by Louisa Young
Maireadh gave Jim a cup of tea.
‘Sorry about this, Miss Gower,’ said the suit, and they turned and led Ben out.
There was a silence, broken only by Jim hiccuping to himself.
Then: ‘What’s going on?’ said Laetitia.
One of the suits stuck his head back through the door.
‘Sir?’ he said.
‘Umm?’ said Harry.
Harry?
‘Leave it in your hands this end, sir?’
‘Yeah,’ he said.
He turned to Brigid: ‘Give us a moment, please.’
Brigid and Maireadh stood up, goggling at me.
‘I’ll see you later,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you later.’ They went outside.
He turned to Laetitia. ‘Sorry, Miss, er …’
‘Laetitia Bailey,’ I said. ‘The social worker. Harry Makins.’
‘Miss Bailey,’ he said. ‘Sorry. We had to arrest someone. Unfortunately it had to be here. He’s been attempting to blackmail Miss Gower over …’
Watch your mouth, Harry.
‘… allegations about her sister’s past, things which Miss Gower didn’t know about. This was the only place where we knew he would come.’
‘But he’s a policeman,’ said Laetitia.
‘Yes,’ said Harry.
‘So are you,’ I said. I was astounded.
‘Yes,’ said Harry. ‘Have been for a while now.’
‘Not in the motor trade?’
‘Only when required.’
I didn’t know if it was good or bad.
‘Miss Bailey?’ said Harry.
‘It’s Mrs, actually,’ said Laetitia. ‘Or Ms.’
‘Ms. Yes, of course. Look, could we make an appointment, before the hearing, so that I can explain to you Miss Gower’s involvement in all this? It would be a great shame if her being the victim of crime should count against her in this case …’
‘Certainly,’ she said.
It seemed she should go, but she didn’t.
‘So we’ll speak, shall we?’ said Harry.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘But if there’s anything you know which is pertinent to the case …’
‘Well, of course there is.’
‘Well?’
‘Oh, God,’ said Harry. I was pleased that his masterful and efficient new manner was not flawless, that he could still be inarticulate when it came down to it.
I don’t know what Harry is like. I don’t know who he grew up to be.
Laetitia was just looking at him kindly, willing him to talk.
‘Jim,’ said Harry, grasping a let-out.
‘Yeah?’
‘Is there anything you want to tell Ms Bailey? Now that Nora isn’t here?’
Jim looked up through red eyes.
‘Like what?’
‘Anything about Janie?’
‘I know about Janie,’ said Laetitia.
‘What do you know about her?’ asked Harry.
‘That she was … a prostitute.’
Harry nodded.
‘Well, prostitutes have babies all the time … the case is certainly complicated, and in law …’
‘Does it suggest anything obvious?’ he said.
She looked blankly at him.
He stared back, his green eyes steady. ‘Don’t you think it would be a good idea if Jim had a blood test?’ he said.
It hadn’t crossed her mind. It hadn’t crossed mine. You get used to something because it was presented as fact and you never question it. There was no reason to. Jim said the baby was his, Janie said it was his. No reason. God, but intelligent people can be dim.
Jim started crying again. I nearly swooned.
Oh, God. Oh, yes!
Followed so swiftly by, ‘But in that case, who?’
‘Well, of course,’ said Laetitia. ‘Of course. Yes. I’ll recommend it …’
‘No need,’ said Jim. He was still holding his cup and saucer.
We all looked at him. I seemed to be standing next to Harry.
‘No need,’ he said. ‘I only said it was me because she wanted me to. We hadn’t been … for ages. She just didn’t want it to be anyone else’s.’
I can understand that, I thought.
‘It?’ said Laetitia.
Ben’s? I thought. Eddie’s?
‘Well?’ said Harry.
‘What?’ said Jim.
‘So are you dropping your claim?’
Jim was crying again.
‘Mrs Guest told me that she couldn’t have children,’ said Laetitia.
Oh. Oh, I see. Oh, poor Nora. Poor Jim.
But even so. The baby I have is not the baby you can’t have.
Jim was muttering. ‘Don’t leave me’ was all I could make out. I rather badly wanted to calm down but I couldn’t.
Laetitia said she thought she ought to go, and took Harry’s card anyway. She’d call me, she said. The hearing, she imagined, would be cancelled. She’d let us know, she said. The moment she was gone I went to the freezer for a swig from the icy vodka bottle. The glass neck burned my lips. Turning round, Jim was leaving. I called him back.
‘Jim?’
‘Yeah?’
‘What was she running away from that night, then? She told me it was you.’
‘Eddie Bates. I thought he had her. That’s why I didn’t bother looking.’
‘Oh.’
‘I couldn’t come back … I let her down.’
‘Yes … well.’
It wasn’t for me to forgive him anything. Nor him me. He just left, without looking back.
Lily came rushing in, brushing past him. They ignored each other. She wanted more chocolate biscuits. I held her tighter than I have ever held anything in my life. She said I was to let go because she wasn’t a teddy bear. I gave her the packet.
‘Angel?’ said Harry. It was the first word he had addressed to me. ‘Angel? Do you want to know?’
‘I don’t give a shit, actually,’ I said. ‘But she might, one day.’
‘Don’t say shit, it’s rude,’ said Lily. ‘Who might?’
‘You might,’ I said.
‘Might what?’
Big breath. ‘You might want to know who your daddy is.’
‘You’re my daddy,’ she said. ‘Well you’re not but you’re not my mummy either so it doesn’t matter, does it?’ She ran out again.
Harry watched her go, looked at me, and shook himself down a little.
‘They caught up with Bates this morning,’ he said, ‘at an airfield in Buckinghamshire. Seems he had a bandage round his head.’
‘That was me,’ I said, and burst out laughing.
‘Good,’ he said.
‘You were there, weren’t you?’ I said.
‘What?’
‘The Pontiac.’
‘I didn’t have the Pontiac last night. Eddie wanted it.’
‘Eddie?’
‘Yes. He wanted it … why?’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘It was outside his house, with the keys in. I drove it home.’
‘Oh.’ He was silent a moment. ‘Did you think I’d come to rescue you?’
‘You didn’t know I was there?’
‘No,’ he said. Then: ‘It was all the timing, you know. We couldn’t get him till he tried to leave; and we couldn’t get Ben till we had him. I could have told you but I didn’t know whether you … I didn’t know what side you were on.’
‘Nor did I,’ I said. ‘And … I think he killed Noor. Or maybe it was Ben.’
‘Noor Abdulrachman? Why?’
‘She was on the tapes Janie made.’
‘The films? You’ve seen them?’
‘I’ve got them.’
‘God bless you,’ he said. ‘You have just made my life a million times easier. We thought they must have been destroyed. Have you watched them?’
‘Not all. Not to my taste. Ben Cooper on the job, you know, is not …’
‘Who with?’
He was a policema
n. The human being would have just said, Ugh.
‘Noor. I don’t think he knew it was being filmed.’
‘Excellent,’ he said. ‘Clever old Janie.’ Then he looked up at me. ‘In a manner of speaking.’
‘Yes, I can imagine,’ I said.
There was a pause.
‘I know lots of things now that I didn’t,’ I said, ‘before. I did not know before.’
‘Yes. I’m sorry.’
He’s sorry?
‘Just sorry?’
‘Just very sorry. Just incredibly fucking sorry. It … Can we talk about it? Not now, but …’
He wants to talk? Harry wants to talk? How are the mighty fallen.
He was waiting.
‘Will you tell me everything?’ I asked. ‘Not that it matters. What with it all being over.’
‘Will you? Will you give evidence?’
‘Sure.’
‘Shall we go and have some dinner? Or I’ll get a takeaway … Lily …’
‘There’s a bobby coming round to take a statement about the burglary. Ben raided the flat this morning.’
‘I’ll tell him you’re already making a statement on a more important case.’
I shot him a look. Full circle.
‘It’s true,’ he said.
‘Yes.’
‘A couple of points,’ he said.
‘Yes?’
‘I only found out what Cooper was doing with you this morning, before I called you. I cruised his files and found out about the car, and your drink-driving charge and everything. If I’d have known earlier I would have stopped it. You’re a bloody fool, but you may know that. And I didn’t know that Eddie had a thing about you from before.’
‘I don’t blame you for any of that.’
‘If you want, they’ll both do the test,’ he said.
Then: ‘So will I.’
‘You.’
Him.
‘Mmm.’ He could hardly speak.
Bitch! Was there nothing of mine she would leave alone?
‘Fuck, Harry, when?’
‘When I came home drunk and she was in my bed. I don’t know what she was doing there. I was drunk enough to think it was you, come back to me, after all those years.’
Does that make it better?
No.
Yes.
Maybe.
‘When?’ I said.
‘Around the right time.’
I went and put my head on his shoulder. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘We can talk about it.’ Then I went out on to the balcony. The children were all down the other end, hooting and laughing in the evening sun.
‘Did you know she wasn’t Jim’s?’ I asked.
‘What do you think? There was no reason she shouldn’t be.’
Zeinab was waving.
‘Change the birth certificate anyway, even if you just change it to father unknown. And, Angel …’
‘Yes?’
‘I’d like to see her.’
‘Why?’
‘And you.’
‘What do you mean?’
He just looked.
‘You only want your daughter,’ I said.
‘I don’t only want your daughter.’
Your daughter, he said.
A silence. I shook myself.
‘I can’t talk tonight, Harry. I got no sleep last night. I must go to bed.’
‘Oh,’ he said. Then: ‘Can I come too?’
Look at him, how sweet he is.
‘No,’ I said.
The children came running back up the balcony.
Acknowledgements
I owe thanks to Amira Ghazella, Sarah Acres, Charlotte Horton, Susan Flusfeder, Josa Young, Roger Willis, Caroline Gascoigne, Rebecca Lloyd, Derek Johns; to everybody who has ever written about belly dancing (particularly Flaubert); and to the dancers of London and Cairo.
Louisa Young, 1997
About the Author
Louisa Young was born in London and read history at Trinity College, Cambridge. She lives in London with her daughter, with whom she co-wrote the best-selling Lionboy trilogy, and is the author of eleven previous books including the bestselling novel My Dear, I Wanted to Tell You, which was shortlisted for the Costa Novel Award and the Wellcome Book Prize, was a Richard and Judy Book Club choice, and the first ever winner of the Galaxy Audiobook of the Year.
Also by Louisa Young
FICTION
Desiring Cairo
Tree of Pearls
My Dear, I Wanted to Tell You
The Heroes’ Welcome
NON-FICTION
A Great Task of Happiness: The Life of Kathleen Scott
The Book of the Heart
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
http://www.harpercollins.com.au
Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East – 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollins.ca
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1
Auckland, New Zealand
http://www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London, SE1 9GF
http://www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
195 Broadway
New York, NY 10007
http://www.harpercollins.com