by Thomas, Jodi
Austin rolled to his stomach, raised his rifle, and fired. One. Two. Three. The earth stopped rumbling as the last wild hog fell.
Rolling over, flat in the grass, he listened to the farmer’s sons shouting as they ran toward him.
“I got one! I know I got one!” a boy’s voice not low enough to be a man’s shouted.
Austin tried to control his breathing, hoping it might slow the blood pumping out of his leg.
He heard horses traveling fast toward him. The warden and Kieran would reach him soon.
They’d know what to do, he kept saying in his mind. They’d stop the bleeding. The last thing he wanted was the boy who shot him to try first aid.
Voices coming from several directions filled the night.
He waited. Trying to stay calm. Trying to picture Ronny beside him. He should have kissed her one more time. He should have told her how she made him feel. He should have . . .
For a few minutes the air stilled and he was barely aware of the men around him. Kieran’s big shadow. The warden shouting orders.
One tied his leg. Told him to hang on. Another called 911.
“Hold tight, Hawk,” the warden kept shouting. “We’ll get you to the hospital.”
He tried to nod, but it seemed too much effort. Just before he passed out, he reached for Ronny’s hand, but she wasn’t there. She’d vanished into the blackness closing in on him.
Austin welcomed the silence. He’d been here before, far beyond where he could hear the world.
Chapter 17
TRUMAN FARM
REAGAN SAT IN THE PARLOR OF THE OLD FARMHOUSE HOLDING a sleeping baby in her arms. Joe, one of the first employees she’d hired when she started her business, might not speak much English, but he came running when he heard the baby crying.
He didn’t ask questions, just called his wife. They knew babies. They had six of their own. Maria came with bottles, formula, diapers, and simple little gowns. She showed Reagan what to do, laughing and talking so fast Reagan only caught every third word.
Maria called the baby “Hoot-ah.”
For the first time since Uncle Jeremiah’s death, Reagan forgot about work. There was far too much to do. She caught herself looking down the road for the old Chevy to return. Surely the woman would think it over and come back.
No Chevy came.
At dusk, Reagan carried baby Utah to the chairs facing west and watched the dying sun. “Maybe your momma will come back tomorrow, Utah. She loves you, I’m sure she does. She’ll come back and get you, you’ll see.”
Tears rolled down Reagan’s cheeks as she realized she was passing on a story she’d told herself all her life.
She held the baby closer. “I’ll keep you here with me till she comes. I’ll watch over you and see that nothing bad happens to you.”
Blue eyes looked up at her. His tiny finger wrapped around the tip of hers, holding on tightly.
“We’ll shake on it. All right, Utah?” She stared out at her land. Tomorrow she’d take him in to the doctor. She’d tell everyone she was just keeping him until his mom got back. It was a lie she almost believed.
When Reagan finally took the sleeping baby upstairs, she put him back in the apple box. “If your mother doesn’t come back tomorrow, I’ll ask Maria if I can borrow a baby bed and more clothes,” she promised as she kissed him good night. “Your momma will come back tomorrow. Once she sleeps on it, she’ll know she needs you, and we’ll see that Chevy coming right back up the road flying this direction.”
Only tomorrow came without a Chevy driving onto Truman land.
By the third day Reagan was a pro at taking care of Utah. She carried him in front of her as he slept and she got ready for the biggest fund-raiser to come along in years. They walked in the orchard and Reagan found herself talking to Utah as if he could understand her words.
Everyone asked about the baby, and she simply said a friend had dropped him off while she had surgery.
Another lie, Reagan thought. She was getting as good as Noah.
Somehow, her anger at Noah settled into loss. Maybe because she didn’t have time to think about it or maybe because of Utah. No matter how bad it hurt to think of Noah sleeping with another woman, Reagan couldn’t bring herself to wish Utah didn’t exist.
Reagan wanted to believe that the birth certificate with Noah’s name, the woman knowing her name was Reagan, and the apple box were no proof that the baby was Noah’s. She could have made it all up just to find her baby what she thought would be a rich father. Maybe when her tricks didn’t work with Noah, she’d driven to his hometown to try to find a relative to play the scheme on. Her plan might have been to try to milk money out of relatives. When that didn’t work, all she wanted was to drop the baby off, and Reagan’s farm sounded like a likely place.
But tiny brown eyes looking up at Reagan seemed to whisper that she was a fool. The woman hadn’t tried to get money. In fact, she’d gone to some trouble to hide her name. Reagan hadn’t even seen the car’s tags to see what state she’d driven from.
Tiny brown eyes, she whispered. Just like Noah’s.
On the fourth night of having Utah with her, Reagan finally got the nerve to open the letter tucked beside the birth certificate. It was addressed simply to Utah with a line below that read, When you’re old enough to read this—open it.
The envelope hadn’t been sealed. Reagan pulled out the note. It had been written on the back of a plain white paper napkin.
I’m doing what I think is best for both you and me. On a good day I’m not much of a mother, and on a bad day you’d be better off taking pot luck than getting stuck with me.
Don’t try to find me. I won’t claim you.
Have a good life, kid. Who knows, someday I’ll see a cowboy named Utah riding bulls and know it’s you. I gave you life, that’s all I can do for you.
Reagan slowly folded the napkin. At least Utah would have this. She’d keep it for him.
Her cell rang and she picked it up without looking at the caller.
“Hello.”
“Rea, you still up?” Noah’s voice sounded loud and clear. “I didn’t ride tonight so thought I’d call just to talk. What’s new?”
She couldn’t tell him about the baby over the phone. “We’re getting ready for the poker game this weekend. Two hundred signed up to buy in. I’ve borrowed every folding table in the county and we may have to use boxes for chairs.”
Noah laughed, saying what she was doing sounded like fun.
“I wish you were here to deal. Finding dealers isn’t easy.” She knew she was rambling, but she was afraid if she gave talking too much thought she’d start telling him about Utah. “The Red Hat group asked if they could all wear their hats. I got Phil Gentry teaching them because he was the only one I could find who knew how to play but wasn’t buying into the game.” She kept it light. She wouldn’t tell him about the baby over the phone. Over the phone, she wouldn’t be able to look into his eyes and know whether he was lying or not. She could deal with anything but a lie. One more lie might just break her in half.
Noah’s voice broke into her thoughts. “Why isn’t Phil playing? My sister told me he used to run a game in his garage every week before she deputized him.”
“The sheriff’s office is working the party. They’re hoping the three-beer rule will keep the fights down. Everything, including the beer, has been donated. Big says he’s coming just for the food. Ribs, hamburgers, fried chicken, and baked ham. My whole loading dock will be set up as a buffet with cakes on one end and salads on the other.”
Noah’s voice hardened slightly. “You seeing a lot of Big?”
Reagan smiled. She’d figured out a long time ago that Noah wasn’t worried about Big Biggs stealing his girl, but both men seemed to like keeping the rivalry going. “I’m seeing him,” she admitted. “Went over to Ester’s a
nd his place last week for dinner, but I’m not kissing him anymore.”
“Good. I wouldn’t want my girl stepping out on me.”
Noah’s words sounded just like they always had—loving, teasing, caring—only they no longer made her feel loved.
She fought not to ask him why he’d lied to her. If the woman in the Chevy had been telling the truth, Noah had slept with her one night. Reagan had the proof sleeping in a bassinet beside her bed.
“When are you coming home?” Reagan needed to talk to him. She’d know the truth when she was face-to-face with him. Until then, she wouldn’t mention the baby. She had to see Noah first. Had to see his eyes when he learned about the baby.
“Soon, Rea, I promise. I miss you so much. It’s not like it used to be when I was with friends traveling around sharing food and gear. This is all business. I swear it’s more like a job every day. Sometimes I feel stuck in a place like in the movie about the guy who has to live Groundhog Day over and over again. Half the time I barely know what town I’m in. I’m just eating, sleeping, and riding.”
Reagan rested her finger lightly on the baby’s hand. By instinct, Utah reached and circled the tip of her finger.
“We’ll be waiting,” she said.
Chapter 18
WALDEN CABIN
RONNY WAS ALMOST ASLEEP WHEN SHE THOUGHT SHE HEARD shots. For a moment, she curled up deeper into the covers, then climbed out of bed, frustrated that the shots had pulled her fully awake. She dressed in sweats and moved to the porch without turning on a light. If there had been shots, something must be going on near her cabin. Maybe the hog problem was over? Her fears would be too.
The night seemed cooler than usual and the slice of moon offered little light. Crawling onto the porch swing, she wondered if this might be the place she would settle, this little cabin near where she grew up but still away from everyone. It fit her more than an apartment in New York. Harmony was her home. Maybe it was time for her to step back into life. Marty would have wanted that.
Smiling, she remembered how during his last days, when his body was slowly shutting down, he’d talk of all his ad-ventures as if she’d been there with him. “Remember the time we . . .” he’d start as he held her hand, taking her with him to a mountaintop or a jungle river or a dig in South America. He’d been a man of the world who lived at full throttle and she’d been a mouse who’d never left home, but somehow they fit together.
A skiing accident had crushed his back and put him in a wheelchair. Yet he said the only thing in his life he would change was that he wished he’d found her earlier when he was whole and could have made love to her. He’d known the risks he was taking, but he hadn’t known that she would be in his future. He hadn’t realized his wild lifestyle would somehow cheat them both.
She remembered how his hands moved over her, sometimes in a gentle caress, but never in need.
Ronny smiled, recalling that she’d said kisses were enough, and they were. Every time he touched her, she felt loved. As he’d thinned and seemed to grow older by the day, she’d claimed she’d been with him for a lifetime.
Only it had been his lifetime, not hers.
In the black of the night, the memory of his hand gripping hers was no longer there. She’d felt him near after the funeral. All she’d had to do was close her eyes and she swore she could feel Marty beside her. He was there as she traveled, silently encouraging her to look for the wonder in the world at every stop. Whenever she was afraid or lonely, she’d feel his fingers lace with hers.
But now, the feel of his hand on hers was gone, and she couldn’t even remember the last time it had been there. Somehow, he’d finally moved on and left her here. Left her with only memories, and memories weren’t enough.
Tears bubbled over as she closed her eyes and reached for him, as if he would come back and watch over her.
Nothing. Not even wishing with all her heart could make it be real for one more night.
Like a hundred times before, the pain of his leaving tightened her heart. She might have shopped in Paris and had her hair cut by New York’s best, but inside she was still the lonely child whose own mother hadn’t loved her. The girl no one noticed. The woman whose life consisted of online accounting courses and crossword puzzles.
Marty had changed that forever, and now that she was back in Harmony, Ronny felt she didn’t quite fit in her own skin.
A light flickered across the water, pulling her from her grief.
Ronny wiped away her tears and stood. The only person she could think of who might be coming to this side of the lake would be Austin. When he’d left the Delaneys’ farm with Kieran, they’d been talking about wild hogs but she didn’t know where he and Kieran had gone. Her little blue boat had still been docked, waiting for her, when she was ready to return home. She just assumed that he’d walked around the lake to his place or Kieran had driven him to the other side.
If it was Austin crossing the lake now, she’d go back inside. She couldn’t see him tonight. Not when she’d been crying for Marty.
As she waited, she heard the chug-chug of the Delaneys’ old engine. They’d come over once before after a storm to make sure her electricity was still on.
By the time they docked, Ronny had pulled on her tennis shoes and walked down to the water’s edge.
Ronny barely noticed the water lapping over her shoes, soaking them with muddy water. She watched Dusti and Abby climb out of the boat. There must be trouble or they wouldn’t be here.
“We wanted to come tell you,” Dusti began. “Austin and a few others were out tonight hunting for hogs. Austin was behind his house almost to where Rainbow Lane turns in to your land. Kieran said he was on horseback traveling with the warden a quarter mile away when they heard the shots.”
Dusti stared at her feet and Ronny stopped breathing.
“I don’t know many facts, but Kieran called to say somehow Austin was hurt. They’re taking him to the hospital now. He called from the ambulance headed into Harmony. Said there was a lot of blood, but Austin is breathing.”
Ronny just stared.
They stood silent as the boat bumped against the weathered dock, making the ticking noise of an old clock in need of winding.
Finally, Abby broke the silence. “You want to go with us to the hospital? We won’t be of any help there, but Dusti and I don’t want to hang around here waiting for a call. Since Austin doesn’t have any family that we know of, maybe they’d let us see him.”
Ronny nodded and climbed into their boat.
No one talked as they moved over the lake. The normally calm water rocked the boat tonight and the willows blew in the wind, giving the place a haunted feeling as if trouble traveled with the moon.
The Delaneys’ old border collie sat waiting, and greeted them with two barks when they pulled up.
Abby bent and patted his head. “Guard the house, Tippie, we’ll be back soon.”
They walked to a pickup with a faded logo of a rainbow on the driver’s-side door. Ronny noticed every detail. The pickup door, the way the yard light creaked in the breeze, her mismatched sweats. Anything to keep from thinking about Austin bleeding.
As Abby drove through the night, Ronny thought of the way Austin’s shoulders had felt all scarred from a burn. He hadn’t hidden them from her or talked about them. They were simply a part of him. Now there would be other scars.
If he lived.
She fought down a scream. He’d live! He had to. There had to be a limit on the number of people one person can lose in a lifetime. She’d lost her father before she was grown. Marty before they married. And now maybe Austin, who’d made her feel alive for the first time in a year. It wasn’t fair, but she didn’t know where to mail the complaint.
Maybe she was the problem. She could go into business renting herself out as a girlfriend to anyone who wanted to commit suicide. One or two da
tes and you’re sure to die. Kissing extra if you want to speed up the process.
She wrapped her arms around her body tightly. This was not the time to start cracking up. Maybe Austin needed her.
Ronny saw the lights of Harmony before she realized she hadn’t brought along her purse or cell phone. But she had friends. The Delaney sisters were bookending her now.
The hospital parking lot was almost empty, as was the emergency room. A nurse told them that Austin Hawk was in surgery and they could wait in the family waiting area where it was quiet.
Abby was telling Ronny that the nurse shouldn’t have given out any information to people who weren’t family when they stepped into the little waiting area.
Kieran, a game warden, and two half-grown kids were all lined up on the back row of chairs, not saying a word.
The Scot stood and put his arm lightly around Dusti in almost a hug. Then he did the same to Abby and Ronny.
Dusti got to the point. “What happened?”
Kieran glanced at the two boys. “A stray bullet must have hit Austin. He was in front of the hogs. The shot came from behind them.” He forced out the details. “Austin’s got a few scrapes from hitting the ground hard. Even down, he fired off three shots and hit all three hogs coming toward him. The game warden said he didn’t know if they were charging or just running away from the shot they heard. Pigs don’t see well enough to know where the danger’s coming from, they just hear or smell trouble and start running.”
“A stray shot? That makes no sense,” Dusti challenged. “I’ve lived on the lake all my life and never heard anyone shooting.”
“The boys thought they were firing at a tree-climbing hog.” Kieran lowered his voice as a middle-aged farmer entered the room. He looked like a man overloaded with worry as he marched to his sons.