I do,” Tripp scoffed, clearing his throat as he yanked his thoughts back on track. He wasn’t going to let Ben know how off kilter he was because he had no idea if Ben was feeling any of the same things. How did guys indicate they were interested in each other? Did Tripp even want to go there? “With my eyes closed. But we have to be here after dark. Like I said, the best part is coming.” It had gotten even darker while they were talking. Hopefully one would be by soon. They weren’t on a fixed schedule. He glanced at his watch. It was nearing eight o’clock. “It’ll be here.”
“What will be here?” Ben sounded alarmed. “Is this some horror movie backwoods North Carolina thing?”
Tripp shook his head in amused disbelief. “No. We don’t have swamp monsters. Not this far west, anyway,” he teased. “The Great Dismal Swamp draws them.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “That way.”
He was flirting. Wasn’t he? Could Ben tell?
“Ha ha,” Ben said. He looked around. “You don’t have bears, do you?”
“Maybe,” Tripp admitted. “But they’re more scared of us than we are of them.”
“I don’t know,” Ben said. “I’m pretty scared of them.” If Ben were a girl, Tripp would have slipped his arm around him right about then. Instead he clasped his hands together again.
“Have you got a list?” Tripp asked. “If you just give me a list of things you’re scared of, then I can try to avoid including them in the tour.”
“You’re hysterical,” Ben said, not laughing.
Before he could tease Ben some more, he heard it, the distant whine and a slight rattle beneath his feet. “Here it comes,” he said. Excited, he grabbed Ben’s forearm and looked to the west.
“What is it?” Ben whispered.
“The first night train,” Tripp said, never so relieved to hear one coming. A few more minutes of flirting and there was no telling where Tripp would have taken it. He was equal parts confused, excited, and shocked over what he was feeling.
“A train?” Ben sounded confused. “Out here?”
“The tracks are right up at the top of the hill.” Tripp pointed to the tracks about twenty or thirty feet away. “They come along every few hours at night. Freight trains heading to Wilmington.”
The train lights came into view around the bend and Tripp closed his eyes, anticipating the rush of wind in his hair as the train roared by. It didn’t have to cross any roads around them, so it was going fast. Ben didn’t say anything as it passed, but Tripp felt his arm tense. He knew he was squeezing Ben’s arm hard, but damn he loved the way it felt when the trains went by, the ground shaking beneath him, the deafening roar in his ears, the hot wind in his face. He imagined himself jumping on the train, speeding away from Mercury, just like he’d imagined it every time he came to watch the night trains. But for the first time he was grounded here, holding onto Ben the way he was.
“That was amazing,” Ben said with awe in his voice a few minutes later after the train was out of sight. “I’ve never been that close to a speeding train before. Not going to lie, it was scary, but exciting.”
Clarity came rushing back, and Tripp realized he was still clutching Ben’s arm. He let go of it quickly, pulling away so sharply it knocked him a little off balance and he had to grab onto the trunk beside him to stay on. “Should I put it on the list with bears?” Tripp asked, suddenly feeling foolish bringing Ben here to watch trains, like they were ten-year-olds.
“Definitely not,” Ben said with laughter in his voice. “We’ll keep it on the tour.” They sat there for a few seconds, listening as the cicadas resumed their incessant night chant. “Why do you like the trains so much?” he asked. “I saw the other tattoo on your arm.”
There was nothing but curiosity in his tone, and Tripp relaxed. He pulled up his sleeve, showing the freight train on the tracks tattooed on his arm in black.
“When I was younger I used to dream of escaping Mercury on them.” His confession surprised him. He’d never told anyone that before. It was easy to talk to Ben. He had no preconceived notions of what Tripp should say or do, no knowledge of his past or his family history that would make a confession like that awkward. He only knew Tripp in the here and now, only knew what Tripp showed him.
It was freeing, this feeling of being unknown and sort of mysterious. He’d felt like that in Myrtle Beach too, among strangers, but it had been almost overwhelming there, too much freedom. But Ben didn’t feel like a stranger. He felt like someone Tripp could trust, like a friend who would understand and accept. Tripp had been drawn to him from the start. Was that what he was feeling? Just the recognition of a kindred soul in Ben?
“And now?” Ben asked. “Do you still dream of that?”
“I didn’t tonight,” Tripp said, but he didn’t tell him why. “I thought about it, but it wasn’t a wish like it’s been in the past.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not sure,” Tripp hedged. “I’m still trying to work through that. Damn if the past couple of weeks haven’t messed with my head.” He stood up, suddenly eager to leave and get on with things. What things, he wasn’t yet sure, but he was filled with the kind of purpose he hadn’t felt in ages. “Come on. Let’s go.”
“Back to Mercury?” Ben asked, standing up next to him.
“Where else?” Tripp asked, his tone light, like his spirit, as if the train had spirited away his confusion and unhappiness. “I promised I could lead you back in the dark. Let’s see how good I am.”
“I’m hoping you’re very good,” Ben said. “I certainly can’t find my way back to Mercury by myself.”
“I think you’d do all right if you led the way,” Tripp told him. He climbed on his bike and waited for Ben to follow him home.
Seven
“You didn’t need to ride all the way home with me,” Ben protested for the fifth time. He felt like a broken record. Tripp had ignored each assurance.
They’d just pulled into the driveway of the little house he was renting a couple of blocks from John and Connor’s house. It wasn’t much to speak of, a tiny two-bedroom that desperately needed painting and updating, but it had hot water and air conditioning. Ben’s expectations had been low when he’d arrived in Mercury.
“Yes I did. I told you I’d get you home in the dark. That meant riding with you all the way.” He swung his leg over his bike seat at the same time Ben did, then began to unclip his helmet.
“What are you doing?” Ben asked in alarm. He hadn’t picked up the house before he’d left. This wasn’t a date. He wasn’t hoping to bring someone home after. As a matter of fact, he’d left his dirty clothes on the floor and the dishes in the sink, as if to prove his intentions with Tripp tonight were honorable. And now Tripp was ruining his efforts just by being here, and the atmosphere suddenly felt different.
Ben could feel himself tumbling down the rabbit hole to the stuttering, fumbling, awkward gay teen he’d been. He’d never been required to grow up when he was with Roland. His ex had been twenty years older and he’d found awkward Ben “delightful”. But Ben made the mistake of maturing, becoming older, wiser, and practical Ben. That Ben, according to Roland, had been “too old” and “too boring”. He’d aged out, apparently. Maybe he had outgrown that awkward teen.
“Taking off my helmet. I’d like to get a glass of water if I could, and use the bathroom before I head back home.”
“Oh,” Ben said, feeling like an ungrateful idiot. “Of course. Sorry. Yeah, come on in.”
“Thanks,” Tripp say drily. “I will.” Ben was glad Tripp couldn’t see his blush in the dark.
At his front door Ben fumbled with his keys. He’d forgotten to turn the porch light on. “Give me those,” Tripp said impatiently.
He started to take Ben’s keys from his hand, and when their fingers brushed Ben felt like he’d
touched a hot stove. His hand jerked and Tripp grabbed it, as if Ben had been trying to get away from him.
“Take them,” Ben said a little desperately, letting the keys go, the whole situation putting him on edge, until his skin felt electrically charged.
“Damn,” Tripp muttered, still holding Ben’s hand as he tried to pull it away. “Just damn.”
“What?” Ben asked. “What’s wrong?”
Before he knew what was happening, he was wrapped in Tripp’s arms and Tripp was kissing him. He stood there, immobile with shock for a few seconds. Then the desperation in the kiss registered, the awkwardness of it, the nervousness. But it had been so long since Ben had been this close to another man, too long, and the heat and smell and taste of Tripp made his body jerk to an almost painful arousal. He broke out in goose bumps and shoved Tripp away.
“What are you doing?” he rasped.
“Trying to kiss you,” Tripp said sharply. “You aren’t making it easy.”
“I don’t want to make it easy,” Ben snapped. “You are not into guys. Why are you kissing me?” His head was spinning. What just happened was so unexpected he wasn’t even sure where to go from here.
“Because for some crazy reason I wanted to.” Tripp’s answer surprised him again.
“Just now? You wanted to just now?” Ben tried to figure out where the night had gone wrong. “Did I act like I wanted you to kiss me?”
“Yes.”
Ben was horrified by Tripp’s answer. Was his loneliness that apparent, that Tripp would kiss him out of pity?
“But not just now,” Tripp went on, clearly frustrated. “I’ve wanted to all night. It’s been freaking me out.”
Well, that alleviated Ben’s worries on one front, but brought up a whole host of other issues.
“Wait a minute,” he said, holding up his hand in a stop gesture. “Are you telling me you wanted to kiss me all night? Tonight?”
“Yes. Well, no.” Tripp sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve just been feeling weird all night. And those damn shorts.” He gestured at Ben’s tight bike shorts, which were a hell of a lot tighter than they’d been earlier. “Jesus, I never noticed a guy’s dick before. I haven’t been able to stop staring at yours.”
“My…what?” Ben was flabbergasted. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“How are you supposed to tell another guy you can’t stop looking at his package?” Tripp exclaimed.
“Just like that,” Ben said. “I won’t wear these again. Look, this—” He waved between them. “—this is just friendship. You’re not gay. I’m not willing to be a sexual experiment. You’re just…I don’t know, confused. You said it yourself, that your head was messed up. Once it gets straightened out, you’ll see. Don’t do anything you’ll regret. And by that I mean I won’t do anything you’ll regret.”
“Maybe I’m confused about a lot of things,” Tripp said, “but I’m not confused about this. I know when I want someone, and I want you.” He grabbed Ben’s upper arms and hauled him over until they were pressed hips to hips. “See?”
Ben saw, all right…or at least he felt how much Tripp wanted him. His mouth went dry and his knees may have wobbled a bit at the evidence. But he wasn’t going there.
“I’m not about to join the ranks of gay guys who get used by straight guys who just want to try it on for size,” Ben said flatly. “One horrible betrayal and dumping per lifetime, please.” He shoved at Tripp’s chest, and Tripp let him go.
“What’s that mean?” Tripp asked, frowning. “Who betrayed you?”
“My life story in a nutshell?” Ben asked. “Fine, let’s do it. Older ex-boyfriend. Together eight years. I was in it for the long haul. He was in it until I got too old. He traded me in for a younger model. I came home from work to find my possessions neatly boxed up in the driveway and the housekeeper handed me a note. Too bad, so sad. So don’t come to old Ben to make you feel better about whatever ails you. I’m not going to suck your unhappiness out of your dick. Understood?”
“Wow,” Tripp said, wide-eyed. “You had that buried pretty damn deep. All right, I get where you’re coming from. But for the record, I’m not that guy, and I’m not that kind of a guy. What unhappiness? Did I say I was unhappy? And talking about sucking my dick is not helping.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t do it,” Ben said, meaning it.
“I don’t know what’s going on between us—” Tripp said.
“Nothing,” Ben interrupted him. “Nothing is going on between us.”
“—but whatever it is, I’m not giving up on it,” Tripp continued, ignoring him, while he stepped off the porch. He tossed Ben his house keys and Ben nearly fumbled them. “I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time, if ever. It’s all new to me. I mean, a guy. I get that the kiss wasn’t great, but I was having some mental issues over it. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, and I definitely want to try it again.”
“Not with me.” Ben kept his voice firm, but inside he felt a little kernel of pleasure at Tripp’s persistence.
“Yes, with you,” he said. “Don’t I turn you on?”
“What?” Ben asked incredulously.
“I got the impression you think I’m all right,” Tripp said, looking and sounding confused. “And your dick is hard. Right?”
Ben closed his eyes and covered them with his hand. “I am not having this conversation.”
“So that’s a yes?” Tripp asked, and Ben could hear the laughter in his voice.
“Goodbye, Tripp,” Ben said, a catch in his chest as he realized he was losing the one new friend he’d found in Mercury. Tripp was too young to rush headlong into something that had the potential to change his life forever. Ben knew from personal experience what a disaster that could be. If he had to walk away from the friendship to keep Tripp from making a huge mistake, he would.
“See you tomorrow,” Tripp answered. Clearly he hadn’t gotten the right message.
“No, you won’t,” Ben called out as Tripp climbed on his bike. “We won’t be seeing each other again.”
“Now that’s the sort of challenge I like,” Tripp called back happily. “I sure am glad you came to Mercury.” He was riding so fast down the street, standing on his bike pedals, that Ben didn’t bother to respond. Ben was sure that when Tripp woke up in the morning he’d be so embarrassed by the whole thing he’d probably stay as far away from Ben as possible.
And that was just fine.
Tripp took a deep breath while he waited for Ben to answer the phone. He’d already called three times today. He’d never had to chase someone down like this before. He was nervous as hell too, standing at the window in his office, staring outside with his arms crossed.
What a disaster he’d made of it last night. To be fair, he’d been a bit of a mess after realizing he could be into guys. Well, into Ben, anyway. He’d like to be into Ben. As in in Ben. That sounded pretty hot, actually.
He closed his eyes and laughed a little as he thought that. What a difference twenty-four hours made.
“Why are you laughing?” Ben sounded annoyed.
Just the sound of Ben’s voice had him going a little crazy again. He’d been worried about pursuing this…whatever it was between him and Ben. This was a huge change for him, being into guys. But the fact was, he was an adult now. He wasn’t going to pass up the chance to be happy because he was worried about what people would think. His parents wouldn’t care, he knew that much. They loved him, and would no matter what. He was lucky in that respect.
The way he felt when Ben answered his call dispelled his doubts. This was the right thing to do. How could he not have known this was what he wanted? Was there really no guy before Ben who’d made him feel this way? Women hadn’t, but he’d attributed that to not being ready for a relationship or not finding “the one”. In a way he’d been right. He hadn’t wanted a relationship with a girl. It had taken a reluctant, gay computer programmer from California to make him realize that. Tripp still w
asn’t sure why it was Ben and no one else before, but for now it was enough to know he wanted Ben.
“No hello?” Tripp asked, his heart hammering as he tried to sound cool.
“No,” Ben said in a flat, uninterested voice. Good thing Tripp knew he was faking it. “What do you want?”
“I want to apologize for last night,” Tripp said. He’d worked out two plans before calling. The first plan was for if Ben was receptive after he’d had time to think about the two of them. The second plan was for this Ben. Well, the second plan had actually been number one, because Tripp had sort of expected this reception.
“I was out of line. You were right, the night and all the stress and changes going on…they got to me. Right now I just feel like you’re the only one who gets what I’m going through, you know? And maybe I misread that as more than friendship, on both our parts, and reacted badly. So I’m sorry, and I didn’t mean to make it weird between us.”
Everything he’d said was true. He’d deliberately added the “maybe” because you could go either way with that and not be lying. So technically he wasn’t lying.
“Okay,” Ben said. “Apology accepted. Is that it?” Was that disappointment in his voice? Tripp hoped so. Now came the tricky part.
“Well, I was hoping we were still on for the Spartan Race,” he said. “I meant it when I said we had no one else for our team. And I know you were excited to do it. So let’s let bygones be bygones and we can do some training for it. We haven’t got a lot of time. The race is next weekend. You can’t disappoint Carver and Luke.” He closed his eyes and said a little prayer that Ben would agree.
“I don’t know, Tripp,” Ben said, sounding tired. Tripp could picture him sitting at that big desk in his white shirt and little tie, maybe rubbing his eyes. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“It’s a great idea.” Tripp poured on his famous charm. “I already paid your entrance fee.”
Ben groaned. “Seriously? Why would you do that? Now I have to pay you back. How much?”
Cherry Pop (Mercury Rising Book 3) Page 6