“It’s not that,” I say, peering closer. For the first time I can recall, the boy staring back at me matches my image of myself. “I look human. It’s weird, but I like it.”
“Sure is. Now get in.”
I open the door and step inside as the trunk slams. Hot air is blowing from the dashboard. I clip on my seat belt.
Juliet turns on the engine.
“Is everyone ready?”
Silence answers her.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” She flicks on the turn signal and pulls onto the empty road. “Let’s get as far away from here as possible. And then we can come up with a plan.”
* * *
We stop at nightfall and park on the side of the road, then find a small clearing and go to set up the tents Juliet and Trevor bought.
Right now, we’re all crowded around the trunk, looking at the three bags. “This is awkward,” says Trev. “We should’ve bought four. Nat and I are going to share, obviously, but …”
“I can sleep outside,” says Dyl. “That’s fine.”
“Don’t be silly,” says Juliet. “You’ll freeze. Caden and I have been friends for …” She slowly closes her eyes, then reopens them. “Actually, yeah, I want to go alone. I’m sorry, I won’t sleep otherwise. And I’m so tired that’s all I want to do. I can’t go another night without it.”
“Let’s set up,” I say. “And then we can decide later. I’m freezing.”
We carry the tents to a small circular clearing, where we drop them. It’s a wide stretch of short grass, broken apart by large gray boulders. The shade from the stones sends long stretches of black across the damp ground.
Trev looks up at the pink sky. “It’s going to get dark soon. We need to set up. Like, right now.”
I grab a two-man tent and then walk to the edge of the clearing. Once I finish assembling the base tent I notice the others are done too, and are now sitting in front of a fire. Dyl isn’t with them.
“How’s it going, Caden?”
Dyl is leaning against a boulder with his hands in his pockets. He detaches from the stone and strides over to me. I start to flatten out the tarp.
“I don’t need help,” I say.
“It’s not that, I know you don’t need help. I just realized I’d be dead right now if it weren’t for you.”
I drop the tarp and meet his stare. “Oh.”
“And I realized I don’t want to be a dick to the person who saved my life.”
“Don’t be dramatic, Dyl.”
“I’m not being dramatic, Caden. Or we’re in a dramatic situation and I’m acting accordingly. So I wanted to say I’m sorry for manipulating you when we were competing. You’re a nice guy, no, a good guy, and it was mean. You didn’t deserve it.”
Using my foot, I push the last peg into the soft ground. It sinks in easily. This is an apology, which I guess is a good thing, but it hurts because it’s confirmation that everything we had was scripted.
“We agreed early on,” I say, “that we were going to give it our all. Giving it your all meant manipulating me, and I get that, Dyl.”
“I want to ask you something.”
His eyes flick toward the others, huddled around the campfire about fifty yards away. I’d say we’re just out of earshot.
I scratch my forearm. “Shoot.”
“Would you have still saved me if you knew what I was doing? Or did you only save me because you thought we were in love?”
“I never thought we were in love.”
“Tell me the truth, Caden. I know the real you well enough to tell when you bring out the Nice guy.”
I clench my fists, and I feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I wipe the end of my nose with my jacket sleeve. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Yes, Dyl, I was beginning to like you in a way I’ve never liked anyone else, and yes, I thought you maybe liked me back and that was scary and exciting. So I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t like you in the way that I do or if you weren’t particularly special to me. And if that’s the case I’m glad I started to feel that way toward you, because I don’t want to be the type of person who is okay with someone innocent dying. I just don’t. And if feelings for you are what made me wake up and see what’s right and what’s wrong, then I’ll always be thankful for them, no matter how this all ends.”
He’s staring at me.
In the distance, the fire crackles, an orange spark in all the hazy blue.
He breaks eye contact and walks past me toward the fire. I step aside to let him pass. Then he stops and looks back at me. He digs his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
“Just so you know,” he says. His voice is trembling. “You’re a cute guy, Caden. I’m sure you’re going to make some lucky boy really happy one day.”
“Um, thanks?”
“I know you will, because I … I liked our time together. It may have started as a lie, but I did enjoy spending time with you. In fact, it was maybe the most fun I’ve ever had. I thought you should know that.” He turns and heads toward the campfire.
I feel the smile coming and am powerless to stop it.
So, in the middle of a freezing forest:
My stomach fills with butterflies.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-TWO
“Can you pass the spaghetti, Caden?”
We’re all sitting around the campfire. I’m holding an ash-covered, fire-warmed can of spaghetti. I use a plastic fork to scoop up one last mouthful. The spaghetti is basically mush, but weirdly I like the taste. I swallow, then pass the can to Juliet.
She takes it silently and starts to eat, taking quick, big mouthfuls.
I turn my attention back to the flickering orange flames and move my hands out in front of me so my palms heat up. The biggest log, the one in the center of the fire, is gray and ashy, yet the end that’s out of the fire looks untouched.
“Juliet’s right,” I say. “We can fight them.”
Dyl murmurs something under his breath.
“Speak up, Dyl.”
“I said we can also die trying.”
“Maybe we will. I’m all in, but that’s my choice, and I don’t want to drag any of you into this unwillingly. So, Dyl, if you or anyone else doesn’t want to fight, you can leave. I won’t hold it against you.”
Dyl places an empty can of beans on the grass, then wipes his hands on his jeans. “If I leave and they catch you, they’ll torture you to find out as much as they can about my whereabouts. I … I wouldn’t be able to handle that, knowing they’re torturing you just to find me. But that’s not the only reason I’m staying. I want to fight them as well.”
“So do I,” says Natalie. “More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
“I’m here for Natalie,” says Trev. “So I’ll do whatever she wants. So it looks like I’m fighting too.”
Juliet clambers to her feet. “This feels like too serious a decision to make over breakfast food.” She pulls her phone from her pocket and places the battery back inside. “But whatever. I’m going to try to see if I can figure out where the signal from the trackers is being sent. And then we can make our way there. I was trying most of last night, and I think I’m pretty close to getting it down. Give me a couple more hours and I’ll have it.”
After six agonizing hours in which all we do is wait, Juliet returns. She’s grinning, holding the phone up beside her face. I rise slowly. No way.
“I found it,” she says. “I did it.”
I rush toward her, grabbing her hands to look at the screen. It’s Google Maps, and a red light is flashing on it. The LIC. I stare at the blinking red light, my hands clenching so tight my nails dig into my skin. Mirrored hallways. Glass.
Hell on earth.
I remember who I used to be. Then I met Dyl and everything changed. I’m only just starting to discover who I am, and it’s all because I got out of there.
And I’m about to go back?
The others get up and crowd around us, each one of th
em trying to get a good look at the screen. Juliet slides her phone back into her pocket. “It’s about two days’ drive to the east of here.” She pulls out the tracker, then offers it to Dyl. “Here, you can smash this. I’ve got the signal locked, so it’s useless now.”
Dyl takes it from her and places it on the ground. One quick stomp and it’s done.
Natalie sighs. “Juliet, I’m so impressed you found the LIC, but what are we going to do when we get there? There are only five of us. And they have killer robots, an entire army of trigger-happy guards, and maybe even military support. How are we possibly going to break into that? We’ll get shot outside the walls and then they’ll burn us. All of us.”
“No, we won’t,” I say. “Because not all of us are going to go in. Not at first, at least. They want to take me inside to incinerate me, right?” Natalie and Dyl nod. “I say we let them. That way, I’ll be let in, and I can find a way to break free and then I can find a way to let you guys in. Then, together, we can use Juliet’s weapons to take them down.”
“It’s risky,” says Dyl. “I don’t like it. Maybe we should keep thinking—”
“We don’t have time!” I say. “Sitting here now is risky, because at any moment a Stalker could find us and rip us apart. At least this way we have a shot, even if it’s a bad one. If you can think of something better, we’ll do that. But if you can’t, this is happening. All right?”
He sighs. “Fine.”
“It’s settled,” says Juliet. “We leave in half an hour.”
* * *
Ten minutes later, I’m standing on the stony shore of a small creek. I pull my shirt off, then drop my trousers and wade into the water. My whole body goes tense. It’s fucking freezing. Still, I have to get rid of the lethargy that’s gripping me in order to survive the rapidly approaching battle. I can do this. Three. Two. One.
I lower myself into the creek. The so-cold-it-hurts water just reaches my chest. Still, there’s a satisfying clarity to the pain. This hurt, at least, is easy to understand. I lower myself until I’m fully horizontal. The water surrounds my face. Through a gap in the trees, I can see the gray sky.
“Hello?” calls a voice.
I sit up and press my knees to my chest as Juliet walks into the clearing. Her hair is loose and knotty, and a pink towel is wrapped around her waist. Her legs are bare.
She stops when she sees me. “Oh, Caden, I didn’t know you were here.” She smiles. “I was just going to wash my face. And you’re in the water? Why?”
I fan my fingers through my damp hair. “It seemed like a good idea. Now that I’m doing it, I know it is in fact the worst idea I’ve ever had.”
She laughs, making her way over to a smooth rock on the shore. She sits down on it so her feet touch the water. “Can I ask you something? I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I don’t think I’ll be able to focus until I know for sure.”
“You can ask me anything, Juliet.”
“Do you love Dyl?”
My cheeks go red and I look down at the water. It’s crystal clear. “I don’t know what love is.”
“Come on, I already know it’s true. You can barely keep your eyes off him. You love him, don’t you?”
I can’t keep lying to her. Not after everything she’s done for me.
“I think I do,” I say. “It doesn’t matter, though. He tricked me into developing feelings for him as part of the contest. He wanted me to fall for him so I’d back away from you. The scary thing is that it was working. I was already doubting whether I could do anything that would kill him. If you hadn’t made your choice when you did, I would’ve lost and you’d be with Dyl.”
“That’s part of the reason I’m helping you,” says Juliet. “As much as it sucks to be a Love Interest and everything, being tricked into falling in love with someone is pretty awful too. So I’m doing this for all the people out there who deserve to be in love with someone who genuinely loves them back. No one deserves to be lied to for their entire lives.”
My chest starts to ache. “All I can say is I’m sorry. I’ll never be able to fix it all.”
“Thanks for the apology, Caden, really. Anyway, isn’t it pretty normal for a straight girl to fall for a gay guy? All the sitcoms treat it like a rite of passage, something that all girls must go through. You’re pretty and kind and way too good to be true. At least I’ve ticked that box now.”
“I …” I don’t exist to teach her a lesson, and it irks me that she thinks labeling me is okay now. Like, by liking guys, I automatically take on that role in her life. That I’m suddenly a supporting character in her story rather than the hero of my own.
She leans forward. “But Caden, you need to know something. Your feelings do matter, because Dyl likes you back. Everyone can see it.”
I shake my head. “He doesn’t. It was all fake.”
She laughs. “God, guys can be so thick sometimes. That boy is in love with you, Caden. It’s obvious to everyone but the two of you. He—”
“He said he likes girls, Juliet. He straight up told me he isn’t gay and that he likes girls.”
She narrows her eyes. “Caden, stop and think about it for a second. There are three very plausible explanations for him saying that. Maybe he’s lying; he’s done it before, so he could be doing it again. Or, you know, he might be bi. He totally could like girls and you, so don’t dismiss that as a possibility. He might also be in denial. The world is getting a lot kinder, but coming out is still a big thing, and the process is different for everyone. Maybe he’s just not ready to admit how he feels yet.”
I sink lower into the water. Everything she’s saying is too nice to be true. If Dyl liked me, why wouldn’t he just tell me?
I scratch the back of my neck. “It feels weird to be talking about this.”
“Good, that means it’s weird for both of us. But, Caden, I want you to know, in case you’re as blinded by love as I used to be, to the point where you can’t see the obvious: he likes you.”
“How can you tell?”
“You know how I said you can’t keep your eyes off him? Well, as soon as you look away from him, the first thing he does is look at you. It only lasts a second, but I’m a scientist. I notice minute changes. It’s what I do.” She slides off the rock and brushes her hands clean. “Well, I need to get ready, so I’m going to find my own spot. Big day tomorrow, huh?”
“The biggest.”
“See you later, Caden. Think about what I said.”
Like I could ever think about anything else.
CHAPTER
THIRTY-THREE
“Eat up, Caden,” says Dyl. “You need to be strong.” Everyone is still asleep, or at least pretending to be, so it’s just us, sitting in front of a dying campfire. The sun hovers above the horizon.
We’re two hours’ drive away from the LIC, which means that, as soon as the sun starts to set, we’re going to start the final leg of this journey. First, we’re going to drive until we’re within walking distance of the LIC, then I’m going to walk to the doors and scream until they capture me.
Dyl is offering a can of tuna. I grab it and crack open the lid, then scoop up a large chunk and put it in my mouth. The fish tastes too salty but feels weightier than the other food I’ve eaten recently, and it settles nicely in my gut, restoring a precious amount of energy. I take another mouthful, then pass the can back to him.
He shakes his head. “No way, man. You’ll be in the most danger, so you’re the one who needs to be strong.”
“You’ll be in danger too—”
“Stop being stubborn, Caden, and eat the damn fish.”
I pout but scoop up the last few flakes anyway. I swallow then look up at the sky. “How long until the sun goes down? It feels like it’s taking forever.”
“That it is.” He stretches his arms out in front of him. “Do you want to practice with the Bolt Gloves again? I could wear some sort of chest armor and then you could actually attack me.”
I look
down at my right hand. Wrapped around it is a glove made of wires. The pads are electric blue. I bring my hand up to my face and turn my wrist slowly, marveling at Juliet’s creation.
“It’s probably too late now. I’ve learned as much as I can, and there’s no point tiring myself out for peace of mind.”
“Let’s hope you’re right.” He leans forward and picks up a long stick. He pokes the ashy remnants of last night’s fire. A log tips over, sending up a spray of tiny orange sparks. “I miss what we used to have.”
I tilt my head to the side and narrow my eyes. “What do you mean?”
He shrugs. “It was nice, you know, when we were friends, or whatever our relationship was. When I could come to your window late at night and hang out. I liked those times, well, a lot more than I like these. Don’t you feel the same?”
I shake my head. “Not really. Dyl, I’ve spent my whole life pretending to be someone I’m not. It’s only now that I can actually say what I think and what I feel. Do you not know how important that is to me? Those nights with you were the best nights of my life, but they weren’t real. So I prefer now.”
He meets my eyes. His stare is almost desperate. “Please don’t die tonight, Caden. Please.”
“I won’t.”
I turn my attention back to the fire. “You know,” I say, “if this all goes well, you could become a paramedic after all. If you still want to, that is.”
He drops the stick he was holding and looks at me. “I didn’t think you would remember that.”
“Well, I do.”
“I …”
We hear the sound of a tent being unzipped. Dyl shuts his mouth and I straighten my posture. It’s Juliet. Her hair is puffy and frizzy, and her nose is pink. She climbs out of the tent.
“So here are my boys,” she says as she stands. “My two boys. You have no idea how proud I am of both of you.”
I can’t think of anything to say, so I stare down at the fire. She walks past us and heads toward the forest.
“She deserves better,” says Dyl. “Than us.”
I watch her as she walks away in her awkward, lopsided gait. “She sure does.”
The Love Interest Page 26