“Not so fast, Tonto,” Brian said in alarm. “You’re my right-hand man here. You can’t just disappear. I meant we didn’t need you today, but tomorrow we’re meeting with Charles Goodman about the foundation mission statement and setting up the board of trustees’ agreements. And on Wednesday we’re testing the new server.”
Ben sat back down with a sigh, visions of Thai food disappearing like mist. “Great,” he said without enthusiasm. “I can’t wait.”
“Okay, enough,” Brian said. “I’m laying my cards on the table. Do you want to be here or not? I know I want you here. I rely on you not just as a top-notch manager, but as a friend. But I don’t want to make you miserable. This is a big step for me, Ben. My entire life is changing and I need to surround myself with people who are as excited by these new ventures as I am. If you can’t be one of those people, then I’ll be disappointed, but I’ll understand. This is a big change for you too, and maybe it’s not a good fit. I’ve been pushing to keep you here because I think you can make a positive difference and because I thought you agreed with what I was trying to do. If I’m wrong, tell me.”
Ben was stunned by Brian’s impassioned speech. “Thank you,” he said. “I appreciate the confidence you have in me.” He looked down as the desk and ran his palms over it nervously. “What exactly are we trying to do again?”
“I’m trying to make Turnstiles into a force for change, Ben. A source of funding and education for groups and individuals who are working toward the same positive goals. I don’t just want to be a purveyor of information anymore. I want to affect how people use that information, how they connect with one another, maybe even influence social and cultural change that will help empower disenfranchised groups around the world. And in the process, I’m trying to rebuild this town. It’s a good place to start, isn’t it? This is going to be my new base of operations; this is where the action is.”
Ben remembered how excited he’d been by Brian’s new philanthropic efforts, and by the happiness his friend had found in Mercury. And hell, the happiness Ben had found here when he’d first arrived. He’d loved the small-town feel of it, the immediate sense of family. Mercury was still the same, so why had Ben’s attitude changed? Was it because of Tripp?
“I’m still excited about those things,” he told Brian. “I’ve been putting together a proposal for that individualized browser system we talked about, My Stile.”
“Which is brilliant,” Brian interjected. “Have I told you lately how glad I am that you came to work for me and not the competition?”
“Thanks.” He smiled weakly. “It’s just, this thing with Tripp has me confused.”
“What’s to be confused about? Either you like him or you don’t. Do you?”
Ben stared at Brian in consternation. “It’s not that easy. Was it that easy for you and Evan?”
“Well, you and Tripp aren’t me and Evan,” Brian said with superior chuckle.
Ben leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “We’re not, huh? And what exactly does that mean?”
“Well, I’m a multi-billionaire, one of the world’s richest men. And Evan is Evan, one of the most important people in this town, a minister. Of course our relationship was complicated. But you and Tripp are…” He paused. “Well, suffice it to say you’re a bit of a test case. Two regular guys, a newcomer and a local, mixing the old and the new here in town. Can it work? People are watching because they want it to work. They need it to work.”
“Wow, no pressure there,” Ben said sarcastically. “Now I’m supposed to sleep with him for the good of Mercury. Hell, for the good of the world and the disenfranchised masses you’re going to help one day. I’m a regular Mother Teresa with my bedroom skills.”
“No, you’re supposed to sleep with him because you want to. And I know you want to. Not sleeping with him is what’s wrong with you. So why aren’t you sleeping with him?”
“Fine,” Ben said impatiently. “I’ve only slept with one guy.”
“What?” Brian said, his eyes wide.
“Roland. That’s it. It’s just not in my nature to jump into bed with someone.” He glared defensively at Brian.
“Well, you’ve slept with one guy,” Brian said, regaining his equilibrium. “But you did it for eight years. I think you probably know how to do it by now.”
“I’m not sure I’m the right guy to…introduce Tripp to…” He waved his hand, not wanting to openly discuss sex at the office.
“Sure you are,” Brian said. “He hasn’t got anything to compare you to. You’ll be fine.”
“Oh, that’s helpful.” Brian rolled his eyes. “For once you fail in the advice department.”
“Sorry. I was pretty good at mano a mano from the start, so I have no frame of reference,” Brian said with a shrug and a grin.
“Of course you were,” Ben said sarcastically. “You’re Brian Curland.”
“Exactly. Now that we’ve settled that, you can give him a booty call.”
“He isn’t looking for casual sex and neither am I,” Ben said, shaking his head. “He has relationship written all over him.”
“Newsflash,” Brian interrupted. “So do you.”
“No, I don’t,” Ben protested. “Not anymore. Maybe in the past, but I’m not doing that again. It wasn’t worth it.”
“That old relationship wasn’t worth it,” Brian agreed. “Can I be frank?”
“Why not?” Ben said with a dry laugh. “You’ve already been earnest.”
“You’ve worked for me for five years, right? But we didn’t become friends until roughly a year ago, about the time Roland ended it with you.”
“That’s right,” Ben said, feeling uncomfortable at the turn in the conversation. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything,” Brian said. “Roland locked you up and threw away the key. He kept you to himself. You didn’t leave any friends behind in L.A. because you never had a life away from Roland. You have a few friends and most of us are here in Mercury. When he kicked you to the curb, you had to start from scratch, and that’s pretty scary, I get that. You needed a friend, and you needed one badly. And I’ve never regretted reaching out to you. I consider you one of the few people on Earth that I trust. I hope you feel the same. You’ve already got more friends here than you had in L.A. If you want to compare Roland and Tripp, fine. What about Tripp? What has he done so far? Kept you as his dirty little secret? Hidden you away from everyone here?”
“No.” Ben shoved his chair back from the desk and stood up. He began to pace.
“Okay,” Brian said, leaning back in his chair as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “What has he done?”
“He’s introduced me to all his friends and family,” Ben admitted grudgingly.
“As what?” Brian pushed.
“What? I don’t know,” Ben said, annoyed. “His friend.”
“Okay.” Brian let that lie pass. “Would you consider his friends your friends now?”
“I suppose so,” Ben said, thinking about it. “If I saw them on the street or in a restaurant I’d say hello, or buy them a beer.”
“And that scares the hell out of you,” Brian concluded. “The more entangled you get with his family and friends, the more you have to lose. The more you’re tied to Mercury. The better the chance you’re not going to want to leave when the time comes.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It doesn’t mean anything. So what if he’s introduced me to people? He’s playing me. He’s doing whatever he has to to get what he wants. I’ve been here before, but now I’m older and wiser.” The uncomfortable feeling had increased until he felt almost claustrophobic in the conversation. Even he didn’t believe what he was saying anymore.
“No, you aren’t. Every relationship is different, Ben. You can’t paint Tripp with the same brush. He and Roland are so different it’s comparing apples and oranges. Have you considered that you’re different now too? And I don’t mean older and wiser.”
“I don’t want to ruin his life,” Ben admitted. “This gay thing…what if it is just a phase? It could destroy his life.”
“Wow,” Brian said quietly, sitting back in his chair as he stared at Ben with shocked realization. “Is that how you feel? That being gay has ruined your life?”
“What?” Ben asked, genuinely surprised at where Brian had gone with his comment. “No, of course not. But things are different here. Tripp’s life is different.” He sighed. “I think being with Roland did ruin my youth. Not permanently, but there’s so much I could have done with those eight years and didn’t because of that relationship.”
“Maybe this thing with Tripp won’t work out, maybe it will,” Brian said. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t try to figure it out together. You’re being unfair to Tripp and to yourself. This thing between you was unexpected on both sides. He’s willing to try, and frankly he’s the one with the most to lose, especially if you decide to go back to L.A. Don’t overthink it. Let yourself enjoy it, for however long it lasts. A day, a year, forever. You deserve some happiness, and I think you’ll find some with Tripp.” He leaned his elbows on Ben’s desk and met his gaze. “Denying yourself has sucked the joy out of everything. So find your joy. It’s that simple.”
Fifteen
Tripp answered his phone on the first ring. “Hello?” He had just kicked off his shoes in his bedroom.
“It’s Ben.”
“I know.” Tripp grinned. He had seen his name on the screen.
“Oh, yeah, duh,” Ben said. He sounded nervous. “Uh, how’s your dad?”
“They’re keeping him overnight, but he was sitting up and eating when I left,” Tripp told him. “Mama stayed, and I left when Evan showed up to visit with them. She’ll most likely be there all night.” He hesitated. “Hey, I want to thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to. It meant a lot to me and my folks.”
“Oh, that,” Ben said awkwardly. “Well, you called and so I thought I ought to check up on you guys. I can’t believe how much your mom looks like your Aunt Doreene,” he continued in a rush, clearly uncomfortable with Tripp’s thanks. “That really threw me. I don’t think your uncle likes me.”
“My uncle doesn’t like anyone but my aunt,” Tripp told him. “Still not sure what she sees in him. I don’t think the two sisters have very good taste in men.”
“My mom always says you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors,” Ben said. “Maybe he cries at romantic movies and Hallmark commercials.”
Tripp laughed. “Maybe. But I’m pretty sure Uncle Dennis never stepped out on Aunt Doreene like my dad. She’d have cut off his pecker and banned him from the family.”
“I’m willing to bet he knows he’d never get another woman like her. They’re a real mismatched pair.” Ben cleared his throat. “Like us.”
“Not even close,” Tripp said, playing it casual, though his heart was pounding. He sat down hard on the bed. “You may not be as pretty as Aunt Doreene, but you’re a hell of a lot smarter, that’s for sure.”
“Ha ha,” Ben said. “So, what do a mismatched pair of gay guys do for fun around here?”
“In the past, they’ve been known to eat breakfast at Wren’s Diner,” Tripp suggested.
“That might be moving a little too fast for me,” Ben said. “I’ve had enough gossip for a while.”
“Then what would you like to do?” Tripp asked. He supposed the same date places that worked for girls would work for guys, right? But it might be better if Ben took the lead on this one.
“Someplace out of town?” Ben suggested. “I’d rather not be under a microscope while we figure this out.”
“So you agree there’s something to figure out?” Tripp asked, fishing for more clues to where Ben’s head was at.
“I agree,” Ben said. “What it is, I don’t know yet. But no more talk about love. I’m at the Mr. Right Now phase, not Mr. Right.”
“Okay, Mr. Right Now,” Tripp said. “How about Myrtle Beach this weekend? There’s a lot to do there, the weather is just about perfect, and the crowds will have thinned out now that school’s started.”
“I haven’t been there,” Ben said. “I assumed it would be too touristy.”
“It is.” Tripp adjusted the pillows and leaned back against the headboard. “But that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun. Mini-golf, amusement parks, Margaritaville, shopping.”
“Don’t tell your mom or she’ll go with us and make me go shopping with her,” Ben said in mock panic.
“My lips are sealed,” Tripp promised. “So that means you want to go?”
“Sure,” Ben said. “We can go on Saturday.”
“Okay.” Tripp was disappointed that he’d have to wait almost a week to see Ben again.
“Riding again tomorrow morning?” Ben asked after a few seconds of silence.
“You read my mind,” Tripp said with a grin.
“It’s not hard,” Ben told him with a smile in his voice, “when we’re thinking the same thing.”
“Hey Luke,” Tripp said, holding his cell between his cheek and his shoulder as he unlocked his truck and tossed some file folders full of permits and budgets onto the seat and climbed in. He was running late after his morning bike ride with Ben.
“Gay, really?” Luke said angrily in his ear. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What are you talking about?” Tripp said, surprised by his anger. “You didn’t care when Carver came out.”
“Carver ain’t my best friend,” Luke said. “I leave town for a week and you go and get yourself mixed up with some gay guy from California. Your mama called to check up on me and see if I made the leaderboard—which you didn’t, I might point out—and she’s all about your daddy’s heart attack, and oh yeah, Tripp’s decided he’s gay and he’s in love with Ben. What the fuck?”
“Settle down,” Tripp said, slamming the truck door. “It don’t mean nothing.”
“So you’re not in love with Ben? That’s nothing? Or you’re not gay, and that’s nothing?”
“Oh no. I’m gay and I’m in love with Ben. I just meant it don’t mean nothing when it comes to you and me,” Tripp explained. “We’re still best friends.”
“Best friends tell each other when they’ve been lying to them their whole lives,” Luke accused. “They say shit like ‘hey buddy, sorry I let you believe I was straight since we were in kindergarten, but I really like to fuck guys. My bad.’”
“I haven’t been lying to you,” Tripp said. “I didn’t know myself until Ben.”
“That don’t make no kind of sense,” Luke said impatiently. “Carver said he always knew, he just pretended because he was scared.”
“Carver ain’t me,” Tripp said. “Everybody’s different.”
“Look,” Luke said. “You just got to think about it, that’s all. You’re all confused, see? I get that. Really. You ain’t found the right girl yet, so you’re wondering if you’re shopping at the right store. But don’t go off the deep end. We’ll go fishing this weekend, and I’ll help put your head on straight.” Tripp stifled a laugh at Luke’s unintended pun.
“I found the right person,” Tripp told him. “It just happens to be a guy.”
“How could you want that?” Luke said, confusion in his voice. “A miserable, sad, doomed love, loving each other from afar and dying alone?”
“Again, that’s Brokeback Mountain,” Tripp said with a sigh. “Not the modern world. My mom likes him.”
“Your mom likes everyone,” Luke said. “That don’t mean nothing.”
“My dad likes him,” Tripp tried.
“Your daddy won’t say boo to your mama,” Luke scoffed. “And he just had a heart attack. Ask him again in a few weeks.”
“You liked him,” Tripp reminded him.
“He pushed my ass over a few walls during a day of misery,” Luke said. “I’d have liked any gay guy who did that. Not liked liked, but you know what I mean.”
“Well, I like him,” Tri
pp said. “We’re going to Myrtle Beach this weekend.”
“Oh God, don’t tell me they have gay stuff in Myrtle Beach,” Luke said in horror. “I don’t wanna know.”
“Yeah,” Tripp told him. “We’re going to play gay mini-golf and eat gay burgers at Margaritaville. It’s wild and crazy.”
“I can’t talk to you like this,” Luke said. “You’ve been brainwashed. I’m gonna beat Carver’s ass for this.”
“He turned me,” Tripp told him. “Turned me gay.”
“Shut up,” Luke said, and hung up.
Tripp heaved a sigh when he came out of work to see Carver sitting on the open tailgate of his truck. It was after seven, he’d had a hell of a day fighting with the county clerk over some permit issues which had yet to be settled, and he was in no mood to deal with more interference from well-meaning friends.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Luke called,” Carver said. He jumped down off the tailgate. “Want to go for a beer?”
“Are you trying to pick me up?” Tripp asked, unlocking the truck doors. “Is this some kind of gay test?”
Carver laughed. “No. But I am kind of hurt that you never decided to turn gay for me. My gay self-esteem may never recover.”
“I’m real gay sorry,” Tripp said with a relieved laugh.
“God, we are going to have so much fun at Luke’s expense,” Carver said, climbing into his truck. “Seriously. He’s going to hate us.”
Tripp climbed into his truck and started it. “So is this a ‘congratulations you’re gay beer’ or an ‘I’m supposed to talk you out of the gay’ beer?”
“Since apparently it’s my fault you’re gay—and by the way, I didn’t realize my gay was that awesome—it’s supposed to be the second one. But just between you and me, it’s the first one.”
“Good,” Tripp said, pulling out of the parking lot. “I’ve had a crappy day and I need a drink with a good friend.”
“Not the new boyfriend?” Carver asked a little too casually. He wasn’t very good at being nosy.
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