by Tia Siren
“Look, it’s daddy and Jonny. We are so lucky, aren’t we? We are two lucky, blessed ladies to have them, aren’t we?”
They got closer, and she could see the brilliant smile Edward was giving her. It filled her heart. She smiled back and waited for them.
“Hello there!” She called out, waving. She lifted Emilia’s hand and made the little one wave. “There they are. See?”
The baby girl looked out at them as they approached. She squirmed a little and looked excited and happy, bouncing in Claire’s arm.
“Look at those two beautiful girls, Jon!” Edward said as he got down from the horse and approached the house. Jonathan ran in front of him and held out his arms to take Emilia from Claire without saying anything.
“Hello, Jonny. Do you want to hold your sister?”
He just nodded, his arms still outstretched. Claire gently lowered the baby and he secured her in his arms before going inside. He was very protective. She just smiled and sighed as she watched him go in.
“Hello, pretty lady.” Edward said as he came up on the porch. “How has your day been?”
“I feel a lot better than I did before,” he said. “You have lunch for me?”
“Of course.” She smiled up at him. He smiled back with a look that made her feel fluttery in her stomach. She was so blessed to have been placed here. “I do hope that Jonathan warms up to me, though. I really do.”
“I know you do.” Edward nodded. “You just need to be patient and give him time.”
“Do you think he will warm up to me?”
Edward ran one large hand through her red hair, his eyes obviously admiring her beauty. “I don’t see how anyone could resist it, Claire.”
She giggled when he put his arm around her shoulders and walked into the house with her. Jonathan had put Emilia in a little basket he used to carry her around and placed her next to his chair at the kitchen table. He already had a sandwich on a plate with two bites taken from it.
“Papa, can I have some potatoes?”
“You can,” Edward said. “Claire will give them to you. You should ask her.”
Jonathan looked at Claire. “I don’t have to have any,” he said, turning back to his plate.
Edward approached him and knelt next to his chair. “Jonny boy. I told you not to be rude, didn’t I?” His voice was soft. Jonathan looked at him with regretful eyes. “I know this is hard for you, son. But you have to trust that things are going to work out okay. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, would I? I won’t let anything happen to you? Claire isn’t going to hurt you, Jonny.”
“I know.” The little boy’s voice was quiet. He lowered his head, ashamed.
Claire moved to kneel at his other side, looking up at him. “It’s all right, Jon. I will give you some potatoes, okay? Everything is going to be all right.”
Jonathan didn’t lift his head. “Okay.” He murmured.
“What do you say, Jonny?” Edward prompted.
“Thank you.”
“Good boy.” He ruffled the boy’s hair and stood up straight.
The next morning, Claire woke up when Edward did. She felt him move from the bed and waited a bit until she heard the door close as he went out. She got up and went to the baby’s room to check on her. The child was fast asleep.
In his room, Jonathan was also asleep. She cracked the doors to their room so that Jonathan would hear if Emilia woke up. She knew he was sensitive to the baby’s cries and had gotten up several times to check on her when Claire was already in there. She didn’t plan to be gone long. She just wanted to know why Edward always left so early and what he was doing. Her curiosity had taken over.
She dressed quickly and went out the door. She rode quietly to the vicarage, behind her husband far enough so that he wouldn’t see her.
When she reached the church, she dismounted and tied her horse up to a tree in the surrounding park. She moved slowly over the grass toward the cemetery behind the church and looked out over the grounds. She didn’t see him. She frowned and peered a little more closely, running her eyes around the tombstones to see if he was kneeling somewhere. He wasn’t. She circled the building but didn’t see him anywhere.
He must be inside. She thought. She went to the doors and pushed one open quietly, sticking her head inside to look around. It was still very dark in the building. She saw a lamp lit at the altar and slipped inside, closing the door behind her.
She walked slowly on silent feet toward the altar, looking at the pews, many of them with bibles set randomly around. She went into one of them and sat down, picking up the Bible.
“Lord.” She heard Edward’s voice and her eyes slid to the lamp at the altar. Edward had knelt in front of it. Her heart almost stopped when she saw him. He was bent over, his hands clasped in front of his forehead. “You have blessed me. I thank you. I have been in despair and you heard me. You have provided me with a beautiful son, daughter and wife once again. I am so very grateful to you, Lord, and every morning I will tell you of my thanks and ask you to continue blessing me. I can’t do anything without your guidance. Thank you for providing it and for sending a wonderful woman to care for my children. As you know, I thought I would never love again. But I see now that what you have planned for me is good. You are always good. Thank you, God. I thank you with all that I have. I pray to you in the name of my Lord and Savior. Amen.”
The words he was saying made Claire want to cry. She had prayed before but never with such intensity. He was praying from the heart.
He lifted up from his position, blew out the lamp and went past the altar to a back room.
In the dark now, Claire felt her way back to the front door and left. Her heart was pounding. She was terrified that he would see that she had followed him and be angry with her. She wouldn’t do it again. Her curiosity was satisfied.
She got back to her horse, mounted as quickly as she could and rode back to the house.
When she got there, she dismounted just as swiftly and ran up the steps and through the front door. She couldn’t hear any noise and went straight to the baby’s room. Emilia was awake. She was just lying there looking out at Claire with wide blue eyes. She smiled instantly and Claire picked her up.
“Good morning, sweet one,” she whispered. “Hello there.”
The baby made a cooing noise and giggled. Claire giggled with her. She moved to the window so they could watch the sun rise together. “Look at the beautiful sky, Emilia. Look how it shines bright when the sun peeks over the mountains. See all the pretty colors? Look how blessed we are.”
She became quiet looking out at the sunrise. It was the most beautiful sunrise she had ever seen in her life. “Thank you, Lord.” She whispered, tears rising to her eyes. “Look what you’ve done for me. Look at the life you’ve given me. You are so good. Help me to be good for this little girl and for Jonathan. Help me to understand them and raise them right and be the mother they need.” She lowered her head and let a few tears roll down her cheeks. One dropped on Emilia’s little head and Claire softly wiped it off. “Sorry, sweetie,” she whispered. She looked back up through the window.
“Please help me with Jonathan, Lord.” She said in a low voice. She knelt with the baby cradled in her arms and lowered her head again. “Please help him understand I’m not going to hurt him, that I don’t want him to forget his dear mama. Please let him know that I only want to protect him and help Edward raise him the right way. I know you will. And please…” She swallowed. “Please tell Beth that I will be good to her children. Tell her that they are safe. Let her know that everything here on earth will be okay.”
She stopped praying, continuing in her mind.
After a few moments, she felt a small hand touch her on her back. She looked up in surprise, into Jonathan’s eyes. He didn’t say anything. He just looked at her. She looked back. His face looked different. He was staring at her in silence.
“Jonathan?” She asked softly.
Without answering, the
little boy wrapped his arms around her neck and squeezed her tightly. She wrapped her free arm around him and hugged him back.
“It’s going to be all right, Jonny,” she whispered. “Everything is going to be all right.”
*****
THE END
A Bride’s Hope – A Clean Western Romance
Chapter One
Minnie looked down at the telegraph with great fear in her heart. It was from the army. She hadn’t heard from Tom for almost two months but had been hoping and praying everything would turn out okay for him. That he would return home to her soon and she would hear him playing with their little boy, Billy, in the yard. It was what was supposed to happen.
But it wasn’t what happened. The telegraph was gripped in her hands, the paper curling up around them. She sat in one of the porch chairs and stared down at it some more. He was gone. He really was gone. They had confirmed it, found his…body. She shivered.
“Damn this war!” Her father was storming up and down the porch. “How could this happen? How can he not come home to his wife and baby?”
“Papa, quiet down!” Her mother was soothing her father, trying to get him to calm down some. “You’re upsetting Minnie even more. You must calm down.”
“I can’t be calm!” Her father thundered, making her cringe. She knew he was nearly as upset as she was but she didn’t think she could take it today. She got up and went in the house, making her way to her room on deadened feet. She could hear her father still storming outside, his emotions overwhelming him. He had cared for her husband, too. Even his wife’s tears didn’t calm him. She expected him to burst out in his own tears at any moment. When he quieted down, she assumed that’s what had happened.
Minnie dropped herself on her bed face first. She was glad Billy was asleep in the cradle near her bed. She didn’t have the resolve to do anything for him right now. She pressed her face into the bed and let her tears come. She sobbed for many minutes, her marriage and love for her husband running through her mind over and over and over.
She felt like she would never recover from this. Her dear husband, Tom, had been one of the men killed at the Battle of Averasboro, NC. He was shot by the enemy and left in the field like the rest of the men that had died there. It would be impossible to bring his body home. She didn’t know why. It’s what they told her. She didn’t think Averasboro was that far from her little town but she didn’t question their authority. They weren’t going to listen to her anyway.
He’d died a hero and President Lincoln had even sent her a note expressing his dismay at his loss and that he had been a strong and courageous soldier.
It didn’t ease her pain. The president couldn’t bring him back. No one could bring him back. Not even God. He didn’t do that kind of stuff anymore.
Her emotions peaked, she sobbed for nearly an hour. She didn’t know when she would ever stop. Her tears would eventually dry up and she would have no more to shed. She had never felt such intense sorrow in all her 22 years. Where would she go? Who would she rely on? Her parents?
The thought made her cry harder. She was a married woman who had lived for three years with a man who showed her what love was all about. Now he was gone, ripped from her life abruptly. Her tears were intense and her bed shook as her body did.
“Lord!” She cried out. “How could this happen?”
Minnie heard a shuffling behind her and realized she had probably woken Billy up. She used the sheet on the bed to dry her tears and pushed herself up. She was going to be strong for her little boy. Even if it meant she could not show her sorrow in front of him. He was a year and a half old and wouldn’t understand why she was in such despair. It might harm him to see her so upset. She composed herself and went to his cradle, where he was sitting up, rubbing his eyes.
“Mama!” he called out to her. “Mama!”
“I’m here, sweet one,” she said, reaching into the cradle and picking him up. He was getting so heavy. “You’re already wake? Did you get enough sleep?”
“Mama cry.” He was staring into her eyes and she sat on the bed, resting him on her lap. His eyes were huge and blue, gazing at her intently. She brushed his blond hair back from his eyes and kissed his forehead.
“I’ll be okay, little man. I will be. You don’t have to worry.”
“No cry, mama!” Billy wrapped his arms around her neck and hugged her tight. “No cry!”
“I won’t, my son.” She buried her face in his small neck and shoulder. “I won’t cry anymore.”
But she knew she would.
Minnie hadn’t gotten any sleep at all for almost four days. Since the telegraph arrived, all she could do was wallow in her misery. Her mother was still being encouraging and supportive but her father was still upset and sullen. His mood was dark and angry. “He was a good boy!” He kept exclaiming whenever the subject was broached. “He was always a good boy! Good shot, too! Took him hunting! He was the best at it, best young boy I’d taught.”
There were many other things that had impressed him about Tom. He never failed to mention them. Minnie often wondered if he would ever stop talking about her late husband. It hurt every time she mentioned him. She wanted to avoid the subject and not think about it. She would never come out of mourning if he didn’t. The fact that she was now a widow with a fatherless boy was bad enough but to have it constantly ranted on about by her father was more unbearable than she could imagine.
She dragged herself out of bed, pulling on her robe as she did every morning. Billy had a strange schedule but she was glad of it. He slept more often than other babies she’d heard of. Her mother had appeared a little envious of it. Billy slept through the night and often into the next morning, allowing her to do other things before he woke up.
She glanced in his room and then went down the stairs to the kitchen when she saw he was still sound asleep as always. Her father and brothers had left for the day’s work and her mother was still in her bed. She sat listlessly at the kitchen table, unsure whether she wanted to make a cup of coffee or hot tea. Either way, she needed something warm in her body. It was chilly this morning. She didn’t expect it to warm up.
She sat there for a little while, gazing out the window as the sun rose. She didn’t want to go back up and get dressed for the day. She didn’t want to go through the process of brushing and caring for her long brown hair, fitting it into braids like she had done nearly every day of her life. She didn’t want to do anything.
She wanted to be with her husband.
But she had a tiny baby to care for. She wasn’t going to leave him here on his own without his mama or papa. She wanted to keep him safe from harm and not let him understand what was going on until he was much older.
She let her tears come again and wondered how she was going to continue on without Tom. She had no kind of income. She didn’t want to stay here with her parents and brothers forever. She’d had a life before, a very full life before Tom had gone to the war. She missed him every day. She missed him even when he was alive.
Her mother came through the door, surprising her.
“Oh mother. You scared me.”
“I’m sorry, dear.” Minnie’s mother came directly to her and put her hands on Minnie’s shoulders. “I wish I could make you feel better. I know you must be terribly hurt and upset. But it will pass. Time will heal your heart, darling.”
“I am afraid it will take too long. I’m afraid I will feel this way forever.”
Her shoulders shook slightly and her mother leaned over to hug her.
“I love you, Minnie. It will be okay in time.”
“I love you, too, mama.” She didn’t really believe her. But she was glad to have her comforting arms around her. She lifted one hand and wrapped it around one of her mother’s arms, letting her hold her. She pulled her tears in and did her best to stop crying. It was going to take a long time. A very long time.
Two months later, Minnie was sitting in the same place, feeling as lost as she ever
had. She didn’t feel strong. She didn’t feel recovered. Time had not healed her heart. Her little boy was almost two now. He was smiling all the time, still saying “dada”, even though dada wasn’t around. It broke her heart every time she thought about it. Every time she heard it.
She sat waiting for Liz, her best friend in town. Liz was encouraging and helpful but nothing seemed to take away her pain. She stared out the window next to the table, watching the road for Liz to be dropped off. She felt a little impatient and pushed the feeling down. She didn’t want to feel that way. She was struggling with being overwhelmed by her strong emotions. Her crying hadn’t stopped. Billy was starting to notice and it made her feel even worse.
Now, she was not only crying for the loss of her husband, she was joining the nation in mourning the loss of President Lincoln. She couldn’t figure out why good men had to die like that. It didn’t make sense to her at all.
She saw a cloud of dust and realized she’d been staring out the window not even seeing that Liz was stepping down from a wagon and would be at the door in moments.
She stood up and went to let her friend in.
“Good morning, Mins!” Liz threw her arms around her as soon as she opened the door, making her take a step back. She couldn’t help smiling and hugging her friend back.
“Good morning, Lizzie. How are you doing today?”
Liz released her from the hug and held her at arm’s length, her hands gripping Minnie’s arms gently. “I am fine, as usual, honeypot. The question is, ‘are you feeling any better’?”
They linked arms and took a few steps to turn into the kitchen, where they usually sat to talk.
“Have you been eating?” Liz asked. “I know you were having trouble there for a long time. How are you now?”
Minnie shrugged, resuming the seat she’d been in before. Liz sat across from her and leaned over to hold one of her hands. “I am eating as normal, I suppose. I don’t have much of an appetite.”
Liz shook her head, lifting her fabric hand bag and placing it on the table in front of her. She put her other hand over the Minnie’s so that she was clasping it tightly. “I can’t continue to see you in this state, my dear. You have been such a good friend to me for all these years and you’ve gotten me through some pretty tough times. I have been blessed to have you as a friend to me.”