by Coralee June
Chapter Five
Jules didn't have to tell me how foolish Kemper and I were. Her annoyed expression said it all. I spent a few hours mindlessly hemming dresses in her room while she paced the floor. Dominique checked on us occasionally, but no one else stopped by to visit us. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. Everything went to hell just as my relationship with the guys went into unknown territory. It felt like I was standing in limbo, unsure of where they stood or where I fit in their lives. This scenario was all too familiar. Pining after what I couldn't have wasn't new to me. The only difference was that now I had a taste of freedom, and there's no way I was going back.
By noon, Jules was pulling at her hair.
"You don't think..." she began before trailing off and looking at me with exasperation. She closed her eyes, huffed, then spoke again. "...You don't think Tallis and Mia left us here, do you? He had to run to find help, right?"
I looked at her frantic expression. She was falling apart at the seams, regardless of what she wanted others to think. In what little time we spent together, I saw that her too cool demeanor was all for show. She felt like the rest of us.
"Tallis doesn't seem like someone who would leave those he loved behind." I bit my lip, nervous that I had overstepped. Speaking with Jules was always a gamble. She was temperamental and lashed out if she felt unheard or ignored.
"He does love me, doesn't he," she said in a soft voice while touching the tips of her fingers to her lips, seemingly placated.
I looked down at the floor but felt her eyes on me. I wish I felt the certainty she did. Why couldn't I just shake this doubt? Be strong and claim our truth?
"You look like shit," she said in a high pitched voice.
"I feel like it, too. Any other insults you want to throw my way?" I asked while rolling my eyes.
"I love it when you show that backbone of yours, makes you almost human." Jules resumed pacing but looked at me with squinted eyes.
I huffed. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, you act so fucking perfect all the time. You bake and bat your eyes, and the whole empire bows down at your feet. I bet if you said the word, Cy would say 'fuck the consequences' and stab Cavil over breakfast tea."
"I don't know about that," I mumbled.
"See? That! That's what I'm talking about," Jules said while sniffing the air. "I can practically smell the self-loathing and insecurities coming off of you."
"I know they care for me—"
Jules interrupted. "Care for you? Those men love you. It's annoying, really."
"—but I've been here before."
"With Josiah? That man is almost more pathetic than you. This isn't Galla, sweetheart. This isn't the posh Stonewell Manor or even the dirt streets of Dormas. This is Ethros. Pretty beaches, decent food, shitty policies. The second you're off this island, I bet those assholes propose to you."
I wanted to fight the hope building up in me, I didn't want to give Jules the pleasure of knowing that I found comfort in her harsh but reassuring words.
"You should probably bring Maverick lunch. Do whatever you need to. Reassure yourself and get your head back on straight. Maybe try to figure out what’s going on? Do something useful. Cyler told me to keep you here, but I need answers, and you need someone to calm you down."
I nodded in understanding, eager to leave the stuffy room and explore.
Downstairs, I informed Dominique that Jules wanted me to bring Maverick lunch. I kept my eyes and ears open for the guys, but they were nowhere to be found. The chef prepared a basket, and Dominique fashioned me with a watch which displayed directions to the lab. She kept her eye on my fetter, as if reassuring herself that I couldn't escape.
"Do be careful," she mumbled while the cook wasn't looking. I nodded and turned to leave when she grasped my inner elbow and pulled me back. "You're so beautiful," she said in a faraway voice. I stiffened as her eyes looked adoringly at my face. "It’s a shame what we must become to survive, isn't it?”
She dropped my arm and reached into her pocket, pulling out a crimson red tube of lipstick. With eyes steadily on me, she slowly applied the makeup, not a touch of the red paint missing its mark.
"I'm not sure how you do things in Dormas, but here, a Walker Companion is signified by red lipstick." She then held the lipstick out to me, as if asking if I wanted to wear it. I shook my head no. "Suit yourself. Cavil prefers that I only wear it in the safety of his home. Can't let the world know of our dirty little secret. Besides, outside these walls, men don't respect a woman in red." She popped her lips and slipped the tube in her pocket once again.
I took in a deep breath. I wanted to argue. I wasn't like her. I was loved. Adored. Treasured.
Dominique grabbed my chin and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. I froze in her hold, too scared to move, to breathe. She pulled back with a satisfied grin.
"There. Now you're outfitted properly. We must let everyone see what happens to pretty girls."
It seemed like no matter how many times I wiped my lips with the back of my hand, I could still feel the paint of Dominique's lipstick on me. I maintained a hurried pace towards the lab and didn't make eye contact with anyone. I didn't see any other Walkers, but I did see soldiers patrolling the streets, each of them with Heat strapped with strips of leather to their thighs. They stared menacingly at pedestrians.
"Well if it isn't my little Walker!" a familiar voice yelled. My spine went rigid as the sound of pounding boots approached me. Webb was chewing on a toothpick and grinning as he fell into step beside me. He still had that calculating gaze, but in the light of day, I didn't feel as intimidated.
I looked back to the ground and kept walking.
"Do you know how to greet a superior, Walker? Or do I need to teach you?" I stopped walking, and after glancing at my watch to see how far away I was from the lab, I turned to face Webb. I bowed.
Two more blocks. If I had to run, I could make it two blocks.
"Perfect. That's more like it. Now. Get on your knees, Walker." My eyes flashed to him defiantly. He was toying with me. "Now. I'd hate to tell Cavil he employs a disobedient Walker."
"I don't belong to Cavil," I barked through gritted teeth. Webb grabbed the material of my dress at my chest, yanking me closer. The toothpick in his mouth poked my upper lip as I squirmed to break free.
"Are you breathing this mighty fine Ethros air, Walker?" he asked. Men who were walking around stopped to stare. Some with looks of amusement.
"Yes."
"Then you belong to Cavil." Webb loomed over me, his hot breath dancing across my cheeks like fire. I shut my eyes, preparing for whatever pain he brought, but it never came.
"Drop. Her. Right. Now," a familiar voice said. I exhaled in relief as Webb tilted his head towards the intruder. Jacob.
"How I handle this is my business. Our law states that disobedient Walkers can be punished by the offended party," Webb said before dropping me with a thud. My knees hit the brick-paved ground, and I groaned out in pain. Jacob marched up to us and helped me up before placing me behind him.
My eyes zeroed in on Webb's weapon belt. This could escalate—and fast.
"Step aside, Dormas trash," Webb growled out.
"I'm sure Cavil will want to hear how his soldier pissed off the men responsible for saving your sorry asses. You want Maverick to find a cure and save you? Leave her alone. Or it won't be the vaccine rejection that kills you, it'll be me."
"Pretty ballsy for Dormas scum. The only reason you're alive right now is because Ethros soldiers saved you. I'd be careful who you piss off. Ethros isn't known for being pacifists." Webb walked off, and I exhaled in relief.
All around us, men and women looked down their nose at us with scowls on their faces, but Jacob didn't care. He grabbed the lunch basket out of my hand and started pulling me down the street in the direction of the lab.
"Were you following me?" I asked in a soft voice while trying to keep up with his long strides as he barrel
ed down the brick road.
"Yes," Jacob said through gritted teeth. "We told Jules not to send you, but she did anyway. By the time we found out you were gone, it was too late to stop you. You're lucky I run fast. I'll give that brat a piece of my mind—"
"Hey! I needed to see Maverick. Jules may have given me formal permission, but I'd have gone regardless. Maybe if one of you talked to me first, we wouldn't be having this conversation." Jacob froze and turned around. His eyes were filled with concern, regret, guilt, and fury. I felt bad for my snippy tone but still hurt.
"What have you been doing all day? First you all treat me like...li-like a Companion, then I don’t hear from you. It’s like you don’t care." My voice wavered on the last word.
“Of course I care, Ash! How could you—” Jacob’s voice cut off as he realized that some of the Ethros guards were still staring. "Come on, I'll explain everything at the lab." We walked the rest of the way as I tried to fight back tears. I pulled my hand away from his and crossed my arms over my chest. This was all so wrong.
The lab was a tall building surrounded by Ethros guards. Towering trees and bushes covered the front lawn, and I was scanned for weapons twice before allowed inside. Two sets of locked doors had to be opened before I could see Maverick, but once our eyes connected, I let out a sigh of relief. He looked pale and exhausted, his hair was rumpled, and his eyes bloodshot, but he was alive.
"Ash," he said in a breathless voice while walking towards me. The guards around us sneered as they went back outside, leaving us alone in the lab.
The lab was a large open space with a hallway leading to stairs. The fluorescent lights flickered above, and screens covered each wall. Three long tables filled the center of the room and were covered with expensive equipment. The outer edges had lush, black leather couches.
Maverick was in front of me within two strides, then picked me up and twirled me around before placing a forceful kiss on my forehead as I slid down his frame. "Are you okay?" he asked while inspecting my face. His hands cupped my cheeks as he looked into my eyes.
"No." I didn’t see the point in lying about how I felt just to placate him. Maverick wanted brutal honesty.
"This is ridiculous, she isn’t a Walker. She’s a Dormas citizen."
"It doesn't work like that, Maverick. They scanned her. She's a registered Walker from her time in Galla," Jacob said with a frown.
"So?" Maverick threw his hands up in exasperation. "They need me, right? Tell them if they want their cure, then Ash is to be kept safe and treated like the rest of you."
"She still wouldn't be safe!" Jacob yelled.
"How do you know? Look at her, she's terrified!" They both flicked their gazes towards me, and I shivered from the adrenaline and their attention.
"You want to see terrified?!" Jacob began while walking towards a large computer on the west wall. He typed in something before a video came up. I walked closer to the screen as he hit play. “This is why we have to be careful.”
A Walker woman with brown curly hair and bright blue eyes stood on a platform as Commodore Cavil read from his tablet. His voice echoed over the crowd. She looked haunted—empty almost. Her thick lips were pursed as she looked out onto a growing group of aggressive onlookers.
"The accused, Beth Hannigan, is sentenced to death. For treason, falsehoods, and inciting riots." Cavil paused and with dark eyes nodded towards a hooded man on the platform, who then forced the Walker woman to bend over so that her head was on a metal block. She didn't pause or even acknowledge the slurs and rotten food thrown at her. She didn't tremble. Didn't cry. There was no warning. Within seconds, another hooded man produced an electric sword that cut through her neck, severing her head from her body. I gasped in shock as it rolled off the platform and into the crowd. There was no blood or gore. The heat of the knife cauterized her wounds. I almost preferred a more brutal death; the onlookers were desensitized by how clean it was.
"Let this be known! We will not tolerate insubordination from the Walker community. We feed you. Clothe you. Vaccinate you! Once a Walker, always a Walker, and if you disobey, you will meet the same fate."
The screen went black as fat tears rolled down my cheeks. The three of us stood there for a moment. Too haunted by what we saw to make sense of it.
"That Walker woman tried to marry a soldier. That was her only offense. And when they told her no, she tried running away, and they caught her. They killed her fiancé on the spot. For now, Ashleigh will stay under the radar and you're going to find a cure so we can get out of here.” Jacob then turned to me and let out a harsh exhale while throwing me an intense, irrevocable stare.
"And just so we're clear, I wanted to pick you up and drag you out of that dining room. And when Cavil insinuated that this beautiful thing between us was nothing more than a cheap transaction? I wanted to murder him. I wanted to walk you to the lab on my arm like a fucking gentleman. I want to court you. I want to show you off. But you know what I want more than all of that? I want you to live. So if that means we have to wait and hide this, or let others believe that what we have is a stupid arrangement, then fuck it. I'll let you make me the bad guy."
I gasped and watched Jacob bite his cheek. Maverick stared at the screen, as if trying to erase the image of the Walker woman that was executed from his mind. He didn't seem concerned with Jacob's admission.
"I love you. I love all of you," I whispered. Both Maverick and Jacob froze and leaned closer. Everything seemed so fragile. I wanted—no—needed to tell them how I felt. We could all be dead tomorrow. "I thought I loved Josiah. I spent years pining for him. But this? There's no comparison. It hurts. I want you...all. I want this. I'm so sick of everything getting in the way."
Jacob stormed up to me, his dark eyes fiery and unwavering. He wrapped one hand around my back and pulled me close before kissing me softly. In the back of my mind, I knew that Maverick was there, but it just made the kiss more thrilling.
"I love you, Ash," Jacob said while pulling away and looking at me. His gaze lingered adoringly before diving back in. His skilled tongue swept over my lips as his hands gripped me tighter. I let out a little moan as he deepened the kiss, and somewhere in the lab, a loud clang resonated, as if something was dropped. He pulled my hair, forcing me to look up at the lab’s tiled ceiling while kissing the exposed skin on my neck.
"I wanted to court you first. Romance you," Jacob whispered between kisses. "I would've made you get all dressed up. Taken you on a date." His tongue flicked out, tasting me, and I trembled as a second pair of hands wrapped around my waist. I stalled, realizing that Maverick was behind me. Mav's fingers explored my stomach and I felt the heat of his breath on my neck. I didn't have time to analyze what was happening, nor did I want to. I was determined to soak up every last drop of what was given to me. Jacob's hand reached up and grabbed my breast, making me gasp. "But I guess when the world ends, you can either watch it burn or light the match."
I pressed backward and felt Maverick's hardness, making pride and pleasure shoot through me. I felt in control. I felt desired. Loved. I spun around and pulled Maverick's lips to mine as Jacob continued to roam his hands over my body. They each pressed into me, as I sucked on Maverick's lip. This was nothing like our goodbye kiss in Lackley's lab. This was pure want, boiling over the surface and claiming us whole.
Maverick pulled away with a grin. "I couldn't just watch. Maybe I’m selfish. Maybe this is too much, too soon. But I thought I lost you, Ash. And I’ll never experience regret like that again."
His hands found the hem of my dress and his confident fingers inched up. I gasped and tried to keep still, and my reaction made him move further and further until I ached to lose my clothes and feel his fingers slip behind the thin material of my underwear. Maverick’s hand finally reached where I craved his touch, and he began rubbing. My legs quaked from the sensation.
"In Dormas, every morning while you sat in my lab, I wondered what you'd look like bent over my work desk." I let out a
harsh breath and arched my back as Jacob got even closer. He gripped my waist as I ground against him. My hips thrashed from Maverick's movements.
I looked to the floor and, for a brief moment, doubted myself. This was all so new, the sensations so vibrant. Was I enough? Would I be worthy of the attention of these selfless men? And then there was the real question, the haunting insecurity that preyed on me in my darkest moments. Could I lose control after a lifetime of being controlled?
“I’ve never…” I began. My voice hitched as Maverick teased and massaged me. Once my shaky words registered, he immediately stopped, and Jacob stilled behind me.
“Not even…” Jacob asked, but didn’t finish his sentence. I knew what, or rather who, he was referring to.
“No. I-I wasn’t allowed...we never…” I glanced away and tried to fight away the feeling of rejection. I didn’t want that with them. I wanted to be the confident woman that took what she wanted. Knew what she deserved. Maverick tenderly grabbed my chin and forced me to stare into his adoring eyes.
“You’re allowed to feel this. Claim this moment, Ash. You can tell me to stop, if you want. You have all the power here. But I hope you don’t. I hope you let yourself feel loved.”
We stood like that for a moment until finally, I leaned in and kissed Maverick softly. I poured every ounce of emotion and love into our kiss, and it was all the encouragement he needed. His hand drifted back down to my clit and resumed his circling caresses. Jacob grabbed my breasts and teased my nipples through the thick fabric of my Walker uniform. Every inch of me caught fire and tingled from their touches.
“Let go,” Jacob said in a husky voice while grinding his hips on the curve of my ass.
I felt the peak coming. Like a building frenzy that made every nerve ending hum, I climbed higher and higher as he worked me until there was nothing left but the freefall.