Sweet baby Jesus, Ben thought. Roland was up to his old tricks again. But what did this guy want with Ben? He might live to regret it, but the only way to find out was to see him. “Send him in,” Ben said. He stood up behind his desk and waited.
A moment later the door opened and a young man walked in who could have been Ben’s doppelganger five years ago, apart from the bleached blond hair. He wore an extremely stylish yet casual outfit of navy slacks and a black T-shirt. His appearance screamed Hollywood even more than Trey’s usually did.
Ben smoothed his tie down. “Hello,” he said with a professional smile. “What can I do for you, Mr. Mills?” He indicated the chair in front of his desk and sat down.
“K.C.,” the man said, staring at Ben. “The letters, you know, K and C.”
“Okay, K and C,” Ben said a little more firmly. “Why are you here? We’ve never met as far as I can recall.”
“I told your secretary that Roland kicked me out just like you,” he said, sauntering forward and plopping into the chair Ben had indicated.
“Assistant,” Ben corrected. “She’s my assistant.”
“Whatever,” K.C. said. “I just figured I’d take my severance pay as it were and come see the great Ben Heston for myself.”
“I don’t know what that means,” Ben said honestly. “But that’s an awful lot of attitude considering I’ve never seen you before.”
“The irony is not lost on me,” K.C. said bitterly. “You have no idea who I am, and yet I know more about you than I do my own brother.”
“Now you’re getting a little freaky,” Ben said. “Maybe this would be a good time to explain what’s going on.”
K.C. laughed, but it didn’t contain a lot of humor. “For the last year I’ve heard nothing but Ben did this, and Ben did that, and Ben did it this way. ‘Why can’t you be more like Ben?’” he said in a bad imitation of Roland. “So after all that, I thought I’d just come out to the East Coast and see what was so goddamned great about you.”
Ben was so floored he just sat there staring at K.C. with his mouth hanging open for a second or two as the other man stared back at him. He felt nothing but shock. No elation that Roland missed him, no hope for a joyful reunion. Just a vague distaste that Roland had shared personal things from his life with this stranger.
Finally he said, “I’m sorry?”
K.C. deflated, slumping in his chair. “I know it’s not your fault,” he mumbled. “Somehow this seemed like a better idea when I was still full of righteous indignation in L.A.”
“Righteous indignation does tend to wear rose-colored glasses,” Ben agreed. “Been there, threw out the T-shirt.”
K.C. gave a huff of laughter. “Yeah, I guess you have been.”
“Look,” Ben said, feeling sorry for the guy. “I get where you’re coming from. But I still don’t see how coming all the way out here to see me is going to help.”
“I didn’t think that far ahead,” K.C. said. “I didn’t even pack.”
“Did he have your things neatly boxed in the driveway?” Ben asked with sympathy.
“Yeah,” K.C. said with a sigh. “I left it all there. Wasn’t much anyway.” Ben remembered how small the pile of his own boxes had been. He’d been a visitor in Roland’s house and hadn’t even realized it.
Ben became curious about K.C.’s story. “Come on,” he said, making a spur of the moment decision. “You could probably eat.”
“I could probably eat,” K.C. agreed. “And I’d kill for a latte.”
“Wouldn’t we all?” Ben agreed. “I’ve got a Nespresso at home.”
“No Starbucks?” K.C. whined.
“You’re in the real world now, kid,” Ben told him as he opened his office door. “Suck it up.”
Trey sat back on the sofa in his rented condo, the sounds of downtown Wilmington sneaking in from the street below. “Let me get this straight,” he said. “Romeo arrived from L.A. today after that schmuck Thornburg gave him the goodbye treatment, and for some reason you want me to let him stay with me? Here?”
“Yes,” Ben said simply.
“And I should do this because…?” Trey asked.
“Because I asked you to,” Ben said. “I know it’s an imposition, but my house only has one bedroom and this one has two. Plus K.C.’s going to catch the first flight out tomorrow, so it’s only one night. Since he just flew across the country, I thought you might be nice enough to let him rest for one night before he has to get back on a plane.”
Trey didn’t look convinced.
“Please?” Ben wheedled. “I have some…things that need to be straightened out.”
“Things like Tripp?” Trey asked. “Everyone was talking about you two at Wren’s this morning.”
“What?” Ben asked, not as horrified as he thought he’d be. “What were they saying?”
“Tripp was trying to figure out why you don’t want him,” Trey said off-handedly. “How are you getting to Raleigh to catch your plane?” he asked K.C., clearly suspicious.
“I guess I could rent a car,” K.C. said slowly, looking at Ben. Ben shook his head.
“Don’t look at me,” he said. “This was your idea. When you run with a brilliant idea, you have to deal with the fallout.” K.C. sighed. Ben turned back to Trey. “I do want him. That’s the problem.”
“Well Tripp doesn’t think so,” Trey said. “Maybe because you refuse to sleep with him.”
“Who’s Tripp?” K.C. asked.
Ben ignored him. “I refuse to sleep with him because he’s very young and only just realized he’s gay. I’m not even sure he is gay, frankly. Would you want to get involved with someone like that?”
“I have been involved with someone like that,” Trey said. “It was pretty fun trying to figure it out.” He winked at K.C., who smiled back.
“Roland said you were a virgin when he met you,” K.C. said. “So you were sort of in this guy Tripp’s place then, right?”
And just like that, the pieces fell into place.
“Yes, I was,” Ben said as a chill raced down his spine. “I knew I was gay, though. I just hadn’t been involved with anyone.”
“Yeah, me either,” K.C. said. “I mean, I was only nineteen when I met him at an audition. That was just a couple of weeks before you moved out.”
“Was kicked out,” Ben corrected.
K.C. winced. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
“You didn’t really think much about Ben when you moved your little ass in, did you?” Trey asked. He shook his head with a look of disgust. “Let me guess, Roland didn’t get you the parts he promised either.”
“Nope,” K. C. said with a shrug. “Live and learn. The fact is Roland never got over Ben. I overheard some people talking about how he could still get the young studs, meaning me, I guess. So I think it had a lot to do with his image rather than his feelings.”
“Don’t be fooled,” Ben said. “If he never got over me, it wasn’t me, it was how easy I made his life. No demands, no complaints, no worries. I didn’t want anything from him, my career wasn’t in entertainment at all, and I had no desire to go there. I accommodated his crazy schedules and let him go to premieres and parties and shoots by himself. Looking back now, I’m sure you weren’t the first time he cheated on me. You were just the last.”
“Why?” Trey asked with a frown of confusion. “Why would you stay with a guy like that?”
“Because he was my first,” Ben said, getting up and walking over to look down at the street. The restaurants were doing a good early dinner business with the tourists. “And I was naïve and gullible. I thought he really loved me, that he’d taken one look at me and found the love of his life.” He glanced over his shoulder with a wry twist of his lips. “Stupid, huh?”
“I honestly don’t know how someone who grew up in Hollywood could still believe in happy endings,” Trey said with a shake of his head. “You were ripe for the picking when Roland found you. How did he find you?”
“I
was helping a friend with some CGI for a student film he was working on. Roland came to check it out as a favor to a friend.” He could picture it like it was yesterday, Roland zipping up in his Jaguar, his blond hair whipping in the wind, the way his blue eyes sparkled when he took off his sunglasses and smiled at Ben as if he’d just glimpsed heaven. Ben had left with him that afternoon and moved into Roland’s house two weeks later. “I was too young and stupid to see him for what he really was, all flash and no substance. I spent eight years pretending he was someone he wasn’t, someone who wasn’t even remotely similar to the real Roland. But I refused to admit my mistake.”
He’d been projecting his own youthful idiocy on Tripp. But Tripp wasn’t like Ben had been when he’d met Roland. Tripp was older not just in years, but in experience and wisdom and common sense, most definitely. And Ben wasn’t Roland. He’d never be Roland. If he was he wouldn’t be trying so hard to protect Tripp from making a mistake that he’d regret.
The problem was, Tripp didn’t need or want his protection, did he? Yes, maybe Ben was older than Tripp, and maybe Tripp was inexperienced, but that didn’t mean they were reliving Ben and Roland’s history.
“I have to get back to Mercury,” he said, a sudden urgency gripping him. “Take care of K.C. for me, will you, Trey?” He turned and walked briskly toward the door.
“I can take care of myself,” K.C. called after him.
“Oh, please,” Trey dismissed with a snort. “I’ve known you five minutes and I can tell that’s a load of bullshit. Hey,” he called out to Ben as he was leaving. “Say hello to Tripp for me.” He laughed and Ben smiled as he shut the door.
About half an hour later, his phone rang. He looked at the name on his radio screen. “Shit,” he muttered.
He debated answering long enough that it went to voicemail and he sighed with relief. It only lasted briefly before the phone rang again. He groaned and hit the answer button on his steering wheel.
“Hello Roland,” he said flatly.
“I’m going to assume you simply couldn’t get to the phone in time when I called a moment ago,” Roland said accusingly.
Ben just rolled his eyes at that tone of voice. There was a time Roland had been able to make him feel guilty for a week with just that tone. Not anymore. He didn’t owe Roland a damn thing. The thought made him grin and he let his amusement seep into his voice as he answered.
“Nope. I just didn’t want to talk to you.” There was a lengthy pause, and Ben could almost see Roland fuming on the other end of the line.
“Well, your manners certainly haven’t improved since we parted ways,” Roland finally said, his words sharp.
“My manners are impeccable,” Ben said. “But since you kicked me out, I don’t feel the need to use them around you. Yeah, it was not a parting of the ways, FYI.”
“Your bitterness is understandable,” Roland said sympathetically. Ben gritted his teeth. “You have every right to be mad at me, Ben-Ben,” Roland added, using the nickname he’d called Ben years ago, when Ben was still young and stupid and blind. “I was going through some things. I wasn’t myself.”
Ben realized in disbelief that Roland was calling to patch things up with him, to try and get him back. This was it, everything he’d been dreaming about for the last year. His old life was literally calling him home. He could have it all back.
The problem was, he didn’t want it anymore. He had to repeat that to himself just to experience the wonder and euphoria of it.
“You are unbelievable,” he said, not sure if he was talking to himself or Roland.
“You know things have been difficult for me the last few years,” Roland whined. “I can’t believe you haven’t called to check on me in all this time.”
“Um, I don’t believe you’ve called to check on me either,” Ben said, not even caring enough to get angry about it anymore. “Considering I’m the one who was left homeless when you had Rosario box my things and leave them in the driveway, it would have been a nice gesture.”
“She did that on her own,” Roland lied. “She never liked you.”
“She cried when she gave me the note,” Ben said drily. “It was you she never liked.”
“Let’s not argue, darling,” Roland said. “When can you come home?”
“I am home,” Ben said firmly. He liked the sound of it, liked calling North Carolina home, the sense of belonging and permanence it gave him. He thought about his friends here, his little rental house, the bike trails, and night trains.
But mostly he thought about Tripp. Yes, this was home now.
“I suppose K.C. whined to you about me,” Roland complained. “He’s such a backstabber. I honestly don’t know what I ever saw in him.”
“Really?” Ben said. “So the fact that he looks just like I did when I was younger escaped your notice?”
“Well, someone has a high opinion of himself,” Roland said flirtatiously. “Yes, all right. You know I have a type, and you’re it. K.C. was just a foolish attempt to regain what we had lost. You have to admit you’d stopped paying me as much attention. You spent all your time at that awful job and talked endlessly about Curland. What else was I suppose to do to get your attention?”
“I don’t know,” Ben said sarcastically. “Show some interest in my life, my career? Give me equal time in the relationship? I’m pretty sure there was some middle ground between supposedly loving me one day and kicking me out the next.”
He spied the exit for Highway 17 and put on his blinker. Traffic was heavy as he maneuvered into position to exit. He saw a sign for the Battleship North Carolina, now a museum permanently anchored at the seaport of Wilmington. Like Ben, it had found a home here.
“I told you I wasn’t thinking straight,” Roland snapped. “Remember?”
“Must have been male menopause,” Ben said, not bothering to muzzle his sarcasm like he’d done all those years with Roland.
“Don’t be cruel, darling,” Roland whined. “You know I’m not that old.”
Ben let that tall tale slide by. “What do you want, Roland?”
“K.C. is there, isn’t he?” Roland said accusingly. “It’s like a convention of my old lovers.” Ben could tell he loved the idea of that, a dejected gathering of his discards.
“Hardly,” Ben said. “Yes, he’s here. I just left him with Trey Barlow.”
“Trey Barlow?” Roland said in a flat, hard voice.
“Yep.” Ben didn’t bother hiding his glee. “Trey’s down here in Wilmington, you know. He spends a lot of time here now that Brian’s moved.”
“Passing along my leftovers, are you?” Roland said smoothly, any conciliatory tones long gone.
“Don’t be crude, Roland. It doesn’t become an aging lothario.”
“What is going on, Ben?” Roland demanded. “What happened to ‘I’ll love you forever, Roland’, hmm? I thought you couldn’t live without me.”
“Turns out I can. Who knew? I’m actually doing pretty well, thanks.”
“Fine,” Roland said with a sigh. “I admit I was wrong to go about things the way I did. There, happy?”
“My happiness doesn’t depend on you anymore, Roland,” Ben said, suddenly tired of the conversation. “What you do or say has no effect on me. If you’re happy you finally apologized for being an absolute shit, then that’s fine. As for me, I don’t care one way or another.”
A huge weight was lifting off his chest the longer he talked to Roland. What was it people said about closure being good for you? Damn if they weren’t right on the money. “You know, Roland,” he said, “I’m actually glad you called.” He turned onto Highway 87.
“Of course you are,” Roland said, relief evident in his tone. “Now that I’ve come to my senses, you can come to yours. We’ll forget this nasty little separation ever happened.”
“Like I said, you are unbelievable.” Ben shook his head as he travelled the now familiar road back to Mercury. “I was going to say that talking to you today has been an i
mportant closure for me. I’m in a new relationship and I was having trouble committing because the ghost of our past was still haunting me.”
“You mean you’re not over me,” Roland rushed to say. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You don’t have to get over me.”
“Still not getting it, Roland,” Ben said. “I am over you. This conversation just proved it to me. But more than that, it showed me that what happened between us wasn’t my fault. Well, maybe a little bit. I should have left you sooner.”
“What?” Roland said, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“I was over you before you kicked me out.”
It felt so good to admit that. On some level Ben had known it. The guilt he’d been feeling for the last year wasn’t over the way the relationship ended, it was over his own complicity in continuing to live the lie for so long.
“I’m sorry, Roland,” he said honestly. “You probably deserved better. I know I did. Do. Anyway, K.C. is fine, not that you asked. What did you do with his things?”
“His things?” Roland asked, sounding confused. “Didn’t he take them?”
Ben shook his head over Roland’s complete self-absorption. “I’ll call Rosario and ask.”
“Does this mean we’re not getting back together?” Roland asked, disbelief in his voice. “When we had our little disagreement, it was with the understanding that I’d forgive you and take you back.”
“Forgive me?” Ben asked. Then he thought better of it. “Never mind. Doesn’t matter. I forgive you, Roland. How about that?”
“I already apologized,” Roland snapped. “How many times are you going to make me say it?”
“Goodbye, Roland.” And there it was. The words Ben hadn’t gotten to say a year ago. Saying them freed him in a way he hadn’t expected.
“This isn’t goodbye,” Roland insisted. “I’ll give you time to reflect. I know you’ll see what a mistake you’re making.” He sounded utterly confident. Ben had to admit he probably had reason to. In the past Ben had always come around to Roland’s way of thinking. Usually just to shut him up.
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