The first time Isaac took us to fireworks I wasn’t accustom to such loud noises. I was terrified at the time. I hid behind Griff for the first half, refusing to come out. Griff finally got annoyed and turned around. I tried to follow his back as he turned, but he held me still. He pried me away from him.
“Fireworks are good. Exploding colors. And a sign of celebration.”
He nodded emphatically. I didn’t believe him at the time. Fear shook my body.
“No. Loud sounds are bad,” I whispered so quiet I knew only he could hear me. Isaac watched us closely. Keith was visibly restraining himself from coming over.
“No fireworks are good. Look, see, look!”
Griff pulled me in front of him so that my back nestled into his contours and I couldn’t move. The fireworks started up again. I watched fascinated.
After that I loved fireworks.
But that was a long time ago, in a different place. The trellis towered over me and Keith kissed my cheek. I watched him move away as I chewed the inside of my lip. I was alone now. I resisted looking at my watch on my arm even though I was dying to see what time it was. I was sure time had slowed down, and my heart pounded in my chest. I tried not to fidget and I kept my eyes on Griffin. He smiled at me.
Boom.
My heart jumped. I crouched down a little, but looked to the sky and saw the fireworks. All eyes turned towards the show that was being put on. I knew he had done it for me.
I turned to Griffin and started to mouth I love you, but something stopped me halfway.
I doubled over. A scent permeated my nostrils. Electricity ran through my body. The scent was sandalwood, and pine, overtaking everything in me. My blood bubbled. My skin felt itchy, uncomfortable and tight.
I desperately searched for Griffin. My heart was racing as the scent started to leave me. But I knew I would never be able to mistake it.
For now I was more concerned with the fact that my limbs felt numb, and the ground was getting closer. My head was stuffy. I couldn’t think. The ground looked comfortable. Getting closer.
Everything went black a second later.
****
“Lettie?” Griff asked. He was, somehow, at the edge of my conscious. He was close enough that I could feel him. My eyes felt glued, my limbs, which I couldn’t feel until now, were heavy. I wanted to go back to the darkness. I was safer there.
“Please, Lettie come back to me,” Griff said his voice strained and broken. I leaned towards his voice, moaning at the pain. My body was starting to wake up. My eyes flickered open before I squeezed them shut.
“Oh for the love of… can someone turn off the sun? My head’s about to explode,” I mumbled.
The blinds closed and I opened my eyes. My first thought was of the fire still in my blood. A close second was the scent now locked in my heart. A scent completely absent from this room. I looked over at Griff. Saw the deep longing and sadness in his eyes.
He was not mine.
Griff turned his head away from me. My heart sank in my chest and my shoulders dropped. I looked down at my hands. The nails that Rose had painted so perfectly last night were chipped. A crushing loneliness pressed against my soul. It was different from when Griffin and I were separated. This was closer to my heart, if that was possible. I shut my eyes trying to pull in a ragged breath.
The bed dipped under his weight. His hand clumsily grabbed onto mine. I felt his lips brush against my knuckles. My breath hitched as my heart tightened. His nose brushed against the sensitive skin on the back of my hand. I wanted to feel the comfort of his skin on mine. Instead my stomach soured.
I had a mate and he was going to come for me. And that mate was definitely not Griffin.
I knew. I knew from the beginning he could never be mine, but it never stopped my heart hoping it would be. He rubbed his hands up and down my arms. The tingling sensation was still present. Our pack-bond was still intact.
I gathered my courage and turned to Griff. When I tried to look him in the eyes, I just couldn’t do it. My eyes averted back to his torso, which was still covered by the black button up he had worn to my birthday.
Trying to make light of things, for him, for me, for both of us, I cracked a joke.
“I sort of skipped the fun of last night, huh?”
My voice was raw from underuse. It wasn’t until I tried to take a deep breath that I felt the dryness in my throat. I needed water.
“That was almost a day ago.”
Griffin moved and the exposed skin revealed in the gaps in the buttons drew my eyes. He rolled back over holding out a glass of water to me. I took it eagerly. I sipped down the water so fast that it threatened to come back up. I coughed a few times. Griff took the cup back. He lay down, pulling me with him.
Part of me, the quiet voice of my wolf, was there telling me that while he was pack, this was wrong. I shouldn’t be so close to him. I scooted over a little, but my body still touched Griffin’s.
“Do you think we could ignore it?”
Maybe if I didn’t talk too loudly about it, it wouldn’t be true.
“No,” Griff sighed loudly. “And we have other problems, anyway.”
There was something in his voice that had me wrinkling my brow in concern.
“What? Is my mate Nick or something?”
I heard Griffin let out a frustrated groan and he tried to pull me close again. I was a little reluctant to move closer, but pack bond tingled, wanting him near.
“No. No one in the pack has claimed to be yours.”
My blood went cold and my breath caught. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears. No one in the pack claimed me. But he was coming. I could feel it in my bones. Or was he already on his way? If not, he would be soon. He would find me. My nameless, faceless mate.
I’d deal with that later. I had to figure out Griffin’s reluctance first. He wasn’t telling me everything, and I wanted to push him on the subject. But for the moment, I think we both needed silence. In the silence, I could feel my wolf. She was stronger. I had the improved instincts of a half breed, and keener senses, but it was rare for me to feel her. Not that it was an uncomfortable feeling. In fact it felt kind of pleasant. It felt like I was finally finding the other half of me.
Griffin fidgeted in his seat. His leg bumped against my own. My eyes moved over to him as he continued to squirm on the bed. My annoyance continued to climb while his glance flickered over me.
“What is it?”
Whatever was clearly bothering him created a buzz of nervous energy that transferred easily through our bond.
“Nothing. Dad and Keith want to see you. So does Mom.”
A stabbing pain shot through my head over and over again, right behind my eyes. I threw my arm over my eyes trying to block out everything. This week had been stressful enough now Griff was being evasive. I flushed. I was about to tell him that he was an ass or something. My rising frustration overwhelmed any gratitude I had for him.
There was a shattering noise and I jumped.
A vase that had been full of flowers on the window sill was now in pieces. Water puddled, and the flowers lay scattered atop broken bits. My breath caught in my throat. There was no sudden gust of wind, but the vase had rattled before falling. What could have…?
I turned to Griff, still holding my breath. His lips pressed together in a firm line. His own eyes looked back and forth between me and the vase.
Crash.
The door splintered open at the knob. Keith came in breathing hard, his eyes that wolfish shade of yellow. He looked at me and growled loudly. It was vicious. A sound that never had been directed at me before by him.
I swallowed hard, my heart racing as I watched him before quickly looking down and baring my neck, as I knew I should. Keith let in a long breath. Released it slowly, finally calmed down. I kept my head lowered. Fear coursed through my veins.
“I’m sorry,” Keith said as he looked at the ground, a light blush on his neck. Griff had mov
ed in front of me so that he was protecting, and guarding me from Keith. Suddenly the air felt a little too thin.
“What’s wrong with me?” I whispered feeling dread creeping underneath my skin.
I looked frantically from Griffin to Keith. Keith wouldn’t look at me, his eyes stayed averted. That hurt the most.
“Please tell me what is going on,” I asked, looking at Griffin sideways.
“You created the fireworks.”
I looked at him, not understanding. I wrinkled my nose at him and shook my head.
“No, Lettie. You don’t understand. You aren’t really half human,” Keith answered, not looking at me.
“I’m… full wolf?” I said.
“You don’t remember your mother at all?” Keith asked, avoiding the question. My bewilderment was obvious.
“What are you talking about? I told you about my past. I never knew my mother, you guys know this! You even sent for my medical records! I was abandoned at that hospital.”
I didn’t want to go on. These were painful facts. I was happier forgetting than remembering.
“We believe… there’s no easy way to say this. We believe you’re part witch.”
The air sucked right out of the room. Neither Keith nor Griffin moved. I was a statue. My mind rejected it. I couldn’t think.
The quiet was overwhelming and oppressive. I hadn’t realized that my breath was caught in my throat until Griffin moved closer to me and touched my back, murmuring calming things to me. Sobs choked me. My tears were unstoppable. I thought for sure that I was going to be sick, but as my stomach cramped, I realized there was nothing in me to throw up.
I clutched my stomach with my arms as I heaved.
I was half a monster. I was half of what had destroyed my childhood. I was half of what I knew Keith and Griffin hated the most. I was half something that I hated. I didn’t know how to react. The desire to crawl out of my skin was inescapable, even if there was no escaping. How could I escape the knowledge of what I was?
Unsure. Unsure of everything. How many times had he told me he loved me? How long had Keith been my father? A sense of disgust rose up in me. I felt desperate to tell them I hadn’t betrayed them, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Please, Lettie. We don’t hate you. We never could,” Griff said as he tried to get closer to me. I pushed him away. Our pack-bond flared, his emotions flowing into me. Instead of giving me my space, he was trying to force calm on me. But his emotions brought me closer to him. I didn’t hear Keith move, but suddenly he was stroking my hair.
“I could never hate you. Oh my little one I’m sorry if I scared you,” Keith whispered, “We are going to help you through this, and help you figure it all out.”
“I…”
Isaac came into the room, and all thought disappeared. I regarded him blankly, thinking he must hate me as well. Half of me a monster, how couldn’t he? And now he’s bound to me, a witch. There was a hollowness inside my soul. I couldn’t be that. There was no way. But…
Darkness and sorrow reigned freely.
Isaac’s expression softened and he moved forward. Keith and Griffin backed away while Isaac took me in his arms. He held me close, pushing my reluctant face into his neck. I inhaled deeply, letting the comforting scent of pack, home, and my alpha washed over me.
“You don’t have anything to fear little Lettie. We love you. All of us. You are pack.”
Isaac squeezed me before he let me go. I stood on the side of my bed not wanting to look at anyone.
“Alpha, is it allowed for me to take a walk?” I asked not looking at Isaac directly. He cupped my cheek, forcing me to look up at him.
“Of course. Lettie,” Isaac paused as he swallowed, “Of course it is.”
His face flashed with worry for a moment. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but the urge to escape was too great.
I simply nodded.
Isaac left. Keith came and hugged me once more before he followed Isaac out. Griffin stayed right where he was. I wasn’t surprised.
I looked down at the clothes I was wearing. Rose most have changed me into my pajamas, and an oversized shirt. I grabbed new underwear, jeans and a different shirt. Griffin just stood with his arms crossed over his chest. He watched me like a hawk.
I went to the adjoining bathroom to change. I avoided looking at myself in the mirror. I didn’t think I was ready for that. The girl looking back at me, wouldn’t be Colette: half werewolf, half human. She would be Colette: half werewolf, half witch. I threw my hair up in a ponytail and came out of the bathroom.
“You look pale, Lettie,” Griffin said.
I scowled at him. I was only half, so of course I was pale compared the rest of the Lupen pack. I grabbed Griffin’s sweatshirt. It fit like a dress, but I felt safe in it, pulling the hood over my head. I hid in it and started to head out of the room without answering him. He followed me down the stairs.
I stopped.
“Please, Griffin.”
I looked up at him knowing my eyes were shining with pain and I hoped that he would respect my needs. I couldn’t think with him here. And there was too much to think about. My mother. Who was she? And my mate…who could he be? What would he think of my cursed blood? And then there was Griffin, so close yet impossibly distant. The one I could love but not have. Then there was coming to terms with the fact that I was not just half human, half wolf. I was something completely different.
Abomination. The word left me queasy.
Griffin stared back at me with the same exact pain that I was feeling. But I never once thought he couldn’t handle our separation better than I. He was stronger than me, so much stronger, and he would have everyone here. He would have the pack. And I? I would have a mate that I didn’t know. I wasn’t even sure I could love him at this point. We were meant to be together, but that didn’t mean we were going to fall in love the moment we met. There frequently was attraction, but attraction wasn’t the same thing as love. And I already loved someone.
A dread swam in my stomach.
“Please.”
Griffin’s Adam Apple bobbed and with a nodded he walked away from me. I headed down the stairs.
Outside was bitter. The sky was overcast and I could smell rain. I didn’t care. If it rained, all the better. I was hoping the weather would reflect how I was feeling on the inside. I oriented myself towards a place empty of all but trees and wilderness. I hoped that I wouldn’t run into anyone.
I walked for a long time without thinking about anything. I managed to empty my mind of everything but the nature around me. I didn’t realize how far I had gone until I arrived at a road. Keith’s request came to the forefront of my mind and my shoulders shrugged it away.
I stepped from the edge of the woods and continued to walk beside it. Without the cover the trees provided, I was soaked in a few minutes. I briefly considered going home, but ten minutes later, the rain stopped.
I looked up at the sky. It was the unknown that scared me to the most. My biggest unknown at the moment was my mate. Granted there were no guarantees when my mate would find me, or if he was even of age yet. I did not intend to actively look for him. Too much to deal with now. He would have to wait. With that decision put on hold, I tried to get some perspective on other things. At least I could begin to deal with my other problem.
A witch. I was part witch. While I knew not all wolves hated witches, about half of the country did. The west side of the country had a strange and tentative alliance with them. I wondered if it were possible to have a witch bind my “witch-ness.” I didn’t care to learn magic, nor did I want to be associated with a race I hated.
I looked into myself, expecting to feel something different. Something magical. All I could feel was the strange, new presence of my wolf. I didn’t feel any different, at least not immediately. When I truly quieted myself, I could feel a slight prickling sensation under my skin. Was that it? Were they wrong about me being a witch? Was I truly an abomination?
&nb
sp; I continued my walk even though I knew I went too far. I just wanted to be able to breathe for a few moments, without anything or anyone influencing my thoughts. I had been walking for a while and the clouds still stubbornly blocked the sun. I should head back.
And so I did.
I turned on my heel when I heard the roar of motorcycles. I stiffened slightly. They wouldn’t bother me. There was no reason to feel so agitated, and yet I was. My body felt twitchy, like there was something tugging me to look up the moment those four passed by me.
They looked like classic bikes, maybe Harley Davidsons? Hell, I hardly knew anything about bikes at all. My knowledge only went so far. Honestly, I could barely discern a Harley from a crotch rocket. These bikes were mostly black with silver metal detailing. My breathing slowed. I couldn’t see under the helmets, but the scent was immediate, even at that distance. Almost faded, yet lingering. One that I would recognize anywhere. One of the bikers turned his head in my direction as he passed.
My heart stopped. I couldn’t breathe.
Chapter 5 — Shit
“Shit,” I whispered.
There was no way. No way! My heart was slamming against my ribs and I was never happier for the clothes I wore. The hoodie was his, and covered in his scent. My scent would be almost undetectable, and from the actions of the leather jacketed men on the bikes, I knew they weren’t going to stop and check me out.
The one who turned my way slowed so that he was no longer alongside his partner, but he soon sped back up. I forced myself to keep my head down and watch from the corner of my eye, knowing that if we made eye contact, if he was the one that smelled of sandalwood and pine, I would be fucked. He wouldn’t give up, and I wasn’t ready. And still I wasn’t sure what would happen to me. I was only part wolf.
I progressed only a few steps before I stumbled. I would’ve went down but a large hand caught my arm. I was snatched up by Griffin. His maneuver dizzied me and flung my hood from my head. My reflex was to make sure the bikers were gone, but I couldn’t hear their motors over the pounding of my heart.
I peeked over my shoulder. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I bit my lip as I looked at the empty road. There were no traces of their bikes. I turned back to Griffin. He put his arm behind my back and behind my knees lifting me up.
Hexed Hearts Page 5