by Criss Copp
“No… We haven’t even gone there.” I supplied. I had no intention of telling him about what had happened, especially the timing of it.
“So, I’m still the only guy you’ve fucked?” he said incredulously.
I cringed, but I nodded.
“Summer… why?” Jordan asked.
“Why what?” I skirted around the issues.
“Why did you break my heart?” he asked, another sob threatening.
“Oh, Jordan… I’m sorry, but…” I started
“…come back to me… Please! I know I acted like a dick… but I’ll change, I promise!” he pleaded, and reached a hand out to touch my face.
He looked so wounded; I couldn’t help it, so I leant into the touch.
I looked at him…
Did I love him? Yes… Did I love him enough to at one stage try and make what we had work... if he got help? Yes…
But, there was a major obstacle… Blake!
I loved him so much more… infinitely more! If I hadn’t had any feelings for Blake, I’d probably accept Jordan as my world. But Blake was always going to be the only world for me.
Before all of this registered and processed in my mind, Jordan had already leant over and placed his lips on mine.
He held my face in his hands and kissed me fiercely… but I couldn’t return the kiss. Jordan noticed.
He pulled his lips away, with a painful groan, and then a whimper escaped him. He still held my face in his strong hands. He placed his forehead to mine. I was crying now.
“I should’ve noticed how you two were… I mean I did notice, but I just thought you were friends. I remember you two kissing that day. I always tried to summon that burning passion in you, but we never had it… did we!” He said, his face scrunching up.
I shook my head.
He looked so utterly defeated and forlorn.
“Summer,” he began, before kissing me gently again on the lips… sweetly, softly and for what seemed like the longest time. Then he pulled back slightly, his face still close, though his eyes displayed distance… “Never, ever again contact me… I don’t want to see you, I refuse to talk to you and I won’t acknowledge you in any way if for some unfortunate reason you happen to be anywhere near me. We are not only over… we are nothing!” he cried.
With that, he got out of his side of the car, slammed the passenger door so hard the glass rattled violently, and left without turning around. With his departure, he took with him a vast number of friendly faces, that although weren’t bosom buddy close, still numbered as a part of my inner circle of friends. He also took years of friendship and love.
Anne ran out, tears streaming down her face, to give me the keys. She didn’t look at me either, despite having to open the passenger door and lean across to hand me the keys, before backing out, closing the door, turning around and running back to the house.
I placed the keys in the ignition, placed the car in gear, got the car out of there, and drove two blocks before my tears were becoming too hazardous for me to drive safely anymore. So, I pulled over. I didn’t rejoin the traffic for another forty minutes, and by then my eyes were red and swollen, my heart was tenderized, and my stomach felt like it had been used as a punching bag.
I blubbered into Debbie’s chest for hours after, as we sat on the couch and she rocked me gently. I fell asleep right there in the living room… staying there for the remainder of the day. It meant I missed Blake waking up, and since I was in so much pain, I failed to look at my phone, or check my phone messages.
Debbie had at first allowed our house phone to ring out, and then she just unplugged it. The answering service collected the curious questioning as to my whereabouts.
Blake.
She wasn’t answering, and her house number went to the messenger service… I was frantic. I didn’t know where she was. My fear was tiring me out… The staff were all telling me to relax; that it wasn’t good for me to be stressing out. But I was afraid that something had happened to her… that Jordan had done something to her.
I finally roped my sister into checking things out, but she couldn’t contact her either… so she went and telephoned Jordan’s house to make certain that he’d been home all day, and just to be sure he hadn’t gone to see Summer.
When she stepped back inside the room, the look on her face was all it took for me to know something terrible was wrong.
The pain in my head was sudden. All the monitors around me were making noises indicating my distress; my nurse was injecting my IV with something, and despite it all, that something was beginning to calm me down.
“Tell me!” I demanded, although my voice wasn’t all that forceful… the drug was already taking effect.
Julie sighed; she looked across to our Dad. Dad must’ve nodded assent, because although I couldn’t see him on the other side of the room, with my focus on Julie, I didn’t hear him either.
“Mrs. Myers said Summer was over there today, talking to Jordan. Jordan was extremely emotional, and they had some sort of fight. When Jordan left Summer, Summer looked like her heart had been torn from her chest. She drove away from the house alone.” Julie said.
I felt tears before I could stop them… I was so raw… so emotional!
“What did he say to her?” I asked. I felt like I was shouting in my pain, but it all came out like a squeak.
“I don’t know,” Julie said. “But I’m going to go and find out. I’ll ring you, when I find out.” She promised, leaning in to kiss my forehead… but I was already beginning to drift off now that the medicine was taking away my thoughts and the pain along with it.
Summer.
The doorbell, followed by pounding at the front door woke me. Debbie answered it and was speaking quietly to whoever was there. I started stretching… I threw my legs over the edge of the couch. My head was throbbing, so I dropped it into my hands. Guilt was tearing at me too!
“Summer?” Julie said softly.
“Jewels?” I replied, and despite the pain in my head and the tears I’d already released, I was crying all over again.
“What happened?” she said, sitting down next to me and draping her arm around me.
I told her about my attempt to see Jordan; thinking he might tell me why he would attack Blake. I told her how he pleaded for me to return to him. I told her he kissed me… but that I didn’t kiss him back… her face went quite rigid at this point… and I said about him removing me from every aspect of his future life.
Julie sighed, she gave me a squeeze, and then she crouched down in front of me.
“Summer, I’m going to be blunt.” Julie started. “You’re a fucking idiot! Why would you approach Jordan, knowing that he was so volatile at the moment?” She seethed.
I went to say something, but she held her hand up to stop me, before continuing.
“Why would you let him kiss you? Why?” she asked.
“I didn’t… I didn’t want him to. I just didn’t realize he was going to.” I reasoned… fresh tears coursing down my face.
“Well you should’ve smacked him across his face! Shoved him out of the car! Done something that would make him realize you aren’t his!” She angrily replied.
“Well we aren’t anything now… nothing at all.” I said mollified.
“On his terms!” She argued. “It should’ve been on your terms! What if Blake finds out?”
I looked at her with genuine fear… I’d have to tell him… I’d have to explain this to him, in case Jordan did first.
I started to get all panicky. I was rocking back and forth on the chair.
“I fucked up… he’ll be heartbroken.” I vacantly murmured.
“Get yourself together!” Julie scoffed. “He loves you more than life itself… but, it’s gonna hurt him!” she reasoned.
I nodded.
“Wait a few days till he gets better… actually, wait till you move in together, so he has time to really get his head right.” She suggested.
“But Jorda
n… maybe he’ll say something?!” I cried.
“Look… Summer… I am not above threatening Jordan Myers to shut the fuck up… however; he’s not allowed to contact Blake in any way. And come on! If he wants to come out the other side of all this fuck-up-ery… and collect on his football scholarship, he’s gonna need to tow the line!” Julie explained.
I nodded.
“Now, go wash your face, change your clothes and get in my God Damn car… Blake woke up today, and he’s beside himself because he couldn’t get a hold of you.” She scolded.
Now I felt even more God Damn awful… I hadn’t been there for Blake… I’d caused him more pain!
So, I did what she told me to do… promptly!
*
It was a forty-five minute drive to North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset... and visiting hours finished at 8pm. We left my place just before 6:30pm. When you factored in any traffic concerns, parking, walking to the hospital entrance and navigating your way from there to Blake’s room... we were cutting it fine!
Julie had help tonight from just about every karma point she commanded. She made it to the hospital in thirty-four minutes. Yes, she was speeding! We found a convenient park next to the pedestrian exit closest the hospital. The entrance was fairly empty, and the lifts weren’t delayed. I ran the whole way.
I made it to his room at 7:17pm... I was still crying.
Blake.
I had been drifting in and out of a light sleep most of the evening. Julie hadn’t called me, and I was getting worried. I would give her till the end of visiting hours... then I was going to pursue things again. That way nobody would be around to see me get upset yet again.
Then she was upon me... my Summer was there. Leaning over me, touching my face gently, and shaking like a leaf as she held my hand. She was smiling, even though tears were drenching her face.
I smiled; I just about broke my face I smiled so big. I hadn’t seen her since we dropped her off at her sister’s place in July. Her mere presence was therapy!
“Hi,” I croaked.
She couldn’t reply verbally... so she leant down and softly brushed my lips with her own. Then she sat down on the chair my Dad had pushed in almost underneath her, and held my hand to her face... looking at me.
“I know you went and saw Jordan.” I said, swallowing the huge ball in my throat and attempting to wet the dry huskiness that was my voice.
She looked at me... devastated.
“We can talk about it another time... I don’t really want to talk about it now.” I said tiredly.
She nodded, tears still spilling.
“I love you Blake.” She managed to croak out, looking deeply into my eyes... imploring me to know what she felt was real.
“Good... because I love you too.” I said, and I meant it, I’d said it so many times over the last couple of weeks... over the phone, in texts and emails; that it was easy to admit this fact... I had loved her for years, but I was still angry too.
“And although I said I don’t want to talk about it, just know this! Don’t you ever again go and confront someone who’s angry, violent and is desperate for you... again! I was beside myself with worry... it nearly killed me!” I explained... I was suddenly out of breath; hurt was obvious... lacing my words that sounded cracked and pained.
She nodded... pain evident on her face too.
Chapter 11
Summer.
“Just plop that box down there.” I told Blake.
When I saw him come inside our apartment, I had been on my knees on top of the kitchen bench packing the cupboards above the bench. He gave me a smirk, looking as though he was going to come over and do something wicked to me; but he was prevented, when Debbie came through the door carrying an armful load of pillows and sparing a look in our direction.
We hadn’t had a moment alone the whole week. Now it was Saturday... We’d left early that morning for our two and a half hour journey to our new lives; getting here at 8am. Max had organized to meet the realtor here at that time, so we were able to pretty much walk straight inside. Blake was supposed to take it easy... but he was typical Blake... doing what he wanted to do.
Once Blake had gotten out of the hospital on Tuesday morning, he’d made it clear he didn’t want to be mollycoddled... however, his Mom and Dad had kept a keen eye on him and made him stay basically still and sedate till yesterday morning; when he growled mutiny at them and got about finishing packing his stuff.
I’d visited him daily, but apart from some fairly innocent kissing, nothing had had the capacity to eventuate; his mother had been hovering the whole time. I was certain that she thought he would regress if his heart beat got above a certain rate.
Now Debbie and Max were here helping us unload and unpack, while his parents were in Newark, settling Julie into accommodation with Helen... hmmm!
It had taken forever to convince them that he would be fine with just Debbie and Max to supervise him. His mother had been pushing to come and assist, leaving his father to help Julie move by himself. By the end of the week, after numerous times denying his mother’s help was necessary; Blake got a little psycho over the whole thing, and his obvious distress was enough to prevent her from her ‘thoughtful’ course of action, and stick with the original plan.
By midday, we’d pretty much unpacked just about all there was to unpack. We really didn’t have heaps... we had a little more than what we needed, alongside our personal stuff... but with all the help, it was pretty easy to have everything finalized in record time.
Max had managed to con some unsuspecting strong young guys into helping Blake and himself to bring the heavy furniture in, by bribing them with a couple of six packs of Bud. They were obviously underage... but Max was ignorant; his back was more important... oh well, ignorance is bliss!
Debbie hadn’t even batted an eye when Blake had asked her to unpack all of my stuff alongside his in the main bedroom; she had done so without a word, just a smug smile. I on the other hand felt nervous. This was concrete! I was living with my boyfriend now... and we hadn’t even really been together yet! So, despite Blake’s efforts, I still managed to have my single bed made up in the smallest room, just in case I needed it. Blake countered this move by having all of our bulky items of clothing stored in the wardrobe in there, so he was still sharing the room. His winter jackets were butting up against mine, in the smaller built in robe... leaving more storage room for less bulky items in the main room.
I felt like a virgin bride must feel like, when she is embarking on a marriage to her intended, despite never having experienced living with her man before. The ‘unknown’ was slightly exciting, but desperately scary all at once. Admittedly, I already knew we had chemistry; and we knew a great deal about one another, so we were ahead in the game in many respects. However, those jittering nerves that had steadily tattooed their drums throughout this week were almost deafening today and were going to beat me apart.
Just after we finished with the unpacking, everyone decided they were starving; so we headed out for food, and found ourselves driving along Mountain Avenue. Stopping at a place called ‘Toni’s’, we headed in for a bite to eat. The food was amazing... and Blake and I collectively agreed this would be a regular joint to come to. I had a Moresca gourmet salad, Blake had an Italian sub with a side serving of onion rings, and Debbie and Max both enjoyed a personally designed pizza each.
Afterwards, Max and Debbie dropped us off at our apartment; and since they were both keen to get back to New York to stay at Phoebe’s tonight; they left promptly. They were to meet Elspeth and Sally at Phoebe’s for dinner.
Debbie pulled me aside.
“Honey, I’m going to miss you so much!” she said, pulling me in for a massive squeeze.
“I’m already missing you!” I grumbled. Her departing hug reminded me of the predicament I was in. Blake and me, living together... in the same bed... TOGETHER!
“What’s wrong?” she asked, pushing me back to arms length and
looking at me with that curiosity I was accustomed to from her.
“I’m a little scared.” I whispered, looking over at the camaraderie evident between Max and Blake as they discussed the... whatever...
Debbie didn’t miss my obvious glance toward Blake. She smiled... huge!
“Oh Summer... you have been best friends with that boy since you were kids... he adores you, he’ll be good for you, so stop worrying!” she enthused.
Whose side was she on?
“Traitor... you’re supposed to tell me something useful to help me get through this first major step... right here and now!” I grumbled.
Debbie laughed... she actually threw her head back and laughed.
“I just did!” she replied... pulling me in for another hug.
Max did the whole hug thing too, before they took off to go and annoy some of their other children.
*
Blake had me drive his 2009 Audi TTS Coupe, which he’d gotten for his 18th birthday, here; and we’d parked in our designated parking bay. His parents had gone way overboard with both Julie and Blake’s birthday presents, but it was a nice car, for a two door, 6 speed, ‘Lucifer Red’, compact car.
I didn’t own a car... I usually drove Debbie’s car. So Blake was to be my transport around here, other than skating, taxi’s and buses.
Now as we made our way into our apartment on the third floor of our building, I felt my mentioned nervousness to Debbie grow beyond reason. This realization that I had quite literally tied myself to Blake for a decent length of time, regardless as to how it might possibly work out; was almost crippling me.
My unreasonable fear and doubt doubled, or perhaps it was reasonable that it should; as Blake opened the door and went to carry me across the threshold. At least he didn’t fully carry me like a bride. He simply lifted me and swung my legs through the door and around him in a half arc.
“Welcome home.” He said, leaning in to kiss me gently. I returned his kiss, but I couldn’t feel any of our normally burning desire to continue it, so I broke it off and immediately pushed myself back.