by E. E. Holmes
“Yes! You should have just taken the chance! Damn it, Hannah, it’s wrong and you know it!” I sprang to my feet, something I hadn’t been able to do in more than three days, and this realization only made me angrier.
“Oh, get off your high horse there, love. This kind of situation is exactly why leeching exists,” Lucida said. “Using the energy to save your life isn’t just about you. It’s about preserving the entire Gateway for the spirits who need it in the future.”
“You think I’m going to listen to you on this, the woman who uses ghosts like Botox injections?” I said, turning on her with a humorless laugh. “When have you ever cared whether a spirit made it all the way through to the other side, as long as you could smooth out a wrinkle or two?”
“Now, now, I think you’re underestimating my natural good looks,” Lucida said, pouting theatrically.
“And I think you’re underestimating how pissed off I am right now!” I shot back. I turned to Finn, who had retreated into a corner. “What about you? You’re supposed to be protecting the Gateway, right? Aren’t you always going on about the importance of your duty? How could you let them do this?”
I couldn’t really see his face, wrapped in a mask of shadows in the semi-darkness, but his voice when he spoke was brusque and harsh, as usual.
“It was the best decision to protect the Gateway,” he said. “It wasn’t only about saving you. If something happened to you, the Gateway would close, and the entire system would be out of balance again, just like when your mother invoked the Binding.”
I longed to spew a diatribe at him, but something was caught in my throat. I couldn’t separate it clearly from my anger in the moment, but it might have been the way in which he dismissed out of hand the idea that my own life would have been reason enough to make the decision. I wouldn’t really have expected anything less from him, but there was something about hearing it out loud that cut deeply.
“Great. That’s just great,” I said, ignoring the sting, “Well, I guess we’ll just forget about any of the ghosts that just crossed over. Screw them, right? If they’re trapped in the Aether, who cares, am I right? The cost of doing business.”
A shimmer out of the corner of my eye made me turn. Milo was there, and his mouth was half-open as though ready to speak. When he caught my eye, he snapped it shut again.
“You should just be glad you didn’t get too close, Milo.”
I sprung up, feeling like I could have scaled a wall or climbed a mountain with as much ease, and stalked toward the door, looking around as I did so for my jacket.
“Where are you going?” Hannah asked, her tone still wounded and tearful.
“For a walk. I need to clear my head,” I said.
“It’s not safe to be out, Jess,” Lucida said. “Someone might—”
“Stop talking. Your logic isn’t going to convince me of anything, not now, not ever,” I said. I abandoned the search for the jacket and opted instead for a dramatic exit. If I froze my ass off, so be it.
As I descended the stairs, I began to feel a panicked sort of claustrophobia close in around me. I picked up speed, taking the last flight at a run, and practically threw myself out the door and into the crisp London night. The fresh air hit my face like a cold ocean wave; it felt so good that I started to cry, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. I took off blindly down the street, but had gone barely two blocks when I became aware of the footsteps slapping the pavement behind me.
Great. This better not be some Necromancer thug or a Caomhnóir come to track me down. I don’t think I could handle Lucida being right about something so soon. I turned, my heart pounding in my chest.
Finn was following me, like an obnoxious guard dog. Ugh, I take it back, I’d rather be chased down by Necromancers.
“Leave me alone, Finn,” I gasped over my shoulder.
“No.”
“Just… go back to the flat.”
“Not happening.”
I ignored him, picking up my pace and retracing our route back to the river, stopping only when I’d grasped the cold metal of the railing in my hands, looking out over the water, inhaling the cool night air like I’d just resurfaced from a near-drowning. I could hardly believe the irony of how terrible I felt emotionally and how great I felt physically. My guilt made me want to fling myself into the Thames, but I knew I’d just be able to swim the entire length of it anyway, probably without even getting winded.
Finn hung back, giving me space, at least until I had calmed myself and let the beauty of the city lights on the water shine some perspective into me. There was nothing I could do. It was done. My only chance to make it right was to use my renewed health to get us out of this mess and make sure the Gateway, and everyone who crossed through it from now on, was protected. When I turned to head back to the flat, I listened for the steady slap of Finn’s feet behind me on the pavement. When they fell into step with mine, they were much closer than I had expected.
“Jess, hold up a minute there,” he said.
Begrudgingly, I slowed down just enough for him to draw level with me.
“Look, I know why you’re angry, but take it easy on your sister, okay?”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m not saying it was a good thing to do. We all know that leeching is wrong. Or at least,” he screwed up his face, “most of us do. But there really was no choice. It was either that, or your sister sat back and watched you die.”
“We could have gone to a—”
“No, we couldn’t, so just stop saying that. Do you really want to get dragged back to Fairhaven after everything we went through to escape? Marion would have you thrown in the dungeons, or worse. And that’s nothing to what could happen if the Necromancers find us first, and I guarantee they will be looking in all the same places.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but my words had run dry. I had nothing and we both knew it.
“Don’t punish Hannah for the only choice she could make. You’re all she has left. Would you really want to leave her alone here in this mess? Hasn’t she lost enough?”
There was something about hearing it from Finn’s mouth; Finn, who barely admitted that he had feelings of his own, let alone that he could acknowledge other people’s. I shook my head, eyes filling with fresh tears. There was just so much guilt, I couldn’t contain it; guilt about the destruction back at Fairhaven, guilt about the spirits now possibly trapped forever between worlds, and now, guilt about the way I had just treated my sister for the unforgivable offense of saving my life. I would surely suffocate underneath the weight of it all.
I resisted the temptation to dissolve completely in misery; Finn already looked horribly uncomfortable at the sight of my crying, like I was doing something both utterly foreign and inherently distasteful. He looked like he might turn tail and run headlong from my unpredictable female hysteria at any second. So instead, I pulled myself together and walked back to the flat, Finn keeping several paces behind in case I decided to cry on him.
I pulled the door shut behind me. There’d been no hint of Lyle anywhere outside, an ominous sign that I didn’t want to consider the meaning of. The flat was dark and quiet. Savvy was sprawled asleep on the sofa, and Lucida has slunk off again into the night from whence she had come. In the half-light bleeding from the bedroom, I could see Hannah curled up against the headboard of Lyle’s bed, Milo right beside her. I could hear the quiet crooning of his voice, comforting her with words I could not make out. I let him continue. If I tried to talk to her now, when there was still so much anger running through my veins, I would only damage things further. Instead, I poked and prodded at Savvy’s back until she grumbled and slid over enough for me to cram myself onto the couch beside her. Then I closed my eyes and let the night and the sleep dull the knife-sharp emotions still stabbing away at my insides.
4
Hostage
A SOMBER, HEAD-HANGING SILENCE greeted me in Lyle’s tiny, cramped kitchen the next morning. Ah, yes, my morning dose of crippling guil
t.
“Hey, guys,” I said, without meeting anyone’s eye. Not that anyone was looking at me anyway, but averting their gazes in case I started yelling again.
A dull murmur of acknowledgement followed my greeting. Wow, had I really been that unreasonable, or were they just ashamed of themselves? It could have been both, I suppose, but I didn’t want to have that conversation. Not anymore.
I’d barely had the chance to register where Hannah was sitting, knees up under her chin, a plate of buttered toast untouched in front of her, when Milo came flitting forward. He blocked my way as I stepped toward Hannah, his expression a storm cloud.
“Back for another pound of flesh?” Milo spat.
“Calm down, Milo. I just want to apologize,” I said.
He did not back down, but instead glared at me as though sure I was carrying a concealed weapon. “What’s the matter? Heard she finally stopped crying?”
“Hannah, will you please call off your attack ghost? I’ll behave, I promise.”
“Milo, it’s okay. Let her through,” Hannah said.
I stepped around Milo, who did not move this time to stop me, but instead hissed in my ear, “One harsh word and I’ll go poltergeist on your ass.” Trying to ignore the threat, I dropped into the chair beside Hannah.
I’d barely opened my mouth when she spoke. “You don’t have to apologize, Jess. You are absolutely right, it was a terrible thing to do. We should have just taken our chances at the hospital or—”
“No, you were right,” I said, doing my utmost to keep the bitterness out of my voice. “All you were trying to do was save my life, and I attacked you for it. It was a shitty way to behave, and I’m sorry. I wasn’t mad at you, not really. I was just mad that leeching was our only choice. But it really was the only choice, and I know it wasn’t easy for you to make it. So thank you. Thank you for saving my life.”
She flashed me a watery but genuine smile. I leaned across the table and hugged her. I felt her freeze at first, like a startled animal, but then she wound an arm around my neck and buried her face in my hair.
“Well, isn’t that just the sweetest thing you ever saw?” Savvy said, punching me lightly on the arm as we broke apart. “Now that you’re talking to us, how about some breakfast? You hungry? I can knock you up something.”
“That would be great, thanks.” I hadn’t thought about it at all, but the moment she suggested food, I realized that I was absolutely ravenous. I hadn’t eaten in days.
“You might want to rethink that,” Milo said, wrinkling his nose in disgust.
“And why’s that?” I asked.
“Yeah, why’s that?” Savvy asked, looking affronted.
“Because you shopped like a frat boy!” Milo cried.
“What do you mean?”
“What do I mean? I mean, this!” Milo said, and he caused the nearest cabinet door to burst open. “Look at this!”
I walked over to get a closer look. Milo had a point; the shelves were crammed with sugary cereals, Pop-Tarts, pre-packaged Danishes and croissants, and something called “digestive biscuits,” which appeared to be a healthy sounding name for chocolate dipped cookies.
“Wow, it’s a portal to a junk food paradise!” I said, grinning.
“You should have seen her in the store,” Milo said, rolling his eyes. “It was like letting a six year old do the shopping.”
“I was hungry and stressed out! You shouldn’t have set me loose in a shop like that!”
“Yes, but now everyone has to eat your feelings!” Milo cried.
“Why do you even care?” I asked, plucking a Danish off the shelf and shutting the door again. “You don’t even eat.”
“Someone around here has to be an adult,” Milo said. “I’m your spirit guide. So sue me if I’m trying to guide you toward food with some form of nutritional content.”
“Oh, give it a rest, will you?” Savvy said. “There’s some fruit in there somewhere.”
“Strawberry Pop-Tarts are not fruit!” Milo yelled, stamping a foot that made no contact with the floor and therefore no sound.
“Okay, okay, Milo, chill out!” I said through a mouthful of pastry. “We’ll go out later and buy some grass-fed tofu burgers or something!”
I sat down beside Finn, who had not so much as looked at me since I’d entered the kitchen. He was bent so low over one of his shabby black notebooks that his hair was trailing along the page. He was scribbling with impressive speed, with what looked like a bacon sandwich clamped between his teeth.
“Did you get down that whole conversation, or would you like me to repeat any of it?” I asked him.
Finn looked up, scowling, and pulled the roll from his mouth to say, “I’m not writing down your—”
“I know that! My god, have you never even been introduced to the concept of a joke?”
He frowned at me for another moment, and then shoved the rest of the sandwich in his mouth and bent again to write. “No.”
“How sad for you,” I said. I glanced at the cabinet again. “Wow, that is seriously impressive junk food, though. The only other person I’ve ever met who ate that much garbage was Karen, and at least she had the excuse that she was working all the time. Her fridge was… hey, wait a minute!” My change in tone made everyone stare. “Karen! Someone needs to get in touch with Karen to warn her about—”
“We’ve already done it,” Finn said, talking over me.
“You… really?”
“Yes. It was right after you fell asleep, the first day we got here. Hannah called her using one of the disposable cell phones and warned her about what’s happened.”
“Did she freak out?” I asked. I envisioned Karen, glued to the phone with one hand and booking an international flight on her laptop with the other. “You know she’ll be out here in a heartbeat if she knows how much trouble we’re really in.”
“Actually, I think I managed to convince her that we’ll be in more trouble if she comes,” Hannah said. “She knows how the Durupinen work; they aren’t above using her as bait, if necessary, to lure us back to Fairhaven, and of course the Necromancers will be looking for every connection we left behind in an effort to find us. She’s not safe anymore.”
“So what’s she doing?”
“Going into hiding as soon as possible. She also said it would be a good idea for your friend Tia to do the same, so she’s going to arrange it.”
“This is awful. This is just a nightmare. It’s ruining everyone’s lives! What about Karen’s job? And what will Tia have to do, drop out of St. Matt’s? Leave the country? And it’s all my fault,” I cried, dropping my head into my hands.
“It will be okay, Jess,” Hannah said, laying a soothing hand on my arm. “The most important thing is for them to be safe. This will all blow over soon. Karen is a brilliant lawyer, she’ll have no trouble finding another great job, and St. Matt’s will still be there when it’s safe for Tia to go back to classes. It’s just temporary, and we’ll all feel better knowing that they’re out of harm’s way, won’t we?”
“I know, I know, but… it just sucks,” I said.
“Yeah, it does,” she said.
Despite everything that had happened between us, I felt a sudden upsurge of affection for Karen, for not only thinking of Tia, but offering to help her. I picked my head up. “Does Karen think she can pull it off? What does she know about putting people into hiding?”
Hannah shrugged. “I don’t know but she sounded pretty confident. She said she had contacts she could use from working federal cases. I told her to call Lucida, but she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to use anyone connected to the Durupinen, just in case.”
I snorted. “Yeah, and she also hates Lucida. I’m sure she’d want to avoid using her help, regardless.”
I looked around the table and registered for the first time that Lucida was missing. “So where’s she slunk off to, anyway?” I asked the room at large, but it was again Hannah who answered.
“She had to go back to Fairhaven.”
“So you’re telling me that there actually is a Fairhaven to go back to?” I asked. I’d been sure that it would have burned to the ground or, like in the dreams I kept having, just continued to burn endlessly without ever consuming itself, like some kind of magic torch.
“Yes,” Hannah said. “The Caomhnóir were able to contain the fire to the east wing. The Grand Council Room was destroyed, and the East Tower, but most of the castle is still standing.”
“So what happened when Lucida went back? Did they buy her story?”
“Yes, thank goodness. She concocted some wild alibi about what she’d been doing that night, and they had no problem swallowing it,” Hannah said.
“Where did she tell them she’d been?”
“Paris,” Savvy said, grinning. “Said she’d hopped the Eurostar and taken the Chunnel with some friends to spend the night partying in some underground Parisian speakeasies.”
“Won’t it be easy enough for them to check that story out? What if they find out she was lying?’ I asked.
Finn shook his head. “They won’t. She called in favors and set up a false trail. She knows what she’s doing.”
“She’s got real flair, that one,” Savvy said with a chuckle. “From what she said, it sounds like she’s well acquainted with the Paris nightlife, even if it was just a cover story this time. I’m making her take me along when she goes back. It sounds fierce.”
“Samesies,” Milo piped up.
I ignored this. Clubbing was just about as far down my list of priorities as lighting myself on fire. “Did she say when she’s coming back?”
“No, and we have to be very careful about contacting each other now, since she is the one who is heading up the search to Track us.”
“You’re kidding,” I said, forgetting to chew the Danish in my mouth, and nearly having to choke it down.
“Nope. Marion put her in charge the minute she got back. It’s not that surprising, though. Like she said, she’s the best Tracker they have,” Hannah said, shrugging.
“So Marion’s okay, obviously, but what about everyone else? Didn’t she tell you if anyone got hurt or…?” I trailed off as my heart seemed to lodge itself into my throat, choking off the end of a question I was half-scared to know the answer to.