by Maisey Yates
“Never mind. I used to cook for myself. A lot. That’s what I was going to say.” He sat down in the seat across from her and picked up a bowl that had already been sitting on the table, serving her a green salad before offering her bread and lamb.
“Oh.” She picked up her fork and let it hover above her salad. “I guess I just thought … you have a housekeeper.”
He nodded. “Now. I didn’t always. I worked, I cared for Marina, I made sure we both ate. But I started getting offered those high-profile jobs that were matters of international security, and with that came more money. And less time at home. So eventually I had people sharing care, household chores. In the end, I hardly even had to be home. So, I hope you’re not imagining me as a saint. I’m a pretty selfish bastard, it turns out. Sometimes I would come here to the chalet so I didn’t have to go home in between jobs.”
“That doesn’t make you selfish, Mak. You cared for her as best as you could, but it’s not like she was really your wife.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. She was my wife. In sickness and in health, yes? Or does it only mean sickness to a certain point?”
“I … no.”
“Forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live,” he said.
Eva’s heart crumpled, as though Mak had taken it and squeezed it tight in his fist. “You really did?”
“I made vows to Marina. I kept them. We were married for over ten years.”
Eva set her fork down. “But …”
“Now I’ve talked. How was your birthday?”
“Fine. But, Mak …”
“Was there something confusing about what I just said?” he bit out.
“I …” Yes. Everything about it was confusing. Her brother changed mistresses with frequency, albeit discreetly, and her father had always done the same. She’d always imagined he’d done it even when her mother had been alive, though in his way, he’d loved her mother. To hear that Mak had stayed faithful to his wife for ten years, when there was no way they could have made love … it was beyond anything she’d been shown was possible. “No. Nothing.”
“Good. What did you do today?”
“I read. Went in the hot tub again. Drank hot chocolate and looked out the window. It was very nice.”
“That’s good. Do you usually have a party?”
“Yes. But I don’t know if it really feels like it’s for me. And here I go again whining about my problems, which include opulent balls now. I have been selfish in some ways, Mak. I see that now.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think you have been. Everyone, no matter where they come from, wants someone to care for them based on who they are.”
“Except for you,” she said, gently.
“Well, I’ve had it. And it can be wonderful. And then when you lose it, you’re very conscious of how great a loss it is.”
“That I do understand. My mother … she cared about me. About us. So very much. I got the feeling that there was nothing I could do that would make her see me as anything less than perfect. With my father, it’s sort of the opposite problem.”
“I’m sure he loves you.”
“Like Marina’s family loved her?”
His expression hardened. “I was foolish. I asked her to go against their wishes.”
“But shouldn’t real family just want you to be happy? You’re a good man, Mak. Why didn’t they want her to marry you?”
“We were young. Too young. They were thought it would ruin her life. It turned out they weren’t far from the truth.”
“Because you were in an accident? It could have happened any time, anywhere. And then you cared for her. You’ve given up so much, and you did it for her. Her family doesn’t convince me that love is real, or that it’s anything I might want. But you do. To be loved the way you loved her …” her throat closed up, emotion coursing through her. “Well, anyone would be lucky to experience that.”
His eyes met hers, and she was stunned by the depth of emotion there. Usually he kept everything veiled, concealed, and now, in this moment, the veil was torn and she could see a depth, a pain, that went so deep she had no idea how he could ever climb out of it. How anyone could.
Mak was the strongest man she’d ever met, and it had nothing to do with the strength of his body.
“Love is overrated,” he said.
Though they both knew it wasn’t. Because Mak himself embodied how much love was worth. Real love. He’d demonstrated it to his wife daily. And he was changing how Eva saw it too.
Eva stood up, her body trembling. She needed to touch him, needed to show him evidence of the emotion, the need that had her in its grip. She just wasn’t certain how. Or where it would lead. But she needed to take the chance.
She rounded the table and went to stand in front of him. He only looked at her, immobile, eyes unreadable. She leaned in, hands shaking as she placed her palms flat on his cheeks, moving her fingertips over his skin.
The air between them felt tight, as if it was closing in around them. There was no sound, only their breathing, harsh, uneven. Mak raised his eyes and caught her gaze, his brows locked together, his jaw set tight, a muscle in his face ticking. He was waiting. Waiting to see what she would do.
So was she.
She slid her thumb over his bottom lip. He tasted her, the tip of his tongue hot and slick on her skin. A tremor shot through her, an arrow of desire that made her core ache, her breasts feel heavy.
She started to lean in and he put his hand over hers, pinning it to the table. “Think this through before you do anything,” he said, his words strangled.
“I have,” she said. “You aren’t the only one who wants things, Mak. I want to touch you. To see you. Everywhere.”
“Eva,” her name was like a prayer on his lips. Or a curse. She wasn’t certain.
“Let me,” she said.
Desire made her bold. It made her certain. She didn’t question what she wanted, not now. She knew. She bent down and kissed him, his lips firm beneath hers.
He didn’t move, he simply let her explore his mouth, trace the outline of his lips with her tongue. A shudder moved through his body as his hands came up to grip her hips. His fingers were tight on her hips, fingers digging into her flesh.
She broke the kiss, rested her forehead against his. “I’ve never done that before,” she whispered, each word broken by a shaky breath.
“You do it very well,” he said, his voice rough.
“Hmm,” She leaned in and kissed his mouth again, softly. “I’m glad you like it.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple dipping. “Too much.”
She slid her fingers through his hair, and he kept his hands firmly planted on her hips, his eyes never leaving hers. “What’s wrong with liking it?” she asked.
He chuckled, that same sort of bitter, humorless release she’d become accustomed to hearing from him. “We’ve been over this before, my princess. I am meant to protect you. This isn’t protecting you.” His tone was bogged down with weight. With regret.
“But I want it.”
“You imagine I don’t?”
“You asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I was honest. Dinner was lovely. But I left out a big part of what I wanted. I want you, Mak. I want to … to be with you.”
He turned his head away. “Why?”
She pushed his hair off his forehead, the gesture natural and thrilling at the same time. “Because I want you. Isn’t that enough?”
He turned to face her again, his expression so hungry it was almost frightening. Almost. “Want is … want is something I’ve spent a very long time ignoring. Want is something I’ve spent a very long time pretending doesn’t matter. There has only been necessity. Only breathing.”
“I’ve never had a chance to let it matter. So now, maybe we can both have it. Even if it’s just for a while.” She choked on a sob. “Please don’t make me marry a man I don’t want without ever knowing what it’s like to be with one I do want.
And before you say anything, it’s you I want. Not just the experience. I could have had both of those men at the casino. A half a dozen others before them if I’d been motivated to pursue them. I didn’t. But you, you’re worth me … putting myself out here like this. I’m risking a lot here. But it’s worth it.”
His fingers curled against her hips as he tightened his hands into fists, still holding her near him. He closed his eyes and looked away, pain, need, etched into every line of his face. “I have done all that I could do to be an honorable man. To honor my wife. To stay true to my vows. And still, even since her death, I have not taken a lover. And you are the last woman that I should want. But God help me I want you.” It was prayer more than it was a curse. As though he was truly appealing for help from a higher power.
He took a sharp breath. “I desire you so much that my body shakes when I think of you. I have denied myself, denied my desires, for so long and you … you make me wish I didn’t care. That I didn’t have to choose between right and want.” He looked up at her, his eyes blazing with heat. “For the first time, I choose want. And I want you, Princess Evangelina Drakos.”
CHAPTER NINE
“BE sure,” he said, watching her eyes, trying to get a read on her thoughts. “Because if this starts …” He wouldn’t be able to stop. Although, admitting that out loud was close to torture.
He prided himself on his control. And his control was iron. He’d proven it on more than one occasion. But he was about to let it go now. To release his hold on it completely. And once he did that, he wasn’t certain how long it would take for him to grasp it again.
He’d spent his life clinging to it. Trying to do the right thing by Marina, to marry her before consummating their relationship. Waiting longer, while he cared for a wife. While he turned down the advances of every woman who gave him a coy look or an overt invitation.
Waiting still because he really hadn’t figured out how to rejoin the world of the living. Not after so many years.
And now, now his limit had been reached. A beast inside him had been unleashed.
It was easy to imagine it was because he had allowed it to be set free. But he knew it was truly because of Eva. Because she appealed to something in him that went beyond simple arousal. She was like him in so many ways, bound by circumstances she couldn’t control.
But she fought against them. She fought with power, with wit. Bravery. She didn’t think twice about challenging him.
About seducing him, even though he was certain she was a virgin.
She had fire in her. And he only had cold stone. Just for a while, for a moment, he wanted to be warm. To be with her.
“I’m sure,” she said. She lowered herself onto his lap and he put his hands on her waist. She dipped her head to kiss him.
“Wait,” he said, his throat tight. She looked shocked, but froze in place. “I just want to look at you for a moment. To know that tonight, you’ll be mine.” He moved his hands through her thick, dark hair, finally able to relish the feel of the silken curls.
Guilt had no place in things tonight. Tomorrow, it would be there. It always was. Guilt was his constant companion, gnawing at him always, the reasons varied, but ever-present.
Not tonight.
Tonight there was only Eva. Only his desire for her. Needs that would finally be met.
Her lip trembled and he leaned forward and kissed her lightly. Eva melted into him, her breasts pressing against his chest, her curves melding to him as she gave herself over to the kiss. And he allowed himself to relish it. Her tongue, smooth and hot, her lips so soft and sweet, perfect.
He was dying to touch her. To explore those soft, feminine curves, so different from his own body. This was what he was made for, a part of himself he had denied for so long. He reached behind her and took the zipper on her dress between his thumb and forefinger, sliding it down slowly, savoring the action. Savoring the experience of undressing a woman who was so alive. So responsive.
It was a beautiful dress, one that had kicked his libido into high gear the moment she’d come down for dinner. But it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. All of her, without any fabric covering her luscious golden skin. Without anything between them at all.
He tugged the top of her dress down slowly, revealing more of her rounded breasts with each shift of fabric. His breath stopped completely when the top fell down around her stomach and revealed a thin black lace bra that showed hints of erect, caramel-colored nipples beneath the flimsy fabric.
He lowered his head and kissed the curve of one breast, a sharp shock of need piercing him in the gut, making his erection pulse.
Arousal stabbed him, hot and fierce, a rush of desire overwhelming him for a moment. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. Yes, he was letting go of his control. And yes, in many ways, this night was for him.
But it was hers too. And he would be damned if it was anything less than perfect for Eva. If she was anything less than satisfied.
“You are incredible,” he rasped, raising his head so that he could look at her face. She was exquisitely beautiful. High cheekbones, a strong, rounded nose, full lips. There was nothing generic about her, nothing forgettable. She would be burned into his mind, his body, forever.
“I’ll bet you say that to all the women,” she said.
He felt his muscles tense, his fingers curling into her back. There was no easy way to have the conversation they would have to have tonight. But she was owed his honesty. She was giving him her body, and she deserved to know.
This was the conversation he’d never wanted to have. And yet, somehow, with Eva, it didn’t seem so impossible.
“There have been no other women.” He watched her face, waiting for his words to sink in, for her to understand. Waiting to see if she would be horrified. If she would want to stop.
Her dark eyes widened. “That’s not possible.”
“It is. When you’re married for over ten years to a wife who is incapable. And when you refuse to violate your marriage vows, no matter what.”
“And for the past year?”
“I haven’t been ready to seek anyone out. I haven’t wanted anyone.” He touched her face, traced the line of her brow, her nose, her lips. “Until you.”
Her dark eyes glistened, a tear spilling over and dropping down her cheek, landing on his hand. “Why?”
“You’re the only woman who’s ever made me feel like I didn’t want to be controlled anymore,” he said, the words not coming easily. “You are … fire, Eva. So hot beneath my hands. Lust I can deny, I have, for years. This is more than that. But I understand if you don’t want to be with me now.”
“Why?” she breathed. “Why would I not want you?”
“I’m not a playboy. Not a man who can give you the benefit of much practiced skill.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Most would see it as a weakness.”
“Then most people are foolish. It takes strength to do what you’ve done. Any man could have stayed with his wife while continuing to live his own life. While continuing to make sure his wife’s needs were met. What you’ve done … you made a choice. A hard choice. You kept your commitments. I didn’t think it was possible, but I want you even more now.”
He let out a breath. “A relief, for sure.”
She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I think you are the best man I’ve ever known. A real man.”
“I’ll confess, I lack hands-on experience. However, I can dismantle a bomb in under sixty seconds. That requires skill, dexterity, concentration. I’m sure I can apply it.”
She laughed and his heart missed a beat. “I never doubted you for a moment.”
He lowered his head again, tracing the line where lace met flesh, just above her nipple. A short, muffled sound of pleasure escaped Eva’s lips and he reveled in the response.
He reached around and unhooked her bra, finally seeing her uncovered for the first time. He’d seen naked women. He’d seen Marina’s body many times while taking
care of her.
This was different. Different than a photograph or movie. Different than a woman walking by on a topless beach. Different than caring for someone whose body was present, but who no longer had her mind.
“More beautiful than I ever could have imagined,” he said, cupping her flesh in his hands, brushing her taut nipples with his thumbs. She let her head fall back, and she didn’t bother to contain the her exclamation of pleasure this time.
He kept his eyes locked with hers as he dipped his head and circled one tightened bud with the tip of his tongue. Her body shuddered over his, and it echoed through him, reverberating along every line, every muscle, creating a deep, pulling pleasure in his groin.
He sucked harder in response and she gasped, her fingers digging into his shoulders. He raised his head. “Good?”
“Yes. Good…. good doesn’t describe it.”
Then he scooped her up in his arms and she looped hers around his neck, delicate fingers moving through his hair as he walked from the dining room to the living area and up the stairs.
“This is like a movie,” she said. “Only I doubt it will fade to black at the important part.”
“It better not,” he said, opening the door to her room and setting her on the bed.
He put his knee down on the soft mattress and bent to kiss her, she arched against him, returning the kiss eagerly, her tongue soft and slick against his.
Just the thought of where it would lead, of how it would feel to have her soft, bare body pressed against his, of what it would be like to slide into her tight, wet heat, made him shake.
As the image entered his mind, so did another concern. He swore.
“What?” she asked.
“Protection. I haven’t got any, for obvious reasons.”
“I … I saw some,” she said, her voice small.
“You did?”
“In my bathroom.”
It took him a moment to remember he’d let Jiminez, one of the most trusted men on his staff, stay in the chalet last summer when he’d had some heat put on him by opposing factions. He hadn’t given him permission to bring a woman, but he’d never been so grateful for someone to breach protocol in his life. “One of my operatives,” he said.