The Year of Living Shamelessly

by Susanna Carr

  “Tatum is not my date.”

  The relief rolled through Katie so violently that she wanted to sag against him. Instead she gave a quick look at where Tatum stood. The blonde glared at her before ordering another drink. Katie looked back at Ryder. “But she said she was here with you.”

  “She’s crashing the party and walked in the same time I did. We’re not dating, Katie. We’re just friends.”

  Yeah, right. And how convenient. Tatum was probably hiding in the shrubbery until Ryder showed up. Was it evil to hope that Tatum had waited for hours and suffered frostbite? “Crashing this party? Now there’s someone desperate for entertainment.”

  The edge of his mouth twitched in a smile. “Crystal Bend doesn’t have a whole lot to offer.”

  Her stomach took another sickening dip. Was that why Ryder was leaving? There was nothing here to keep him? She wished she were enough. Katie lowered her eyes, shielding her hurt. “I didn’t catch the whole announcement. Where are you moving to?”

  There was an infinitesimal pause. “Dubai.”

  She jerked her head up and stared at him. “Dubai? As in . . . the other side of the world?”

  “I have a friend there. He says the real estate market is booming and they could always use more carpenters.”

  Katie continued to stare at him. “Dubai?”

  “It’s in the U.A.E.” He watched her, probably waiting for the comprehension to hit. “It’s right next to Saudi Arabia. It’ll be an adventure.”

  “I know where Dubai is,” Katie claimed. Well, she had a vague idea where it was located. “When were you going to tell me? Were you planning to sneak out?”

  Ryder frowned and a muscle bunched in his cheek. “No.”

  His gruff tone clearly indicated he didn’t like her wording, but in Katie’s view he was doing exactly that. “Then what?”

  Ryder gave a long-suffering sigh. “I was going to tell everyone later this week, but Tatum overheard Jake saying something about it.”

  “Later this week?” He only had eight days before he left. Unless . . . Katie narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Like the day before you left?”

  Ryder shrugged. “I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I hate good-byes.”

  Her heart galloped, as if she had dodged a bullet. As much as it pained her, she was thankful for Tatum’s big mouth. Otherwise she wouldn’t have found out until it was too late.

  “How long are you going to be there?”

  “I don’t know. The way my friend talks about Dubai, I may never want to leave. He says the beaches are beautiful and parties there are out of this world.”

  He didn’t think he was coming back? That idea shook her to the core. “So let me see if I’ve got this straight. You decided that you want to move to the other side of the world. For the beaches and the parties. And you might never come back? And this decision was all so sudden that you didn’t have time to tell anyone. You’re just leaving. What prompted all this?”

  He looked straight at her. It was just a glance, but she got the feeling that there was a lot more behind his decision to move than he was telling her.

  “The timing is right,” he said in a low, rough voice. “That’s all.” That’s all. She exhaled sharply. It wasn’t about her. That was wishful thinking on her part.

  “Jake’s going to miss you.”

  “He’ll be fine.”

  So that plan of attack wasn’t going to work. Katie tried again. “What about my mom and dad? They adore you.”

  She saw Ryder’s expression tighten and knew her point made a direct hit.

  “You’re not going to wait until they get back?” she asked.

  “Your parents are on a sabbatical in the middle of Africa,” Ryder said. “They’re not getting back until the end of the school year.”

  “They’re going to be hurt to find you suddenly gone without any warning.” Katie almost pouted her lips, but decided that might be overkill. “Can’t you push back your move until June?”

  “I’m not their son,” he said gruffly.

  “Come on”—Katie made a face at that argument—“you are just as much a Kramer as Jake and me.”

  Ryder ducked his head, and if she wasn’t mistaken, that comment pleased him. Was he blushing? Ryder Scott blushing?

  If being a part of the Kramer family was so important to him, why was he walking away from it all? When Ryder’s own mother seemed disinterested in taking care of him, he became an unofficial member of the Kramer family. Ryder always had a place setting at the table during his teen years and was at Katie’s house more often than his own. He and Jake were like brothers.

  But maybe the ties he had with her family weren’t enough to hold him. What was going on? Ryder had made it clear he was leaving immediately, but he wasn’t telling her why. There was an unbridge able gap between them, so different from the easy, teasing relationship they’d enjoyed when they were younger. His silence troubled her. She suddenly felt like she would never, ever see him again.

  “Who’s going to look after me when you’re gone?” She didn’t care if she sounded pitiful. Ryder had always been so protective of her and she was going to use that to her full advantage.

  “You have a big brother,” he reminded her.

  “Puhleeze.” Katie rolled her eyes. “I need protection from Jake. The guy is a terror.”

  Ryder stopped dancing but didn’t let her go. He looked deep into her eyes. “If you really need me, I’ll be there for you.”

  Her heart did a double flip. On some level, she’d always known that, but he had never said those words. Now they felt more like a brush-off. “Thanks, but how is that going to work when you are thousands of miles away?”

  “I’m not disappearing off the face of the earth,” he said with a hint of impatience.

  “You might as well be.” She gave a deep sigh. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “I know.”

  She waited. I know? That’s all he had to say? She forgot how arrogant the man could be. Didn’t he realize that this was the part where he should repeat those words and mean them?

  She wanted to look away so he wouldn’t see how she was handling this loss, but she also wanted to hold on to this moment. Katie needed to tell him how important he was to her. But they had practically grown up together—even if they weren’t as close as they used to be, shouldn’t he already know how much she needed him in her life? Saying it out loud would probably make it worse. But what did she have to lose?

  Katie’s hand tightened on his shoulder, the soft cashmere bunching under her fingertips. She didn’t even know if she could explain how she felt. Katie knew she wasn’t great with words. When she loved someone, she showed it by taking care of that person. Expressing it with words was much more difficult, and she usually mangled up the message. She couldn’t risk that now.

  “And,” she strove to keep her tone light, “believe it or not, you’re going to miss me.”

  Ryder gave a solemn nod. “I’ll miss your bratty ways.”

  Katie’s jaw dropped with outrage. “I’m not a brat!”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  A jumble of fragmented memories flashed through her mind. Katie had followed him around like a shadow. No matter how hard Ryder and Jake had tried to get away, she would always find them and insist on tagging along for whatever they were doing.

  Now that she thought about it, not much had changed. She’d like to think she was more clever and subtle in getting Ryder’s attention. If not that, at least more successful. “Well, not anymore. I’ve grown up.”

  “That’s true,” he replied, his voice neutral. “You’re no longer Jake’s kid sister.”

  Katie smiled. Finally! It was as if the clouds parted and the sun shone down as the angels played the trumpets. It had taken him nearly a decade to realize that.

  Her smile slowly drifted down as she wondered if there was a hidden meaning in those words. You’re no longer Jake’s kid sister.

  Di
d that mean he no longer felt the need to protect her? As many times as his big-brother act irritated her, there were times when it pleased her. Her parents were big on freedom—at times a little too much—and she found the security she needed from Ryder.

  Or did his comment mean something else? Maybe he didn’t see her as too innocent anymore.

  She suddenly looked up at Ryder and he cast his gaze to the floor, but he wasn’t fast enough. She saw the sexual hunger in his dark brown eyes. Her body clenched as the heat poured through her.

  Her breath caught in her throat. Was she imagining this heat between them or was it real? If there was ever a time to take action, this was the moment. All she had to do was step a little closer.

  The move seemed monumental, and her legs shook, but she did it. Ryder’s hand tightened around hers, but he didn’t hold her back. Instead, he watched her silently, the flare in his eyes brightening.

  Oh . . . wow. . . . Was Ryder letting her make a move? Now all she had to do was tilt her head just so. The stupid stiletto heels finally came into good use, lifting her to just the right height to kiss Ryder Scott. She could brush her lips against his and get the kiss she had longed for all these years.

  But she couldn’t do it. Katie felt the pulse at the base of her neck beating wildly. She was too scared. Not of him, not of getting one step closer to her fantasy.

  She was afraid of ruining it. This moment. This friendship she enjoyed with Ryder. What if all she got was a kiss and had nothing—no friendship, no Ryder—to fall back on?

  Those fears were already coming true, Katie reminded herself. It didn’t matter what she did. In a week there would be no Ryder and their friendship would be something that belonged in the past. And if she didn’t do something—anything—right now, she wouldn’t even get the kiss!

  Something close to panic washed over her. She had to make the first move. She quickly tilted her head up and brushed her mouth against his cheek.

  Ryder’s jaw felt rough against her lips and he smelled so good. Warm and masculine. He tensed but he didn’t push her away. That had to be a good sign.

  Her heart pounding in her chest, Katie grazed her soft mouth against his. She pressed her lips gently against Ryder’s, waiting for him to take over.

  But he seemed content with the gentle, almost chaste touch. That wasn’t enough for Katie. She needed more. Darting the tip of her tongue past her lips, she outlined Ryder’s bottom lip, silently asking for entry.

  Ryder’s mouth remained closed.

  Katie slowly nibbled at Ryder’s bottom lip. She felt, rather than heard, the groan vibrate deep in his chest. Encouraged, she slid her arms up his chest and linked her hands behind his neck, deepening the kiss.

  She wanted to burrow into his heat and let it envelop her. His scent triggered something elemental inside. She needed to thrust her tongue deep in his mouth and devour him.

  But Ryder wasn’t gathering her closer. His hands were firmly on her waist. He wasn’t pushing her away, but he wasn’t drawing her in, either.

  He might be letting her kiss him, but he wasn’t allowing it to go any further. Impatience and something darker swept through Katie. She wanted, needed, deserved more. She sank her teeth into his bottom lip.

  Ryder jerked back. Katie dropped her arms and tried to step away, but his hands clamped against her waist. Ryder didn’t look mad, but a dangerous glow had leapt into his eyes. He slowly dragged his tongue along the swollen flesh of his bottom lip.

  Katie realized she may have pushed her luck. How could she explain her actions? She tried to pull away, but Ryder contained her. His fingers dug into her hips as he stared at her.

  “What the hell was that for?” he asked in a low tone.

  She needed to brazen this out. “Ryder, I’m sure you know how to kiss. . . .”

  “Katie, you’re playing with fire,” he warned.

  He raised a hand and Katie didn’t flinch. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but she was surprised when he rubbed his thumb hard against her bottom lip. She noticed the slight tremor in his hand. His touch wasn’t tender, but she could tell he was fighting hard to rein in what he really wanted to do. Katie felt breathless as she waited for his next move.

  “You’re still a brat, aren’t you?”

  Had she just ruined everything with that one action? She hoped not. “I’m not a brat, and I’m not an innocent little girl.”

  Ryder dropped his hold on her. “Wanna bet?”

  He sounded almost regretful. “Yeah, I do.” She poked a finger at his chest. “In fact, I have eight days to prove you wrong.”

  He caught her hand, his move fast as lightning. She should have known better—she was trapped.

  Ryder leaned in close, his mouth right against her ear. “What are you planning? Whatever it is, I’m telling you right now to forget it.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do.” She wrestled for her release. “You have no claims on me.” At least, not yet.

  Ryder suddenly let go, as if he couldn’t be bothered anymore. “I’m warning you, Katie.”

  “And I’m giving you some advance notice.” Katie took a sharp breath, her body trembling with nervousness. “On New Year’s Day, you are going to wake up in my bed.”

  Ryder held himself very, very still as she walked away, leaving him on the dance floor. Every primal instinct screamed through his body, begging him to chase Katie, haul her against him and kiss her senseless.

  That would be a very stupid idea. Satisfying, but stupid. He shouldn’t have let things get this far. He had weakened at that one crucial moment. He had truly believed his lack of response was the best defense against Katie’s attentions, and would kill any fantasy she might have about them. Who would have thought Katie had a rough side? Damn, if that bite didn’t give him a charge.

  Ryder darted the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to wind up in bed with Katie way before New Year’s Day. Once that happened, he wouldn’t let her out until he had explored every fantasy he had about her. And she was way too innocent for that, so he had to make sure bedding her was never even a possibility.

  CHAPTER THREE

  December 25

  “Mom.” Katie held the cordless phone between her ear and her shoulder as she set the tray of crudités on the serving table, wondering if she had made too much food for a crowd of people who were probably already stuffed with Christmas dinner. She loved to cook and bake and sometimes she went overboard. “Did you know Ryder is leaving town?”

  Katie had realized her strategic error the moment she had left the dance floor the night before. She shouldn’t have informed Ryder of her intention. Now she had lost the element of surprise. Not that she was going to kamikaze the guy into bed, but she would have liked to keep her options open.

  It had taken all of her self-control to make a retreat and leave Ryder after the dance. No doubt he was immediately caught in Tatum’s clutches, but Katie couldn’t spare the time to arm wrestle for Ryder.

  Well, that’s what she had told her friends when they asked her why she left so abruptly. The truth was that she was embarrassed. The kiss she shared with Ryder was supposed to be perfect, loving, romantic. She’d never imagined biting him to get a response. Now she needed to come up with a failure-proof plan to unleash the sexual hunger she saw in Ryder’s eyes. But after tossing and turning in bed all night, she had come up with absolutely nothing.

  She heard her mother’s sigh on the other end of the phone. “I had a feeling he might leave one day.”

  “Really?” It was official: Katie was the absolute last person to know about Ryder’s move. “What has he told you?”

  “Honey,” her mother’s voice pierced through the static connection. “You know Ryder doesn’t sit around and talk about his feelings. It was just a vibe that I had.”

  “He hasn’t been unhappy,” Katie insisted as she absently centered the nutcracker on a side table. The finishing touches were probably unnecessary, but sh
e wanted her guests to experience a winter won derland while they enjoyed cocktails and festive hors d’oeuvres. It was a Kramer tradition.

  “You’re right. I think he’s leaving before his restraint crumbles.”

  Restraint? Katie stopped moving and tightly gripped the nutcracker. “What are you talking about?”

  “I think . . .” Her mother paused, as if she was unsure to say anything. “I think he’s leaving because of you.”

  “Me?” Katie closed her eyes and pumped her fist in the air. Yes! She hadn’t been completely delusional last night. “Why do you think that? I haven’t done anything.”